Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Sleep Prived

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

I know what sleep deprivation is, but can you be sleep prived?

Is that such a word? Or am I so far gone and exhausted that I can't figure out if I'm making up words, or morphing Latin roots with slang. I have no idea, which is what happens when you reach a point of hideous sleep deprivation.

I don't like this state in between waking and sleeping. My eyelids weigh 20 lbs. each. No one wants to be not to be able to sleep and drift off into slumberland, but sometimes, this odd transitional period can be fun because you start tripping out like you're on a bunch of high potent blotter.

I get auditory hallucinations once I reach the 36-hour mark of being up. Whenever I hit the 40-hour lark, I get dizzy and slur my words and shake like a Parkison's patient. But somewhere around the 30-hour mark, you feel pretty groovy and it's like being completely chemically imbalanced.

The difficult part is reminding yourself not to make an rash decisions once you surpass the 24-hour mark. No one should be held accountable for their actions after being up for a single day, even though that happens to me at least once a week because I simply cannot fall asleep. I'll wake up at 5am and be up until... 6am the next day.

I always attempt to sleep, but most recently I often nod out in a pharmie-induced coma, where I have these lucid dreams about running laps in a swamp with a bunch of redneck albino gator hunters, while being chased by Jim Croce's ghost

Sometimes, I have no control at what comes out of my inner hallways of my mind when I'm this far gone. That's why everyone needs sleep, even insomniacs.

Then again, I clean up the entire apartment this morning because I couldn't sleep. We had a home game last night and lots of liquor was consumed. While Nicky and Halli slept, I waited until the downstairs neighbors went to work before I cleaned house. At least I did something productive other than troll conspiracy forums.

Yeah, I just outted myself as a forum troll. In the last few months, whenever I can't sleep, I'll head over to random conspiracy forums and rattle the cages of a few 9/11 truthers, and poke fun at completely unhinged tin-foil hat wearing freaks claiming they were abducted by aliens, and sometimes trade recipes with Armageddon compound survivalists on how to cook gourmet meals out of canned goods.

I dunno why I started reading those forums -- out of boredom actually -- and some of the threads are friggin' hysterical like someone claiming to be a time traveler from the future. I got a couple of great screenplay ideas for sure, and I'm not what you call a total Sci-Fi geek and can't tell you which solar systems and planets are the source of alien life -- like which planet did the Reptilians came from and where the Greys call home? However, I stumbled upon a few far-fetched conspiracy theories that are worthy of an expanded literary exploration. For shits and giggles, of course.

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