Monday, June 30, 2008

The Chemical Warfare Chronicles

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

I returned home shortly after 6am. I noticed that there were more ants than I had ever seen. I went out back to the pool to smoke. Schecky woke up for an early flight to San Diego. He suggested we get some raid.

That's when I did a closer inspection. The ants had only come out at night and disappeared by morning. Well that was not the case. hey were out in force. While I worked a 16+ day at the Rio, the ants launched a Tet-offensive. There were ants in places I had never seen ants before. They managed to infiltrate into the house as far as the kitchen. Single file from a nest underneath the front door floorboards along the foyer and front room and along the hallway and then a sharp right turn into the kitchen. It was like they were on a specific highway mapped out to the entire nest.

The other day I set traps. At first I thought they worked but they failed. When I saw the waves and waves of ants I told Nicky, "It's time for chemical warfare."

She didn't want to drive to the store. By then it was 7am. She had an exhausting day at work. But I was wasted on painkillers and could not drive. I told her to inspect the front lines herself. She took one look and said, "Let's go."

After ten minutes of stumbling around Smith's, we found something. Powerful. Hornet and wasp nest killing spray. I used that in the past on nests and the fucking thing works. We paid for it and returned to the house. I told Nicky to go to sleep while I waged war downstairs. Luckily JenLeo and Schecky were away while I launched my counter-attack.

In one spray, a heavy stream of chemical unleashed from the black can. The air filled with chemicals and where hundreds of ants marched, they were all dead. Drowned in a thick puddle of chemicals that could kill a herd of cattle.

Inside of three minutes, it was over. The dead ants looked like that charred highway in the first Gulf War when the US military lit of the retreating Iraqi army from Kuwait.

I won this round, but I expect one last gasp from the enemy. I might not sleep.

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