Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Scarlet Johanson's Tits

By Pauly
Hollyweird, CA

I'm still recovering from a nasty stomach virus since my return from Las Vegas. I have been trying to rehydrate myself with Orange Gatorade and Perrier. What I really need is an IV from Jaxia!

I had already lost weight (working out and eating right) before I flew out to the west coast. And I lost whatever I would have put on during the Las Vegas bender. The current result? I have lost over 20 pounds (193 to 172) since I returned from OZ/NZ in February. I resemble a junkie and I can easily squeeze into my overpriced hipster jeans that I used to wear during my skinny Charlie fueled benders.

I wanted to write a lot yesterday and today. Nope. My energy level is low and my creative juices are dried up. I have three big deadlines over the horizon and have to save myself for that burst. I'm going to focus on those for the moment and if I have time, I can write more drivel on my various blogs.

I have one more day in Hollyweird, before I'm flying back to NYC on Thursday to gear up for two massive Widespread Panic shows this weekend in New York City.

On Tuesday afternoon, we headed over to Nicky's parents house in Westwood. The Yankees home opener was on YES. Nicky didn't get that channel, but her parents did. Her mother is a die hard Yankees fan much to the chagrin of her father who bleeds Dodger blue. Anyway, the game came on at 4pm and I was excited to catch opening day since the game had gotten rained out the day before.

Nicky's father came home from work around 5:30 and wasn't thrilled that we were watching the Yankees game on the couch. The funny thing is that Joe Torre is now the manager of his beloved Dodgers.

"The Yankees game? What kind of bullshit is this? Put on NESN and let's watch the Red Sox!"

The game was close and Melky saved the day with two amazing catches in centerfield and a cheap solo home run off of the always tough Roy Halladay. I was psyched to see Joba Chamberlin run out to pitch the 8th. He displays a lot of emotion (reminded me a bit of John Wetteland) which is the opposite of Mo Rivera who never breaks a sweat and always looks like he just got up from a nap. It has been a while since the Yankees had a solid set-up man. I'm hoping that the duo works out and then the Yankees can shut the door in the 7th inning. I recall those days when Mo Rivera set up Wetteland and Yankees games were over by the 6th inning. If you trailed the Yankees by the time the 6th inning end, you were toast.

Lucky for me, the Yankees are on ESPN2 today so I can catch the game at 4pm. I actually like watching east coast games in mid-afternoon on the west coast like that. You can watch a game, then grab dinner and not feel as though you wasted a night. Plus, if the game is a snoozer or blowout, you can be done by 6pm, grab something to eat and settle down to watch any west coast games.

I have been losing an argument with Nicky that has last a couple of days. I want to see The Other Boleyn Girl for obvious reasons. Well two reasons. No, make that three.
1. Nat Portman
2. Scarlet Johansson's left tit
3. Scarlet Johansson's right tit
I mean, do you need anything more in life that Scarlet's heaving breasts? If I was her I would never get any work done since I'd be playing with my tits and trying to lick my nipples all day.

Anyway, it looks like I'll have to see that flick solo because Nicky has no intentions of checking it out.

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