Monday, April 04, 2011

Milky Had a Lumpy Head and the Water Wars

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA


Everyday life is about assessing risk. We do it all the time, mostly underneath the surface, subconsciously, so we don't really notice the choices we make. It's part of our primal directive as animals. Most of our daily actions have risk assessment built in -- like sniffing the milk before you pour it in the coffee to make sure it's not bad. That's just a bit of self-preservation (in the long term, spoiled milk can make you sick), while in the short-term, you're indirectly assessing "time" because you are faced with a difficult decision...
1. Pour the lumpy milk into the coffee, whereas you risk... a) nothing, b) shitting your pants, or c) having a terrible start to the day with a rank cup of coffee.

2. Pour the lumpy milk into the sink and drink your coffee black.

3. Pour the lumpy milk into the sink, drive to the store, buy new milk, then add it to your coffee.
The second choice is the least time consuming. The third is the most time consuming. Meanwhile, the first option might is a question mark because you could lose time to your day if you're stuck in the toilet shitting your brains out, or if you shit your pants, then you have to take time to change your pair of pants.

There's is a fourth option -- not drink the coffee at all -- which I would do because I'm the type of person who won't settle on half of a standard. Sort of like not having bleu cheese with Buffalo chicken wings. I'd rather skip the half-assed version than deny myself the delicious combination of both.

By the way, I'm not a coffee drinker. I'm an iced tea freak, but I'm not one to drink coffee which is great because I probably saved a few grand a year by not pissing away my savings by drinking overpriced Starbucks coffee.

If we're firing cruise missiles into Libya because of the oil, then the French are sending in troops to the Ivory Coast to protect big business coffee and chocolate interests. The Americans, British, Russians, and Chinese are all elbowing each other out of the way for the remaining oil resources on the planet in North Africa and the Middle East, meanwhile, the French government is actually flying in French troops to help stabilize the Ivory Coast in an attempt to maintain control over two of the most important addictions known to man -- coffee and chocolate.

But what about the water? If I only had the time, I'd move to Colorado for a couple of months, eat some mushrooms, and write a novella about the impending Water Wars of the the late 21st century, where Maine and Colorado became the site of rebel skirmishes to try to drive corporate-nation-states out of their lands and return the water to the local people, instead of being sold for ridiculous profit over the world to fund oil and gold wars.

kierapoelsma.

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