Thursday, April 01, 2010

Free Refills and Queers for Jesus

By Pauly
Los Angeles, CA

I guess that the subtitle of this post is... Addendum to the Jack in the Box Diaries.

I heard an intense conversation originating from the corner booth. Four women and o ne man. All in their 50s and 60s. One of the women, with short grey hair, sat on a chair at the end of the booth with her arms crossed. She looked... angry. The male, a black dude in his early 50s, was the obvious ringleader and he lectured while the rest of the table listened. As I waited to place my order, I eavesdropped on their chatter which sounded like a Bible study of sorts.

I forgot it was Palm Sunday, which makes it one week before Easter.

Everyone at that table was dressed in their Sunday best, but something was slightly off. about the group of people. That's when it occurred to me that this specific Bible study was specifically for gay Christians. Yep, homos and lesbos for Christ. Why they chose Jack in the Box, I'll never know. Perhaps I was catching the extension of the post-church Bible study session? Maybe I stumbled upon a Sunday routine and the five always retreat to the fast food hell hole to discuss Christian values while chomping down on a Jumbo Jack cheeseburger?

Usually, a deranged guy in his 70s occupies that booth while gumming an order of fish and chips and muttering to himself in Polish. I dunno if he'd be too happy if he wandered into Jack in the Box and found his favorite booth invaded by Jesus Freaks.

I always wondered why I don't recycle one of the plastic cups that I get for a BIG ASS iced tea and sneak a free refill. I've been mulling this over for several weeks. I've seen at least five people do the free refill scam during previous visits. The first time it happened, I was blown away by the ballsy attitude of the postal worker who calmly walked into Jack in the Box, passed the counter, and headed to the self-serve drink machine. She washed out her cup with the tap water button, filled her cup with ice, and then put a new lid on before she walked out.

On Palm Sunday, a young kid about 8-years old snuck by the cashier and filled up an old 7/1 Big Gulp cup. He was wearing vintage Air Jordans and did the same thing as the postal worker did -- he washed the cup, added ice to the brim, and then filled up his cup with Sprite. After he put the lid on tight, he bolted out of the store.

Last week, on one of the hottest days of the year, a pretty young thing waltzed into Jack in the Box. I had not seen anyone that good looking inside the joint before and I gotta say that I popped a half-a-wood while I waited on an order of curly fries when she walked passed me. She looked like she was in college, but had a tinge of white-trashiness to her which indicated that she attended a few classes at CC... at best. She wore a wifebeater, a tight jean skirt, and proudly displayed a tramp stamp on her lower back and a daisy tattoo on the side of her neck. She carried two cups: one of them was a Jack in the Box cup, and the other was a used clear cup from Starbucks. She rinsed both out and filled them up with coke. She walked by me a second time and I popped another half-wood. She pushed the front door open with her foot and walked across the parking lot to a black Acura.

Wow... now, it doesn't surprise me that a couple of people found a loophole in the system. The store recently installed a self-serve kiosk to order your food thereby eliminated a cashier. The machines are eliminating jobs, but they can't bust refill angle-shooters. That store only hires a single cashier and most of the time they are running food. The understaffed team of underpaid workers of don't give a rat's ass about people stealing free drinks.

And the clever denizens of the slums of Beverly Hills figured this out.

Well, except me. I'm too wasted during my visited, besides, with my luck, the one time I attempt to steal a refill of a BIG ASS iced tea is the time I faded to the tits on Percs and the place is crawling with cops.

Sometime life moves too fast to even tweet about it. For example, I just had a flashback about something that happened the other day. A homeless guy in purple sweat pants passed me on Pico Blvd. hauling a pillow case filled with who knows what. He was singing We Will Rock You.

Yeah, that was totally random, but it gives my neighborhood flavor. That's what I dig about the slums of Beverly Hills. Like finding two sets of speakers tossed out on the sidewalk. Each speaker was found approximately 150 feet away from each other with wires strewn about. Across the street from the abandoned speakers is a discarded toilet. The base is wrapped in a black garbage bag with the lid closed over the top of the bag. The used toilet has been sitting next to a palm tree for over a week. Still. It hasn't moved. I wonder how long before the broken shitter gets dumped?

1 comment:

  1. Don't steal the're better than that.