The Dylan Sessions

By Pauly
Las Vegas


I wrote a song about Bob Dylan. I wrote many actually.

The first one was conceived on a road trip from Melbourne to the Twelve Apostles along the Great Ocean Road in Australia. Nicky was driving our rental car, a Prius, on the other side of the road and I was riding shotgun and making up lyrics on the fly. The basic concept is this... Bob Dylan's wife tells him that they need to put a pool in their backyard since he's too famous to go to the beach because he gets mobbed by lunatic fans. He agrees but doesn't know how to actually put a pool in his yard, so he drives down to the local Home Depot in search of day workers who will do the task. They work all day and most of the night while Bob drinks beer, eats chili, and supervises the project. Eventually the workers revolt, Bob Dylan kicks them off his property, and ends up hiring a contractor.

The second Bob Dylan song I wrote happened during a visit to Zuma Beach in Malibu. It's a ballad about the time he picked up a couple of hitchhikers: a guy, his girlfriend, and their tour dog, a puppy named Frog. They were stranded after their VW bus broke down, so Bob Dylan drove them back to his house so they could call for a tow truck. In the meantime, he treated his guests to a BBQ. The hippie kids insisted that they were vegans, and Bob Dylan insisted that he cooked up the best veggie burgers in the West. They agreed to eat his food and were amazed at his culinary delights. The best veggie burgers they ever had. That's when the girl hippie wanted to share some of her veggie burger with their puppy, Frog. But Frog was nowhere to be found. What they didn't know is that Bob Dylan killed the puppy, ground it up, added a Cajun rub, and tossed it on the grill.

I had a dream that inspired the next Bob Dylan song which takes place in a near dystopian future where a shady bio-tech corporation grows human organs on foreclosed farms in Montana. They sell these harvested organs to hospitals, insurance companies, and wealthy individuals. Sometimes, a bad batch of organs are spawned and those have to be supposed to be disposed of, however, a couple of junkie lab workers steal the defective organs and sell them on the black market. That's where Bob Dylan comes in -- he's a black market organ dealer using a world tour as a front to hide his lucrative operations.

The most recent Bob Dylan song I wrote is topical and political -- about Bob Dylan's reaction to the Draconian immigration laws in Arizona. He made a decision to hang out with Minutemen on the border to see the problem himself. He spends a weekend busting illegals crossing through the desert in the middle of the night. All is well, until Bob Dylan loses his night vision goggles and he gets lost himself, only to wander over into Mexico where he gets picked up by the local federales. Before they release him, he agrees to play three songs at the police chief's daughter's birthday party. However, with the help of a one-eyed nun, Bob Dylan escapes police custody and sneaks back across the border through a tunnel built by the drug cartels to smuggle in meth.

I have an idea for a fifth song, about Bob Dylan's encounter with a neighbor who is a hoarder and speaks to aliens. And a sixth song is beginning to take root inside my head about Bob Dylan's preference to drinking beer in cans and not bottles. Stay tuned...