Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Jizz F. Kennedy

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

The old governor of New York liked to fuck prostitutes. High class whores too, not chubby interns like Slick Willy, or rubs and tugs from Asian chicks from the ads in the back of the Village Voice.

The new governor? Well he's already admitted to extra-marital affairs and most recently? He admitted to smoking pot and snorting cocaine. He's a man of the people and he's blind.

Only in America.

In California, Governor Terminator used to be a action-adventure movie star who most likely had shruken testicles due to all of his steroid abuse in the late 1970s and early 1980s. The former mayor of Washington DC was even caught buying and smoking crack on tape.

And let's not forget about all those skirt chasers, drunks, money launderers, and dope fiends that hard working Americans elected to represent them in Washington.

I read somewhere in some tabloid, either the Weekly World News or the Washington Post, that Spitzer had unusual sexual tastes. He preferred to not wear a condom and like to have sex with his socks on.

The socks I'll let slide. But the lack of a condom? With a high priced hooker? We hated Spitzer on Wall Street during his Draconian reign as attorney general. I didn't vote him into office in Albany when he won the Gubernatorial race. And I really don't care if he fucks hookers in his spare time. But nailing hookers without condoms is just dirty. Very dirty. Spitzer is such a dirt dick.

I wonder if JFK wore a condom when he was drilling holes into Marilyn Monroe. Or did he pull out and jizz all over her luscious tits?

* * * * *

I forgot how much I enjoyed waking up early and sitting down at Nicky's dining room table to write while I played a Jerry Garcia Band bootleg. I opened up the window and let the sun rush in and the early morning air swirl around the stuffy apartment before the air gets more polluted once every wakes up and drives their metal coffins to work.

Everything was quiet, except for the can fairies rummaging through the garbage bins in the adjacent alley.

Showcase emerged around 8am to get ready for work. He returned thirty minutes later with an adorable little dog, one of the many he had to take care of during the day.

I wrote until 9am when I went on a short walk through the neighborhood and over to the post office. When Nicky woke up we headed to Nick's for breakfast. There were no empty tables and we sat at the counter, which I don't mind doing because I love watching the Mexican guys cook. They are true artists and cranked out twenty or thirty different orders in a short time. I watched them whip up different breakfast dishes including traditional favorites like steak and eggs or a stack of pancakes. The few interesting dishes included strawberry and banana French Toast and a Jalapeno and bacon omelete.

I had been wanting to see Charlie Bartlett since it came out. Nicky had no idea it existed when I suggested different flicks we could see. I told her that we saw the trailer at least once during a previous trip to the movie theatre.

Here's the trailer...


Click through to Tao of Pauly to view the video via RSS...

It's a flick that reminded me of a John Hughes 1980s suburban angst film meets Dazed and Confused. Charlie Bartlett is a Ferris Bueller type character who got kicked out of prep school and forced to attend public school. He wins over the student populous by become their therapist and holds sessions in a bathroom stall. He even dispenses prescription pills... which he would get from a slew of psychiatrists that his mother insists that he sees.

As much as it was a high school kids rebel and gets wasted movie, there are several serious undertones about the negative influence the psychiatric field and pharmaceutical industry has on our teenagers... and why our society says some drugs are bad but other ones are good.

We caught the flick in the Beverly Center and we were the only two people in the theatre! That has never happened to me before. Nicky was pleasantly surprised with the flick. She dug Robert Downey Jr.'s performance as the principal.

After the flick, I received an email from the editor of one of my magazine clients. I always cringe the second or two before I read emails from editors. I always expect the worst. Lucky for me... it was good news. The deadline for the next issue was pushed back five days! I wrote a first draft that sucked and I figured I would write a second draft the night before it was due. The extension is exactly what I needed to help write a better piece.

Then I had a brilliant idea to write about a different topic. I hated my first draft of my column so much that I'd rather kill it and start over from scratch. Anyway, the editor loved the idea that I pitched and I got the green light. Now I can enjoy my time in Las Vegas without worrying about my impending deadline.

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