I'm not someone who lusts for tradition, but every Christmas morning I do the same thing... rub one out in the shower. The second thing I do is re-read Auggie Wren's Christmas Story.
If that sounds familiar, it's because I pimp it every December 25th. Or you might have heard the monologue via the Brooklyn-centric film Smoke (directed by Wayne Wang).
And many Christmas blessings to you and your consumer-addled family members!