Saturday, April 30, 2005

Recent Non-Katie Holmes Google Referrals in the last 24 Hours...
1. Horny El Paso teenage girls named Jen
2. Trey Anastasio favorite beer
3. Jeff Weaver marijuana
4. Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt blow job
5. Woody Allen Nazi quote
Zooma Tourdates Announced

The Zooma tour dates have been announced. Trey Anastasio Band and Ben Harper will be headlining. Check their website for a list of other artists.

I'll be living in Las Vegas for most of this summer covering the World Series of Poker for Poker Player Newspaper. That's an awesome job, but missing these concerts really blows. I'll miss all of Widespread Panic's summer tour and will skip several Zooma dates on the east coast. However, I think I will try to do a few of the Southern California shows in late July. Galactic will be on the shcedule then and they fuckin' always kick my ass.
6.16.05 Tweeter Center at the Waterfront, Camden, NJ
6.17.05 Merriweather Post Pavilion, Columbia, MD
6.18.05 ALLTEL Pavilion at Walnut Creek, Raleigh, NC
6.19.05 Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Charlotte, NC
6.22.05 Riverbend Music Center, Cincinnati, OH
6.24.05 Hi Fi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta, GA
6.25.05 Ford Amphitheatre, Tampa, FL
6.26.05 Sound Advice Amphitheatre, West Palm Beach, FL
6.29.05 Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Virginia Beach, VA
7.01.05 Hersheypark Stadium, Hershey, PA
7.02.05 Tweeter Center, Mansfield, MA
7.07.05 Jones Beach Theater, Wantaugh, NY
7.08.05 PNC Banks Arts Center, Holmdel, NJ
7.09.05 Meadows Music Center, Hartford, CT
7.10.05 SPAC, Saratoga Springs, NY
7.12.05 Ford Pavilion at Montage Mountain, Scranton, PA
7.13.05 Blossom Music Center, Cleveland, OH
7.15.05 DTE Energy Music Theatre, Detroit, MI
7.16.05 Alpine Valley Music Theatre, East Troy, WI
7.17.05 Verizon Wireless Music Center, Indianapolis, IN
7.19.05 Molson Amphitheatre, Toronto, ONT
7.20.05 Post-Gazette Pavilion at Star Lake, Pittsburgh, PA
7.22.05 UMB Bank Pavilion, St. Louis, MO
7.23.05 Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Kansas City, KS
7.25.05 Red Rocks Amphitheatre, Morrison, CO
7.27.05 Coors Amphitheatre, Chula Vista, CA
7.28.05 Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Irvine, CA
7.29.05 Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View, CA
7.31.05 Gorge Amphitheatre, Quincy, WA
Anyway, one week from today, I'll be see Trey in Cincy!

Friday, April 29, 2005

Will The Simpsons Ever Age?

Take a peek at this article from the NY Times called Will The Simpsons Ever Age? as they reach their 350th episode. Here's a bit:
In that marathon the viewer would learn that life on a street called Evergreen Terrace never really changes, that Bart, Lisa and Maggie, along with their creator, Matt Groening, will not grow up, and that the Simpsons, once viewed as the shock troops of cultural mortification, are a shining exemplar of family stability in the come and go world of television.

And even though some of its most ferocious fans suggest that it ran out of gas some time ago, the show remains in high gear, with 20 writers working on next year's season, searching for yet another joke that has yet to be told on "The Simpsons." An animated sitcom that seemed to lose some of its bite as it grew long in the tooth has been back in the news, with an episode on gay marriage earlier this year and later this season, a satirical, some would say sacrilegious, episode about the Simpsons' dalliance with Catholicism and another about the apocalypse. "The Simpsons," which had become as familiar as a pair of Homer's roomy trousers, has found a way to get its finger back in the eyes of viewers.
Man, I recall seeing the first mini cartoons that appeared on The Tracy Ullman Show. Those were weird and raw. The show has evolved over the years and it still great TV. I used to be a die-hard Simpys fan and I love all that random op-culture references.
Thanks Joe!

Joe over at Obituraium had some nice things to say about my blogzine Truckin'. He wrote his first story for Truckin in the April issue and is a fellow poker blogger. Here's what he had to say:
What's that you say, new visitor? You don't read Truckin'? You'd better start. When Pauly hits the book tour/lecture circuit, you can say you knew of him when. Like that time you saw Nirvana a a roadside bar in 1988 and just KNEW they were gonna make it big.
Wow, that's a huge fuckin' compliment! Thanks, man, seriously. Looking forward to meeting you in Vegas, Joe. Five weeks!
Happy Birthday, Maudie!

Hope it's a good one, Ma!!!

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Are Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise Knocking Boots?

Here's my buddy Mean Gene's take:
Did you hear that Katie Holmes is dating Tom Cruise? I forget what comes next--do the rivers run with blood or does the sun turn black as sack cloth?

I wouldn't thought Katie had a bit more on the ball than to hook up with a Scientologist. I'm...disappointed. It'd be like hearing that Elvis Costello recorded a cycle of love songs dedicated to Ann Coulter.
My thoughts? I'm a firm believer that TC is a homosexual. Word on the street is that he likes guys. And in Hollyweird usually the rumors you hear are.... somewhat true. I think Katie has a penchant for gay guys. Example: Chris Klein. Besides Natasha "Nasty" Lyonne, he was the worst actor in the American Pie vehicles. He was so bad that he wasn't even asked back for the 3rd sequel. It doesn't matter... because Stiffler is the glue of those films. He was just the pretty boy. Good job to Katie for dumping his ass.

I'm waiting to hear about when Chris Klein starts dating TC. In the end, I still dream about long walks at dusk along Dawson's River with Katie Boobs, as we hold each other's hand and joke about that stupid woman who tried to scam Wendy's with the finger in the chili. By the way, who's fuckin' finger was that anyway?

I know for a fact I scooped Briana on this juicy piece of Hollyweird gossip because our favorite Upper East Side princess is still sleeping! And while I was sacked out... almost 700 people has visited this blog since Midnight.... 600 of which are looking for pictures and information about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise dating. Oh, sweet Jebus.
Pauly-Briana IM Conversation of the Week

This took place on Monday morning.
Briana: wanna go shopping??
Pauly: for?
Briana: your new vegas wardrobe
Pauly: lol
Pauly: r looking for an excuse to go shoppin?
Briana: well fuck me
Briana: im trying to help u expand your wardrobe beyond three HAWAIIAN shirts
We never went shopping.
Pet Dreams, Transexuals, and Marshal McLuhan

I have lots of dreams with pets in them, like dogs and cats. Usually I'm the owner, but I often have random dreams where I'm pet sitting for a friend. Hijinks ensue and something horribly goes wrong like the dog bites a baby and I have to call 911, but I'm drunk and the phone is missing the buttons. Sometimes I speak to the animals. Freaky right? Once I dropped acid and tried to talk to my friend's cat. Problem was she only spoke in Portuguese.

A friend of mine told me a crazy story about a party he went to this weekend. I wish he had a blog so he could write it up, it was so hilarious. He ended up getting home at 5:30am and hung out to party with transexuals for most of the evening. He said one of the girls (a real chick without a guy's junk) that he was chatting up was a hot Dominican chick from Astoria who gets paid to beat the shit out of guys. That's her day gig. Then she fucks them and sometimes shits on their chests. And they tip her extra for the weird stuff. I guess that gig is alot more meaningful than slinging Iced Caramel Macchiatos around to hipsters at 8:45am everyday for $7.10/hr plus pooled tips.

That reminds me that I've seriously lost my edge. I used to hang out with thieves, drug dealers, junkies, hookers, and other sexual deviants. These days, my list of friends include B-list celebrities, models-turned-actresses, and spoiled children of famous TV producers and Senators. Come to think about it... they're really the same two groups of people, just my current circle of cronies has cooler cell phones and the drugs are not as good. I think it's time to shake things up.

Seattle was an amazing city. When I lived there in the late 1990s, they had the best collection of drugs in America. Including coffee. For fucks sake, I miss British Columbia kind nugs (the kind that stick to your fingers) and those clear Seattle mornings in the summer when you could actually see Mt. Rainer.

A friend from north of the border read my second novel the other day... Sweet Nothing (aka The Baby and Winky Novel). She said it was her favorite out of three manuscripts from yours truly that she read. Man, I was so fucked up and in a bad space when I wrote Baby & Winky... I can't even recall writing dozens and dozens of pages of that jibberish. Yet, it's still a favorite among some of my close friends. They like that raw and twisted side. God bless them.

I saw a woman crying in the middle of Staples the other day. I didn't say anything and snubbed her. Briana told me she saw two girls crying at the gym today... both a different times in the locker room. She consoled one and blew off the other.

I watched a mother read a book to her kid on the subway this afternoon. She was pretty loud and screamed over the subway sounds. I was reading a lot of Marshall McLuhan. He knows his shit. I want to share more of his philosophy in a future post. But not now. When I got out of the subway, I walked seventeen blocks without realizing where I was going because I was lost in deep thought. I cannot even recall what I was brooding about. I do remember seeing a guy who looked a lot like Benson from Soap and Benson. He was screaming at a cabbie who nearly hit him as jaywalked across Lexington Avenue.

My internet crush for the month of April has not posted any nekkid pics of herself in a few weeks. What gives? I'm running out of spank material and it's almost May.

There is some poker content. I posted four winning days in a row playing on Party Poker and I blew the streak with a losing session. I was playing great and figured I'd be able to win myself a uselss material item or too before I left for Vegas. Some nights you just can't draw a good hand.

Life is so much easier when you don't have to think about shit... and you just be. I can't sleep at night these days because I have too much to write and I feel guilty about wasting my time sleeping when I know that I should be writing instead of dreaming about pet sitting someone's stupid Siamese cat.
Radio Free Pauly

I was in much better shape this weekend when I taped my segment with Sean for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get this done so stop by and show your support.

You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 23: Here.
You can download last week's show... Episode 22: Here.
You can read the show's notes: Here.

My segment starts at the 41:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 11 minutes. We talked about local games I play here in NYC among other things. This week's show also features an interview with the Poker Prof. Check it out.

If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Thanks again to Sean for having me on.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Bad Day = Squashed

I was having a bad day until Al Cant Hang called from his vacation in Key West, Florida for a "Dial-a-shot". That call put me in a better mood. He's a good guy, that Mr. CantHang.

Dreams, Highways, and Prozac

I had a dream the other night about driving along the Pacific Coast highway. I've done that drive both alone and with someone who I was in love with once. I got a little freaked out when some ass clown was riding up my rear for a few miles of some of the more dangerous parts of the highway. It didn't help that I had pulled over twenty minutes before and got stoned to the jebus as I leaned up against a Cypress tree somewhere south of Big Sur. Back to my dream, a light drizzle was not much any trouble as I had the widows down and listening to some Charlie Parker songs from a radio station that keeps fading in and out with every curve and turn. I kept stopping every few minutes to take pictures of different things like random road kill or a few ocean shots, and that was preventing me from getting me to my intended destination.

I've been having a lot of dreams about water and the ocean. I used to be heavy into dream interpretation. At one point I considered converting the Tao of Pauly into a dream blog. But I knew that was totally hit or miss... as most dreams are. Nothing is really more boring than someone telling you about a dream they had. Only the sex ones are really good and the rest are just a brain dump of your phobias, failures, and hidden secrets.

I recalled that oceans are a symbol of wisdom. A calm ocean means a feeling of comfort or tranquility. I guess all the recent good news about my writing career (like the fact I actually have one now) has really soothed a lot of inner demons that have been getting me in trouble the last few years.

There was one girl who I really liked that was superstitious. She and I would discuss our dreams for hours and hours. We'd have amazing conversations that would last until 3 and 4am. Her shortcomings? She was always habitually late. Her friends always assumed that she would be an hour late for everything. It took me a while before I figured out some weird things that she'd have to do before she left her apartment. Like she couldn't leave if the clock on her VCR was at an odd number. But she couldn't leave on a 4 because that was her unlucky number. Yeah, she was a freakazoid and I fell out of interest quickly after I discovered she was popping more prescription meds than me (and I was taking them for recreational purposes). The poor girl was fucked in the head and would dive into Elizabeth Wurtzel's melodramatic-like rants on the subway with angry black women who wanted to punch her in the face.

You can't save everyone folks. For some people, life is an empty cup and there's nothing you can pour in there that will fill it up.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...
1. Colelcted Stories by Saul Bellow
2. The Holy Bible
3. Bombshell by Lynda Curnyn
4. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
5. My Century by Gunter Grass
Pic of the Day

This one is for Sean!

Monday, April 25, 2005

WPBT WSoP Satellite #1
"We're clever but we're clueless" - Jack Johnson
We witnessed blogger history on Sunday evening. This is a special moment because we're sending one of our peers and friends to the World Series of Poker. This year it's the $1500 event and Bob will be representing us.
To read more of this write up, click here.
Answers to the Movie Quote Challenge I

1. For Italians they called this skilled labor. Caddyshack
2. Real tomato ketchup, Eddie? Vacation (the first one)
3. Candlesticks always make a good gift. Bull Durham
4. Sugar, Mr. Poon? Fletch
5. I've never been to Belize before. Ocean's 11
6. Mike, she made off with your sheets. Rounders
7. Never get out of the boat. Apocolapyse Now
8. I like red heads. It's my favorite color. Dazed & Confused
9. I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion. Manhattan
10. I'm Enzo... the baker. Godfather Part I
11. It's a real shame folks throwing away a perfectly good white-boy like that. Better Off Dead
12. How the hell did you get the beans above the franks? Something About Mary
13. It's my big dick and I say when we roll! Boogie Nights
14. What are you talkin' to me about drugs for? I got my daughter here! She's twelve years-old! Easy Money
15. Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement. Clerks
16. I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue. Airplane!
17. I don't dig on swine. Pulp Fiction
18. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president. Good Will Hunting
19. No one can eat fifty eggs. Cool Hand Luke
20. Don't jump in the pool Englebert, you're liable to flood the whole Valley. The Bad News Bears
21. You figured "Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about." The Big Lebowski
22. Lunch is for wimps. Wall Street
23. Yeah, she was all "I hate my job! I'm gonna burn this mother down!" and I said, "You better better not." Orange County
24. What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it. Say Anything
25. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I hoped it could be. Office Space

Thanks to everyone who participated.
Recent Writing Music...
1. Maceo Parker
2. Jimmy Smith
3. The Grateful Dead
4. Miles Davis
5. Bela Fleck

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Poker Player Newspaper Joins Fox Sports

This might seem like a pointless article to you... Poker Player Newspaper Joins Fox Sports. But for me... it's huge. Fox Sports recently went live with their Poker Section and Poker Player Newspaper will be supplying various news and strategy articles for them.

What that means is this... when the World Series of Poker starts in 5 weeks, Fox Sports will most likely be publishing my articles. Yes, I'm moving to Vegas to cover the World Series in June for Poker Player Newspaper and and if all goes right, some of my work will be posted up online at Fox Sports.

I'm still in shock... just a little bit.

The Poker Prof told me the great news last week. We both agreed that the exposure for Poker Player Newspaper will benefit all of us and how that can eventually trickles down to me, my poker blog, and maybe even some traffic will spill over to this blog. I knew that the upcoming Vegas gig is a shot at getting my name out there and have a chance to prove that I'm one of the best writers in America without a book deal. Having Fox Sports step into the picture gives me a better opportunity to reach a wider audience and make some solid contacts. Stay tuned for more details.

Before I go, I have to give a huge thanks to my old college roommate, Dave (aka Skippy and The Daily Dave). He first got me into blgging and encouraged me to use blogs as a forum for me to write. Without his suggestion, none of this would have been possibly. Thanks dude!
Sunday Morning Link Dump: Phil Lesh, Phone Sex, TPS Reports, and Paris Dumps Nicole

Let's start off with a Thomas Friedman article called Sizzle, Yes, but Beef, Too where he hints that the U.S. Democratic Party could learn a lot from England's Prime Minister Tony Blair.

15% of all cellphone users interrupt sex to take the call. I thought it would have been higher. In my life, only once did I stop intercourse to answer the phone. This was a few years ago when Senor was overseas. I was expecting a big phone call from him and stopped what I was doing to take his call. At that time, getting a call from Senor was rare... it was like getting a call from The Pope. You dropped everything you did and took his call. I won't mention the name of the unlucky gal who had to endure the 15 minute conversation from Senor who was in Bangkok at the time. I think she might still read my blog!

Dead Bassist Recounts the Surreal Musicality of a Long, Strange Trip is a review of Phil Lesh's new book Searching for the Sound and appeared in the Village Voice.

Office Space Reunion is an interesting bit. There's plenty of Q&As with actors from that flick. Here's a bit:
I think it hit the soft underbelly of America. Office Space is set in cubicles, and the American workplace is made up of cubicles. I did temp work when I lived in New York, and it’s soulless...
Man, that's one of my favroite flicks.

It's official if it's in an ABC news blurb.... Paris Hilton Breaks Up with Nicole Ritchie. Oh well.
5 Recent Google Referrals...
1. Homer and Bart bathtub gin
2. Amish drug bust
3. Zooma tourdates
4. Girls who think The Rock is cool
5. Bellagio hookers

Friday, April 22, 2005

Birthday Bob

Happy birthday, Bob! Hope it's a good one.
Random Townehouse Gambling and Movie Quotes

Toni hosted a game at the TowneHouse last night, which came together at the last minute. It was more of a casino-themed evening.
The Players:
Seat 1: Toni
Seat 2: Pauly
Seat 3: Kathy
Seat 4: Dan
Seat 5: Damon
We played Hold'em only a small percentage of the time. And for the first time in a very long time... no freakin' Omaha. I drank Red Stripes and joked around most of the night. We played a good hour or so of Pai Gow Poker. Yeah, Otis would have been proud. We also played 3-5-7, Follow the Queen, and even several rounds of blackjack. I was down $60 early and battled back to win $40. Nothing really stands out all that much aside from the fact that I had a great time... as usual... playing with Toni at TowneHouse.

Since that was such a lame write up... how about a random movie trivia contest?

Pauly's Movie Quote Challenge I

The rules: I listed 25 quotes and you email me the name of the films by this Sunday at 6pm. That's pretty simple. The person with the most correct flicks wins. In the event that there are multiple winners with the most correct movies... then your names will be thrown in a hat and I'll pick one winner. What does the winner get? $5. Yes, I will send you $5 to pay a free movie rental of your choice. Good luck.

The movie quotes...

1. For Italians they called this skilled labor.
2. Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?
3. Candlesticks always make a good gift.
4. Sugar, Mr. Poon?
5. I've never been to Belize before.
6. Mike, she made off with your sheets.
7. Never get out of the boat.
8. I like red heads. It's my favorite color.
9. I had a mad impulse to throw you down on the lunar surface and commit interstellar perversion.
10. I'm Enzo... the baker.
11. It's a real shame folks throwing away a perfectly good white-boy like that.
12. How the hell did you get the beans above the franks?
13. It's my big dick and I say when we roll!
14. What are you talkin' to me about drugs for? I got my daughter here! She's twelve years-old!
15. Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
16. I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
17. I don't dig on swine.
18. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.
19. No one can eat fifty eggs.
20. Don't jump in the pool Englebert, you're liable to flood the whole Valley.
21. You figured "Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about."
22. Lunch is for wimps.
23. Yeah, she was all "I hate my job! I'm gonna burn this mother down!" and I said, "You better better not."
24. What I really want to do with my life - what I want to do for a living - is I want to be with your daughter. I'm good at it
25. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I hoped it could be.

Good luck. I hope someone goes 25 for 25! Please, have some honor and don't go Google on me. Try to do it without "cheating" and on pure cinema knowledge. My money is on the Poker Geek. He's the favorite to win this. Most of these are some of my all time favorite flicks. Please try to avoid leaving your answers in my comments. I'll post the results next week. Thanks again and have a great weekend.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Pauly-BG Conversation of the Week

Pauly is in NYC. BG is in Michigan. This was the conversation we had a few minutes ago. The topic... Women of The OC.
Pauly: I think Summer would be better to take to Hawaii with me, and Marissa is the chick you take to Vegas on a wicked bender....
BG: agreed
BG: actually, marissa is the girl you have stand on the ladder in the middle of your cornfield to drive crows from your crops
Pauly: and julie cooper is the chick u meet in room 112 at the super 8 near the airport
Pauly: with a bottle of $4.99 merlot and an fistful of condoms
BG: i'm not sure where mischa barton's career goes in five years
BG: those hips are just so wide that someday she's going to grow into her ass and it'll be all over
BG: she'll be doing vioxx commercials before she's 30
Pauly: or she'll be in a really bad sitcom with steve zahn
BG: and you're right about the sitcom - why does steve zahn keep getting work? he has pictures of sherry lansing doing something foul with the cast of Family Matters or something

BG: kristin or julie cooper?
Pauly: well
BG: they've been making kristin look really tired lately... she's still my choice over julie though
Pauly: kirstin is my type.... shes the "wife"
Pauly: shes a suite at the bellagio kinda of gal
Pauly: julie cooper is the girl u nail in the bathroom at a truck stop in tallahasse
BG: point taken
BG: anna from season one or alex from season two?
Pauly: anna is the girl u lay in bed with a read the sunday times while listning to a scratchy recording of john coltrane...
Pauly: while alex is the girl u nail in the bathroom at a truck stop in tallahasse
BG: heh heh heh
Pauly: sorry, i couldnt resist....
Pauly: ...while alex is the girl u snort a biker rail of blow with then nail in the bathroom at a dive bar in the east village
BG: no, alex is the one you want on your arm to accessorize your brand new rolex
BG: that girl is ridiculously beautiful
BG: just ludicrous
See you next week with another installment.
Last 5 Pics I Posted to My Flog:

Thursday Link Dump: Kate Beckinboobs, CIA & LSD, Spitting on Fondas, and Hipsters and Poker

How about a Thomas Friedman op/ed article to start off with? This one is called Rooting for the Good Guys.

50 Things That Will Get You Fired
... is for all my readers out there who hate thier jobs.

I love this one. Eat Spit Hanoi Jane is exactly about what the title suggests.

This is the Kate Beckinsale pic of the day.

File this one under: I wanna part with that girl! Man oh man. 15 year-old throws wicked party and trashes parents house.

Man sues CIA for dosing him with LSD... is a spooky read. Here's a bit:
A federal judge has tentatively ordered dismissal of a $12 million lawsuit against the U.S. government, filed by a former deputy marshal who said he was unknowingly drugged with LSD as part of a CIA mind-control program before trying to hold up a San Francisco bar nearly a half century ago.
I heard that the goverment issued shit was out of this world.

Columbia Students on Strike is written by Tom Robbins and appears in the Village Voice.

Lastly, Poker has fallen into hispter hands. Here is proof in one of the latest posts on Defamer.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Happy 4:20 Day

Yes total is a national stoner's holiday. AlCantHang has a nice tribute over at his blog. Take a peek.

Life at P.S. 420
Nasty Natasha

Scooped twice in a week by Briana! Her blog Scatterbrain is slowly evolving into some pretty good celebrity gossip and stuff. SHe beat me to the punch. I have been too bust to blog. Alas, and I missed out on the Natasha bashing yesterday. Keep up the good work (until you bail for Frenchie land).

Anyway, here's the latest bit about Natasha Lyonne's Arrest Warrant. I went off on a rant in the comments over at Scatterbrain. So if you care to read my opinion on the matter of Nasty Natasha, stop by Scatterbrain. Oh, there's also a hot pic of Natasha there too.
Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...
1. Ted Williams: The Biography of an American Hero by Leigh Montville
2. The Holy Bible
3. Ignorance by Milan Kundera
4. The Mysteries of Pittsburgh by Michael Chabon
5. Self Matters: Creating Your Life from the Inside Out by Dr. Phillip C. McGraw
Super Trey and Zooma

Trey Anastasio and Ben Harper will headline the Zooma Tour this summer. Here's a bit:
Superfly Productions, and AC Entertainment have announced the Zooma Tour, "A Bonnaroo Event", ready to hit the States June 16 - July 31. Headliners will be Trey Anastasio and Ben Harper & The Innocent Criminals. Additional artists, tour dates and on sale info will be announced shortly. Zooma is the first attempt to spread the Bonnaroo name beyond the landmark Tennessee festival held the past four Junes in Manchester, TN. The Zooma tour will be a multi-faceted entertainment event featuring two performance stages, and a complete activity village with vendors and plenty of attractions. Inspired by the Bonnaroo Music Festival tradition, Zooma Tour will extend the festival's spirit, presenting diverse lineups to open minded music fans in local communities.
The tourdates will be posted on the Zooma website very soon.

Trey Anastasio will take part in a SuperJam at the State Palace Theatre in New Orleans. That show will take place on Saturday, April 30th. The line up is sick! Skeeto Valdez, Greg Davis, Les Hall, Roger Lewis, Ray Paczkowski, Cyril Neville, Sunpie Barnes, and Peter Chwazik. More guests will be added in the upcoming weeks.
Freelance Pauly

Let's pimp a few of my articles that were recently published.
1. Gaining the Edge in Online Poker (Poker Player Newspaper)
2. Johnny Moss (
3. Poker Hall of Fame (
4. Poker Tournaments and TV Coverage (
5. Party Poker Review (Poker Magazine)
I didn't get to pick the title on 4th one. I'm still busy building the player profile archives at When I move to Las Vegas, the content of my contribution to will shift. I will be writing a weekly column providing updates containing World Series coverage over there (a different copy and seperate from what I submit to the Poker Prof and Poker Player Newspaper) in addition to posting an interview or two. Looking forward to this opportunity!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Meet the New Boss

Benny 16

We got a new pope. Well, at least my McCatholic bacon-loving ass does. Benedict in latin means "blessed one." Did you know that Benedict was the third most commonly used name as Pope before yesterday? John (23) and Gregory (16) were the most popular. Clement, Innocent, and Leo are not far behind. Odd names right?

The bookies in Europe saw it coming. Both Cardinal Ratizger and the name Benedict were the heavy favorites... and both turn out to be correct.
Pieces of Pauly

What did I eat yesterday? For lunch I ate a bacon cheeseburger deluxe at a diner in midtown (and an iced tea). For dinner, it was ravioli in a spicy marinara sauce. I also had alot of Orange Gatorade, three Linden's chocolate chip cookies, and a slice of Enteman's crumb cake.
Existentialist Conversation with Strippers, Part II

Disclaimer: There is not one bad beat story in this post! There is however plenty of crude language, narcotics abuse, sexually explicit behavior, and a discussion of clitoral stimulation. If you are looking for a brief mentioning of Grubby's package being examined by not one, but two of Cheetah's finest dancers.... then you'll have to wait until next week!

Grubby and Senor were getting simultaneous lap dances while I sipped on my tepid Corona and stared at the acrobatic stripper spinning around the pole on the main stage. I have some of the weirdest thoughts when I'm in strip bars and at that time, my mind raced back and forth between different topics. I thought about philosophers like Kierkegaard, Heidegger, and Sarte. I also wondered if any of those gentlemen were to hang out with Senor and myself in Las Vegas... then perhaps the face of 20th Century philosophy might have been changed. How could your existence be that meaningless and bleak when your faced is buried into the chest of a former Miss Teen Louisiana who's using your nose as a punching bag with both her breasts smacking up against you in a one-two combo?

Usually I'll have fleeting moments like "Boy man! Shit God does exist!" when I'm in a strip club. Seriously, the only other place I had a semi-religious experience was at a Grateful Dead concert somewhere in North Carolina when I was 19 years old. But I have a strong suspicion that the three hits of liquid sunshine had a lot to do with my conversation with God that evening. He's a big Deadhead, you know?

Moving on, or shall I say flashing back to... the early 1990s... while exiting the nastiest and raunchiest strip club in Matamoros, Mexico (and I use the word strip club very loosely - it was a brothel with a stage and a stripper's pole in the front), I was once quoted as saying, "Oh my God!" after witnessing an exotic dancer shoot a ping pong ball out of her cookie. I was in awe as the ping pong ball flew over one hundred feet across the dilapidated stage where it landed perfectly in an old rusty coffee can amidst the rowdy applause of the twenty or so drunken frat boys in the joint. Juan Valdez's burro can do plenty of trick's but nothing like that.


I'm used to having religious experiences inside strip clubs. When I made eye contact with Jessinna at Sin in Las Vegas, I was convinced that there was a God because he sculpted the perfect woman for me. Bodies are a dime a dozen, but what made Jessinna perfect was her personality. She was the right combination of cool and aloof, enough so that she didn't know how hot she really was. She lived in the moment and focused all of her attention on me. She bought her own beers and wasn't there to suck every dollar out of my pocket. And lastly, she busted my balls when I tried to slip a Heidegger quote past her and pass it off as my own.

"You didn't just make that up?" she barked over the loud music.

"Huh?" I said, totally shocked that she actually called my bluff.

"You don't think I'm that fuckin' stupid where you can fuckin' pass off a second rate quote from an out dated philosopher like Heidegger?"

There's something very sexy, yet surreal, when a naked woman debates Heidegger with you while you desperately try to drown out a Britney Spears song that's blasting in the background.

Jessinna sat down on my lap and I lost time. She wore a pink Victoria's Secret bathing suit and we discussed the origins of all her tattoos, which took about four songs long for her to explain. I became enamored by her dark complexion and the aroma of her light brown hair (obviously highlighted of course). The natural brunette from El Paso, Texas loved drinking Coronas. She was almost the same age as my friend Molly, who's also an El Paso resident. I knew that the name of her high school was the same as the mountains nearby which seemed to impress her. I wondered if they went to school together. That would have been one weird conversation.

"Hey, Molly. Senor is still alive. I met a vixen named Jessinna in a strip club at 1am. She's one of your old classmates from Franklin High. She has pierced nipples. And damn! That's the best $100 that I spent in Vegas."

I'm confused whether or not that's her real name, even though that's what Jessinna told me. I know... you can't believe anything a stripper tells you. As the story goes, her father picked it off a Mexican soap opera. Now there's a slight grey area. I couldn't tell if her father picked her stripper name or her birth name. I didn't bother to ask for clarification and instead I got another lap dance.

There were two coincidences with her name. First of all, she worked at Sin and there was "sin" in the middle of Jessinna. Secondly, she almost had the same name as the stripper from Iceland that I fellow in love with four years earlier. The Icelandic gal was named Sinna. Add "J-E-S" to the front and you got Jessinna.

Life is funny sometimes. In the middle of the fuckin Nevada dessert, a Jessica Alba look-a-like with Taz tatooed on her ass instantly became hooked up with a stripper in Reykjavik who looked a lot like Gwyneth Paltrow in a bizarre instance of Six Degrees of Pauly.

Jessinna jumped up as the first few notes of Metallica's song Enter Sandman began to play.

"I fuckin' love this song!"

"Me too. Let's go!"

I motioned for her to start another lap dance. Nothing is hotter than a stripper with a song she loves to grind to. Normally, I equate Enter Sandman with the New York Yankees closer, Mariano Rivera.

In the late 1990s and early 2000s, there was not a more dominant relief pitcher in all of baseball. As soon as you heard Enter Sandman on Yankee Stadium's PA system, you'd see Mo Rivera sprint out of the bullpen towards the pitcher's mound. As a Yankees fan, you knew that the game would be over in a matter of minutes because he was untouchable. Of course these days, Mo is not as dominant as he once was so it was easy for me to now conjure up images of Jessinna gyrating to her favorite song and I have vivid memories of smelling her hair as she dangled it over me and feeling the warmth of her breath as she blew into my ear and examining the thickness of her nipples everytime I stroked the silky skin on her back and shoulders.

After the dance was over she ordered another round of Coronas. She even bought me a drink. What a girl! That's the first time that's ever happened to me. We sat for an undetermined amout of time before I settled up my tab with her and calmly invited her back to my hotel room for a late night party. She wanted to leave with us, but said she had to work until 6am. I told her, "Too bad. I would have made you famous."

As Jessinna slid off my lap and walked over to a table of L.A. hipsters in the corner, Senor asked, "Dude, what the fuck did you and that stripper talk about for over an hour?"

...coming soon Part III.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Next Pope Odds

Well, you can vote on anything these days! Here is proof: Next Pope Betting Odds.

Right now both Joseph Ratzinger & Jean-Marie Lustiger are 11/2 favorites according to one European site. Pick someone BG for our prop bet of the week!
To My One Night Stand

Thanks to Jenna who sent me this hilarious gem off of Craig's List called To my one night stand.... The ending is just fucking hysterical! Here it is:
And I thought it would have been trashy for you to fuck me outside the bar by that dumpster where that bum barfed all over himself and the dog was eating his own feces. At least I could have pulled my panties up and gone in for another drink.
Oh my. Wonder what Briana was doing last weekend?
Last 5 Blogs I Read...
1. Bob's One 2 Many
2. Rapid Eye Reality (Otis)
3. The Poker Grub (Grubby)
4. Aaron Gleeman
5. Tony Pierce
Radio Free Pauly
"He's living the dream..." - Brent Stacks
Despite being zapped from three Widespread Panic concerts, I taped my second segment with Sean for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show. If you don't know it's the best podcast dedicated to poker and I should be appearing every week from now through the World Series of Poker.

You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 22: Here.
You can download last week's show: Here.
You can read the show's notes: Here.

My segment starts at the 55:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 12-13 minutes. We talk about my recent review on Dan Harrington's book in addition my upcoming move to Las Vegas. This week's show also features an interview with the Poker Prof. Check it out. Good stuff.

If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Thanks again to Sean for having me on.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Winnie Cooper

Make sure you read Grubby's recent post: Matching Socks and Tennis Shoes. He talks about seeing a play in LA and running into... Winnie Cooper.

Also, check out Wil's latest post about Winnie Cooper.
Sunday Link Dump: Donkey Fuckers, The CIA, Kate Beckinboobs, Ecstacy & Pot Busts, Motel from Hell, and Mushroom S'mores

First of all, this is the funniest thing I saw on a blog in a very long time. Of course, anything involving donkey fucking is non-work safe. Man, Daddy hit a home run with this post called: How to Fuck a Donkey. Here's a bit:
Before we go any further I think it is important that everyone know the proper way to fuck a donkey. There are several approaches, but none more efficient than this one. I prefer to call this the "Backdoor Cut" approach, but it is also known in parts of Appalachia as "Slapjacking," "Mule Greasing," and "The Old Rough n' Tumble."
Man, seriosuly, that was the Best Post of 2005 for sure. Amen, brother.

If you like Kate Beckinsale as much as I do... you'll dig some pics of her at the beach.

How about a story from the Village Voice on CIA kidnapping rings?

The largest ever ecstasy bust recently happened in Australia. Melbourne police just scored themselves 5 million tablets! Damn. Someone's gonna have a good time tonight.

Today's Pothead of the Day award goes to this clown: Tornado Uncovers Pot Operation In Palm Bay Man's Home. Yikes.

How about more drug news? Read up about the Alpine Rose Motel in Colorado. There is some freaky shit going on there! Here's a bit:
Drug dealers who didn't want rooms at the motel could pay $10 to roam the premises selling drugs. Methamphetamine also allegedly was available at the motel.

Once, when an undercover officer was sitting in a car across the street from the Alpine Rose, two women walked out of the motel and approached him. One of the women asked through the car window if he wanted to buy something.

"He asked her what she was selling and she replied that it would be $40 for her and $20 for the rock of crack that was in her hand," court documents say.
Remind me to book the Alpine Rose the next time I'm in Colorado.

Lastly, how about some S'mores? Now in new magic mushroom flavor! Sheriff's Office Investigating Spiked S'mores is a hilarious read. Here's a bit:
Make sure you know who made that S'more before you eat it. The Benton County Sheriff's Office Drug Task Force is investigating sales of the popular Girl Scout dessert possibly laced with psilocybin mushrooms, an illegal hallucinogen.
Where can I score some of those?
Widespread Panic Night 3

4.16.05 Radio City Music Hall, New York, NY
Set I: Good People, Chilly Water > Use Me > Chilly Water, Little Lilly, Pilgrims, Big Woolly Mammoth > Run For Your Life, Pigeons, Climb To Safety

Set II: Surprise Valley > Bust It Big, Junior > Party At Your Mama's House > Driving Song > Low Rider > Red Hot Mama > Driving Song, Let Her Cry, Fishwater, Imitation Leather Shoes

Encore: Don't Be Denied, Tall Boy

Review to follow!
Truckin' - April 2005, Vol. 4, Issue 4

I posted the latest issue of my literary blogzine, Truckin'. Once again there are new authors making their Truckin' debut in another groundbreaking issue. Grubby finally submitted a masterful piece about our many excursions to strip clubs in Las Vegas. He joins the Truckin' ranks with several other poker bloggers, like Joe Speaker, a Southern California native who is also making his debut this month. I hope he will contribute more in the future. I'm especially excited to have Chris Hanel add his excellent work to this issue. He's also a poker blogger and an aspiring filmmaker with a great voice. After making her debut last month, Julia Vettraino returns with an enticing story. Our favorite Norwegian writer, Sigge Amdal, is back with another philopshoical dialogue. Lastly, I wrote a subway story and since everyone loves stories about strippers, I added the first part of my latest project. Sit back, enjoy, and please spread the good word about this site.

1. Subway Story by Tenzin McGrupp
The unpleasant aroma of stale feces combined with dungy body odor surrounded me as the homeless guy shuffled past us... More

2. Self Control at New Heights by Chris Hanel
Jen points out I'm still wearing my shoes too, and I thank her for pointing that out while I compare sins between wearing shoes in my house and stabbing me in the heart with an ice pick while acting as forbidden fruit in my basement... More

3. "Feel this, it's so big" by Grubby
As her best friend walked by, Dana said, "C'mere, you gotta feel this, it's so big" and took her hand in hers to feel something of mine. She apologized for embarrassing me, though that wasn't the least embarrassing. Any kind of compliment like that and I'm putty... More

4. La Boudoir by Julia Vettraino
She sat on the bench by the desk and lifted each leg in turn, slowly rolling her stockings from her thighs down to her ankles. When she was completely undressed she stood up, revealing her profile through the illumination... More

5. The Jack by Joe Speaker
I stare straight at him with what I hope appears to be confidence. In fact, I can almost convince myself that it is. My gut churns, but for the first time, my mind is calm... More

6. Making Your Bed by Sigge S. Amdal
Life is one of the best tutors there is; whenever you input an erroneous value, life will make sure to slap your hands and you'd better learn from it or else you'll get another slap, but this time in the face... More

7. Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, Part I by Tenzin McGrupp
Senor bought the first round. We've been going to strip clubs together since we were 18 years old. That was back in our hazy, fuzzy, Kentucky bourbon-drenched days in Atlanta... More

Feel free to shoot me an e-mail if you know anyone who is interested in being added to the mailing list.

Thanks again. I am grateful that you wasted your time with my site. Until next time.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Widespread Night 2

4.15.05 Radio City Music Hall, New York, NY
Set 1: Radio Child, Little Kin, 1 x 1 > E on a G > I'm Not Alone, Nicotina, Sleeping Man, Papa's Home > Drums > One Armed Steve > Proving Ground > Action Man

Set 2: Love and Happiness, Pickin' Up the Pieces, Nebulous, Holden Oversoul, Low Spark of High Heeled Boys > Drums > Ride Me High > Tie Your Shoes > Low Spark of High Heeled Boys, Greta, Conrad the Caterpillar

Encore: Down > No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature

Notes: First Time that Love and Happiness was played; Last E on a G was on 11.16.01

I'm exhausted so this will be a quick review. Senor started off the night with a bang and a bottle of tequila. He was ready to rage. After a few shots we headed over to the venue. Again, no patdown, no search, no line... we walked right inside! We had orchestra seats and discovered that 29th row at Radio City Music Hall is a fantastic seat. We we roughly in the middle of the entire venue. We headed downstairs to the bar. Senor ordered a tequila shot and unsuccessfully tried to chat up the unfriendly bartender. I grabbed a beer and we mingled around on the mezzanine level and watched everyone come into the show.

Right away, the sound quality from the floor was several times better than the previous night. I expected that would help enhance the overall content of the show. At 8:16pm, the boys ripped into Radio Child and instantly the sound was unbelievable. I would not have picked 1 x 1 and Little Kin as songs I wanted to hear, however, they were played very well. The true test of a band is when they play something I'm not specifically fond of... and they play it so well that I was glad I heard it! Well that's how I grouped most of the songs in the first set... they fell into that category. E on a G is a song that Panic hasn't played since well before Mikey died... back in 2001. I appreciated the rare tune and Senor went nuts when they segued into a slower and mellower tune I'm Not Alone. It's one of his two favorite Panic songs. Man, if he was happy to hear it, so was I.

By that point, I was properly medicated and Senor was roaring drunk. Nicotina and Sleeping Man were part of those songs I didn't expect to hear and they performed them well. I never would have guessed that would have been the setlist to that point, but the sound was so good and they were playing tight so I couldn't really complain. Plus the light show was pretty kick ass.

Senor was pumped when they busted out Papa's Home. That would be his second all time Panic song. They picked up the pace in the second half of the set with One Armed Steve > Proving Ground > Action Man. Man, I fuckin' forgot how much I was digging One Armed Steve during the hiatus. I was excited to hear a song that I wanted to see live again. Action Man kicked my ass and I was bummed that they were ending the set!

At setbreak, we went upstairs to the bathroom on the mezzanine level. It's always the least crowded pisser at Radio City. Afterwards, on our way down to the basement bar, I called Al Cant Hang for a dial-a-shot. The lovely EvaCanHang answered and she informed me that AlCantHang was indeed passed out on their couch at 9:45pm. Wow. The line to the bar was ridiculously long so we opted for beers and headed back to our seats.

Again the theme of the night seemed to be hearing songs I'm not crazy about... like Love and Happiness, Pickin' Up the Pieces, Nebulous, and Holden Oversoul, but I was 100% pleased with their renditions. Seriously, Panic was playing great and Dave Skools was really holding everything together for the boys. Then at 10:24pm EST... they broke out one of my favorite Traffic cover songs... Low Spark. Fuckin' A! The crowd definitely went a little bonkers when they started into Low Spark. The two songs sandwiched in between, Ride Me High > Tie Your Shoes, were sweet. They segued back into Low Spark and then got the crowd going again with Greta, another big time favorite of mine and everyone it seems. The jamming set ended with Conrad the Caterpillar. Not bad. I got to hear four songs that were on my short list of "must plays."

The encore was another two songer and the closed with a smoking No Sugar/New Mother Nature, which had the entire audience getting down pretty hard. They smoked the hell out of the second half of the second set.
No sugar tonight in my coffee
No sugar tonight in my tea
No sugar to stand beside me
No sugar to run with me
I told Senor that I felt Widespread Panic was playing good enough that I would consider hitting the road and following them around for several shows on their next tour. Even without Mikey, they still play with amazing energy and hit those dark patches which are always a little freaky to explore. Overall, I felt that they hit a lot more tight funky jams more so than usual.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Widespread Panic!!

4.15.05 Radio City Music Hall, New York, NY
Set 1: Thin Air, Dyin Man, Rebirtha, Second Skin, Monstrosity, Stop Go, Give, Makes Sense to Me, Ain't Life Grand

Set 2: Longer Look**, Fishing**, Space Wrangler, Papa Johnny Road, Pleas, Jack, Travelin Light, Barstools and Dreamers, Blight, Guilded Splinters, Henry Parsons

Encore: This Part of Town, Love Tractor

** solo acoustic from JB

The band also appeared on Late Night with Conan O'Brien and performed Action Man.

Where to begin? Amazing show. I dunno the exact number, but I've seen Widespread Panic well over 50 times, more times than the Grateful Dead. I just checked my Tao of Pauly archives and last night was my 56th Panic show. Very nice.

I have not seen the boys since November 1st of 2003. Haley tagged along for her first show. Inside of a two month span, we'd see a slew of shows together; Radiohead, Widespread Panic, Charlie Hunter, and Phish. I took Bruce (who has seen well over 100 Grateful Dead shows) to his first Panic show on Halloween 2003 at Madison Square Garden. Great show and he had a great time, but I think last night's performance was a notch better.

Senor on the other hand had not seen Panic in a few years, since their last 3 night run at the Beacon Theatre. That happens to be my favorite place to see WSP in NYC. Nothing against Radio City Music Hall... it's a remarkable and historic venue. Every musician dreams about playing there. But there's something about the Beacon's smaller and intimate size that makes a rockin' Panic show slightly more epic.

Fifteen years ago, when I was tripping my balls off on a fistful of mushrooms in a small club in downtown Atlanta, I never expected to be see the scraggly lookin' boys from Athens sell out Radio City Music Hall a decade and a half later. Widespread Panic had undergone an amazing twenty-year run, almost in obscurity, and outlasted second and third generation jambands despite the death of their lead guitarist Mikey Houser. He was the Panic in Widespread Panic.

We got in line early. Didn't have to wait more than five minutes before we were escorted inside without a major search or patdown. Found our seats on the first mezzanine and had a nice view of the stage. We were in the last row. In 2000, Senor and I sat in a similar seat for Phish's run at Radio City, a few weeks before the Japan run. That was the night of the infamous Split Open and Melt when Phish's lighting guru Chris Kuroda messed with the house lights halfway and things got freaky. Bruce on the other hand, saw The Grateful Dead at Radio City in 1981. Man, talk about a fuckin' show! My last visit to Radio City was for Trey Anastasio Band in 2002.

The late crowd slowly filled up just after 8pm. At 8:10 the boys came out and started the show with Thin Air (Smells Like Mississippi). Got the crowd dancin and grooving right away. Was pretty happy to hear Dyin Man and that's when I started to get a little shitty. Beers were moderately priced (for NYC) at $7. How could you not like sipping warm Corona's (in can form) while catching the tantalizing aroma's of kind nugs with a few whispers of Southern accents filling the surrounding seats?

Rebirtha is one of those Panic songs where I was hooked on the lyrics from the first time I heard it.

First time
It's not the first time
Last time
No, I know I seen your place before
Maybe in a past time
Maybe it was just last night
Don't just know

I wasn't all that familiar with Second Skin. Senor and I were checking out the cool light setup behind the band. It looked like several sections of the equalizer on your stereo set up. Almost a hundred vertical bars of light (each about six to ten feet tall) were lit up in various colors and designs. A few times I got that Close Encounters of the Third Kind vibe from that scene at Devil's Tower when they played music for the aliens.

Monstrosity is one of those songs you'd totally be digging on hard core drugs. I turned to Senor at one point during the song, when Dave Skools' bass was hitting that funkified trance groove, and said something like, "This is the point of the show that if you were rollin' on ecstasy... you'd be fuckin' loving life." He smiled and said, "I was just thinking that."

Stop Go is an old favorite of mine and the boys did a nice job mixing the setlist so there was never a long lull. I thought they were going to close with Give. It's kinda upbeat and would have been a smoking closer. The Joker had told me his nickname for new guitar player George McConnell is the "wha wha guy." Since that's the most common lick you'd hear from his guitar during some of the more intense jams. He busted out some serious wha wha during Give and I finally accepted the fact that he's not Mikey and he's George the wha wha guy. Makes you appreciate how amazing a guitar player Mikey Houser really was.

I tried to pull a veteran move and hit the pisser and the beer line before the set ended. While in line, I overheard the first few notes of Makes Sense to Me. Man, they weren't ending the set with Give! Just as the girl behind me said to her friend in a lazy North Carolina drawl, "I really like this song!" I bolted from the line and headed back to our seats.

I was talkin to a homeless drunk about religion.

Man, I've been singing that lyric since 1990! To just top off a hot opening set, the boys busted out Aint Life Grand. Bruce was digging that tune. There are certain Widespread Panic songs which are gateways to instant flashbacks about my reckless late teens and early twenties living in the South. Ah, youth and music! Panic puts me right back to the porch of my fraternity house... I'd have a big cup of ice, coke, and Jim Beam keeping me sane while I oggled at the cute sorority girls who decided to jog down fraternity row during their late afternoon workouts. Those were special times when you didn't have a care in the world and hearing Phil Lesh's bong-rattling bass on a scratchy Dead bootleg from someone's stereo was the closest thing to achieving nirvana.

At setbreak I hung out with the crew of folks from Virginia in the row in front of us. I got some good tips on some killer music festivals in West Virginia. I can't go because I'll be in Vegas! The folks in front of him were outta control. That group consisted of two women in their late 30s. One of them was pretty wasted. I'm guessing it was the booze and the ecstasy. She'd reach across two rows just to give me a "high-five". Man, I miss the rowdy Panic crowds. Their a little more drunkerand a lot more Southern than your average Phishy crowd. But the girls are just as adorable. I'm a sucker for crunchy girls with Southern accents.

JB came out and sat down in a chair and joked around that "he's an old man." He played a solo acoustic tune, Longer Look. Then the rest of the band came out for Fishin, and he still stayed on the acoustic. That's when they boys turned up the heat several notches. By the time Space Wrangler started, I was pretty shitfaced. It's another one of those songs that reminds me of my college days, as I was blazing up.

He gets off at a stranger's place
Where the girls dance different with familiar grace
He's knowing that he found the place
That pours the coldest beer
Skol, very cold beer
Cheers, to your friends so near
High, your dreams so clear
Raise another glass to the dreams so near

The guy in front of us called Papa Johnny Road. They followed that up with solid, mellow, yet funky jamming in Pleas and Jack. Seriously, Dave Skools carried Panic for a good forty-five minutes. He was laying out some heady bass. The busted out some more old school favorites like Travelin Light. More gushing flashbacks and I wished I got off my ass and tried to see more Panic shows on this tour! Then it was back to some more tight jamming in Barstools, Blight, and one of my favorite random cover songs that Panic does... Guilded Splinters. Nice to see a Henry Parsons and I was hoping they'd keep playing!

They started set 2 at 10pm and ended at 11:40 before they came out for a two song encore. The first song was a mellow This Part of Town. I joked with Senor that Phish would walk off the stage after a lame slow-song encore. But we knew Panic would have a second kick ass tune. They brought the house down with Love Tractor! The coolest thing about Love Tractor is that someone in the production department of TBS loves Panic because during the outro to commercials in Atlanta Braves games, at least once ever telecast, you'll hear a snippet of Love Tractor. Anyway, it was another fan favorite and another flashback for me. The crowd was singing along and hootin and hollerin during all the audience participation parts. Damn, I missed Widespread Panic more than I thought. Thank God I'm seeing them tonight!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Panic on Conan

Widespread Panic will be appearing on Late Night with Conan O'Brien tonight. Of course, I'll be seeing them tonight at Radio City Music Hall. Can't wait. It's been a year and a half since I saw them last! Reviews and setlists to follow.

5 Random WSP Songs I'd Like to Hear Tonight...
1. Porch Song
2. Conrad the Caterpillar
3. Greta
4. Pigeons
5. Big Whooly Mammoth
Bun in the Oven

I'm pregnant, y'all!

Britney Spears is pregnant with my two-headed love child. Of course, I was scooped by Briana!

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Random Link Dump

Twinke turns 75. Holy shit!

The Pothead of the Week Award goes to: Vermont Teen Arrested for Stealing Skull to Make a Bong. Only in Vermont?

How about... drunken Norwegian teens practicing unsafe sex. Book me a flight to Oslo... ASAP!
Calm Before the Storm

The Calm Before the Storm is written by Thomas Friedman and appears in the op/ed section of today's NY Times. Here's a bit:
The reason things may be getting more dangerous now is that the formation of a freely elected government in Iraq may signal that the Baathist-Jihadist insurgency is being gradually defeated. The U.S. may even be able to withdraw some troops. And there is nothing worse for the Baathists and Jihadists than to be defeated in the heart of their world - and, even more so, to be defeated in the heart of their world by other Arabs and Muslims who are repudiating the Jihadists' vision and tactics.

I fear that when and if the Jihadists conclude that they have been defeated in the heart of their world, they will be sorely tempted to throw a Hail Mary pass. That is, they may want to launch a spectacular, headline-grabbing act of terrorism in America that tries to mask, and compensate for, just how defeated they have become at home.

In short, the more the Jihadists lose in Iraq, the more likely they are to use their rump forces to try something really crazy in America to make up for it. So let's stay the course in Iraq, but stay extra-vigilant at home.
Another interesting read from Friedman.
Last 5 Blogs I Read...
1. Sigge from Norway
2. Lone Star Molly
3. Raymi
4. Gambling Blues (Boy Genius)
4. I Hate Your iPod
Pauly-Boy Genius IM Exceprt of the Day

This conversation took place at 9:23am on Tuesday. I'm in NYC. BG is in Michigan. And his cousin looks like Summer from The OC.
BG: IM my cousin Rachelle to wish her happy 20th birthday: rachellexxxxx
Pauly: now?
BG: anytime - it's her bday today
Pauly: is she on now?
Pauly: its early for college kids
BG: she's online now yeah
Pauly: can I seduce her?
BG: you're not her type
BG: she doesn't go for "swarthy"
Pauly: how about funny, intelligent, and well endowed?
BG: her current boyfriend would make mincemeat of you
Pauly: lol, how smart can he be he goes to michigan st?
BG: he's a pretty big guy
Pauly: i can handle myself, im scrappy
BG: i'm fairly useless in a fight
BG: i'm the guy who gets down on his hands and knees behind someone's kneecaps so you can push them over the top of me to the ground
BG: plus, when i shriek in terror, people automatically assume a nine year old girl is in trouble and come running to help
BG: so i guess i do add value, in my own way
Pauly: remind me not to let you get my back after a huge win in vegas!
BG: i did kick a kid's ass once... he stole my baseball cards, denied it, was caught, and bent them all up before giving them back
BG: then again, i was 16, he was 13
That concludes this excerpt of my IM conversation with BG. And yes, I met his cousin last summer on my trip to Michigan.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Recent Writing Music...
1. Sonny Rollins
2. Jerry Garcia and David Grisman
3. Radiohead
4. JJ Cale
5. Ben Harper
Indy > Cincy > Indy

I bought a plane ticket on Northworst Airlines to go to Indiana in May. The airfare was serious cheap as hell (but you do get what you pay for) and I found a rare direct flight from NYC to Indianapolis. The plan is to have Daddy show me a little Hoosier hospitality and get rip roaring wasted to the tits in Southern Indiana (possibly one of those smokey back room poker games in the local pub). The next day, Saturday, we drive to Cincinnati and take in the Reds-Dodgers baseball game that early afternoon. I have never seen the old Reds stadium, let alone the new one.

Later that night, Trey Anastasio Band plays a show downtown. That should be intense, my first Trey show of 2005. Getting pumped. Lori from Kentucky will be there at the show and she reminded me that it's also the Kentucky Derby! Perhaps I can get a bet or two in at a local track.

Then that Sunday, it's Iggy's birthday. Yes, I'll be in the Blogfather's hometown for his birthday. We're gonna try to get him to have a poker game. (Hint to you, Iggy, if you are reading this!)

Monday morning, we wake up hungover, disheveled, and drive back to Indiana so I can hop my flight to NYC. A roadtrip with Daddy to visit the Blogfather! To quote him, "Sickness." 24 days and counting.
Pieces of Pauly

What did I eat yesterday? Lunch was leftover Veal Parmigiana and pasta. I drank an Orange Gatorade and ate two mini chocolate chocolate chip muffins. Dinner was 9 spicy Buffalo chicken wings with lots of bleu cheese, 4 mozarella sticks, and seasoned waffle fries.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Monday Musings: Radio Free Pauly and Other Weekend Crapola

On Saturday I taped my first segment with Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Sow. Sean is a poker player from Toronto, Canada and he's the host of a podcast radio weekly radio program. He interviewed me for 15 minutes and we chatted about some random topics including my recent gig covering the World Series of Poker for and Poker Player Newspaper. In June, I will be on his show every week giving live updates of the World Series.

You can download this week's show in MP3 format: here. (I suggest you right click and save as to your hard drive.)

Or visit this link for more information and to read the show notes. This episode is about an hour long and my segment is about 11+ minutes. It starts at roughly 42:00 minutes into the show in case you wanted to skip over the other stuff. However, I recommend you listen to the entire show at some point.

Thanks again to Sean for having me. And yes, I know. I say and a lot.

Random Published Ramblings

On the writing front, I had another freelance article published last week about female poker pro Jen Harman. Here's a bit:
At the poker table, Jen Harman is fierce and intimidating. She sits in the largest cash games in the world and regularly plays against Johnny Chan, Doyle Brunson, and Chip Reese. Most recently, she has been making a name for herself on the tournament circuit. Despite some serious health problems, she survived a kidney transplant and is now at the top of her game both mentally and physically. Daniel Negreanu described her as "one of the best all-around players in the world. Period."... More
Since last Sunday I penned four articles, including one this weekend that I slaved over for most of Saturday afternoon. One of my articles was recently published at That one is called Poker Tournaments and TV Coverage. Here's a bit:
A few years ago, poker on TV was limited to only a couple of hours of coverage on American television every year. ESPN had such a low opinion of poker that they always aired the World Series from Las Vegas in the wee hours of the morning. It wasn't even good enough to be on their main channel. Poker coverage was banished to their sister channel, ESPN2, where bass fishing, spelling bees, and the World Strongest Man contest flourished. Unless you were an insomniac, you missed the low-budget, dull one-hour specials that poorly attempted to capture the entire spirit of the most exciting event in poker...More
Wow. I never thought I'd see the day when I blogged my own article and said "Here's a bit"... of my own stuff.

Weekend Warrior

Anyway, I played a lot of online poker this weekend on Empire Poker. I was trying to clear a bonus and I had to play 1050 raked hands of poker in order to qualify for free cashola. I cranked out over 700 hands and my neck was killing me! I got to play online with some friends on Saturday night... and they live all over the place... DC, Philly and the surrounding area, Oklahoma, Michigan, Cincinnati, and even Calgary... the one in Canada.

Derek went out of town and up to Maine for a few days. I loaned him my digital camera. He should be posting some pics soon.

On Friday night, Briana, Jenna, and I attended a small cocktail party that Briana's cousin threw with one of her co-workers. Nothing is more fun (can you sense the seething sarcasm?) than being in a room with drunk hipsters grabbing their cellphones whenever they heard a ring similar to their tone, like Pavlov's frothing dog. The other half were liquored up publishing/media types. Even worse. If there ever was a night that I wish I shot heroin... it was Friday night.

The conversation picked up a bit, from mundane to excruciating, when a flurry of people came over to me the moment they found out I played poker. Briana's cousin mistakenly told them that I would be "announcing the World Series of Poker." I dunno if she was drunk on overpriced wine, socially retarded, or trying to impress he peers and party guests with inflating the significance of my new job in Las Vegas. At any rate, I was there to spend time with Briana and Jenna and have fun and most importantly... not to think about poker.

After my eyes were handcuffed to the computer screen seeing flops for four straight hours, I simply wanted to get away from it all and talk about stupid faux-intellectual crapola like Terry Shavio, or everyone's disdain for the Bush Junta, or whether or not Britney Spears is pregnant. Instead, I had a dozen or so soused poker newbies lining up to ask me annoying questions. I never wanted to avoid poker talk more than that moment.

On Saturday night I ventured downtown after Midnight to have a drink and then watch a movie with Briana. We watched Sky Captain mainly because she's in love with Jude Law, I'm in love with Gwyneth Paltrow, and we both want to fuck Angelina Jolie. As I exited the subway on 96th Street, a couple of NYC finest undercover cops were arresting two young thugs for stealing an iPod or a purse. One kid was terrified and looked like he shit in his pants. While the other was trying to give off that "tough look." I wasn't buying it. You could still see the fear in his eyes. He had an awful poker face. Enjoy Rikers, kiddo.

The rest of my weekend involved writing and witnessing the Yankees get whooped by the lowly Orioles and watching golf on TV. Tiger Woods shredded the course on Saturday and Sunday morning. He looked like old form and dominated everyone in his path. Late Sunday afternoon, he made the shot of a lifetime, but blew the lead and a playoff was forced with Chris DiMarco. He ended up winning on the first playoff hole to snag another Green Jacket and his fourth Masters championship.

Big week ahead. I have two more articles to write, more hands to play on Empire Poker, a new issue of Truckin to edit, and Widespread Panic (and Senor) comes to town on Thursday. Fun week, indeed.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Tao of Pauly Mentioned on

I'm pretty excited that this little poker blog (overshadowed by it's more popular sister site the Tao of Poker) was linked up on Friday in an article appearing on

In Praise of Sploid was written by David Wallace-Wells. Last week, I happened to mention that the new website Sploid was similair to "Matt Drudge meets Gothamist." Well David Wallace-Wells took notice of that comment and grouped me in with other bloggers who also made similar assertions. Thanks for the shout out, David. You now have a new fan and I will pimp your future articles for bringing a shitload of new visitors here.

Finally, this was one of the breakthroughs I was looking for with regard to my main blog. Hits to this site went through the roof since Friday afternoon. Sure, I have gotten a steady flow of new readers via spill-over traffic from my poker blog, which is cool. I'm grateful that my poker friends are reading my main blog. But thanks to the article, I hope to snag a several new visitors.

Not since Tara Reid's dress fell off and exposed her "mutated pancake nipples" did I get such a huge rush of new visitors. Thanks again, David. Don't forget to check out the article... In Praise of Sploid.
Sunday Morning Required Reading

Editing Saul Bellow appeared in this past week and discusses the dark side of the famous novelist who dies this past week. Too bad his death was virtually unnoticed due to the intense coverage of the Pope's funneral.

Also appearing in is Why Not Quit the Director's Guild? That article focuses on Robert Rodriguez's decision to quit the DGA when he chose to have Frank Miller (author of the comic book) share director's credit on Sin City.

One of my favorite books Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy get's first bad movie review.
Last 5 Pics I Posted to My Flog:

I took all five of those pics in Las Vegas.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Last 5 Books I Read...
1. Harrington on Hold'em by Dan Harrington
2. On Writing by Stephen King
3. Super System 2 by Doyle Brunson
4. Writing Well by Richard Zinsser
5. Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
Happy Birthday, Sigge!

Belated birthday greetings go out to my favorite Norwegian blogger... Sigge! Hope it's a good one.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Happy Birthday, Buddha

I saw this blurb on Buddha Day via Whiskey Town.
5 Random Google "Breast" Referrals in the Last 24 Hours...
1. Lindsay Lohan breast expansion
2. Shana Hiatt breast implants
3. Scarlet Johansen nude breasts
4. Sharon Stone oral sex tape and breast cumshot
5. pictures of Malaysian hookers breasts
For the Poker Geek

Keira. Yummy.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Random Reading: Don't Eat, Robbing Babies, Retarded Geeks, Sploid, and Pissed Off Pigs

Schanzer suggested this link: Don't Eat This...

Star Wars Geeks Stand in Line is an interesting bit about dorks who lined up at the wrong theatre.

File this one under: Only in Rhode Island. April Fools Prank Pisses Off Cops is a funny story about a Narragansett dude with a bad sense of humor.

Be cool. Check out:

It's a British version of Matt Drudge meets Gothamist.

Speaking of Gothamist, read their take on Thug Mugs Baby and the story about a mom and her baby who were robbed in Central Park yesterday.
Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...
1. Little Birds by Anais Nin
2. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
3. Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
4. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
5. The Holy Bible
Fuck You, Uncle Sammy

I did my taxes this morning and I owe almost $500. I tweaked everything I could. A stock I invested in actually turned a profit and that killed me. Fuck man. Just bill me Sammy. Maybe when I get back from Vegas, I'll cut you a check. I wonder if I can write off my sports book loses?
Reader Mail: The Other Tao Guy, Summer Books, Empire's Reload, Ad Space, and Timmy's Boner

Editor's Note: I decided to cross post my latest version of reader mail from my poker blog. Enjoy.

It's that time of the month again when I dip into my mail archives and pick out a few emails to publish for your viewing pleasure. Feel free to send me an email for consideration in a future edition of Reader Mail. This edition features everyone's favorite reader... Timmy. I also was fortunate to get an email from a famous author... Larry W. Phillips.


Very cool site. Like it a lot. Huge. Somewhat cosmically, it combines two of the things I like best, too-- writing and poker.

Larry W. Phillips
Other Tao of Poker Guy

Mr. Phillips,

Wow. It's an honor to get an email from you. I always suggest your books to my friends (even those who don't play poker). My ex-girlfriend gave me your book The Tao of Poker a few years ago. I still have it and it's been passed along to regulars at my home game.

Glad you dig my site. When I started it, I didn't think anyone would read it... recently poker and blogs and pokerblogs for that matter "blew up" over night.

Take care and thanks for reading,

P.S. I hope you don't sue me for naming my blog after your book. I'll make sure I pimp your book as much as I can, to avoid any future law suits.

***** *****
Hey Doc,

Is Empire running a new reload bonus? What is the code?

Lonny (Lexington, KY)
Hey Lonny,

Empire Poker is running a rare reload bonus... Bonus Code: EPmania.

It's a 25% bonus up to $150. So if you deposit $600, you can get $150 free. You have to play 7x raked hands in 7 days. The time for this promotion is April 6th thru April 10th. So don't delay and head over to Empire Poker to do a little bonus whoring. See you at the tables.

Thanks for reading,

***** *****
Dear Dr. Pauly,

Could you recommend any good non-poker books to read while on vacation this summer? I read all those Dan Brown novels. Now, I'm looking for something new and different.

Eddie (Joliet, IL)

Hey Eddie,

I think you should check out Arthur Nersesian. He's my favorite NYC writer and the author of The Fuck Up. I would also steer you towards Marty Beckerman. That kid can fuckin' write man. Of course Wil Wheaton has two solid books out there. Go read his stuff. If you are into current events and Middle East Politics then one of my best friends from college, Jon Schanzer, wrote a book called Al-Qaeda's Armies: Middle East Affiliate Groups & The Next Generation of Terror.

I am currently reading Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman. My buddy the Joker insisted I read it and Briana gave me her copy. It's a hilarious read. He reminds me a little bit of Boy Genius. In his book, Klosterman pretty much goes off on pop culture. His chapter on The Real World is amazing. I never thought anyone could deconstruct the modern MTV-driven society in a clever way, and Klosterman did just that. He also writes about the coolness of Billy Joel, being on the road with a Guns N Roses tribute band, internet porn, and how The Empire Strikes Back was the movie that completely epitomized Generation X. Good shit in there.

Thanks for reading,

***** *****

While browsing other gambling weblogs, I came across your weblog on gambling and wanted to see if you are interested in putting text or banner ads in a related category on your site. I am one of the inventory development staff at CxxxxAds, an ad network focused on weblog advertising. We have an increasing number of gambling advertisers who wish to advertise on our network. Hence, I am interested in recruiting more weblogs that touch the subject of gambling.

To address this market, we are considering launching a new program centered around the gambling market. We would pay you on a CPM (impression basis) rather than a CPC (click through basis). Would this be something you would be interested in?

Yo Frankie Poo,

I apologize in advance for the crudeness of my email. I get 100 of emails like this everyday. And it's a pain in the ass to weed out the no names from the serious parties.

Straight up... I am interested in you advertising on my blog... please tell me more. Quick question? Is this like Google's ad sense? If so, then it's not going to work out. Google is run by a bunch of greedy criminals. 2cents a click through? Please! I am better off jerking off lonely businessmen in Penn Station. At least I'll have a little dignity left over.

I have talked to my friends with other poker blogs and I found out I'm not the only one you contacted. So I don't feel special... if you were trying to make me feel that way.

I have a widely read poker blog out there with several new visitors stopping by every day. I'm expecting more hits every week in the future since I'm moving to Vegas to cover the World Series of Poker. You really have to make me a nice offer, because I am currently negotiating with a popular French-Canadian porn site about advertising on my blog. The Church of Scientology have been sweating me heavily. They see this opportunity and want in.

What can u offer me? Besides free porn, the short answers to this complicated universe, and John Travolta's cell phone number?

By the way, this click through stuff is horseshit in my eyes. You guys get all the money and I get dick. Make me a legit offer and you'll see how well my blog(s) will do for you.

Honestly, I'll get someone to pay me what an ad is really worth on my blog. I'm just giving you a chance to outbid any porn-happy Quebes or L. Ron Hubbard-heads, or anyone else out there.

Again, feel free to get back to me with a real offer or feel free to tell me to fuck off. Either way, thanks for taking the time out of your busy day to see if you can use me and exploit my readers to make money for the suits that you work for.

Have a good day,

***** *****
Dear Doc,

It's Timmy again. I should have taken your advice and bet on North Carolina. Next time I will. I have a question that's not really poker related. Sometimes when I am in class I get boners. I cannot control them. No one has caught me yet. Is there anything you can do to stop these things? Am I a freak because I walk around school with a boner?

Timmy (Pensacola, FL)
Dear Timmy,

The medical tern for your problem is spontaneous erections. I used to get them too. Shit I still get them... usually when I'm at stripclubs or when I'm watching any Katie Holmes' scenes from Dawson's Creek. Don't worry, it's natural for a boy of your age to be undergoing changes. My advice to you is to take plenty of cold showers and wear baggy pants. And if any aging rock stars want to give you $100 bills to play the "tickle game", then I strongly suggest you kick them in the gonads. You should start your own version of the "tickle game" with some of the cuter Brownies in your class.

And lastly, kid, you're a not a freak for experiencing boners. Believe me, it's the first sign of normalcy I have seen from you. Let's put it this way... you are a freak for writing me for sexual, gambling, and other miscellaneous advice. But I'll do what I can to help.

Hang tough and avoid spandex,

And that's it for this version of reader mail. See ya at the tables on Empire Poker.