Monday, September 14, 2009

Marijuana, Horse Sex, and Chocolate Chip Pancakes

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

This really is the end of the world as we know it.

How did I come upon this obvious statement? I glanced at the stats on my Flickr (the site that I use to store photo galleries). I specifically was interested in the numbers surrounding the top 5 photos that I uploaded (all but one are NSFW). The results are mind-numbing.
1. Pineapple Express
2. Horse Sex Fever
3. Sour Diesel Kush
4. Chocolate Chip Pancakes
5. Maui Waui X Afghooey
Well, there's a shocker. Three of the top five are photos of supreme medicinal marijuana samples from California dispensaries. The intertubes are flooded with potheads looking for pictures of weed. After all, marijuana cultivation in America is a $35 billion a year business, and that doesn't count all of the Canadian weed smuggled in from up north.

The top pic is a strain named after the stoner-comedy Pineapple Express. It seems that fans of the film hit up Google wondering if it was a genuine strain or made up for Hollywood purposes. In fact, that's why I got over 27,000 views mainly because stoners were typing 'pineapple express weed' into Google's image search and my pic was on the first page.

The other two non-pot pics? Sex and food. Specifically, bestiality and a chocolatey breakfast special.

I took the photo of the chocolate chip pancakes from the 24 hour cafe inside the Green Valley Ranch casino in Henderson, NV. I used to live in a condo with Grubby about five minutes away. The cafe didn't cook the pancakes with the chips inside. Instead, they sprinkled a stack of regular pancakes with chocolate chips, but the real kicker was the bowl of chocolate sauce (hot too) which you poured over the pancakes. They stopped making these pancakes shortly after the photo was taken. Odd side note... if you type 'chocolate chip pancakes' into Google's photo search, my photo will appear.

The horse sex photo was the cover of a porn DVD that I saw in the window of a sex shop near the red light district in Amsterdam. I once saw a donkey show in Mexico, but that's an entirely different blog post. I have never witnessed (in a live setting) a woman having sex with a horse in the Catherine the Great fashion. My only visual experiences were when I once saw a video of a busty German chick blowing a horse but I gotta say, I was unimpressed and failed to achieve an erection.

The first time I ever saw something that just wasn't right was when I was a fraternity pledge in Georgia and the older brothers showed us Chicken Lover. I won't spoil you with the end of the film or rail on the obvious flaws in the screenplay, but the plot is fairly simple... there's a redneck and a chicken.

My, you got a purty beak...

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