Ramblings from a writer, traveler, and insomniac

 
I'm So Tired

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

The Beatles song keeps playing over and over and over...

George Costanza busted out of the Main Event. I met the actor who played him, Jason Alexander, for the first time inside a casino back in 2006. Wil Wheaton introduced us at the WPT Celebrity Invitational. Out of all the celebs who I crossed paths with in poker, I gotta say, I was most excited at meeting Can't Stand Ya.

Alexander played on the TV table the last couple of days before he was eliminated on a bad beat. Not very pretty.

The only celebs left are French singer Patrick Bruel and Lou Diamond Phillips. Yes, LDP lives. He's one of my brother's favorite actors and he's about to cash in the Main Event.

Day 4 starts on Saturday and if LDP can survive the day, he'll win at least $21K. I woder what his La Bamba residual checks are these days?
posted by Pauly at 7/11/2009 12:47:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Prop Bets with Frenchmen

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Real questions by degenerate gamblers. Real answers from an angry Frenchman. Here's the latest installment of What Does Benjo Think? It's a game that Otis and I play in the press box to keep things loose. We wager on what we think Benjo would answer a series of random questions...

Volume 1 & 2
1. Who is the worst U.S. President?
Otis: Nixon
Pauly: W Bush
Benjo said, "Nixon. Because I just watched Frost/Nixon."
Result: Otis wins (0-1)

2. Who is the biggest influence on rock & roll in America?
Otis: Beatles
Pauly: Bob Dylan
Benjo said, "It has to be a British band. Led Zeppelin. Because the Beatles is pop and Dylan is folk."
Result: Push (0-1-1)

3. Hottest chick in poker?
Otis: Alexia Portal
Pauly: Lacey Jones
Benjo snapped called with, "Lacey Jones"
Result: Pauly wins (1-1-1)

4. The home state of the next American girl he hooks up with?
Otis: Arkansas
Pauly: Texas
Benjo said, "California."
Result: Push (1-1-2)

5. How big is Tony G's bankroll?
Otis: $20 Million
Pauly: $17 Million
Benjo said, "$1.5 million."
Result: Push (1-1-3)

6. Between an enema, a vasectomy, and a punch in the nose... which one would you prefer to wake up to?
Otis: Enema
Pauly: Punch in the Nose
Benjo said, "Punch in the nose."
Result: Pauly wins (2-1-3)

7. Who is your favorite character on the Sopranos (not including Tony Soprano)?
Otis: Paulie Walnuts
Pauly: Silvio
Benjo looked up characters on the internet and then blurted out, "Johnny Sac."
Result: Push (2-1-4)

8. Who is the best looking male in poker?
Otis: Patrik Antonius
Pauly: Random Scandi
Benjo almost went for Patrik Antonius, before he refused to answer the question because we'd give him guff and unleash a round of 'gay' jokes. He picked Dan Harrington.
Result: Push (2-1-5)

9. How many shots of Southern Comfort does it take to get AlCanthang drunk?
Otis: 7
Pauly: 14
Benjo asked how big were the glasses of SoCo that Al drank. After we told him, he said, "27."
Result: Push (2-1-6)

10. Which sex tape of a poker couple would you like to see?
Otis: Benyamine/Schoenberg
Pauly: Harman/Traniello
Before I could complete the question, Benjo blurted out, "Benyamine. Anything he does? I'm interested in."
Result: Otis wins (2-2-6)

Volume 3
1. What is the combined weight of Doyle Brunson, David Benyamine, and Steve Diano?
Otis: 1200
Pauly: 1100
Benjo said, "That is tough. I say 1000."
Result: Push (0-0-1)

2. How many pros were rolled by a hooker last night?
Otis: 1
Pauly: 3
Benjo said, "Rolled by hookers? Three."
Result: Pauly wins (1-0-1)

3. In a fight between Melissa Castello and Dario Minieri, how long does it take Melissa to win?
Otis: 2 minutes
Pauly: 30 seconds
Benjo said, "Dario has little fists that hurt. He can punch fast. If he has a proper helmet, he can last three minutes."
Result: Push (1-0-2)

4. If Dario is allowed one non-lethal weapon to use in the ring against Melissa, what would it be?
Otis: Scarf
Pauly: Piano Leg (getting 2-1 on this selection)
Benjo said, "Scarf. He'll tie it around her neck and choke her."
Result: Otis wins (1-1-2)

5. What Michael Jackson song will Benjo sing on American Idol?
Otis: Billie Jean
Pauly: Beat It
Benjo said, "The Jackson 5 song I Want You Back. It was the greatest song of the 1960s."
Result: Push (1-1-3)


Volume 4
1. What is weight (in pounds) of a whale's vagina?
Otis: 120 lbs
Pauly: 500 lbs.
Benjo said, "Fish have proper sex organs? Whales have vaginas? Someone actually weighed one?"
Otis said, "Yes. Whales are mammals so they have vaginas."
Benjo said "I have to say 50 lbs."
Result: Push 0-0-1

2. If the WSOP gets a new sponsor in 2010, what industry will it be in?
Otis: Alcohol
Pauly: Feminine Hygiene
Benjo said, "Well, the WSOP have taken a step down from Mr. Peanut to beef jerky. I have to say that a new sponsor will be something like diapers for incontinent old people. At the Seniors event instead of free beef jerky, you get free diapers. Smaller lines at the bathrooms on the break."
Result: Push (0-0-2)

3. If you could date one female pro for one month... Isabelle Mercier, Kathy Liebert, Erica Schoenberg, and Vanessa Rousso... who would it be?
Otis: Erica
Pauly: Vanessa
Benjo said, "That is tough, but Erica. I'm interested in everything that David Benyamine does. Although my second choice is Isabelle."
One random European media rep passing through the press box piped in, "Oh Isabelle? I'd pick her. Everyone that I know who slept with her says she's crazy in bed."
Result: Otis wins (0-1-2)

4. How many tricks does an Amsterdam window hooker turn in an average day?
Otis: 13
Pauly: 11
Benjo said, "Let me see, if they work 8 hour shifts and each guy is twenty minutes, but maybe five minutes if he cums fast, so I'd say 25."
Result: Push (0-1-3)

5. In a 100 yard dash... which writer from Poker Stars Blog would win? Otis, Bartley, Howard, or Lina?
Otis: Lina
Pauly: Bartley
Benjo said, "Otis? Out of the question. No offense. He could beat me in a race though. Lina? She smokes, so no. Howard is slim and is a non-smoker. Bartley is a ginger. No way. So, I have to say Howard."
Result: Push (0-1-4)

posted by Pauly at 7/10/2009 11:58:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Trey for Charity

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

I took third in the annual WSOP media tournament. I made the final table in 2005 and finished 6th and donated the winnings to the Charlie Tuttle Foundation. This year, I did not have a choice of the charity, however, it went to a worthy cause... the Nevada Cancer Institute.

It was also a team event and my team Tao of Poker finished in a tie for third place. MeanGene and Nicky played with me.

Anyway, if you wanna know specific details, you can read the recap... Third Place for Charity.

Check out this pic from Rob Gracie...


Click to enlarge to see some of the reaction on people's faces on a hand I probably should have lost but beat rendunkulous odds to win.
posted by Pauly at 7/09/2009 11:57:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Not Quite Bullets

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Once the Main Event of the WSOP rolls around, I barely have time to post here. Sadly, the Tao of Pauly slacks. Coventry slacks. And Truckin' is always late.

And with Twitter... it takes away even less time away from this little corner of the interwebs.

Alas, instead of taking ten minutes to write, I'll go with a bunch of short bursts on Tao of Pauly as I try to squeeze in random thoughts throughout my day...

... I woke up on Wednesday morning before my alarm went off, but I could have used another 2 straight days of sleep. I stayed up very late writing a satirical piece about poker agents. The good news is that I only have about one more week of this hellacious schedule. Then we go home to L.A. and go to the beach and relax and not think about poker.

.... I fly to Colorado in three weeks to see Phish at Red Rocks. That could come sooner.

... I'm addicted to The Cracked Egg. Sensational breakfast and a much healthier and cheaper option than that crap they serve us inside casinos. For example, if Nicky and I order room service breakfast for two (Denver omelete with coffee and bacon & eggs with ice tea) it costs almost $40 with tip. And this is ain't the Bellagio, it's at the lowly Gold Coast. This morning I went for the banana and chocolate chip pancakes at Cracked Egg. I've eaten there three times since last Saturday.

... I had to go to the bank, which is always an adventure in Nevada. Luckily, I got someone who knew what they were doing and I was able to conduct a few complicated and complex transactions. The tellers in LA always seem to screw that stuff up but the tellers in NYC are always on the ball. I lucked out with the Vegas branch. I now have cash to pay my writers!

... I have a small piece of a friend of mine from London who is playing in the Main Event. If he wins $1 million, I'll be able to buy my brother a car and take Nicky to Hawaii.

... I have eaten In-N-Out burger or at the old diner at least six times in the last seven days. I have been gambling on In-N-Out meals. I lost one to a British colleague last week and I'm gonna owe Benjo two trips. I have a feeling were going tonight for our dinner break.

... One of the Wayans brothers is playing in the WSOP. Also here? Jason Alexander otherwise known as George Costanza. He played on the TV table with former world champion Greg Raymer. Alexander advanced to Day 3.
posted by Pauly at 7/08/2009 12:30:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Welcome to the Psychedelic Circus

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

I love a spectacle.

"This is the day of the freak show," muttered my French colleague, Benjo, as he angrily pecked away at his keyboard. "We have the crazy Indian, the Devil who scares the fuck out of Otis, and Phil Hellmuth."

The circus descended upon Las Vegas on a Sunday. Dreamers. Entrepreneurs. Politicians. Disaster capitalists. Brainwashed masses. Even a couple of animals or two filed into the Rio for the greatest show on Earth. The only thing missing was a glint of lysergic acid diethylamide to transform the surreal into the real.

It's hard to explain my specific role to my friends outside of poker who ask me about the daily grind as a poker writer. I mean, my life seems very normal to everyone in the poker industry... I travel the world watching people gamble large sums of money and write about it. That's pretty much it.

But outside of poker, my friends think we live in this glamorous universe with rainbows and strippers where everyone is richer than God. How do I explain to my friends what happened on Sunday? That I waited for thirty minutes with a rabid menagerie of fans and international media for a performance of epic proportions as a grown man, a professional at the top of his field, carried into a convention center by four other half-naked men, while a cavalcade of eleven women in body paint trailed behind while the hallway was adorned with one hundred scantily clad women who clapped at the one and only Phil Hellmuth's stately entrance.

Phil Hellmuth as Julius Caesar? That was the crux of the gauche publicity stunt by the heart of Hellmuth's UB machine. But let's not forget history... the almighty Caesar was stabbed to death by his colleagues.


Photo by Benjo
In the last few years, I've seen Hellmuth enter the Amazon Ballroom in many diverse forms, which demonstrated the gigantic size of his ego along with his showmanship ability. After all, poker is not a sport, rather it is sports entertainment.

Hellmuth was once flanked by bodyguards upon his arrival inside the Amazon Ballroom. To out do that gimmick, he arrived in a stretch limo and greeted by ESPN cameras.

The next year? He crashed a UB race car. That PR gaffe sorta fell apart the day before when Hellmuth rammed a race car into a pole in the parking lot, but Hellmuth arrived the next day very stiff and looking like a Nascar driver with eleven models (representing all 11 bracelets that he had won).

And last year? Hellmuth arrived in a military convoy as he went for the General Patton look with models decked out in camouflage. The Caesar spectacle was his latest attempt to signal out his greatest (while subtly drawing attention to UB) as his entrances to the Main Event grew more and more theatrical, so much so that it became the story of the day in what has been a lackluster WSOP.

What's going to happen next year? Maybe Hellmuth's entrance will be coordinated by Michael Bay and he'll skydive onto the roof and crash through one of the ceiling panels... with eleven models following behind and lots of explosions, of course.

I wandered out into the densely packed hallway and watched almost one hundred leggy models line up. I actually counted seventy-two. Anyway, they wore tight white dresses with UB patches. Even the skanks were logo'd up. The models each stood arms length and awaited the arrival of God's Greatest Gift to Poker.

Security guards pushed back the surging media, ogling spectators, and citizen paparazzi trying to capture a digital image or video of Hellmuth dressed like an extra from the porno version of Ben-Hur called... Bend-Hur Over.

Most of the crowd was comprised of Hellmuth haters and people wanted to see how high on Douchebag Meter would Hellmuth's stunt would register. While conversely, eager fans camped out for hours for a perfect viewing spot as they anticipated the first glimpse of Hellmuth.

One lady was so confused that she thought the grand entrance was set up for Phil Ivey. I politely corrected her and told her that a low profile guy like Ivey usually snuck in the back door.

"This extravaganza was all set up to promote the greatest living hold'em player of all time... Phil Hellmuth," I assured her.

"Oh? That asshole?" she snickered and walked off elbowing one of the models.

Hellmuth made his way down the hallway and the area plunged into mayhem. One guy played a trumpet and another banged on a drum to signal Hellmuth's grandiose arrival just in case the flurry of cameras and cannibals in the media didn't tip you off. I snagged a few photos and listened to the chatter among the jaded fans and disgruntled members of the press. Some of the models had no idea who Phil Hellmuth was, let alone what a poker tournament was. They're just on an assignment and turning a trick like the rest of us.

Hellmuth eventually took the secondary stage amidst an avalanche of flashes from fans' cameras. An ESPN film crew captured his every move as he took he seat. Someone in the crowd screamed, "Idiot!"

All of that happened inside of an hour. So when my friends ask me what I do for work, how do I explain that spectacle?

"I work in the circus. You know the guy who stands behind the elephants and cleans up all the shit? Well, I'm the guy who glistens up the turd and helps pass it off as entertainment."

* * * * *
Here's the RawVegas video of Hellmuth being Hellmuth...

Thanks to the hombres at Wicked Chops Poker.


This post originally appeared on Tao of Poker.
posted by Pauly at 7/07/2009 03:41:00 AM | Permalink |

 
The Trench

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV


Otis took this pic of us in the pressbox
This pic was taken on Friday when I sat in between BJ and Mean Gene. Today, I'm sitting in between Benjo and Michalski. Even though we assembled "reserved" signs (with index cards and a sharpie), we still had to arrive early to make sure we had a spot. Otherwise, someone from a foreign media outlet will steal our spot. It happens all the time.

Since we sit in such close quarters, we're prone to pick up each others diseases.The dreaded casino crud is going around the pressbox. I started to feel it on Friday and have been fending it off every since. I've been trying to get as much rest as possible. We think that AlCantHang might have contracted the Swine Flu from one of the exotic dancers he had attached to his hip the other night at a party inside a strip club hosted by the magazine that both Nicky and I write for.

While inside the strip club, I recorded two special episodes of the Tao of Pokearti podcast with special guests AlCantHang and Nicky...

Episode 11.27: The Best Party of the Year with AlCantHang (1:27)

Episode 11.28: Grindcore Poker with Nicky (2:51)

posted by Pauly at 7/06/2009 12:02:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Summer Test

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

You really learn a lot about people when they are tossed into stressful situations. Anyone can be cool, calm, and awesome during the easy going fun times, but it's when the shit hits the fan that you glimpse into the real humanity.

9.11 was an interesting moment for me and my friends. I really understood how people think in such troubling times. Some folks stood up and rose to the challenges in front of them while others became muttering muppets and fell in line with the other sheeple.

Every summer, I spend 7-8 weeks in Las Vegas covering the WSOP. This year I skipped three weeks to go on Phish tour instead. Why? Because I can and I don't have to 100% rely on the WSOP for income. The majority of poker people secure anywhere from 25-75% of their income in the summer. It's not an easy job despite what everyone thinks. I've turned down more potential job offers to write for people during the WSOP in the last three years. The offers would make your head spin. I've turned down more money than some of you might make in a year mainly because of the insane and thankless work involved. Not to mention all the haters and content thieves who come out of the woodwork.

My friends always get me through the tough times. Luckily, I have an amazing support group at the WSOP in addition to those outside the WSOP (like my brother and the Joker and others).

Sadly, I lose a ton of respect for work colleagues every summer by their actions. At some point, the pressure gets to them and they snap. Sometimes it happens once a week. Sadly for others, it happens once a day. I'm prone to a few breakdowns every summer. Usually, you want that to happen early into the 7-week assignment so you can quickly recover. For example, Nicky had her meltdown on the morning that I was about to see Phish at Great Woods. She quickly recovered thanks to some friends (Poker Shrink and Schecky) who looked in on her.

Unfortunately, others snap and we lose them for the entire WSOP. It's at those moments when they become dangerous. I make little mental notes. These are people that I don't want to work with in the future (or if given the chance sometime down the line... I won't want to hire these people on new projects) because when it comes down to it, the wilt and buckle under the immense pressure of the WSOP.

At the same time, a handful of warriors rise up from the battle field and establish themselves as the elite of poker media. Those are the people I gravitate towards. Those are the folks that I decide to do business deals with down the line and often try my hardest to collaborate with them sometime in the future. Some of those folks I hired this summer to write for Tao of Poker. I called them All Stars because that's how I view their work ethic and the quality of their work.

I trust very few people in this world and I trust even less that I meet in poker. Luckily for both me and Nicky, we came from places were trust is not a word that gets thrown around lightly. Almost a decade in Hollywood definitely hardened Nicky, while two stints on Wall Street taught me many survival skills that I need in a surreal planet such as Las Vegas.

But sometimes, you see you colleagues fall and they fall hard. The worst part? Some of them try to take you down with them. That's why a joke from Dennis Miller is what I remember the most in these instances...

You can't save everyone folks, just try not to be next to the when then blow up.

At the same time, a friend of mine, Kid Dynamite who also worked in the trenches of Wall Street, recently wrote something that my old mentor on Wall Street used to say a similar message...

One of the mantras my supervisors taught me on the trading desk was not to make other people smarter - if you hear someone say something that you know to be incorrect, assuming they don't work for your firm, you let them go on with their misconceptions. Knowledge is money...

Amen, KD.

I have less than two weeks to go before I return to the City of Angels. And I'm quietly counting the hours. Hopefully, I can avoid any more daggers tossed at me by bitter colleagues.
posted by Pauly at 7/05/2009 11:59:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Happy Birthday, America

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

My favorite quote about today...

"Don't forget what you're celebrating. That a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes." - Richard Linklater

posted by Pauly at 7/04/2009 10:20:00 PM | Permalink |

 
The Main Event... Begins

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

Something happened a few summers ago that changed my life. Over 1 million visitors headed to my poker blog during the final two weeks of the WSOP to follow along with my coverage at the $10,000 buy-in Main Event Championship.

It's been a wild ride since then.

The Main Event is upon us now. I don't have as much pressure to cover the event like I did in the past, which kinda makes it way more fun. I really had a blast since I returned from Phish tour. The few problems I had were all logistical things off not related to my writing, so I couldn't be happier.

Anyway, over the next two weeks, I dunno how much I'll be posting here. I'm anticipating 20+ hour work days, which is par for the course. Rest assured, I'll be updating Tao of Poker almost hourly.

Here's an index of end of day recaps of the WSOP over the last week or so...

Day 34: David Bach Wins $50,000 HORSE Championship and What Does Benjo Think, Vol. 2

Day 33: Gus Hansen Orgasm

Day 32: Undercover and What Does Benjo Think?

Day 31: Horses, Deuces, and DonkeyBombers

Day 30: Dying HORSE and Never Mind the Pollocks, Here Come the Sex Pistols

Day 29: Jeff Goldblum Is Not Dead

Day 28: Lisandro's Hat Trick

Day 27: The Weigh In and the Miami John Incident

That's it for now. Less than two weeks and I get to leave this hell hole.
posted by Pauly at 7/03/2009 07:07:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Cameo

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV


posted by Pauly at 7/02/2009 10:58:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Tao of Pokerati - The Return of Pauly Episodes

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV


It appears that as soon as I left for Phish summer tour, Michalski got lazy about the Tao of Pokerati. He supposedly recorded a few episodes with special guests Benjo and Katkin, but those have yet to surface. I think that Michalski's dog actually ate the recordings.

Anyway, as soon as I returned to Las Vegas last week, we recorded a plethora of episodes of the shortest poker podcast on the intertubes. We discussed a multitude of topics including an angry Michalski, the 50K HORSE, conspiracy theories, and other odds and ends.

Sadly, due to a strike from all French poker writers, Benjo does not appear in these episodes. We have one special guest, a cameo from BJ Nemeth, who stepped in for Michalski when he was AWOL for Jeff Lisandro's third bracelet victory at this year's WSOP. We hope to finally work out a deal with Benjo and the French unions before the Main Event begins.

Anyway, here's the episodes that we recorded since my return...

Episode 11.18: The Angry Michalski Episode (5:00)
Episode 11.19: Lisandropalooza with BJ Nemeth (3:49)
Episode 11.20: Pauly Returns (5:07)
Episode 11.21: HORSE Hunting (4:09)
Episode 11.22: The Satellite Economy (5:06)
Episode 11.23: Poker VIPees (3:02)
Episode 11.24: Running Numbers (3:30)
Episode 11.25: Tinfoil HORSE (3:52)
Episode 11.26: DonkTwit Conspiracy (4:54)

For older episodes of Tao of Pokerati, feel free to visit the archives.
posted by Pauly at 7/02/2009 10:00:00 PM | Permalink |

 
Obviously Tired

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

I've been up for 25 hours. I headed to the Rio at 11am on Tuesday and I've been here since then. It's 7:23am local time. It's one of those nights when it seems it might not ever end. Hoping I can get out of here soon. And then I get to go home and write for two hours. My only solace? About 15 more days of this bullshit.
posted by Pauly at 7/01/2009 10:22:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Eats

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

I have eaten some odd things in the last few weeks. On Phish tour, I found myself living off of food prepared in parking lots (veggie burritos, grilled cheese, PB&J) or random greasy meals in eateries featuring Southern cuisine (Waffle House, Cracker Barrel, et al).

And in Las Vegas, I'm either eating high off the hog or low off the hog, depending on the time and circumstances. I went out to dinner with Nicky (it wasn't her birthday but ended up her birthday dinner by default) at Burger Bar which features high end Kobe beef burgers. And inside of a five day period, I ate at In-N-Out twice and All American Burger thrice (although I ordered the Buffalo chicken sandwich --- it needed more blue cheese).

I ate a sandwich from the Poker Kitchen that is anywhere from 33 to 50% smaller than last year's sandwiches. And I only ate one buffet. It was at the Gold Coast and cost $6.95. Since I was a guest of the hotel, I got $1 off. Wow. $5.95 buffet. They had a Spanish breakfast section and the chorizo and eggs were actually very tasty on a lukewarm biscuit.

The 24 hour cafe at the Gold Coast has been replaced by TGIF. That makes me a little sad. Sure, it's a 24 hour TGIFs and even serves breakfast in the morning, but it was inside that old coffeeshop/cafe where Otis ate two Keno crayons back in 2006.

I got creative at the diner we sometimes go to a few minutes away from the Rio. I ordered a bacon grilled cheese with two scrambled eggs on the side and add the eggs to the sandwich. It tastes much better than the breakfast sandwich they offer. Sometimes, you have to be creative.

The booze is almost non-existent this summer along with the pills. I left the demure Vicodin addiction on the road somewhere in Alpine Valley, WI. Although I shook it before the WSOP, I dabbled a bit on Phish tour. Nothing serious, just a little something to take the edge off during those mind-bending nights.

I have mixed feelings about the closing of the Tilted Kilt. It shut down last summer which means that I don't drink at all on dinner breaks, but I actually miss the food options that they served there. I absolutely miss the spicy ranch dressing that they made from scratch. Oh, and they served us super fast because we were huge tippers. These days? It's so hard to get decent service. It feels like I'm sitting in a cafe in Europe and dealing with a waiter who could give a rats ass about us.
posted by Pauly at 6/30/2009 11:19:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Summer Tour Gallery Complete

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV


Daddy jams out on the banjo
I finally uploaded a gallery of pics from summer tour which included Bonnaroo and all places in between. Check out the gallery here.
posted by Pauly at 6/29/2009 01:01:00 AM | Permalink |

 
Vagaries of Vegas

By Pauly
Las Vegas, NV

It's been a rollercoaster of emotions since I've been back. The most stability has been in my writing and I'm back on a course that I originally set a few months ago. After a minor detour, I'm back on track and mentally prepared for the final two/three weeks of the WSOP. However, I had to endure a mixed bag of emotions over the last few days that tested all of my fortitude.

There are plenty of hustlers and big time industry players who show up at this time of year in Las Vegas. I get pitched dozens and dozens of products. I'm sought out by numerous sleazebuckets who want to exploit all the hard work I created on Tao of Poker and pay me peanuts to do the same for them. At this point, I know within five seconds of their pitch if they're gonna get shot down or not. In the end, most of the talk is just that... people who think they are big shots when in reality they're nothing more than vultures and parasites looking to make a quick buck in poker.

Despite all that bullshit, there are some juicy and legit deals floating around the hallways. I nailed one down while most of my colleagues were swamped with work, or getting shitfaced, or losing their paychecks at the tables (yeah, there's a reason why people are poker media and not professional poker players - but for some reason those degenerates are utterly clueless. They're lambs being led to the slaughter, but the worst ones because they are so blinded by their own distorted view of self-awareness).

I knew the deal was upcoming regarding a French version of Lost Vegas, but that momentous day finally happened. Benjo introduced me Jerome, to a friend of his who will be publishing Lost Vegas in French. I had no idea how big of a deal Jerome's company was until we spoke about distribution and I did a little research on my one. Think the French equivalent of Borders, and that's where Lost Vegas will be sometime in the Spring of 2010.

Holy shit.

The book hasn't even been published yet in America, and I already made a tentative deal to have it translated into French. Of course, Benjo will translate and it which makes me even more excited. He has a firm grasp of the English language and understands how I write, which is essential for a flawless translation.

That news elated me to no end. I was already bumming about the prospects of being back in Las Vegas when I have zero desire to be here. I'm only here for the money (which makes me a whore) and to promote my book (which makes me a pimp).

Nicky has had a horrendous summer. Her birthday always falls in the middle of the WSOP, and it's sort of like celebrating your birthday in the middle of a prison sentence. She's been full of tears this summer more times than I can count, which of course, makes me go a little crazy because I want to pummel all the idiots who send her on tilt and make her cry. As the adage goes, "You make her cry, then I make you cry 100 times harder."

Alas, nature of the business. She's a tough chick and has more talent than almost everyone in the industry, so I keep reminding her that there's a reason that she gets flown all over the world to cover poker tournaments while the rest of her colleagues get stuck humping dead end jobs.

I've been trying to inspire her by example, and I think she's finally getting it. Hopefully she's been seeing the benefits of working independent of the system which is the main reason I was able to take off for three weeks in the middle of the WSOP and hire out writers to do my job (I should say, keeping the flow of the Tao of Poker) for me. Poker media are exploited by their employers and abused by the readers who shit on the reporters for providing... free coverage. It's a no-win situation.

At this point, I can sense that Nicky's frustration will get her ass in gear to finish her screenplay by the end of this year. Plus, there are a few more side projects that I'm interested in working on after Lost Vegas gets published that I'll definitely bring her into. In addition, I had several long talks with Iggy during our Phish sojourn and we're both excited about working on a joint venture in the very immediate future. I can't wait to discuss that in more detail with him and launch our project.

Sometimes, it's hard to see the light when you're bogged down in the darkness. As soon as she takes a step back, she'll realize how much more opportunity there is and that freedom is significantly more important than a paycheck.

Las Vegas is a dark city. If you read my poker blog, you know that. And after you read Lost Vegas, you'll see more examples as I dive down the rabbit hole and confront my inner demons on the streets of Sin City. It wasn't pretty, but I survived to tell my tale.

The darkness also traps people. There are so many malcontents running around poker that it took me five years to see how entrenched they are. Skipping a few weeks and returning midway was an enlightening experience. I was astonished and mortified at what I saw. The sadness. The depression. The melancholy. And of course, I showed up the opposite. It's amazing what some time away from the darkness will do.

Alas, I was missed by my friends and colleagues, and that always gives me an ego boost. We all want to feel relevant in some way or another. I'm sure what they didn't miss was my SOP mood swings. I can get super grumpy at times and there are hours, days, and weeks when I'm on uber-tilt, usually by the content thieves as my blood boils while I write yet another cease and desist email from some website in Russia or Finland who has been jacking my shit.

Luckily Otis skipped the first half of the WSOP which will minimize his tilt, but the downside is that I can't maximize his tilt for a hefty profit! We returned to Lime Tossing, a past time that has become quite popular. It's one of the few things that I look forward to every night.

Degenerate citrus fruit tossing? Only in Las Vegas.
posted by Pauly at 6/28/2009 12:22:00 PM | Permalink |