Tao of Pauly |
|
 Contact About Follow Me:   
   Past: Charlottesville Present: NYC Future: Las Vegas: 1 Day NYC: 8 Days Miami: 19 Days Featured Projects: Lost Vegas Nov Truckin' Fantasy Sports Live Collected Works: Truckin' Short Stories Tao of Poker Photos Paintings Tao of Bacon Coventry Pauly's Pub E-Story Mr. Dickhead Published Articles  Brave New War by John Robb Methland by Nick Reding Reefer Madness by Eric Schlosser  Download PokerStars  Bonus Code: Pauly ArchivesMay 02 * Jun 02 * Jul 02Aug 02 * Sep 02 * Oct 02 Nov 02 * Dec 02 Jan 03 * Feb 03 * Mar 03 Apr 03 * May 03 * Jun 03 Jul 03 * Aug 03 * Sep 03 Oct 03 * Nov 03 * Dec 03 Jan 04 * Feb 04 Mar 04 * Apr 04 May 04 * Jun 04 Jul 04 * Aug 04 Sep 04 * Oct 04 Nov 04 * Dec 04 Jan 05 * Feb 05 Mar 05 * Apr 05 May 05 * Jun 05 Jul 05 * Aug 05 Sep 05 * Oct 05 Nov 05 * Dec 05 Jan 06 * Feb 06 Mar 06 * Apr 06 May 06 * Jun 06 Jul 06 * Aug 06 Sep 06 * Oct 06 Nov 06 * Dec 06 Jan 07 * Feb 07 Mar 07 * Apr 07 May 07 * Jun 07 Jul 07 * Aug 07 Sep 07 * Oct 07 Nov 07 * Dec 07 Jan 08 * Feb 08 Mar 08 * Apr 08 May 08 * Jun 08 Jul 08 * Aug 08 Sep 08 * Oct 08 Nov 08 * Dec 08 Jan 09 * Feb 09 * Mar 09 Apr 09 * May 09 * Jun 09 Jul 09 * Aug 09 FriendsDerekThe Daily Dave Al Can't Hang April Bad Blood Benjo Betty Underground BG Bobby Bracelet Brandon Broseph Chad Change100/Nicky Daddy Dawn DJ Ocean Dr. Chako Eial Girtz The Fat Guy Falstaff Gracie Grubby Chris Hanel HDouble Human Head Iggy Instant Tragedy Jaxia Jen Leo Justin Mad Maudie Mean Gene Jeff Middleton Sean Lovelace Las Vegas Blog Lil Bitchmore Me & Ophelia Michalski Otis Mrs. Otis Jeff Pulver Rachel Hall Kirk facty F Train The Rooster Gil Shapir Shane Nickerson Spaceman Mrs. Spaceman Sigge Schanzer Joe Speaker Charles Star Tony Pierce Thane StB Wil Wheaton Mike Wise 423 Smith Aaron Gleeman Alarming News Alternet.org Deal Breaker Deadspin Drudge Drunken Stepfather ESPNFantasyGames io9 Jam Base L.A. Weekly McSweeny's MMAJunkie James Nachtwey NaNoWriMo Stay Free Hunter Thompson Verbosities 
Atom Site Feed   This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License. |
Download PokerStars Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Happy Belated Birthday, Tao of Pauly Yes, I've been so busy that I forgot. Thanks to Jenna who reminded me that my blog turned three years old last Wednesday! Wow. How about that? Truckin' turns two next month and the Tao of Poker hits the two year mark in August. | Permalink | Radio Free Pauly  I taped my interview with Sean on Saturday aternoon during the Yankees-Red Sox game for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know by now, it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe. It seems like overnight I've become a huge cult figure in Canada. Don Cherry. Brett "The Hitman" Hart. And now... Dr. Pauly.Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get their podcast done (fo free) so stop by and show your support. You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 28: Here. You can download last week's show... Episode 27: Here. Gracie taped a station ID bit which features a snippet of Phish! It starts at the 9:15 mark. My segment starts at the 17:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 12 minutes. We talked about my prep for Vegas in addition to the recent news about NYC card rooms getting raided. Check it out! If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Stop by their site and download the extra nuggets. Thanks again to Sean and Stacks for having me on. | Permalink | The Day Before, More Vegas Tips, and Moose Cup 2005 On Monday I played Joanne heads up on Poker Stars for the North American Moose Cup. The final score: Pauly 3, Canada 1. She posted about the bad beat that I put on her in game 1. She slowplayed AA on me for her victory in game 3. For now, the Moose Cup is mine. Derek and I leave for Vegas tomorrow. I'm ready. Later today I'm gonna get a new cell phone and tonight I'll pack. I have one more article to write before I hit the road. And once, I'm off... I'll be in "Vegas mode." I do not want to disappoint anyone who is meeting me for the first time, but I want to warn you that I am not as wild and crazy as every thinks I am. For the record, I will not be showing up in Vegas with two nymphomaniac teenage gymnasts (from a Eastern European county that no longer exists), along with an eight-ball of Colombian Snow Flake and a brick of Moroccan hash the size of Herve Villechaize. Believe me, if I had access to those kind of drugs and were able to woo nimble nymphets like that, the last thing I'd be doing would be hanging out in Vegas with a bunch of degenerates gamblers. OK, I got a positive response from my Tips on Surviving Las Vegas. I'd like to add a few more to the existing list:  11. Food is fuel... If you have the opportunity to eat, do it because you never know when you might never have another chance to get some grub. Last December, I never saw Iggy eat one bite during our last trip. He was on the ciggies and Guinness gambler's diet.12. Wear comfortable shoes... As a native New Yorker, I walk everywhere and I'm used to trudging along for five or six miles in a day. If you are a lazy fuck who's a slave to their vehicle, then start walking a mile or two everyday to get yor legs in shape. The entrance from the Rio to the actual place where the WSoP is being held is a hike. Plus if you want to walk the Strip, everything appears much closer in the desert. 13. Bring a watch... There are exactly six clocks in the entire city of Las Vegas and you won't see any of them in an actual casino. 14. Keep your gambling bankroll separate from your other cash. 15. $50 bills are bad luck... Don't feel weird about asking to change in your $50 bills. That is one superstition I've been following every since Grubby clued me in. 16. Avoid the slots... Grubby will try to turn you over to the dark side of gambling and get you to hit the slots with him at 3am. Resist the temptation! 17. Don't tell people at your table that you have a poker blog... Please for the love of God, do not tell anyone you're in town for a poker bloggers convention. Keep that shit on the down low. You're in Vegas. It's a surreal place. Make shit up. Pretend you're a fish. I lie to dealers, strippers, cab drivers, and my tablemates all the time when I'm in Vegas. During my last three trips, I've told random strangers that I was a marine biologist, an aquarium salesman, a trumpet player in a Latin jazz band, a radiologist, and my favorite... that I've just got out of prison. The ladies seem to like that one. Bottom line is this: if you can't successfully lie to the people at your table and if you are unable to convince them that you are in fact an astronaut, then you shouldn't be playing poker in Las Vegas. Go home and fire up Poker Stars instead. During this trip I intend on telling folks that I'm either a mountain climber (please don't laugh when I start talking about Mount Everest to anyone at my table) and I'm thinking about being the malcontent heir to the "Spork" fortune. A spork is not a fork, but not quite a spoon. One of my fraternity brothers in college used that line to try to pick up girls in bars. He even convinced a few that he had a spork shaped swimming pool. And if I happen to stumble into a strip bar, my cover story will be that I'm the tour manager for a metal band called The Al Cant Hang Experience. Anyway those are my latest additions to my Vegas tips. Here are Pauly's Original Top 10 Tips on Surviving Vegas:By the way, if we casted Poker Bloggers in Vegas: The Movie, who would play you? For me it's either Benicio del Toro or John Cusak. If I had to cast for BG, I'd pick Philip Seymour Hoffman. I know he's going to be wicked pissed about that. But I think Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best actor of our generation. I'd snag Owen Wilson to play Otis and William H. Macy to be Chris Halverson. Rob Lowe would be the perfect G Rob and how could you not cast Vin Diesel to play Bad Blood? If Felicia gets her life story made, Hillary Swank should get to play her. If Tara Reid could pull off an Canadian accent, she could be just right as Joanne. Rounding out the rest of the freaks would be Ted Nugent as Al Cant Hang and The Poker Geek will be played by Wil Wheaton in a cameo. Without a doubt, Chris Rock was born to be Grubby. For the role of a lifetime, Iggy will be played by... Bea Arthur. | Permalink | Monday, May 30, 2005
Monday Brain Dump  I leave for Las Vegas on Wednesday and I haven't even begun to pack. I did a first wave of laundry, so that's a start. During my interview with the Card Club radio show on Saturday afternoon, Sean the host asked me if I started packing. I always wait to the last minute to pack before any roadtrip. I have a good system down. For a few years I literally lived out of my backpack, so I can condense my life down to what I can carry. I'm going to be living in the desert at the beginning of the summer so I won't need to much heavy clothing. At least I'll be working inside an air-conditioned casino for 12-15 hours everyday.I wrote a few articles last week. I have to work on one today. I have two due before I leave. Damn deadlines. My grandma had a BBQ on Sunday. I think it was my going away party. I ate three cheesebugers and one hot dog. Oh and some chicken. She gave me $500. That was my cut after she won a $10K slot machine jackpot at Mohegan Sun Casino this past week. Old ladies and slots. Go figure. I told her I was going to use the money to play poker in Las Vegas. She laughed. I'm disappointed I haven't read as many books as I hoped to this year. I founf myself rereading poker books I've read at least twice before. I finally finished a few books from Marshall McLuhan. His work is fascinating. I've been on a McLuhan binge. I had been hoping that he could clue me in on how to understand the media, espeically since I'm officially "one of them." One of Iggy's friends that I met in Cincy, GMoney, sent me a cool Grateful Dead botleg from Salt Lake City in 1973. Man, that was an epic year of the Dead. It might be one of my favorite years besides 1977. The Eyes of the World is delicious. Boy Genius also hooked me up with a plethora of good music for my pod. I think he sent me a dozen or so discs filled with mp3s. Some serious and devestating Miles Davis in there and all the jazz he selected kicks my ass. Miles from Tokyo. Are you shitting me? His version of Walkin off of Live at the Plugged Nickel is one of the most inspiring pieces of music I ever heard. I fire that up at least once during my moning writing sessions. I'm a big Art Blakely fan so it was a treat to get some of his stuff. I have plenty of old jazz CDs, but I'm too lazy to rips them to mp3s. Glad that BG could hook me up just before I head off to Vegas. That reminds me of another thing on my list of Things to Do When I Get an Intern.... rip all my old CDs and Dead bootlegs to mp3 format. I'm sure I could find a cute Phishy chick who wouldn't mind uploading my vast musical archives for a few killer Dead shows. I've been listening to a few podcasts the last two weeks. Here are two that I highly recommend. 1. Closet Deadhead... It's run by an old school head, Sam, and he has well over 25 podcasts archived with various goodies involving the Grateful Dead. 2. Nugs.net... These guys have been hooking me up with great music for the last few years. They added podcasts. They currently have a Trey Hammerstein one up and ready to be downloaded to your ipod. The Jazzfest one is insane featuring selections from Galactic, Widespread Panic, Trey and the Super Jam. On the sports front, after winning 14 out of 16, the Yankees got their asses handed to them this weekend. And I got my ass kicked at the poker table. Coincidence? I played in several tournaments and only made the money in one. Not impressive at all. This news item made me laugh, Female Teen Arrested in Running Prostitution Ring, particularly this bit: The girls charged $50 to $60 for each trick. The 16-year-old "pimp" kept most of the money for herself and would give the others some spending money for cigarettes and food...Damn, that's some funny ass shit. Give BJs and get all the smokes and MCD's you want. | Permalink | Saturday, May 28, 2005
NYC Poker Rooms Busted If you are from NYC or read F Train's blog regularly then you know that the two biggest card rooms in New York were raided on Thursday night. It's big news and even made the NY Times. Thanks to F Train who tipped me off yesterday. Here are the related news articles. Cops flush poker clubs (NY Daily News)If you are going to play in any of the clubs this wekeend, my suggestion is stay away for a week or so and let all the heat die down. In the meantime, head over to one of the many online card rooms, which are NYPD hassle free. For now, that is. Hit up Poker Stars and try to in a seat in the WSoP. Theya re also offering up a rare reload bonus. Party Poker is always full of fish too. You can't go wrong on either site. I'm digging the late night tables on Full Tilt. And even Noble Poker is running WSoP satellites. | Permalink | Truckin' - May 2005, Vol. 4, Issue 5 I just published the latest edition of my literary blogzine. Check out Truckin'. It features some of my favorite bloggers. 1. Hill Jack by Tenzin McGrupp Welcome to Indiana, Doc. By the end of the night you'll get piss drunk, get in a fight, and fuck a fat chick in order to fully absorb the Southern Indiana Hill Jack experience... More 2. Members Only by BG I saw him another aisle down, still no basket, still no cart, collecting another toothpick bearing Jimmy Dean breakfast sausage. I don't think he noticed I was watching him. Not yet, at least... More 3. The Conquering Hero By Joe Speaker The region is well known for a certain delicacy. An aphrodisiac, some say, which neither of us had ever eaten. Our search brought us to this crowded restaurant, where we found them. Splashed all over the menu. Huitres. Oysters.... More 4. Cleotis by Bob Respert Cleotis lived in a small town, he hung out at the bowling alley every waking moment, and he was the best in his town at a game you played inside those walls. No, I'm not talking about bowling. I'm talking about Dance Dance Revolution... More 5. Dying to Tell You This by Tom Love I know that Debby was fairly calm when she discovered my body later that day. She's like that in an emergency. She felt me, cold and stiff, checked my pulse and then called 911. She had already been through this one time before... More 6. Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Sigge S. Amdal If you, on the other hand, were actually invited to a party... then you should probably get a lot of drinks so you don't overheat on a probability high, and don't worry about hangovers since you probably don't exist in the first place... More 7. Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, Part II by Tenzin McGrupp There's something very sexy, yet surreal, when a naked woman debates Heidegger with you while you desperately try to drown out a Britney Spears song that's blasting in the background... More | Permalink | Pauly-AlCantHang IM Excerpt of the Week Here's a sample of an IM chat that I had with Al Cant Hang during the other night:
| Permalink | Friday, May 27, 2005
Last 5 Lindsay Lohan Google Referrals... 1. Pictures of skinny Lindsay Lohan 2. Lindsay Lohan fake boobs 3. Lindsay Lohan cocaine bathroom 4. Lindsay Lohan SNL Harry Potter 5. Lindsay Lohan dad DUI | Permalink | Well fuck. Zooma has been cancelled. Here's part of the email I got this afternoon: The Zooma Tour was conceived to provide fans with an exceptional musical and entertainment experience. Due to unforeseen circumstances, it has become clear that it would not be possible to provide that experience at the level initially envisioned. Rather than go forward with a tour that falls short of what was conceived, everyone involved has mutually agreed that it is best to cancel the tour altogether.I just bought a ticket from Las Vegas to Denver this morning because I thought I was going to see Trey, Ben Harper, and Galactic play at Red Rocks this July. The Joker and I were supposed to party it up that weekend. The Joker sent me this tid bit... Trey will be doing a summer tour. I hope he hits Red Rocks at the same time he was supposed to. That way I don't lose out on those plane tickets. I wonder if Vegoose is going to flounder as well? | Permalink | Thursday, May 26, 2005
99 Things About Pauly All of these were written by my friends, some of which have known me for almost 15 years and my brother who has known me longer. When I went away to Rhode Island to write last November, I asked some friends to help make up an "About Pauly List." I got over 200 responses in emails as they all listed of random things you don't know about me. I have seen it done on other blogs and felt weird about doing a list by myself. So I turned to my friends. (By the way, Boy Genius had written one of the better lists I've seen... 100 Things about Boy Genius.) Since I'm heading off to Vegas in a week to attend a poker bloggers convention (the weekend before I'm supposed to start work), I decided to share this information with some of the bloggers I never met before. Here's their chance to get to know me better in one shot before we meet in Vegas for the first time. So here yo go. Enjoy. 99 Things...  1. Pauly probably still has several hundred dollars in Dutch bucks.... IOUs from one of his fraternity brothers that he amassed during poker games.2. Once in late 1993, Pauly once ate more McDonald's in a month than the Supersize Me dude. 3. Pauly has no tattoos. 4. Pauly was the Ice Cream Man one summer in Atlanta. 5. Pauly does not own a watch. 6. Pauly won the dubious honor of "Schaeffer Warrior" in the early 1990s, in which he drank a full case (24 beers) of Schaeffer in one night, entitling him to wear the empty cardboard case on his head until sun-up. 7. Pauly's favorite Hollywood crush is Katie Holmes. 8. Pauly's Spades partner in college was Jon Schanzer. They were regarded as the second best duo in their fraternity and played an eight hour match once. 9. Pauly once won $2,500 in one hour at the Casino Magic in Biloxi, MS playing two hands of blackjack at once. 10. Pauly is mentioned the acknowledgements section in at least one published book. 11. Pauly saw Phish in Japan in 2000 with Beano and Senor where he met a really cool short Jewish guy in Japan and coincidentally his sister dated on of Pauly's friends in college. 12. Pauly used to teach chess to inner city kids. 13. Pauly was a scholarship student at Emory, but did not go to college on a hockey scholarship like internet rumors persisted. 14. One of Pauly's political science professors in college was former President Jimmy Carter. 15. Pauly has a nice ass. 16. Pauly has sniffed ether stolen from the chem lab in college. 17. Pauly followed the Grateful Dead and saw 46 concerts. 18. In 1999, Pauly's favorite TV show was Dawson's Creek. 19. Pauly has no piercings and does not wear any jewelry. 20. Pauly is a registered Independent, but is an active member of the Green Party. 21. Pauly voted for Ralph Nader in the 2000 and 2004 election. 22. Pauly worked on the campaign staff to re-elect Georgia congressman Ben Jones aka Cooter from The Dukes of Hazzard. Pauly also worked on the campaign staff to elect a Georgia state senator. 23. Pauly once played poker with Kato Kaelin at Foxwoods Casino. 24. Pauly's favorite writers include; Spalding Gray, Hunter S. Thompson, Milan Kundera, and Henry Miller. 25. Since he turned 18, the longest stretch Pauly's even gone without drinking or doing drugs has been 11 days. 26. Pauly loves drinking green tea. 27. Pauly loves donuts. He gave them up for over 500 days once during his infamous donut diet. 28. Pauly had extremely long black hair, and now it's all falling out. 29. Pauly fell asleep during a Midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture show. 30. Pauly's favorite film makers include; Jim Jarmucsh, Kevin Smith, and Hal Hartley. 31. Pauly drove from Philadelphia to Atlanta with a three-legged cat in the back seat. 32. Pauly has dropped acid at Graceland and Disney World. 33. Pauly thinks Stanton Moore from Galactic is the gretaest drummer in the world. 34. Pauly hates the song Squirming Coil as a encore at a Phish show. 35. Pauly worked at a Country Club in Atlanta, prepping the clay tennis courts every morning. 36. Pauly thinks that Dan Brown and David Sedaris are the most overrated writers in America today. 37. Pauly picks vegetables out of his Chinese food. 38. Pauly hates talking on the phone. 39. Pauly loves chicken. 40. Pauly loves pound cake. 41. Pauly's idea of fun is watching a marathon of Woody Allen movies and Kate Beckinsale movies. 42. Pauly lived in Park Slope, Brooklyn before all the hipsters moved in and drove up the rents. 43. Pauly met 3/4 of the members of Phish. 44. Pauly used to get stoned in Central Park during his lunchbreaks when he was a museum security guard. 45. Pauly has worked at three museums in there different cities. 46. Pauly met Willem de Kooning at a cocktail party. 47. Pauly's blogs are read all over the globe and his poker blog has developed a cult following. 48. Pauly once asked a Russian model to marry him. She committed suicide seven years later. 49. Pauly dips his cheeseburgers in ketchup. 50. Pauly is a snappy dresser. 51. Pauly loves to dance (even though he's not very good at it.) 52. Pauly wears two different colored shoes when he writes. 53. Pauly had a photographic memory. 54. Pauly met Jerry Garcia while working as a security guard at the Metropolitan Musuem of Art. 55. One of Pauly's lifetime goals is to ejaculate inside the Paris Hilton. 56. Pauly was interviewed by the CIA for a job when he graduated college. 57. Pauly studied Greek, Latin, French, and Russian in high school. 58. Pauly was the starting shooting guard of his fraternity intramural basketball team, once being named to the second team "All-Row." 59. Pauly pissed in a beer of one of his fraternity brothers that he hated. 60. Pauly and his fraternity brothers used to go to the Pink Pony strip bar for Sunday brunch. 61. Pauly loves Waffle House more than Denny's. 62. Pauly's favorite beer is Red Stripe. 63. Pauly's a good driver. 64. Pauly once had a portable clay pipe that looked like a cigarette. 65. Pauly used to live with two drag queens in Chelsea. 66. Pauly has neat handwriting. 67. Pauly refuses to call his friends by their real names, instead replacing them with nicknames. 68. Pauly gave Senor his nickname, but no one really knows why. 69. Pauly tried to win a seat in the 2003 and 2004 World Series of Poker but lost super satellites at Binion's. 70. Pauly penned the lyrics for several songs for the Japanese jam band called Horse. 71. Pauly would rather own a race horse than a dog or cat. 72. Pauly has more than one off shore bank account. 73. Pauly sleeps on the average of four hours a night. 74. Pauly rarely eats salad. 75. Pauly loves cheese fries. 76. Pauly does a killer Bill Clinton impersonation. 77. Pauly can make up really funny songs on the spot. 78. Pauly believes in aliens and that the mafia whacked JFK. 79. Pauly likes Canadian girls. 80. Pauly wrote the first draft to his first novel in less than 10 days. 81. There's a running theory that Pauly loves blondes. 82. Ivan the Russian cab driver appears in no less than three of Pauly's major writing projects. 83. Pauly applied to NYU Film School in 1994 and was rejected. 84. When he lived in Seattle, Pauly used to play poker in the kitchen of the house inhabited by the jazz band Kilgore Trout... otherwise called the Trout House. 85. Pauly wrote, directed, and acted in his first short film during his freshman year in highschool called Killer Rabbits... ironically for an English project. 86. Pauly only took one English class in college and it was a required class. 87. At Emory, Pauly got a C in the physical education class called: Stress Reduction and Relaxtion... but he got an A in Bowling. 88. Pauly used to work on the 8th floor of the World Trade Center on the trading floor of the NY Commodities Exchange. 89. Pauly has a bench warrant for his arrest in Mississippi because he failed to pay a $550 speeding ticket from 1998. 90. Pauly drove from NYC to Seattle with Senor in a car without a working stereo, nor a working air conditioning. 91. In 1999, Pauly drove from Vancouver, Canada to Ensenada, Mexico via I-5... seeing 8 Phish shows along the way. 92. Pauly wrote two screenplays for Project Greenlight. 93. Pauly is a self-taught painter. 94. Pauly's favorite Phish song is Slave to the Traffic Light. 95. Pauly has never read a Harry Potter book and loathes all forms of chick lit. 96. Pauly says "totally" a lot. 97. Pauly is currently addicted to Orange Gatorade. 98. Pauly prefers Summer over Marissa on The O.C. 99. Pauly can hold his breath for over two minutes. That's it for now. Maybe in a few months I'll post... 999 Mean Things My Friends Said About Me. | Permalink | Trey Anastasio Interview in Relix  Thanks to Alea who pointed out this interview with Trey from Relix magazine. He had this interesting comment:I [had] completely lost my perspective on everything. That's the most important thing to realize-there was no perspective anymore, being in the middle of this whole thing. I started to almost resent it, because deep in my heart I had other things I wanted to do and I could not get out. It was so hard to get out at the end, based just on all of those things.Some good stuff in that article. Take a peek. | Permalink | Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway... 1. Malcom X by Alex Haley 2. Saturday by Ian McEwan 3. The Bonesetter's Daughter by Amy Tan 4. White Teeth by Zadie Smith 5. Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth by T. Harv Eker | Permalink | Speaking of Phish Blogs... Rich over at The 101 Report mentioned my Phish blog the other day. Thanks for the shout out! Take a peek at his hard work... The 101 Report... which follows the jamband music scene. | Permalink | Writing, Blogging, and Burnout Boy Genius pointed me to Tony Pierce's 10 Signs on Blogger Burnout. Some good points there. Here's they are: 1. when your internal dialogue gets hijacked by your concerns about what your readers will think.I went through burnout late October. I had a jillion blogs going on at once, and I felt that the three or four hours a day I devoted to blogging had been hijacked by me wanting to write about too many topics at once; the election, sports, poker, fiction, and music. Thank God that the election was over, so I could walk away from my poli blog. I took time off from blogging and went to write a novel.  Afterwards completing Gumbo, I made a pact with myself that I would always partake in my daily two hour free write before I blogged anything. To this day, aside when I'm traveling, I try my best to adhere to that rule I set forth. This morning for example, I woke up and wrote first before I ate, checked my email, read my bloglines folder, played poker online, and even checked my voicemail. That discipline makes me feel like a real writer, because I'm doing something that a) not every writer does on a daily basis... and b) that most normal people don't have that self-discipline and that's why they are normal.Last year during my blog hiatus, when I was working on my fifth novel was when I realized the several fundamental differences and the few similarities between blogging and writing. Writing and blogging are two different things. People often get confused with the two. When I often suggest to people that they should start a blog almost all of them say, "I'm not a good writer." I think that's total bullshit. Writing is different from blogging. I read blogs everyday so much so that I kick myself in the junk for wasting my time on shitty bloggers. I caught a lot of shit when I outed myself on my poker blog when I berated some of the author of blogs on my blogroll. I was being honest when I said that a bunch of them were poorly written. A good blog takes several months to cultivate. But, if you don't improve from day one... then I felt I was wasting my time reading all those stagnant blogs, which failed to evolve out of the beginning stages of having a new blog. Man, 96% of all blogs by nature are poorly written. And the ones who have talent as a writer are usually run by boring individuals. Just like TV. The majority of TV sucks, and we all put up with such low standards in entertainment. When I suggest to a friend of mine that they should start a blog, what I am really trying to say is that, "You are far more interesting than almost everything I have seen on the web. The stories in your lives need to be told." You do not need to be a good writer to have a good blog. You just need to be interesting. Back to Tony Pierce's fundamental point: "There are no rules on the web other than dont be dull." Unfortunately, the most interesting people that I know do not have a blog. And some of the most boring and loathsome individuals in bloggerdom continue to suffuse the internet with excrement. I am conscious of that, so when people/readers/friends say that I'm a great blogger, I often think, "That's not saying much." Most of the bloggers that I link up have potential. Some of the authors are lazy. Others are simply too busy to put the right amount of time into blogging. I really wish that they found the time to improve their blogs. "But, Pauly, I am interesting." So you say. Just kidding. Some of you are interesting and have trouble expressing yourself. The only way to find your voice is to write until it comes out clearly. It took me several years before that happened. Keep on writing. Just because you are a good writer doesn't mean you know how to be a good blogger. It takes a special breed of person who knows how to convey themselves in a precise manner keeping people interested enough that they want to come back again to read what else you have to say. There are career writers who are trying to turn to the web as a new medium for them, and that Wall Street Journal cookie-cutter style or NY Times Op/Ed crap doesn't stick to the wall in bloggerdom.  After my trip to Las Vegas I went through a weird transition period when I had to make a decision that would affect my writing career... that I needed to devote more time to my personal writing and less time blogging, playing poker, and chasing pussy around. The result was that I secured several freelance gigs which led me to getting the assignment to cover the World Series of Poker in Las Vegas.Now, I have discovered that my Phish blog is getting more traffic than the Tao of Pauly. Once again two offspring of this blog have become more popular. Am I bitter? Well, yeah a little. But I know that Trey just went on tour so that's why the sudden spike in Phishy hits. We'll see if the Phish blog can sustain their base over the next few months. I still feel than in 5 years (2010 for you non-math people), after the poker boom is over and everyone goes broke, and after I have the opportunity to let everyone know how good of I writer I am... that this blog will be the most popular of my blogging empire. I can dream, can't I? For now my Phish blog is popular. My poker blog is super popular. And eventually that traffic spills over to here and Truckin'. Normally I would spend more time on something that is working, like the Phish blog, but lucky for me, it's a group blog with my Phishy friends helping to provide the content. That's how I feel about Truckin'. It started out as a forum for my friends' travel stories and it's really become a literary magazine featuring bloggers. Almost all of them are poker bloggers who can write well. I have a vision that at somepoint, I will make Truckin' a real magazine and I'd combine both the old Truckin' with my poli blog. The result would be a literary rag with some political commentary. Maybe that can happen someday. 2010 perhaps? To sum up, I am jumping into the world of being a "paid blogger" and whatever that entails when I move to Las Vegas one week from today. My skills are sharp enough that a major website wants me to post daily musings (and sometimes up to the minute coverage) about the largest poker tournament in the world. That's going to be an epic adventure. And maybe someone will notice my hard work and be willing to give me a shot at a book deal. I'm worried about afterwards... will I be super burnt out after I get back from Vegas? That I won't want to write at all? Or will I just want to avoid all things blog-related? I'll find out in a few months. I told BG the other day, "Just write." I shall follow my own advice. | Permalink | Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Tuesday Link Dump: Missing Toilets, Whitney Drama, Suing the Super Sized Guy, and Drunk Canadian Chicks Norway Baffled by Toilet Heist is a mystery for sure. Our good friend Sigge could not be reached for comment. Friedman Agonistes: Will the New York Times columnist read himself? is written by Timothy Noah and appears on Slate.com. Morgan Spurlock, director of Super Size Me is being sued for $40 Million. You want fries with that? Whitney Wants Plan A, but Says It Has Plan B discusses the expansion of the Whitney Musuem. Avril LaVogne got drunk. Pauly likes Canadian chicks! Here are some weird pics of Tom Cruise on Oprah. Katie Holmes came out, er she was dragged out by Tom at the end of the show. Back onto celebrity gossip, Nick and Jessica are getting a divorce. Good for Nick. | Permalink | No Sugar Tonight  I went to bed at 4am and I got up around 8:30am. I woke up and wrote for two hours. Now, I'm fixin to head over to Party Poker to play for a few hours. Last night, Julie asked me how many hours of poker do I play every week. When I actually figured it out (around 25) she said, "That's almost a full time job."Funny she should say that. A year ago, I was playing 50+ hours a week (online + live cash games) so I guess you can say that was a full-time job. These days, I'm not playing for my main source of income. That's what all these freelance assignments are for. As long as I'm not losing horribly, I'm enjoying the time and effort that I putting in to improve my game. Poker is not like a video game that can be beaten and you reach a point of Mastery where after a while it's not challenging anymore. Poker is a constant struggle and battle. And I dunno if the best players in the world ever get a sense that the "game is too easy." So many factors are involved like luck that make the game unbeatable somedays. Anyway, last night I played in what might be my final home game in New York City, at the Blue Parrot of all places. I leave for Las Vegas in eight days. Wow. Eight days. I need a new cell phone and I have to pack, in addition to writing three or four more articles. Ouch. I will have no free time in the next few days. Someone told me that the temperature in Las Vegas was 104 yesterday. Nice. Vegas in the summer. Briana was right. I need a Vegas wardrobe. I guess I really have to go (gulp) shopping. Shudder. This Morning's Writing Music... 1. Wayne Shorter 2. Traffic 3. Widespread Panic 4. The Beatles 5. Eric Dolphy | Permalink | Monday, May 23, 2005
Monday's Random Musings I have created well over 5,000 individual blog entires spanning several different blogs. That's too many. Most of them are piss poor. I watched as much as the Yankees-Mets Subway series as I could. Talk about shitty fielding. Hideki Matsui is clutch. After their 11 game winning streak, the Yanks are now 2-2.  I also caught some of the NBA playoffs, specifically the West Finals. I'm a fan of Steve Nash, but the MVP can't beat San Antonio. I like the Spurs in 6. I chuckled during the post-game press conference when Steve Nash, who is Canadian, let out an obligatory, "Eh?"Jimi Hendrix makes me laugh everytime I hear his live version of Like a Rolling Stone. He mentions something about the song was dedicated to Bob Dylan and his grandmother, who is supposedly standing behind him. I'm 100% sure Jimi was tripping on acid at the time so I don't think Grandma Zimmerman was really there. Anyway, at the end of the song he mentions how me missed a verse. Nice. I wrote a lot last night and this morning. Somedays I feel good about the content of my work. Recently, I've been paid a ridiculous amount of money to write what I feel is rubbish. My editors really like my work, but I feel a wave of guilt that I'm not giving out my best writing. It's not that I'm not trying, I'm doing the best I can with deadlines and such. It's much harder to write an assignment than it is to write from the gut. I'm pumped for Vegas because I know everything I write will be what I see and experience. Vegas is one of the most inspiring places for me as a creative person. It's the energy and dark side of that town which gets me fired up to write. I realized that the next nine days are hectic and crazy for me. I have almost every hour planned out over the next week. I'm not that anal, but I know that if I don't plan out the last week before I leave for Vegas, then I'm going to fuck something up and forget to do something. I got a call from a sad friend this morning. It brought me down a little bit, but I did my best Bill Clinton impression and that always seems to brighten up everyone's day. I have not seen Star Wars yet. I know a handful of folks who saw it twice already. Man, did you guys dress up like Storm Troopers? I've been getting a slew of emails telling me that Katie Holmes appears on Oprah's show this afternoon. Tom Cruise is the guest, but Katie appears to help smoke screen those "gay rumors." Yeah, I haven't watched Oprah in years. Time to fire up the bong and watch that train wreck. Jimmy Cliff kept me sane this morning while I wrote. Thanks, Jimmy. | Permalink | TowneHouse Bon Voyage Saturday  Toni hosted a Saturday afternoon BBQ followed by a tournament and cash games. She dubbed it "Pauly's Bon Voyage Bash." Damn, talk about one cool lady! Toni knows how to throw a good party. Have lots of great food, good music, interesting people, and include a $50 freezeout at some point during the twelve hour blow out. Yeah, I wandered out of the TowneHouse close to 5am after arriving 12+ hours earlier.Although Toni's midtown apartment lies in the shadows of the Chrysler Building, she manages to have a large terrace (sadly, it's bigger than my old studio) and that's the perfect place to enjoy an almost-Summer afternoon party. The BBQ started out as a mini-NYC poker bloggers convention. I met Joaquin and Jordan from High on Poker, both for the first time. F Train and Mas stopped by and played in the tournament. Derek and Ugarte showed up later for one of the many cash games going on all night. Toni had a few friends, TowneHouse regulars, and co-workers over so it was a good mix. Poker was the center of the events during the afternoon, evening, and early morning hours. The highlight of the party was seeing everyone at the TowneHouse for the last time before I head off to Vegas, in less than nine freakin' days. The other highlight was chopping first place with F Train in the tournament after playing a back and forth heads up match, which last over a half hour. To hell with Jesus and Phil, NBC should have been taping F Train and me battling wits at the TowneHouse! We we're much funnier and no fuckin' commercials.  Toni had some great food in addition to the usual BBQ fare. The deserts were amazing, including the cookies and brownies. Kathy made chocolate covered strawberries which kept me sane all night long.Toni also ordered a crock of chili! Impressive. I'm a big chili guy. I swear that Joaquin ate at least four bowls. And it goes without saying that in a room full of lawyers, the alcohol was flowing pretty heavily. I'm pretty sure everyone was hammered at one point or another. I know I was steadily fucked up since the moment I walked in the door until the moment I left. We played a two table tournament. $50 buy in. Top 4 places paid ($30, $150, $100, $50) and everyone started with T1000 in various colored chips including lavender and pink. If you don't know about the TowneHouse, Toni uses pink chips at her games. I ended up heads up at the final table with F Train. I was behind about 3 to 1 in chips. He had a big lead. I offered him to "chop" or split the first and second place prize money ($300 for 1st and $150 for 2nd). He laughed when I made that suggestion. I did a little trash talking and told him I'd have to take all his chips! We played heads up for about a half hour. I came from behind to tie, then I took the lead, which I blew, and then we were even again when F Train decided that it would be a good time to chop. We both walked away with $225. Not too bad.  I wish I could say more about the first cash game other than that I lost $85! My Hiltons were cracked and that cost me a few bucks. As always, I'm a bleeder in Omaha hi/lo and I was giving away my chips. I was about halfway between Tara Reid drunk and Courtney Love shitfaced at that point and at a table of six, I declared that TPTK is an awesome hand in Omaha. That's why I pissed away most of tournament winnings, with delusional notions such as my Omaha debacle.Otis called me sometime around 8:27pm EST for a Dial-a-Shot. I think he said he was in a bar in Boston. Or maybe I'm making that up. The last few times I've spoken to Otis, I've been obliterated, including in Vegas. When I was in Kentucky with Daddy a two weekends ago investigating the case of the Drunken Donkey Fuckers, we almost called Otis. I waited until Iggy's home game to give him a shout out at a more suitable hour. Anyway, thanks for the call, dude. At that point, I was too sloshed to be using electronic equipment and hid my cell phone and camera. I really didn't care how much I lost and from my lack of notetaking, I'm sure that I was completely in the moment and enjoying playing cards with everyone, especially Mas, who I never get to see anymore now that he's a married man! Congrats again, Mas. And I never see Ugarte anymore either. He's becoming this bigshot comedian and only hangs out with people who sip Pinot, use air quotes, and toss around hipster buzzwords like Mocha Latte and WiFi as if they were the names of their firstborn children. Mas and Ugarte left the game up a few bucks.  We ended the game just before 5am. I ended up down $64 for the second cash game and walked away up $26 overall I think. Ah, I dropped about $150 in the two cash games after the tournament. As least I was freerolling in the cash games.Well, it was a perfect sendoff from Toni and her friends at the TowneHouse. Seriously, the chili rocked and Kathy's chocolate strawberries were awesome. We hung out for over twelve hours and drank and played poker the entire time. I got to meet a few people and two bloggers that I read (Joaquin and Jordan) but never met. Glad I got to do that before I headed off to Vegas. That was Derek's first time at the TowneHouse and I know he had a good time playing with everyone as well. Shit, and I got to play heads up with F Train for over a half hour. I think that would have been more entertaining than some of the average coverage of the NBC Heads Up Championship. F Train acted like a real professional when I bad beated him and didn't fall out of his chair like Hellmuth did in his childish display of theatrics. Man, I should have had our heads up battle videotaped and uploaded it for everyone to see. Next time, I promise. The only sour point was when Toni's upstairs neighbor complained at 11:06pm on a Saturday night saying that there was too much noise. I had been there on a random Thursday at 3am and we've been much louder. I dunno what was up that clown's ass, but it was comical to see a bunch of drunkards try to hush each other everytime the conversation got pretty loud. Anyway, it was cool that Toni hosted a Bon Voyage Party. It feels good that people from back home will be checking in to see what I'm writing. Yeah I'm already looking forward to returning to the TowneHouse at the end of the summer to play with Toni and her friends again. Thanks again, Toni. | Permalink | Sunday, May 22, 2005
Today in Phistory Wow, its been five years since Phish played Radio City Music Hall on 5.22.00! Man, that Split Open and Melt was pretty sick. I went to the show with Senor. We were pretty pumped because we got to see Phish in our hometown and then we were going to see the boys in Japan two weeks later. | Permalink | I'm a Whore Here's a list of a few articles that I wrote which were published recently: Avoiding Tilt Online (Poker Magazine)I wrote an article on poker movies which will be published soon. I submitted a few concert reviews of Trey's band to some music rags and I'm awaiting word! | Permalink | Top 10 Tips on Surviving Las Vegas Well we're close. I'm 10 days away from my arrival in Las Vegas. This entry is devoted to bloggers who will be heading to Vegas, especially for you Vegas virgins. So let's get to it. Pauly's Top 10 Tips on Surviving Vegas:And now I'll go into specific details. Feel free to print this up and hand out copies to your entourage. 1. Cut back on sleep immediately. As of right now, cut back on your sleep by 30 minutes every other night. Inside of two weeks, you'll be down to about 3.5 hours of sleep per night. The average Las Vegas visitor gets around 3 hours of sleep and the average poker blogger gets substantially a lot less. Cutting back on sleep is an easy way to get adjusted to sleep deprivation by following my simple routine. Seriously, if you are used to getting 8 or more hours per night, you're in trouble, I'd cut back 30 minutes everyday between now and Vegas.  2. Sip, don't chug.Pace yourself with your alcohol consumption. Al Cant Hang is a machine. His blood type is 180 Proof. He's not human. I suspect he's really an alien. There are also a few bloggers who are veteran alcoholics. Don't succumb to the frission of being in a room with all your favorite bloggers and foolishly attempt to keep up. If you do, you'll end up clutching the porcelain God at 4am wondering why the hell that cab driver punched you out after you yaked up your dinner and a half a bottle of Southern Comfort in his back seat. Surviving the Sherwood Forest bar at 9am on the morning of the blogger tournament was a moment I'll never forget. It's a badge of courage like a soldier who managed to get through D-Day without a scratch. I'm glad that we made it through an entire weekend of partying in Vegas last December without anyone getting their stomachs pumped at the hospital or landing themselves in the drunk tank at the Clark County jail. Let's keep it that way. Slow and steady wins the race. 3. Water is your friend. Las Vegas is in the middle of the fuckin' desert. Drink water. Lots of it. I used to try to drink one glass of water per alcoholic beverage consumed. In Vegas I do my best to double that amount. Sure, I'm pissing every eight minutes, but you're head will thank you the next day when you're experiencing a hangover-free morning. I think one of my biggest expenses in Vegas is my water tab, well that and trips to strip clubs with Grubby. 4. Bring a cell phone charger. Don't forget one. Since you will be staying up from anywhere from 20-36 hours straight, you might want to make sure your cell is charged before you begin your gambling session. With bloggers in town, having a phone will be necessary to arrange meetings or if you need someone to post bail money. Besides, you should throw your loved ones at home a bone every 12 hours and send them a drunken text message or get someone on the horn for a Dial-a-Shot. When you are sleeping, charge up your phone during the few hours that you're crashed out. 5. Take pictures. Come on, I know you geeky bloggers can't wait to spice up your Vegas trip reports with pictures. I encourage it, especially if you have never been to Vegas before. Don't be afraid to go camera happy and take more pictures than a menagerie of Osaka businessmen. Bring a camera, even if it's one of those disposable ones for $7. You have to leave Vegas with at least one good story and at least one good picture. 6. Ask before you post pictures on the internet. If you are a person who thinks they look awful in photos or is just camera shy or they want to keep their identity a secret, then by all means please tell everyone now. Conversely, if you are going to post pictures of bloggers, make sure you get their consent. I know this shouldn't be a problem for me. My ugly mug is all over the internet. I'm encouraging my fellow bloggers to snap more photos of me so I have a better sample to pick from. For fuck's sake, I'm going to puke up cat testicles if I have to see the same fuckin' photo of me and Max Pescatori from Sam's Town. Max is a cool guy, but I'm positive when I die, some two bit rag is going to run that stock footage of me at the first WPBT gathering. I mean how many times did I see that variations of that photo on twenty different blogs? And no, I will not be wearing that pestiferous shirt in Vegas. 7. Speak your mind and stay in the moment. I never got to really hang out with Bill Rini last time. That was one of my regrets... not making enough time for everyone. I simply assumed that I'll have time later in the trip to shoot the shit and play cards with Bill. That never happened. Don't make that crucial mistake. If you have the chance to talk to someone, take advantage of that opportunity. If you see Iggy at the pisser, seize the moment to talk shop with him. You never know what might happen during your time in Vegas. With such a big group, you won't have time for "quality one-on-one time" so whenever you cross paths with a fellow blogger, whether it's Otis sitting by himself at the Pai Gow table at 4am or running into Bad Blood at the Bellagio at 2am... stop by and shoot the shit. You won't regret it. And don't feel shy or intimidated about saying what you want to me or anybody else. Our time is limited, so speak up! If you want to ask me questions, feel free. If you want blogging advice, just ask. If you want to buy me a drink, let's do it. If you want to go to strip clubs, then hold on a second and let me call Grubby. 8. Table image is a factor in real life. A lot of us play the majority of our poker online. Some of you haven't played extensively in casinos, so here's my quick tip... image is important. How do you want to be portrayed? Like a dipshit tourist from Hootersville, Kentucky who's playing poker for the first time? Or a punk-ass kid with wraparound sunglasses at a low limit table who watches too much WPT? Or do you want to blend in and become a blur to your table mates? I usually cut my vocabulary in half and talk about topics like Celebrity Poker Showdown. I make sure I drink heavily in front of them, refer to women as "broads" and play one really awful hand in the first orbit that I showdown to the river. Too bad that I'm just being myself. 9. Don't be Gigli. Wow, Bill Rini got two shout outs in this post. Hey Bill! If you don't know Bill was the first blogger knocked out in December's tournament. He was awarded the infamous Gigli DVD for coming in last place. I bought a new copy of Gigli (how sad is it when the postage costs more than the actual DVD?) which I will be giving to the first blogger out of the Aladdin tournament. Will it be you? And rest assured I will torment you for the rest of the year with chants of "Gigli! Gigli!" in your chatbox every time you play on Party Poker. 10. Never underestimate the importance of a $20 tip. Do you wanna get shit done in Vegas? Tip the hell out of every person you see. I'm from New York City and we tip everyone. In a town like Vegas, most of the people working in the service industry are not paid extravagantly. They rely on tips to supplement their wages. You would be surprised how much attention you can get with a simple $20 tip. Heck that's like one big bet for some of you. Example #1: I call this move The Grubbette. When you check into a hotel and they ask for your credit card, carefully place a folded up $20 bill underneath your card. As the front desk person is picking up the cash and card, quickly ask them if they can bump you up to a better room. It never fails. But then again, Grubbette is a lot cuter than me! Example #2: Last time I was in Vegas, when I called around to find a reservation for dinner on Easter Sunday, I found out that every place was booked. Grubby, Senor and I made plans to meet Flip Chip and Poker Prof at Ceaser's Palace. I decided to pop into Palm to see if they had any open tables. The hostess checked her reservations book and said she didn't have any open spots for us. When I spotted two open tables, I slipped her $20 and said "Did anyone every tell ya that you have beautiful eyes? By the way, can you check again? That's Dr. Pauly, for a party of five." We were seated within five minutes. There is only one instance where I will tell you to save your tips... and that's in a strip club. Never, under any circumstances give a stripper a tip. If I find out you did, I will smack you personally. ***** ***** Ok that's it for now. Those were my half-baked ideas on how to survive Las Vegas. If you can remember half of these, then you should make it home in one piece. Have a great weekend. 10 days and counting.... | Permalink | Saturday, May 21, 2005
Saturday Nooner: Horses and Geeks And the list of geeky friends who say the new Star Wars flick grows even more. My brother said some guy in his office already saw it twice. Heh. Today is the Preakness which is the second leg of Horse Racing's Triple Crown. Who do I think is going to win? I'm sticking with my Derby pick Sun King. I'm also going with Wilko. But what do I know about horse racing? Before most of you woke up toady, I already found myself with a hefty loss gambling. I'll have to write a freelance article just to dig me out of the hole. Maybe one of my ponies will make the money today. I have a poker tournament to play in this afternoon. Can't wait. Shit, 11 days until Vegas? I have so much shit to do before I leave, including getting a new cell phone. | Permalink | Friday, May 20, 2005
Friday Thoughts I got a haircut this morning from my barber, Vinny. I've known him for almost 25 years. I went to school with both of his sons. I'm losing my hair. That must make him feel old. All we talked about was gambling. He goes to Atlantic City all the time. He'll be in Vegas this summer staying at the Rio just after the World Series of Poker ends. I watched the season finale of The OC last night. Marissa definitely looks a lot healthier these days. To quote Jenna, "Her clothes actually fit on her this season." I was a little shocked about the ending. I didn't know that uber-rich girls with eating disorders and severe drinking problems could fire a gun with such accuracy. At least a dozen non-geek friends of mine have seen the new Star Wars flick. Amazing. It's just a movie folks. I'm not planning on seeing it here in NYC. I'm going to save it for Las Vegas. I figure it would be a good distraction for me if work gets too stressful. Someone asked me if I had any pictures of Natalie Portman's shaved pussy. Nope. I do have random pics of Natalie Portman's shaved head. I've been trying to squeeze in a lot of online poker since I got back from my three day bender in the Midwest. I am having tons of huge swings which is never good. For most of 2005, I was a losing poker player. I lost the majority of my bankroll in February and made it all back in March when I won more money playing poker that month than in the three previous months combined. Alas, April was a rollercaoster. This month, I can't seem to string together consecutive winning sessions. Once I get to Vegas, I'm going to stop playing online for at least two months. I wonder what it's going to feel like when I get home from work and decided to head out to a casino for a few hours? Due to the popularity of my poker blog, I have been getting at least one book a week from publicity hounds who are trying to get me to write a "good review" for their client and post it on my blog. I decline about half of the requests. Only two books that have come my way are halfway decent. I played online poker with the author of one book and I expect to meet the author of another while I'm in Vegas. However, the remainder of the books I got pretty much suck ass. It makes me super depressed to think that those hacks have a book deal and I don't. At least, I don't today. There is a published author out there who gave me two compliments in the last ten days. The one that sunk in the most was when he said that I write "brilliant fucking prose." Wow. Maybe that book deal can happen a lot sooner that I think, eh? Yankees-Mets subway series starts tonight. Let's hope the Yanks can sweep. | Permalink | 5 Recent Baseball Related Google References... 1. Denny Neagle hookers 2. Derek Jeter and Jordanna Brewster 3. Jeff Weaver airplane pot 4. Don Zimmer Pedro Martinez brawl 5. Tino Martinez homerun streak | Permalink | Now, That's a Handful! NOT SAFE FOR WORK! You have been warned about the fist of fury. If you get fired for this, it's not my fault that you were a dumbass and opened this up in your cubicle. | Permalink | Thursday, May 19, 2005
Welcome Back Joker After a long ass hiatus, the Joker is back to blogging. He's posting on Bathtub Gin again, which is great news. The Joker and Wendy used to head up one of my favorite blogs. Anyway, he's settled into Boulder now and has a little more time to blog. He's also going to try to post regularly on our group Phish blog, which has been getting great content, thanks to posts from Lori, Bruce, and Molly. So, welcome back... we missed ya. | Permalink | Thursday Link Dump: Star Wars, Drunks, Ecstasy Mules, and Rex Chapman What is a Wookiee? is not about making fun of hippies on Phish tour. It's about making fun of Star Wars geeks. By the way, the new film opens pretty soon. I might see it in Las Vegas.  Since we're talking about Star Wars, I caught this random piece in the NY Times called Latest 'Star Wars' Movie Is Quickly Politicized. Sometimes a movie is just a movie.Donald Trump wants to rebuild the Twin Towers and rejects the Freedom Tower idea. Wow, I actually agree on something with Trump. Let's rebuild the fuckers. Of course that will make them a target once again, but so be it. I can't think of a finer tribute to people who died there than to rebuild the old towers on the exact spot. File this one under: Only in Minnesota. Drunk Man Steals Krispy Kreme Truck is a hilarious story. Al Cant Hang is unavailable for comment. Snatch Smuggling Ecstasy Mule was busted at the Canadian border. No wonder my last hit of E tasted like chicken and smelled like tuna. Speaking on drug busts, did you know that drug busts means big bucks for small town America? Word to the wise... if you are driving with several pounds of dope in your car, make sure you don't speed or have working tail lights. Outrage and Silence is sobering read from Thomas Friedman who thinks it takes help from the Sunni Arab village to stop a wave of suicide bombings happening in Iraq. ESPN Writer Busted for DUI is a funny tale about a drunk who try to run away from police and was tasered in the process. Damn drunk sports writers! 12 Year Old Sits on 12 Pack of Bud Light to Drive Car has got to boost Bud Light sales nationwide, especially among midgets and twelve year olds. By the way, don't piss off grandma. Another sex prank gone wrong Down Under. Be careful who you call up for a quickie. One of my favorite college basketball players, Rex Chapman, spills the beans on the anti-interracial dating stance by Kentucky officials. Wow. This is a shocker. There's racism in a Red State? My boy Rex Chapman and some serious ups. | Permalink | Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Pauly-BG IM Conversation of the Week I'm in NYC. Boy Genius is in Michigan. This is the conversation that took place within ten minutes of waking up. BG: okay, need a patented pauly opinionTwo weeks til vegas. Wow. | Permalink | Blogging Tips, Canadian Chicks, and Radio Free Pauly Are you looking on tips to improve your blog? My internet crush posted a hilarious entry called How to have a shitty blog. Some of her tips are pricless. Here's a bit: 2. make it obvious that you are ripping off other bloggers and that you are trying to always one-up them with your witty banter and personal stories that nobody cares about and you wonder why it's not working for you, this is because you exclude writing from an objective vantage point... oh and ps you're fucking boring.Raymi rocks. She tops my next "Top 5 List." Top 5 Canadian Chicks I'd Like to Drink Moosehead With....Joanne is batting second and Caitlin is hitting clean up. There's something very sexy with how Canadian girls say the word, "about." Here's a nice segue. Speaking of Canadians... Radio Free Pauly I taped my interview with Sean on last Saturday morning for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe and it's making me a huge cult figure in Canada. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get this done (fo free) so stop by and show your support.You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 26: Here. You can download last week's show... Episode 25: Here. You can read the show's notes: Here. My segment starts at the 28:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 8.5 minutes. We talked about my prep for Vegas. Check it out! This week's show as always, features an interview with the Poker Prof. Stop by their site and down load extra nuggets. If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Thanks again to Sean and Stacks for having me on. | Permalink | Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Bernie Williams = Da Mang The Yankees won thier 9th straight which means after I blog this, I shall jinx them and they'll finally lose. Bernie Williams hit a grand slam last night for another come-from-behind win. Alas, it was against the lowly Seattle Mariners. But shit, you're supposed to sweep really bad teams. It's about time the Yankees started looking like a baseball team with a group salary of $500 Billion dollars. I cannot say enough good things about Tino Martinez. He's one of my favorite all-time Yankees and he's tied for the lead in HRs. Tino? | Permalink | Three State Bender Part III: Iggy's Home Game "Possession of anything new or expensive only reflected a person's lack of theology and geometry; it could even cast doubts upon one's soul." - Ignatius J. Reilly8 May 2005 Covington, Kentucky We were back at the Behle Street Cafe in Covington, Kentucky just across the river from Cincinnati. Dirt McGirt tried to explain to the waiter that he wanted a beer in an OJ glass to chase on the side with his Bloody Mary.  "That's how they do it in Colorado.""For fuck's sake, we're in Kentucky," I muttered as I ordered a beer. Only a few hours earlier I found myself in a vicious game of Cornhole with money and blogger pride on the line. The rest of the late night events were fuzzy. I recalled that Weir measured a lot of things with his tape measure and that I took a piss in some alley in downtown Cincinnati, but that was it. Mother's Day Sunday and the cafe was buzzing with mimosa drinking mom's. I called my mother early and like a good gambler, I gave my Mom cash for mother's day out of my bankroll before I left. Daddy and I decided to go with the Mother's Day brunch special buffet. The offered up shrimp and garlic mashed potatoes and crepes among other great and tasty things. I grabbed a fist full of bacon, french toast, fresh berries, scalloped potatoes, and avoided the shrimp. I'm an incorrigible gambler but the notion of eating shrimp in Kentucky after two days of binge drinking is a serious wager on your health. I punked out and went for the fruit cup. Iggy and Huggy Bear rented a suite at the nearby Raddison and hosted their bi-monthly home game there. The hotel is a unique circular building and is easily recognizable from downtown Covington and from the highway. They have a revolving restaurant on the top floor also filled with mimosa drinking moms. Just one floor below the good people at the Raddison rented out one of their finest suites to a group of degenerate gamblers, known drug fiends, and unsavory alcoholic thugs. Man, I was pumped to meet some of Iggy's best friends because I knew I'd fit right in. The Players:  On the rail we had UWannaBet. He was swamped with obligations especially on Mother's Day. He didn't sit in the game, but stopped by for a few beers and a few laughs. It's always cool to meet fellow bloggers who you've played online with. On Saturday mornings, UWannaBet and I sometimes killed the $25 NL tables on Party Poker. Fun times. He also participated in several of my Pauly's Pub fantasy sports pools. Good guy. Next time I'm in town, he better play with us!The night was special because not only was it Iggy's birthday, but it also marked the five year anniversary of Iggy's home game. I felt fortunate to be a part of the rare occasion. I really wanted this write up to be one of the best I've ever written. I realize that is impossible because I took very few notes and that I could never recapture the fun no matter how many times I tried to write it. I was on vacation and vowed to live in the moment as much as possible. As it got later, I got drunker and took less and less notes. We played no limit $100 max buyin with 25c/50c blinds. I bought in for $60 as did mostly everyone, except Iggy who bought in for $100. That's always an awful sight at the table, finding Iggy with more chips than you before you even sit down. Here's what I was able to recapture from the few scribblings in my pad. 3:03pm EST... Dirt McGirt and Iggy were heads up. The flop: 9h-6d-4h. At some point Iggy goaded Dirt McGirt into check raising him when another 6 fell on the turn. The 5h fell on the river and Dirt was all in. Iggy flipped over pocket sixes for quads. Dirt McGirt lost his buy in and grabbed another cold one before he hit the road.  4:20pm EST... Daddy had pocket kings and was involved in the biggest pot of the game up until that point against Old Man River. Daddy got all quiet and began to perspire when he pushed all in and made Old Man River think for a few minutes about calling. He was losing his sight and the Sheriff had to call out the cards so he knew what he had. Old Man River eventually folded and Daddy let out a big sigh and said, "I'm sweating like a fat kid in a poker game."5:12pm ST... I built up an early chip lead (see picture above!) and doubled my buy in. I hit a straight with 34o in the big blind and took down a big pot against Old Man River. TDubb and Mr. Fabulous did dial-a-shot with Al Cant Hang. 6:31pm EST... Huggy Bear was involved in one the oddest hands of the night. He's a tight player. With KK, Huggy raised preflop and got a few callers. The flop: A-Q-J. He bet, Old man River called, and GMoney reraised. Huggy Bear turned to me and said, "I need some professional advice." I peeked at his hole cards and responded, "You've been playing with GMoney for five years. You've known him a lot longer than that." Huggy Bear let out a deep sigh and threw his pocket kings into the muck. Old Man River had been playing loose from the second he sat down and quickly called. The turn: A. Old Man River check-called then folded on the river when another ace fell. I put George on A-something. I expected him to show quads. Instead he flipped over pocket jacks. Huggy's kings would have been good! 7:04pm EST... After losing his buy-in and taking a short break, Jeff from Rants of a Young Mind rejoined the game and dropped the Hammer. I'm glad he decided to stick around.  7:32pm EST... At some point I had Maudie, Otis, and Derek on the phone doing various dial-a-shots with Iggy. Man, it felt cool to have other bloggers call me because I was so shitfaced that I lost track of the outside world as well as cyberland. When you unplug yourself from technology for a few days and step back from the world of blogging and being an internet celebrity, you quickly lose yourself in the real world instead of plodding along the virtual entity known as the blogosphere.8:16pm EST... We ordered a shitload of pizzas for dinner and somehow the conversation got turned to the local strip clubs. I was warned that the strip clubs were stocked with plenty of chunky dancers with C-section scars and flat tires. Daddy suggested we go to one and try to get her to come back to the room for a private show. "Dude, we'll pay them off in bacon." 9:14pm EST... Probably this was the hand of the night. Mr. Fabulous was short stacked and moved all-in on the flop of A-K-Q and two suited cards. GMoney flopped a Broadway straight with JTo and raised all in. Old Man River called with 82s. GMoney's straight held up and Mr. Fabulous was knocked out. 9:40pm EST... Daddy dropped the hammer. At the same exact time, a donkey in Hill Jack county was touched in an inappropriate manner. 11:32pm EST... Old Man River got the best of all of us over the course of the night. He saw almost every flop and called every raise with junk hands. Daddy raised preflop with JJ. The Sheriff, Old Man River, and Huggy Bear all called. The flop: 9-9-3. Daddy bet the pot. Only Old Man River called and Huggy and Sheriff dropped out. The turn: 5. Daddy bet the pot again and Old Man River called. The river was a king and Daddy bet about 50% of the pot with JJ. Old Man River called. He showed K5s. Daddy was crushed by the river and lost is buy in. The game ended shortly after that.  The big winner was Old Man River. I think I did second best with a $60 win. The game was super fun and we played for almost nine hours. Wow. It had been a long time since I sat at a poker table like that and all notion of time evaporated. Time rushed by as we were enjoying ourselves.Besides poker, we drank a lot of alcohol and got pretty wasted. Over the course of the game, I got to chat with everyone. I spent some quality time with Mr. Fabulous and GMoney on Saturday. Seriously, Iggy's crew is made of some amazing people. I was lucky to get to meet them and catch a small glimpse of Iggy's social group. Because I sat in between Jeff and Huggy Bear, I chatted with them the most. In the end, I say that you can tell a lot about a man by his friends. Iggy's crew is top notch and I truly felt special to be a part of an amazing weekend. The Iggy Home Game seemed to be just one of the many highlights for me as a poker blogger. I read all about it before. I'm sure some of you feel the same way about my Blue Parrot write ups... that you have to check that out sometime. That's exactly how I felt about both Daddy's Hill Jack game and Iggy's infamous home game. The crowd thinned out and one of Iggy's good friends stopped by while TDubb hung around and we partied some more. Joe suggested we get some coneys, which are mini-hot dogs filled with chili and cheese. How could I pass up on eating a local delicacy? Joanne called for a dail-a-shot late night. Daddy passed out around 1am. Iggy and I spent the next four plus hours drinking and talking. We both knew that we'd have very little time for one-on-one conversations when we got to Vegas. There's going to be a massive rush of bloggers wanting to talk and be around Iggy. That's why our late night chat was special. Quality conversations. I think it's funny that whenever Iggy and I talk, he takes notes. Seriously. In Vegas on the Sunday after the blogger tournament, we all met up at Mandalay Bay's sports book to gamble on NFL games. We all got trashed and in a drunken stupor, Iggy and I spoke about some half-baked ideas we both had. On the back of a sports betting sheet, Iggy scribbled down some thoughts. He says he still has that piece of paper!  Anyway, during out late night talk in the suite he took more notes as I sipped Miller High Life. Daddy likes to call them "Hi Dogs." I wish I can say that we spoke about three or four specific things, but we didn't. We were all over the map. Iggy is an interesting dude and we had a lot to discuss including the future of our blogs. Did we reach the apex? Or is this just the foot of the mountain? Time will tell.Just as the first break of daylight began creeping over the Kentucky Hills, I finished up my last beer of the three day bender. It was time for sleep. Iggy let us crash there in the suite, which was cool. How many times can you just pass out a few steps away from the poker table? A few hours later, we woke up and headed to Waffle House downstairs. There are several things I miss about living in the South. Waffle House is one of them. I almost came in my pants when our cute waitress asked me if I wanted "sweat tea." Hell yes. I wanted to get in her pants too. Her name was Tabby and she looked like Julia Stiles. She told us that her old man was a preacher. In my 32 years on Earth I realized that preacher's daughters fell into one of two categories... angels or demons. I hoped she was the rebellious type and wouldn't mind being picked up by a degenerate gambler from NYC on assignment in Middle America trying to break open the case of Donkey Fuckers. She cracked a few bad jokes of her own and gave Iggy a ton of shit for not finishing his breakfast. Daddy on the other hand went to town at Waffle House. He ordered double hash browns. I went with the bacon and cheese patty melt. That's the perfect hangover food. Before I said my good-byes to Iggy, I picked up two cartons of cigarettes. One was for Derek and the other for my lovey assistant, Jessica. Cigarettes are over $8 a pack in the big city. In Kentucky they are $20 a carton. My money goes a long way when I travel to middle America and the South. I told Iggy I'd see him in Vegas. Daddy and I got back into his pimp mobile, the one I puked in a few days before. We were ready to leave Kentucky and Ohio and head back to Indiana. My three day bender was over. Thanks to both Daddy and Iggy (and my friend Lori) for their hospitality. And special thanks goes out to their friends who all welcomed me like I was one of them. Despite all the red neck references, donkey fucker jokes, inbred Kentucky comments, and me railing on people because they have six teeth... I really had an awesome experience. The poker was kick ass. The Trey concert was amazing. The drinking was epic. Some of the best trips you'll take in your life are unexpected. This was one of them. | Permalink | Monday, May 16, 2005
Pieces of Pauly What did I eat in the last 24 hours? Yesterday I ate an Everything bagel with extra butter. Dinner was a basket of waffle fries and spicy buffalo chicken wings. The bleu cheese was silky and chunky. I also had a few mozarella sticks. This afternoon I ate a slice of marble loaf poundcake and a bacon grilled cheese. | Permalink | Late Night Pauly I've tried to switch gears and prep for Vegas by staying up very late. I went to bed just before 5 again last night. That means I'm waking up at 9 or 10 to write before I play poker online for a few hours while I eat lunch. I played in a blogger's poker tournament last night and was knocked out early. Derek made it to 10th place. There's a nimrod who think's he's a smart and funny guy when he's so very not even close. He's a two bit hack and acted like a dick to Derek in a previous tournament and tried to pass off his behavior by saying he was "joking." Nice try. He tried to trash my buddy Iggy on his site and came off looking like a retard in the process. Anyway, BG was killing the nimrod in the chat. Seriously. BG looked like Barry Bonds teeing off on AA pitching. Here's a bit of BG's wit: (what you're really trying to say) "i'm tweaked you bounced me and feel far inferior, please be psyched out by my banter"BG was relentless. He was helping stand up for Derek because Derek was winning the tournament at that point and this assclown kept trying to get him on tilt with his "sarcasm." I got off on watching BG rip him to shreds. It was entertaining for sure. Hell hath no fury like an irked Boy Genius! Oh and the best part of this squabble... Derek knocked that guy out in next to last place. Karma, bub. That's it. I'm never wasting anymore time on that wannabe. I took off at least a week from serious freelance writing. It felt good to write about music again and see a bunch of concerts. These days I feel that I'm digging myself a grave by becoming a poker writer. If I could make the jump over to sports writing, well that would be cool. However, I guess I always wanted to write about music and politics too. Alas, poker writing is paying the bills and covering my gambling losses and my thirst for travel. I just cranked out an article on a British poker player named Devilfish. He's a nut. I almost got to play with him in Vegas last December. He's on the list of players I'd like to interview when I get to Vegas. Recemt Writing Music... 1. Jimmy Cliff 2. Jack Johnson 3. Steely Dan 4. Django Reinhardt 5. Galactic | Permalink | Sunday, May 15, 2005
Trey NYC - Night 2 Setlist & Review 5.14.05 Hammerstein Ballroom Set 1: 18 Steps, Oz Is Ever Floating, Alive Again, Sway (new song), Sitting In Limbo, Sand > Cincinnati > Low Set 2: Simple Twist Up Dave, What's Done > Goodbye Head, It Makes No Difference, Night Speaks to a Woman (with Jen HArtswick on vocals), Black DOg (with Jen on vocals), Old Habits Never Die (w/ Mike Gordon), Back on the Train (with Mike), Waste (with Mike) Encore: Wolfman's Brother > I Am the Walrus (both with Mike) The Review I met Bruce early again and we went inside Hammerstein just as Particle took the stage. We had mezzanine seats and I didn't mind. I actually like the upper mezz at Hammerstein. You have a seat (as opposed to standing only general admission on the floor with no seats) plus the lines at the bar are not as long, and the sound quality is pretty good. At one point the keyboard player for Particle announced that they were bringing a friend onstage. Trey walked out and they broke into 2001 right away. Not a bad version either. Usually during an opening act the crowd's attention is not 100% focused on the band onstage. People are talking, drinking, and trying to find their friends. What a difference one person makes. The second Trey took the stage, the place erupted. You could see cell phone lights go on as people called their friends and the Trey single handedly lifted the enrgey level in the room. I went into the show expecting the night to be not as good as Friday's show. Trey pretty much shot his load and played some of his more popular songs the night before. I figured he'd be playing new slow songs and that the energy level would be a notch below Friday's show. I had a gut feeling that Mike or Page would show up for a late cameo and make up for the lackluster night. Did I call it or what? I was pretty drunk by the time Trey opened the first set with a new song, 18 Steps, that I caught in Cincy. I smoked during that entire song. Next up was an Oysterhead song, Oz Is Ever Floating, which sounds a little better with Les Claypool on bass. Yeah that's my biggest complaint with Trey's new lineup... I can't hear the bass player. Skeeto... fuck, you can hear Skeeto dominating the drums. But Mr. ??? is hard to hear. Trey's new line up gives him the backbone for a harder, edgy, rock like sound. When he plays loud, its fuckin loud. Skeeto is more of a rock and roll drummer than Trey's old drummers. Shit, Skeeto is the most talented guy on that stage besides Trey. I walked away impressed with his skills. As Bruce mentioned, "You have to be pretty fuckin' good to be considered the fifth best drummer from Detroit." One of my favorite songs from Trey's old line up is Alive Again. It started off sloppy but they got their shit together mid way. I smoked during the debut of Sway. Bruce told me it was a Rolling Stones cover. I called Daddy during Sitting Here in Limbo, a Jimmy Cliff cover that he really wanted to hear at Cincy. Mellow Trey. I have a killer version of Jerry Garcia Band covering that song. The highlight of the first set was Sand. I hit my peak "fucked up-ness" of the night there. I was ripped drunk by then and digging every bit of Sand. I told Bruce that Trey would most likely bust out Sand and First Tube. I went 50% of my Phishy predictions. During the next song, Cincinnati, my buddy Chris tapped me on the shoulder. He was also in the mezzanine a few rows up and over. When Trey started the song he remembered that I caught Trey in Cincy. He happened to turn around and saw me near by. He had to stop by and say, "Hello." Awesome randomness. He's a good egg. I never heard Low but I read some good things about the song from friends who caught it. I was digging it for sure. The last three tunes saved the set, in my opinion. Out of the five sets I saw Trey perform up until that point, the first set was probably the fourth best out of five, the worst being set one in Cincy and the best being the first set on Friday. I got another $7 drink at setbreak, bumped into a guy I knew from California, and had to deal with a clogged bowl. Luckily, I had a paper clip in my wallet. Second set started with Simple Twist Up Dave and man, Trey tore the hell out of it. He must have been ripping a few gagers at setbreak because he came out on fire. He's been playing long enough to know if he played a shitty first set. It wasn't shitty per se, but way below standards. I pretty much sat down and smoked during the new Trey songs. I don't have an opinion on them yet but they are momentum killers for sure. I heard Good-bye Head in Cincy and I like that new one. Trey also played a Band cover song It Makes No Difference. A lot of Phish kids have no clue who the Band is and that's sad. The Last Waltz might be the best rock-umentary films of all time. At that point, Jen Hartswick came out and Trey played Night Speaks to a Woman, the only repeat during his two night stint at Hammerstein. In October 2000, I caught Phish perform Chalkdust Torture in consecutive nights (Irvine then Shoreline... and the second version was an encore featuring Bob Weir.) Man, I realize how much of a vocal presence Jen Hartswick is/was/alsways will be. She can belt it out. The energy level of the crowd picked up immensely. The version was different from Friday's and featured a Trey and Jen guitar/vocal jam. It appeared that she was going to leave the stage but Trey brought her back. They busted out Black Dog, another Led Zeppelin cover. Man, Jen can wail on the Robert Plant lyrics! Makes me wonder why she wasn't added to Trey's lineup. Trey is an amazing guitar player with a below average voice. Sorry if I'm stating the obvious. The crowd was buzzing at that point because of Jen's cameo. Too bad Trey wasted his time with his new songs because that was the big difference between Friday and Saturday. Some of his new stuff is great but some of it missed. Some of the other websites like Phantasy Tour and Trey's website insist that the set ended there with Black Dog. I disagree. Trey never left the stage. His band, including Jen, left but not Trey. If Trey exits stage right then in my book it's the end of the set. In my notes, I list the next three songs as the end of Set 2. Mike wandered on stage to a boisterous crowd and Trey picked up an acoustic guitar. They chatted for a bit while the crowd tried to conatin it's enthusiasm before they finally played Old Habits Are Hard to Break. I dunno if it's a Willie Nelson song or a Johnny Cash tune. Then they got back to old habits and played two Phish songs... Back on the Train and Waste. Both were repeats for me since I caught them in Cincinnati. Again, I'm not a huge fan of Waste but since it was Trey with Mike... I'll take what I can get. At one point some during Waste, a dude up in the mezzanine yelled, "Holy shit, it's Gordo!" 50% of Phish ain't too bad. I expected Mike to come out for the encore. The rest of the band walked on the stage minus the bass player. Mike stood in for him. He talked to Trey for a few seconds and they jumped into Wolfman's Brother. I got a few goosebumps during the first few seconds as the crowd went from giddy to frantic. Man, that was fun. Pure smoke. Trey looked like he was having a ton of fun. Without a doubt, that moment was the highlight of the three shows I caught. Wolfman's with Gordo? Unreal. I also had conflicted feelings... Phish should still be playing. Mike always felt that way. We're on the same page. He might have been the one guy who was seriously against the break up. He knows that Phish could have worked through their problems (Trey's addiciton to his ego and Oxy) and that they had a couple of good years left. Last night proved that they should take some more time apart and think about getting back together to play on a smaller scale. Perhaps a New Year's run and a summer tour? 20 shows a year is not unmanageable. How about monthly podcats from Trey's barn with those four guys playign whatever the fuck they want? I'd pay $100 to hear three hours of Phish every month. Maybe Trey will get bored with his new lineup and sit down to discuss getting the band back togther. They can pull it off. It's not like they are aging baseball players with no zip on their fastballs. They call all still bring it. Perhaps that's just wishful thinking on my part. Yeah. Phish is done. Accept it and move on. You'll just have to ctach glimpse of the magic from time to time. During Wolfman's Brother... I caught the wave again, if only for a few minutes. Trey closed the show with I Am the Walrus with Mike and his bass player both on stage. Trey was doing his jumping up and down rock star thing while the lights focused on him. The guy has talent. He knows how to play and put on a good show. I dunno if he's a little lost trying to do his own thing yet still throwing out Phishy covers to keep the crowd pleased. He's been playing a lot of Beatles covers and has this Eric Clapton thing going on. But shit, he's not EC. I wonder how he's going to absorb the fact that the biggest peak moments of his shows were during cover songs, including Phshy covers? At any rate, I'm super pumped for ZoomaTour. I still dunno if I bought tickets (I think I did), but I know that the Joker scored me one for Red Rocks at the end of July. I'm pumped for that show. Trey Band. Ben Harper. Galactic. Sickness will ensue at Red Rocks. That's it for now. I hope Trey releases the first night of Hammerstein on livephish.com because you need to add that to your collection. | Permalink | Saturday, May 14, 2005
Trey NYC Night 1 - Setlist & Review 5.13.05 Hammerstein Ballroom Set 1: Night Speaks to a Woman, Burlap Sack And Pumps, 46 Days, Push On 'Til The Day, Dig A Pony, Dark And Down, Circles, In The Light, Drifting, Sledgehammer Set 2: The Way I Feel > Mr. Completely > Cayman Review, Goodbye Head > Space Oddity > Black, Come As Melody Encore: Mean Mr. Mustard > She Came In Through The Bathroom Window > Golden Slumbers > Carry That Weight > The End Review I arrived at Hammerstein Ballroom early and met Bruce in front of the diner. He told me that the doors had been open for at least an hour so we headed inside to scout out a good spot since we had general admission floor seats. I grabbed two Coronas and they shockingly were cold, compared to Radio City Music Hall where the beers were luke warm for Widespread Panic. I've seen plenty of shows at Hammerstein and I prefer it to Roseland, a venue where the sound sucks and the security guards are nazis. The Hammerstein is one of my favorite venues to see a show in New York City (it's up there with the Beacon Theatre and Bowery Ballroom). I caught Trey Band at Hammerstein back in 2003 when he busted out Sweet and Dandy. I've seen Trey Anastasio Band well over twenty times almost reaching thirty after this run is over. My numbers are fuzzy. I caught three shows in California, at Berkeley and in LA, and two in Vegas and dozens more on the east coast including shows at Jones Beach and Radio City Music Hall. Oh, and I think I just scored a ticket to Zooma at Red Rocks at the end of July. That might be one of the musical highlights of the summer for me. We moved up close about twenty or so people back when the lights went down and Particle took the stage. I first saw Particle on the west coast at a post-Phish party back in 2000. I've caught them a few times since then. They don't sound as good at 7:30pm as they do at 3am. Their combination of hard rock-disco-techno fusion is more soothing to late night partiers who are winding down a night on a serious ecstasy binge. Particle plays tight and they hit a few grooves. Bruce was impressed with the guitar player. The crowd was a little weird. Compared to a regular Phish show, the wookie and Phish kid factor was much smaller. Dare I say I saw more hipsters there than hippies? But it was a mixed crowd for sure. By the time Trey came on at 8:45, we were standing in the middle of the floor. Unlike in Cincy when Trey eased into the mix, he opened up the first Hammerstein show with Night Speaks to a Woman. He started out smoking and didn't stop. He busted out some slow funk with Burlap Sack and Pumps. I really liked what they did with that tune when I caught it in Cincy. Both songs were repeats and since Trey's new band's song selection is limited, I expected to hear everything I experienced in Cincy at some point during the two shows. Trey didn't play 46 Days in Cicny, so that was a treat to hear. He only waited until the third song to break out a Phish cover and he ripped it up. Bruce seemed enthusiastic at the song selection at that point. I'm a big fan of Push On Til the Day because in some of the lyrics Trey references Phish' trip to Japan in 2000. "Glass table in a five star room/and the sun always comes up much too soon." Read what you want into that lyric but the word was out on Japan's Phish tour that Trey was ripping gagers all night long in Tokyo. As a former railhead I can tell you that there's only a few things you can do with a glass coffee table. Trey dedicated Dig a Pony to one of Trey's best friends and Phish lyricst, Tom Marshall, who was in the audience. Bruce loved his version of it. They did a better job with it compared to Cincy and the version I heard from Nashville. Trey's on a Beatles kick, eh? The only lull in the first set was Dark and Down. I puffed down during that! The picked up the energy level with Circles. Bruce mentioned that Stevie Wonder wrote it. Anyway, Trey was having fun during Circles and they hit a nice groove when they were jamming it out when all of a sudden Trey just stopped it to play In the Light. I must say that the Cincy versions of Circles (first set closer) and In the Light (Second set closer) were better, but the crowd was into both. I thought the set was going to end but Trey kept playing. Bruce is a fan of Drifting and it was a tune I missed in Cicny. Again, I thought that would end the set until Trey broke out Sledgehammer, a cover song from Peter Gabriel. Lori heard it in Columbus and said it was pretty good. Perfect way to end the set. I lost Bruce at setbreak and bumped into my buddy Chris. I first met Chris in Tokyo five years ago after one of the Phish shows there. Since then we always run into each other at shows. We missed each other at Coventry. He told me that the last time he saw me was in Las Vegas in April 2004. "Where's the red jacket?" He remembered that I was pimping in my red blazer. I retired it after Coventry. Maybe I should bring it back out again? I also ran into Chris at the Mandalay Bay before one of the Vegas shows. He was waiting for a poker game! Anyway, at setbreak we chatted about my move to Las Vegas and the Zooma tour. Once the lights went down, I tried to find Bruce and couldn't. I found a spot in the middle of the floor and fired up. I found myself watching Skeeto a lot during the second set. That's when I finally realized who Skeeto looked like... Teck from the Real World Hawaii. Lori told me that the second set in Columbus was pretty trippy so I was prepared. I have been digging Trey's solos during The Way I Feel. There is just one lyric "that's the way I feel" in that song and it's a vehicle for Trey to show off his rock star licks. The jam into Mr. Completely was smooth. I know that Bruce wanted to hear Cayman Review, which was the highlight of the second set. The floor was bouncing on that tune and the lights looked pretty amazing. I'm a big fan of David Bowie so I was excited to hear how he covered Space Oddity. Not too bad. The girl dancing next to me almost came in her skirt since she was so moved by Trey's version. Come As a Melody is a sick tune. Just hear it for yourself. Trey hit some peaks during that song. I wondered if Trey was going to play any acoustic Phish songs for the encore. Instead he busted right into Mean Mustard. Man, I love Abbey Road. During Phish's last tour before they went on hiatus in 2000, there were rumors that they were going to play a third set for their last show at Shoreline and going to perform Abbey Road in it's entirety. Oh well. Spun out hippies and their "rumors." That never happened and I wished I was catching Phish break out the last six songs off of Abbey Road instead of Trey's band, but heck, it was still great to see Trey have a lot of fun. I got chills during Carry the Weight. Seriously, Trey ripped it up last night. I liked the second set in Cincy better, but overall the band played more consistent over the course of the evening at Hammerstein. I wonder what songs and special guests were coming out for Saturday's show? I heard rumors that Dave Matthews and/or Gordo might show up. We'll see. I can tell you this for sure... I'm going to hear First Tube and I Am a Walrus for sure. Here's a random article about Trey that appeared in the Daily News. | Permalink | Friday, May 13, 2005
Three State Bender Part II: Reds, Derby, Trey, and Cornhole Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.Daddy woke me up at the crack of the dawn. I was glad I didn't puke in his guest bedroom. My stomach lost a twelve round fight the night before and my head pounded with an acute pain, like I got sat on by Rosie O'Donnell for three straight hours. Hungover in Indiana. It hasn't been the first time and I know it won't be the last. We had a big day planned: Reds game with Iggy, the Kentucky Derby, and a Trey Anastasio Band concert. We met up with his old man, Major Trax, at 7am to pick up the tickets since we were taking separate cars. We arranged a rendezvous point at the Embassy Suites in Covington, Kentucky, right across the river from Cincinnati. Daddy selected a scenic route for us so I can see a part of the beautiful rolling hills on Southern Indiana. We yapped about a jillion things. Our conversation wavered back and forth between baseball, Red State politics, and of course... donkey fucking. In Red States, it's not uncommon to see a plethora of churches populating rural back roads. I lost count of how many I saw within the first hour. The one distinguishing feature was the Welcome Sign on the front lawn of every church. Those signs were strategically placed close to the road so drivers could get a glimpse of that particular church's propaganda. Some signs quoted scripture. Some gave the specific times of church service or bible study. And others would have snazzy catch phrases meant to have you think about God on your way to where ever you are going. We saw one sign in particular that had us cracking up for the rest of the drive. It was so powerful that we talked about it the entire weekend. "Celebrate here with your mother." Obviously, it was the day before Mother's Day and the local minister wanted to get the word out that you should bring your Mom to church before you celebrate Mother's Day. Daddy and I, however, had a much different vision of that slogan. "Fuck man, I'm gonna get shirts printed up. 'Celebrate HERE with your mother.'" "With an arrow pointing down to your crotch?" I added. "Yeah. And jock straps and G-strings too." It would be a best seller. It seems like every Tom, Brad, and Danny in the blogging community are pitching their t-shirts on their sites. Me? I'm going to get in on the ground floor with Daddy and sell "Celebrate HERE with your mother" t-shirts on my blogs.  We also came up with a great idea to sell religious quotes for $6 per month. What do you get for $6? Well, fuck, you get a quote a day, sourced from the bible, and it's emailed to you. It's perfect for Church signs, self-affirmations, and something to stash away and break out when a devil worshiper crosses your path. Jebus freaks like to spend money on Jebus related items. All we'd have to do is flip through the damn Bible once a day and rattle off a quote and let the big bucks roll in. To hell with being a Poker Stars affiliate. There's a shitload of money to be made in selling daily scripture quotes online. Jebus has left the building.We reached the hotel and met up with some of Daddy's old man's work friends who were heading to the game with us. They were all having a good time drinking and it wasn't even noon yet. We moved the party downstairs to the Behle Street Cafe, an outdoor eatery. Our group sat down at the bar. We were fixin' to get shitty before the game. The best way to shake off a hangover is to start drinking. They had a special on buckets of beer and we sat out in the sun and waited for Iggy to calls us. He and GMoney were scheduled to meet us at the game. Last time I saw Iggy, we were both drunk as skunks in Vegas. Across the street the Northern Kentucky Convention Center hosted a National Square Dance Gathering. Over 1,200 square dancing fanatics from all over the South gathered. Some of the them were eating lunch at the Behle Street Cafe. They were all in the 60s and wore those freaky square dancing costumes. I hoped they were just costumes and not everyone wore those kind of outfits all the time. There were quite a number of them mingling around in front of the convention center and waiting to be seated at the Cafe. If I was on any serious drugs, I might have freaked out seeing a gaggle of blue hairs dressed like it was 1958. I was in the South again, I had to remind myself. I erased the slightly disturbing images out of my head and focused on the beer in front of me. I was told from a lot of locals (Iggy specifically) that folks park on the Kentucky side and walk over the bridge to Cincinnati to go to the Reds games. That bridge appeared in the movie Rain Main. If you've seen the movie, you know the scene I'm talking about. As we walked over, Major Trax offered up a random nugget that the bridge was designed by the same guy who did the Brooklyn Bridge. We also chatted briefly about his love for the Yankees. He's been a Yanks fan since 1960. Mickey Fuckin' Mantle. Imagine the Mickster on the Creame and the Clear? He'd be crushing 70 home runs a year... easily. It's really simple to see where Daddy gets his sense of humor and passion for sports, especially baseball. A chat with his old man is priceless. He knows his baseball history and it's always a pleasure to meet an authentic baseball purist. Iggy has a good friend who works for the Reds. We already had tickets but Iggy scored 4 along the third base side. I told Iggy to find me in my seats with the Indiana crew then I would go over and watch the game with him for a little bit.  We finally met up and I was introduced to GMoney. He's been a fan of my blogs for over a year and a half. And he wasn't the only one. Iggy turned on my main blog and my musical road trips write ups to all of his friends. Man, that blew me away! Some of Iggy's friends have the same taste in music that I do. GMoney is a Deadhead and musician (a little older than me) and we had plenty to chat about. We've also been at a lot of the same Phish shows too. And the best part... he was going to the Trey Anastasio later that night in Cincinnati.I was in Iggy's hometown and I couldn't have been happier checking out a brand new (well two years old) baseball stadium. Last May, I met AlCantHang for the first time and took in my first Phillies game at their new ballpark. That's when I met Mrs. Hang and the immortal Big Mike for the first time. I told Mean Gene that I'm going to check out a Pirates game with him next! Anyway, I liked the new stadium although Daddy was busting on the concession area. He said he reminded him of a mall. It did. The field looked old school, but yeah, the fan area gave off a mall-like vibe. At least you could walk around without being crushed, like at Yankee Stadium where the corridors are tiny. I drank a few beers and we finally sat down in Iggy's seats. Within minutes of sitting down, Iggy nudged me and told me to look up at the Jumbotron. I was shocked that I was able to get my camera out in time. I was blown away by that. I looked at Iggy and I just nodded. He nodded back. We both knew how fucking awesome that was. Even the Reds were psyched that I stopped by. They were on a horrible losing streak and snapped it for me. There was a Dodgers fan with a dyed blue beard who walked up and down our aisle busting on the Reds. He screamed, "One and Nine! One and Nine!" Which I think was their home record? Everyone booed him and tossed peanuts in his direction. Iggy is not a fan of having his picture taken. I'm risking our friendship here by attempting to post the only picture of Iggy on the internet. So here it is. I took a picture of Iggy dancing around at the Reds game. The Reds finally won a game and Iggy went home after we agreed to meet up the next day for his homegame. I made plans to see GMoney and Rick aka Mr. Fabulous at the concert a few hours later. In the meantime, Daddy and I walked back over the bridge into Kentucky. I wanted to watch the Kentucky Derby especially because I had money on it. I called Boy Genius the day before when I was in Indiana playing poker with the Hill Jack boys. I told him to put $10 to show on Sun King. I knew George Steinbrenner's horse, Bellamy Road, was not going to win. Favorites never win. Not too many experts picked Sun King. I liked that. At 15-1 I liked his chances. But what the fuck do I know about horse racing anyway? Boy Genius is the so-called expert. Alas, he's been too busy counting up all the kecthup packets in his fridge to provide top-notch horse-racing coverage.  I was pumped that I'd be in Kentucky watching the Kentucky Derby. I wasn't at Churchill Downs, but it was close enough. I've attended one Derby during my late teens many moons ago when I lived in Atlanta and roadtripped to Kentucky with a few fraternity brothers. I experienced the Derby from the infield of Churchill Downs. Talk about a redneck convention. Everyone was shirtless, sloppy drunk, and peeing everywhere. And that was just the chicks.Anyway, flash forward to 2005. I'm sitting back at the bar at Behle Street Cafe with Daddy and Bobby, who is one of Major Trax's best friends. Their idea of a fun time is to drink two cases of beer and play 36 holes of golf. Good dudes. Bobby had hundreds of wild stories to tell and kept us entertained as we waited for the race to go off. And the race? What a let down. Sun King didn't even finish in the top 10 and Giacamo, a friggin' 55-1 shot took it all. My friend Lori lives in Covington. She's attending law school there and is one of my Tao of Pauly groupies. Yeah, she's an old school Paulyhead and I met her at a Phish show last year in Deer Creek. She contributes to my Phish blog from time to time. We also hung out at the last Phish shows in Vermont at the end of last summer. None of her friends had tickets so I told her to tag along and pre-party with Daddy and I. Coincidentally, she used to work at the place we were drinking at so she knew where it was. We wandered into the hotel for the tail end of happy hour. Embassy Suites gives their patrons a free drinks from 5:30 to 7:30. We joined Major Trax and Bobby. They were getting plastered and telling jokes. At one point Major Trax turned to Daddy and said, "What's yer nickname again? Snailshit?" I lost it and cracked up. Snailtrax. Snailshit. Same thing, eh? It's better than Donkey Fucker. Trey Anastasio Band Concert Review We grabbed a taxi to take us to the show and we got grumpy cabbie who wouldn't let us smoke in his cab. He dropped us right in front of the Taft Theatre where hundreds of neo-hippies milled around. Some were looking to score a ticket or drugs or both. We were waiting for some of Daddy's crew to appear. If you don't know, Trey Anastasio was the lead guitar player for Phish. They broke up last summer and he threw together a new band to support his solo act. I've only been in Cincinnati once before. I spent two days there in December 1999 when Phish played two shows during their winter tour. I was considered a tour rat back then when I actually had long hair (and a pony tail). I saw a shitload of shows in 1999 with "Angela," the girl I was dating. I traveled all over the country that year with a 20 year-old spit-fire of a gal from central Texas. She was as cute as Natalie Portman and could drink like a fish. (I'm also 100% positive she reads my blog. Hi Angela!) Moving on, those concerts rocked in 1999 and they even played my favorite song Slave to the Traffic Light during one of those shows. It goes without saying that I was shitfaced the entire time I spent in Cincinnati in 1999. Some things never change. I met two of Daddy's buddies, Dirt McGirt and Weir outside. They know to party and have seen a bunch of Phish and Widespread Panic shows with Daddy. Lori had a floor seat and I had upper balcony so we separated when we went inside. I found GMoney and Mr. Fabulous upstairs. Daddy hit the bar and we missed the opening band. We found our seats and GMoney and Mr. Fabulous decided to sit near us instead. Good choice. We partied the entire show. They caught Widespread Panic at the Taft Theatre a few weeks before. It's a small venue no more than 3,000 seats. We were close to the back row and could almost touch the ceiling, but despite that we could see the stage with no problems. Set I: Dark And Down, Cincinnati, Dig A Pony, Oz Is Ever Floating, It's Ice, Burlap Sack and Pumps, What's Done> Bar 17, Will It Go Round In Circles I downloaded Trey's show from a week earlier. I wanted to hear what his new band sounded like. Only one of the keyboard players, Ray, played in his previous band which featured a kick ass horn section. He rearranged all of his songs with the new band. I had been seeing Phish for well over 15 years so I was used to hearing the tightness of four guys who had been playing together for almost two decades. Trey had only a few months to play with these guys so I knew there would be lots of inconsistencies. I didn't have high expectations and was happy to be having an amazing weekend.  The pace didn't pick up until they broke out Cincinnati. Trey wrote in after there was a fire in his hotel a few years ago, when Phish played Cincy in 2003. My buddy Zobo happened to be staying at the same hotel as Phish and woke up at 5am to find out his hotel was in flames! Luckily no one was hurt but that event inspired Trey to write a kick ass tune.The next two songs were average. Dig a Pony is a Beatles song and I noticed that Trey has been on a Beatles kick. Oz is Ever Floating is a song he first played with his other side band Oysterhead (which featrured Les Claypool and Stewart Copeland from the Police). The crowd went a little crazy when the band busted out their first "Phish cover" of the night with It's Ice. This version was much faster and Daddy kept commenting how much he loved the drummer Skeeto Valdez. I must say that Skeeto has a ton of energy and he was the only other band member I wacthed as the night wore on. By It's Ice they got the sound cleared up a little better. I was still having trouble hearing the bass player. Daddy smiled when he said, "You know Trey always wants to be heard." So true. Burlap Sack and Pumps was a little funky and Daddy had been singing the lyrics all afternoon. The next two tunes were slow and killed the first set for me. I took a piss and chatted with GMoney for a bit. Daddy wondered what the over-under for flunking out would be if we went to college together. He picked 3 semesters. Wow. Possibly. I'm still shocked that I graduated (on time and in four years) from one of the best universities in the South, even after I skipped classes for weeks at a time to follow the Grateful Dead. The band finally got their shit together with Circles. Too bad it took 45 minutes before Trey and his boys finally played to their ability. They smoked the shit out of it and Trey looked like he was having the most fun of the night, jumping and hoping around. During setbreak I found Lori and she gave me a pen. I forgot to bring paper and something to write notes with. Drunk Pauly. Oh well. At the break I was disappointed with the show so far. They had a few highlights but I expected them to rage in Cincy! I accepted the fact that Trey is playing music that he wants to play and I respect him enough as a musician that I'll listen to what he throws at me. I only hoped that the second set would have less lulls. Set II: Night Speaks To A Woman, The Way I Feel, Cayman Review, Push On Til the Day, 18 Steps, First Tube > In The Light I can't say anything about the second set other than... it kicked my ass. I dug all of the songs he played. I lwas fond of how he rearranged Push on Til the Day. First Tube, originally a Trey band tune later on perfected by Phish, was total sickness. Lori especially wanted to hear that. Trey jumped up and down and I could feel the floor of the balcony bounce with everyone dancing. Trey closed the set with a Led Zeppelin cover, In the Light, which GMoney really wanted to see. It was a sizzling version and much better than the one I downloaded. They are getting tighter as the tour progresses. I thought Trey tried his best to do both a Jimmy Page and Robert Plant homage in the same instance during In the Light. Freaky song and they rocked it out. It was definitely the highlight of the show. Encore: Waste, Love That Breaks All Lines, Back On The Train, I Am The Walrus My biggest critique about Phish was that they never knew how to end a concert. The usually played the last song I'd want to hear. More often than not it was a slow ballad like Friday, Waste, or Velvet Sea. Sure enough Trey came out by himself and began a Phish song called Waste. At first I was irked, but Daddy mentioned that Trey with an acoustic guitar can't be all that bad. He was right. I let my bias go and listened to the crowd sing along. Now I don't hate the song. I dig it. I never liked it as a single song encore. The lyrics to Waste kick my ass everytime I hear it. Don't want to be an actor pretending on the stageHe played two more acoustic songs including another Phish song, Back on the Train. Just when I thought that was it, his band appeared back on stage. A rare four song encore. Very cool. I guess Trey knew he punked out with a shitty first set and wanted to make it up with a crushing second set and encore. I turned to GMoney and told him, "I am the Walrus." Sure enough, they broke out into another Beatles cover. I am the eggman. As we made our way outside after the show ended, Daddy sang I am the Walrus for everyone around us. We met up with Lori outside. She was super happy. She was in the sixth row and could see Trey jumping up and down during First Tube. We also met up with the Indiana boys... Schroeder, Weir, and Dirt McGirt... as they stumbled out of the theatre. Weir had me cracking up. He had a tape measure attached to the side of his pants. He would measure random things. That's what you do when your shitfaced. Lori was a good sport especially when he stood close to her and then shot out his tape measure towards her face. He stopped to see how far it was. "Three and a half feet away from being a cocksucker." We all errupted in laughter as he let the tape measure go and it recoiled back with a sharp snapping sound. I still laughed hard when I typed that line. It was past Midnight and Lori had to meet up with her friends over the river in Kentucky at a German beer house near the Levee. Daddy rounded up his boys and we headed back into Kentucky. Daddy, Lori, and I grabbed the first cab. The Indiana boys took the second. They didn't know where they were going and Weir told the cabbie, "Follow that car!" Which is something he always wanted to say. Cornhole Lori took us to Hofbrau House near the Levee. That place is not for amatuers they serve dunkels of beer. Dunkels are huge mugs of beer the size of people's heads that Germans drink like it's water. Lori introduced me to her friends and Daddy handed me a dunkel of dark beer. Time to go to work. I wondered how much beer was actually in the glass. Weir walked over and busted out his measuring tape. Six inches in height. Four inches of beer. 6x4. Yikes. That's a lot of beer. I was having trouble holding the dunkel with one hand. I had to use two. I decided to drink fast. But man, a dunkel is like a size of a pitcher of beer. I haven't chugged pitchers in over a decade. I did what I could and sipped fast. I'm sure it was the mushrooms but I felt I would take huge swigs only to find out I barely made a dent. Daddy's boys disappeared to an adjacent section. That's where folks were playing Cornhole. Lori was trashing it the entire time. It's been sweeping the Cincinnati area the last few years. Daddy had never played it and I was skeptical. Where I'm from, the term cornhole means... anal rape. It's not a fun term. Anything involving insane amounts of liquor, residents of Kentucky, and the word "cornhole" was enough to make me want to run away. Yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint some of you sexual perverts. Although Corn Hole comes from red neck roots, it has nothing to do with sex. Or donkey fucking. You basically try to toss a small bean bag filled with corn into a ramp with a hole in it. Simple, eh? Cornhole a derivative of horseshoes. But you have to be drunk to play. I don't think sober people can fully comprehend the retardness of why people would waste their time tossing small bags filled with corn into holes... and keep score while doing it. Here's the deal you can play teams. Two on two. And you take turns tossing four beans bags alternating between you and your opponent. I had Dirt McGirt on my team. Daddy had Weir. I got lucky since Dirt McGirt is the two time Indiana State Champ. He's the Roy Hobbs of Cornhole. But shit, anything banal becomes instantly exciting if you place a small wager on it. Ah, some actual gambling content in this post. Daddy and I were betting $1 per round. In between slurping our dunkels, we'd place side bets. I was out of my element and Daddy played minor league baseball. I was the definite under dog being a city boy playing a red neck sport. Yeah, I played Cornhole with Daddy and Lori watched. She basically stood in the corner and mocked us. Daddy and the boys ordered another round of dunkel when it hit last call. At one point, we were double fisting dunkels and Daddy was making pirate sounds effects, "Arrrghhh!" I had one of those existentialist moments that crop up from time to time: What the fuck was I doing at a German beer house in Kentucky at 2am playing cornhole with a bunch of rednecks? Almost 48 hours into my trip, I never quite never figured out the logistics of donkey fucking, but I stumbled upon something possibly bigger... cornhole. I could see hipsters eating this game up in NYC and embracing the red neck culture. I could make a million dollars off a bunch of been bags an a ramp or too. Outside of the Cincinnati area, no one had ever heard of cornhole. Like I said, the only cornhole tournaments being held in New York City are at Riker's Island. Where the biggest baddest motherfuckers in the joint welcome newbies to prison with their own version of cornhole. | Permalink | Thursday, May 12, 2005
Thursday Link Dump: Yankee Stadium, Crazy Ice Cream Man, Donkey Races, and Norwegian Strippers Since I'ma Yankees fan, I found this interesting. Wild pitch: Why does George Steinbrenner want to tear down the house that Ruth built? I don't like the move because the ghost of Yankee Stadium will not be as intimidating across the street. The coolest thing about Yankee Stadium is that you are watching the same spots where Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, and Mickey Mantle all played. Brussel Sprouts is an op/ed from Thomas Friedman. He discusses North Korea and Iran having nucelar capability and the reactions (or lack of reactions) of the EU and China. Crazy Ice Cream Man Attacks Fat Kid is something could only happen in Pittsburgh. Norway courts decided that stripping is an artform. I hope to get me some Renaissance lap dances in Vegas. Man, this is just another reason for me to go to Norway. Man, I need to check this out... Donkey Races in Mexico. I wonder if Daddy would like to hit that up? | Permalink | Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Tino Homers in Five Straight  Just when you thought the Yankees were toast, they won five straight. The one thing in common in all of those wins? Five straight homers by Tino Martinez. Man. The Yankees gave up five runs in the first inning and stormed back with five of their own in a rare weekday day game. Ah, they still blow. Carl Pavano got rocked and they beat up on a team that dropped 10 out of their last 11. Then again, you are supposed to sweep teams like that. | Permalink | Recent Writing Music... 1. John Coltrane with Thelonious Monk 2. Johnny Cash 3. Jerry Garcia Band 4. Medeski, Martin & Wood 5. Ray Lamontange | Permalink | Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Three State Bender Part I: Donkey Fuckers and Hill Jack Boys "I think it is important that everyone know the proper way to fuck a donkey. There are several approaches, but none more efficient than this one. I prefer to call this the "Backdoor Cut" approach, but it is also known in parts of Appalachia as "Slapjacking," "Mule Greasing," and "The Old Rough n' Tumble."" - DaddySomewhere, Indiana 6 May 2005 An iota of doubt flickered in my mind as I stepped off Northworst Airlines flight #169. Daddy from Snailtrax called me at 5am. He started his tri-state bender off a day earlier than me after he raged at a Karl Denson show in Bloomington and slid way past Shittysville during the course of the evening. He left a bizarre and rambling message that woke me up but I was too sleepy to pick up the phone. "Fuck dude, this is fucking hilarious... (incoherent)... Doc, this is Daddy, man, call me when you are ready to get on the plane.... (incoherent).... I went to Karl Denson and ended up at some house party. I don't know, fuck, where my fuckin' car is parked.... (incoherent)... Call me so you can wake me up...(incoherent)... or otherwise I'm gonna to just gonna fuckin' rush into some houses and wake some motherfuckers up. Aw shit."  Aw shit is right. Five minutes before I boarded my plane I called and left a wake up message. I called two more times before take off... each time getting his voicemail. I did what I could. It was out of my hands.The flight to Indy was nothing out of the ordinary. I re-read Wil Wheaton's entire book (minus the Q&As) on my flight. (Editor's Note: It was weird that Wil happened to stop by last night and leave a comment because I began my trip reading his book and one of the first people to welcome me back... was Wil. Thanks Bub!) I quickly made my way through Indianapolis airport. It might have been the quickest navigation I ever experienced at major city airport. It took six minutes for me to deplane, piss, check my messages and make my way outside. Six minutes. I called Daddy expecting that he'd be laying face down in a drunk tank and would not be taking my call. I was surprised when he picked up. "Dude are you in Indy? Fuck," he said. As I rode the escalator down towards the baggage claim area, he miraculously appeared at the bottom pointing at me. He made it on less than two hours of sleep. "Welcome to Indiana, Doc. By the end of the night you'll get piss drunk, get in a fight, and fuck a fat chick in order to fully absorb the Southern Indiana Hill Jack experience."  We were ready to get crazy. I was on a mission, well several missions. The first mission: Not to touch a computer keyboard for at least 80 hours. No email. No blogging. No Party Poker. Nothing. My second mission was to have fun, live in the moment, and see a kick ass concert. My third and most important mission... was a secret.Daddy agreed to show me around parts of southern Indiana that I never would have set foot in I had not met him. I slowly slipped into vacation mode as we drove along the back roads. When arrived at his house, Daddy quickly showed me his dog, his banjo, and a framed picture of Hunter S. Thompson from a town hall meeting in Colorado. Mrs. Trax was at work and we would have to postpone our initial meeting a few more hours. Daddy lives right next to a golf course, along the fifteenth hole. We decided to hit the links for a round, which would be my first round of the year. He busted out a pair of old clubs for me and we were ready for a little fun in the sun. Daddy grabbed two six packs of Miller Lite from the clubhouse and we drove up to the first hole. No driving range for us. The driving range is for pussies. Maybe I should have hit at least one ball. My first shot looked ugly after I topped it and my Titleist spurted only a few yards in front of us. The cold beer helped my golf game. It made me forget about the last shot and focus on the next one. We chatted about all things like baseball trivia, Round Room, the weight of a whale vagina, and the last blogger trip in Vegas. The first nine holes were relaxing. Every now and then Daddy would remind me about the upcoming poker tournament, "6pm Freezeout."  It seemed that Daddy knew everyone on the golf course. Even his old man, Major Trax, was on the course. It was an honor to meet a true Indiana sports legend and the father of one of the sickest demented motherfuckers I know.The back nine went quick and I only had a hot dog to eat all afternoon. I shot much better and stuck to my 3-iron off the tees. My putting was horrible and my short game (40-90 yards out) is still my only strength. I used to play a lot of golf during college when I lived in Atlanta. Since then, it's been hard to find time to play. Daddy is a pretty good golfer. He's a big guy and ripped a 300 yard drive on one of the par fives. Impressive indeed. After the round, we headed back to the house and I met Mrs. Trax. Like I suspected, she was a hip, hip lady. In our brief encounter our conversation jumped back and forth between Cincinnati race riots and Angela's infatuation with Jordan Catalono on the short-lived, yet critically acclaimed drama My So Called Life. Before I left for the poker tournament, the lovely Mrs. Trax gave me a warning, half in jest and half serious, "Be careful of those Greene County boys." We headed over to Greene County where Daddy's buddy the Weasel lived. That's were the game was being held... in the heart of Hill Jack country. If you are not familiar with the term "Hill Jack," well it's the equivalent to "Hillbillies." We stopped by the house of one Daddy's other friends to see if he was playing cards too. Unfortunately, he blew us off to watch movies with his girlfriend and her daughters.  We walked over to Aggies, one of Daddy's favorite local watering holes, and entered through the alley way in the back door. You gotta love a bar with a back door. We ordered a few drinks and Daddy introduced me to this weird fellow named Werner. He's a German guy with very few teeth. He was known as the best house painter in the area. He never spills a single drop of paint. Unfortunately, old man Werner blows all his painting money on beer and gets shitfaced. I met a few other people at the bar, all nice folks. Everyone I met in Indiana said the same thing, "Why the hell did you come here from New York City?"I told them about the third leg to my secret mission. I was on special assignment by the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Station or C-Boot as I shall refer to it from here on out). "You see folks, I'm here in Southern Indiana to investigate the subtle art of Donkey Fucking. The people of Canada are intrigued by the Donkey Fucker phenomenon and sent me to find out as much as I can about how some of you whackos participate in the fastest growing hobby in rural America. If you guys have any information, I'd love to buy you a drink and have you tell me everything you know about donkey fucking." I handed out my business cards. No one offered up any information. Their silence led me to believe that they were covering up. I was on to something. But what? Could I crack the case of the donkey fuckers for C-Boot? We had an hour before the scheduled 6pm Freezeout. I drank Amber Bock and mingled with the rest of the Happy Hour crew. In the back of the bar we started a quick $10 NL SNG with seven players. There were no blinds, just antes, which increased every time someone was knocked out. Top two places paid. Aggies Bar SNG:On the first hand, three people pushed all in on the flop: A-9-8. Wow. The hands.... 99 vs. 88 vs. A6s. Two people, including Werner, were knocked out. The table was down to five. I made it all the way to the final three. That's when I found The Hammer! I raised on the button and the blinds called. The 8-9-10 rainbow flop gave me an OESD. One guy checked another bet half the pot and I moved all in. One guy called with two pair and I didn't catch any of my outs. The Hammer failed in Hill Jack Country. Hill Jack 1, Hammer 0. We left Aggies and headed over to Weasel's for the 6pm Freezeout. The Players - Freezeout #1:Bubba was the only guy from the bar who played with us. $25 buy in. $1000 in chips. 20 minute levels. Welcome to the Hill Jack game. By then, I had been drinking steadily for six hours and smoking pot with rednecks the rest of the time. We ordered a pizza and it felt good to get some local cuisine in me. The Weasel was a nice host for a squirrelly looking guy. He played a weird combination of music during the game... some country, some gansta rap, and lots of John Cougar Mellencamp.  I folded a lot of hands. Bubba was piss drunk. Daddy told me it gets ugly when he's "on the tequila." He could not figure out chip denominations. I wanted to take some pictures, but I feared for my safety. Hill Jack boys have no problem having their photos taken, but I knew if I busted out my snazzy digital camera, I'd be a mark. Not too many tourists frequent Hill Jack country and I stuck out like suit at a biker rally. I did my best to try to get some more inside information on donkey fucking. Again, the silence scared me. I was seriously on the verge of cracking the story wide open. I figured I might get one of the players to divulge more information as the night evolved.I was knocked out by TC when I reraised him all in with AKs. His TT held up and I took fourth. By then a few random folks had stopped by. Weasel's house was where a lot of folks did "pre-partying" before they hit the local bars or drove to Bloomington for a night out. Again, I made the rounds and pumped everyone for donkey fucking information. Nothing. I ate more pizza and did a shot of Maker's Mark with C.J.. Yeah, I drank whiskey with the Hill Jack boys and they embraced me like one of their own, aside from the fact that they withheld juicy nuggets of information on donkey fucking. I went back to the table. Bubba took over the chip lead and was even more hammered. He still could not figure out the chip denominations, "How much fer the red ones again?" seemed to be his catch phrase. I ended up posting his blinds and throwing out bets for him. He could barely keep his eyes open. Yes, Bubba took all our money in the first freezeout. The Players - Freeze Out #2:Weasel left and we shook hands. He said, "I'm gonna go out and find me a piece of ass." "Donkey ass?" I wondered. The second freezeout was smaller. TC was the oldest guy there. He also knew how to play. He lived all over America and dealt poker for a few years at riverboat casinos. He knew his music and told me stories about living in New York City in 1964. He's done some living and was the only one I was worried about. Daddy was tired, a little drunk, and still hungover from his bender the previous night. He was on vapors and I could sense his exhaustion. I limped in with KQ UTG. Daddy raised me and I called. The flop: K-x-x. I checked and he checked. The turn was a blank. I checked and he bet the pot. I moved all in and he called with 99. He never saw that coming. I won the coinflip (pair vs. two overcards) and knocked out Daddy. That's when I felt "the pukes" coming on. You know that feeling when the stomach juices and acids start shooting up and flaring around in your insides. I knew I was going to throw up. I just wanted to wait until I played my button! I mucked and bolted for the bathroom. I puked four times. The second and third hurls were impressive. I could see bits of pepperoni floating around in the toilet. I flushed a few times and gargled some mouthwash before I wiped the sweat off my face. That shot of whiskey did me in. Makers Mark and marijuana were never a good combination for me. I lumbered back to the table. I felt a lot better and sipped my Miller High Life. We were on the bubble and my plan was to play hyper-aggressive. TC knocked out Matty. I was heads up with TC and had a small chip lead. On the second hand we ended up pushing all in preflop. I had 89o on the button and he held Big Slick. I outflopped him and issued my first really bad beat on the night. I won first place and broke even for the night. Daddy looked super tired and we headed back. We had to get up at 6am the next day to drive to Cincinnati so he needed some rest.  I looked up at the stars on the way back and I felt a second round of the pukes coming on. I knew that we were close to home and I planned on throwing up in he bushes near the golf course. As soon as Daddy turned down his street, he slowed down a bit. I wanted him to drive faster. He was telling me a story and I couldn't tell you what he was saying because I desperately tried to talk myself out of puking. I did my best.As soon as Daddy pulled up to his driveway, I pushed his door open and puked. Some of it caught the car door. He quickly ran inside and grabbed me a towel and some water. I sipped a bit and in a half ass attempt tried to wash off the chunks of pepperoni on his car door. My only thought was that Mrs. Trax was seeing me at my worst moment and she wouldn't let Daddy head out to Cincy the next day. Lucky for me, she was inside watching TV and missed my puke-a-thon. I apologized to Daddy and he shrugged it off. "Dr. Pauly christened my sled!" he enthusiastically screamed. My curiosity with the donkey fucking culture got me in trouble. I broke even for the night playing cards, but I lost my mud and blew chunks twice trying to keep up with the Hill Jack boys. The scoreboard told the tale. Hill Jack 2, Pauly 0. To be continued... | Permalink | Monday, May 09, 2005
Safe at Home  Thanks Iggy! Click to enlarge.  Some quick highlights:1. I played poker in Indiana against a guy with 6 teeth. 2. I puked in between hands then came back to the table to win a tournament. 3. I watched the Kentucky Derby... in Kentucky. 4. I played "Cornhole" with Daddy and Lori watched. 5. I hit on a Waffle House waitress named Tabby, who looked just like Julia Stiles. 6. I played 18 holes of golf and made a serious dent into a case of beer with Daddy. Yes, the nasty rumors are true. I puked twice on Friday and once in Daddy's car. And in case you were wondering... the above picture is real and was not run through photoshop. Iggy is the fuckin' man! Despite the fact Iggy is "an alcoholic cut and paster and Noble Poker whore," I'm super lucky that I get to consider him a friend. Iggy hooked us up with sweet seats to the Reds game and if that wasn't cool enough, we were mentioned on the Jumbotron. He also rented us a suite at a hotel in Kentucky where he hosted his home game and I got to meet some of Iggy's crew (TDub, Huggie Bear, Rick & GMoney). Style. Class. Debauchery. I also met two bloggers for the first time... UWannaBet and Rants of a Young Mind. Good people. Great times. Oh and the Trey Anastasio Band kicked ass. After the amazing concert on Saturday, my friend Lori invited us to hit up a German bar over the river in Kentucky. We got uber-smashed and were one of the last groups of people to leave. Thanks again to Daddy and Iggy for showing me a kick ass time in the Midwest. You can tell a lot about a man by the company he keeps and the quality of his friends. After hanging out with both guys for a few days and interacting with their close peers, without a doubt I can testify that Daddy and Iggy are some of best people I've encountered. Several posts pending including a review of the Trey show... stay tuned. | Permalink | Trey Cincy Setlist 5.7.05 Taft Theatre, Cincinnati, OH Set I: Dark And Down, Cincinnati, Dig A Pony, Oz Is Ever Floating, It's Ice, Burlap Sack and Pumps, What's Done> Bar 17, Will It Go Round In Circles Set II: Night Speaks To A Woman, The Way I Feel, Cayman Review, Push On Til the Day, 18 Steps, First Tube> In The Light Encore: Waste, Love That Breaks All Lines, Back On The Train, I Am The Walrus | Permalink | Friday, May 06, 2005
Pauly World Tour Hits the Midwest  Yes, the rumors are true. I'm taking the next few days off from blogging. I'm loading up the tour bus and hitting the road. Hide your daughters and lock up your stash, I might be coming to your hometown! Dr. Pauly World Tour Confirmed DatesTickets go onsale now. Get me while I'm hot. Even Amy Calistri thinks I'm cool. She called me "the John Irving of poker bloggers." Man, that's quite a compliment. Thanks for the shout out, Amy. And thanks to Gracie for mentioning my name in the same breath as Tony Pierce! I'm busting out of New York Fuckin' City and I'm going to raise some hell in the heartland of Indiana. At some point on this trip, I'm gonna get uber-wasted and play cards with a bunch of your favorite bloggers, not to mention partake in a fun-packed double-header of events on Saturday including my first visit to the Reds' new ballpark in the afternoon followed up by a kick ass Trey Anastasio Band show on Saturday night. In case you were wondering... I love a good graph. The traffic on the Tao of Poker (see above graph) has more than tripled since last June. Yes, I get more visitors in one week than most people do in a year! Those two dips each represent a different hiatus. Hiatus #1: I toured with Phish for a few weeks on their final tour and was way out of the loop in a groovy kinda way and Hiatus # 2: I stopped blogging in November to write a novel. My hits tailed off both times and picked back up in December. Yes, this past April was a record month for all of my sites. I'm elated, disturbed, and aroused to think about the traffic that will swarm this way after the World Series of Poker. Wow. I mentioned to Iggy that I had been postponing a writing assignment for a few days. He quickly said, "Ah, blow it off!" He's right. I need a break from writing, man. I don't want to burn out before I get to Vegas. I wrote 16 articles in the last 5 weeks along several short stories and a letter to Penthouse Forum. I crave time in the real world away from the computer on the weirdness of being "that poker blogger." With that said, I'm on hiatus for a few days. Go read my archives or blogzine. Heck, go read Al Cant Hang's Key West trip reports! I'm leaving for the airport in a few moments. Daddy is picking me up in Indiana a few hours from now. Later tonight I'm going to meet me some actual and authentic donkey fookers. This weekend is packed with excitement. I hope to meet up with Rants of a Young Mind and possibly UWannaBet. Of course, I shall pay homage to the Blogfather in his hometown and meet his good buddy GMoney. Trip reports, hijinks, and mug shots to follow. I am the eggman. See you next week. Editor's Note: You can read all about my last trip to Indiana here. That epic adventure spawned a Truckin' short story called Sundrenched. | Permalink | Thursday, May 05, 2005
Recent Writing Music... 1. Miles Davis 2. Trey Anastasio Band 3. Radiohead 4. Wes Montgomery 5. Galactic | Permalink | Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Fox Sports Published My Article! Who's Next? Sorting out the WSOP favorites is written by me and appeared on Fox Sports. Here's a bit: Who do you think is going to be the 2005 World Series of Poker Champion... a big time name like Daniel Negreanu or an unknown like 2003 champion Chris Moneymaker was when he took the crown?Thanks to everyone for your support! Over the next few months, I expect some more of my stuff to be picked up by Fox Sports. Stay tuned. | Permalink | Hump Day Link Dump  If you don't know, I've been working on a Phish blog for a while now. At first Coventry was a place where I posted my friends stories, personal dramas, and pictures about the insanity of the last shows ever with Phish in Vermont. Yeah, we all walked to the last shows and had to deal with some thing awful... rain, mud, and both.Sometime last year, I decided to post Phishy related news whenever something came up. Eventualy it evolved into a blog with the basic theme is all things Phish. I changed the named to Coventry: A Phish Blog and now t's the #1 search item in Google for phish blog. Pretty cool, eh? Maybe some of that traffic will spill over here. We've been getting alot of hits ever since Trey went back on tour. I've been posting Trey setlists along with random Zooma tour info. I also added a new Widespread Panic reviews. Since I'm going to see Trey this weekend and two shows next weekend, I'll have a chance to add some reviews and pictures. Anyway in the future, I will devote that blog space to concert reviews, music news, and all things Phish. At some point, I'll write up random tales that I experienced while on tour with Phish. I hope to post some Japan stories too and maybe even get a guest post from Senor! It's a group blog and Molly posted something recently. Take a peek. Here's a nice segue... the Tao of Pauly Pothead of the Week goes to: Man Attempts to Buy Pizza with Pot. Only in Fargo, ya? Here's a bit: Pizza Patrol driver Atif Yasin thought the man was asleep when he arrived to deliver a medium pizza and 20-ounce soda. After knocking a few times and calling the man on his cell phone, Yasin said he answered the door in his boxers.For my four readers who are horse racing fans, At the Derby, Racing Is Facing Its Drug Problem is an interesting read from the NY Times. This weekend, I like Wilko to win the derby.  Paris Inc. speaks for itself. And a sample:After years of being a ubiquitous presence on the global nightlife scene, dancing on tabletops and sauntering down red carpets from Australia to Los Angeles, Paris Hilton says she is eager to leave her Red Bull-fueled evenings behind and make the leap from globe-trotting sex kitten to savvy business titan.So many things wrong with that article. I'll let you pick it apart. Paris Hilton is like a a bad jingle to a commercial that you can't stop humming or singing and can't get it out of yur head! Torture. Moving on to hamburger lovers like myself... I might check this place out with Derek and Al Cant Hang. 15 pound burger? Are you shitting me? In Atlanta I used to eat at Fuddrucker's sometimes. We'd always give fake names. Skippy used to use Octavio. I used Horatio. The 1/3 pounders with bacon kicked my ass. In NYC there was a small deli across the street from the World Trade Center where I used to eat there every day when I worked there the summer before college. I used to be a huge fan of their cheeseburgers. Nothing too big, but juicy. McAnn's is a chain of Irish pubs and their burgers were pretty kick ass as well. Fat, thick, on toasted buns with crunchy steak fries. And then there's this Greek diner in the neighborhood I grew up in... those burgers are the some of the best I ever had. In Vegas, I took Senor to his first Fatbuger. They ain't bad. An American died on "The Mountain." At least he reched the peak before he died on the way down. I'm shocked that more people don't die up there on Mt. Everest every year. I never thought I'd ever link Wonkette up, but here I am. JLo Contemplates White House Run. She'll be lucky if she can afford to buy a White Castle franchise in ten years let alone a run for the White House. | Permalink | Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Recent Cover Songs I Hear on the Radio... 1. Sweet Jane by The Cowboy Junkies 2. Personal Jesus by Johnny Cash 3. Waltzing Matilda by Tom Waits 4. Big River by The Grateful Dead 5. Sexual Healing by Ben Harper | Permalink | Chuck Klosterman's Top 21 CDs Since 2002 One of my favorite pop-culture writers, Chuck Klosterman shit out a Top 21 list of high-quality CDs. Take a peek. I disagree with Courtney Love on there, but I haven't heard it. I can't pass musical judgement on the psycho bitch but I disqualify her on the grounds she whacked Kurt Cobain. Anyway, just when I thought I was getting old, I felt a little cool that I actually knew most of the bands on his list. Do I own any their CDs? Hell no. I'm not the Belle and Sebastian kinda guy. Take a peek for yourself. | Permalink | Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, Part III "I would believe only in a god who could dance." - NietzscheDisclaimer: There is not one bad beat story appearing within the next 1300 words. We wandered past the credulous tourists and devoted gamblers onto the casino floor. I was staying in Vegas for another day but Senor had to get back to Rhode Island for work. Grubby agreed to drive Senor to the airport and we had about fifteen minutes to kill. Senor wanted to play Pai Gow Poker at some point during his trip. We never had the chance with all the time we spent at the Mandalay Bay's sports book gambling on college basketball, or playing regular poker, and hanging out at strip clubs. We wasted a few minutes after we got slightly lost and stopped to ogle at all the hot college girls on spring break. We resumed our quest for a Pai Gow table and finally found one. The only problem... it was a $50 minimum table... when we were looking for a $5 or $10 table. Caesar's did not spread any low limit Pai Gow. There were six tables and half of them were empty. We walked over to one table where a pit boss was talking to the dealer. Grubby asked the suit if he could drop the minimum bet to $25 since we wanted to teach Senor how to play. We told him we were going to leave in five minutes to take him to the airport. The pit boss agreed. Our dealer was Lee, a middle aged Korean woman, and she quickly explained the rules to Senor. We bought in for $100 each and got four green chips. I won the first few hands and pushed the rest. Senor won $75 in three hands and walked away after he tipped Lee $10. He won enough money for dinner and was satisfied with his first Pai Gow experience. Grubby and I played for a few more hands. I went up $100 then decided to walk away. Grubby was a winner too. On our way to the cashier's window Senor mentioned, "You won yourself enough money to cover dinner and a few lap dances." Grubby drove Senor to the airport quickly. We encountered traffic trying to get out of the labyrinth called Caesar's parking garage. Grubby avoided the crowded Las Vegas Blvd. and drove down side streets en route to McCarran. Grubby was officially a local and had been living in Vegas for three months. It felt cool to have a different perspective of a city that was so heavily populated with dipshit tourists and people working in the service industry. After we said good-bye to Senor, Grubby sped off in our quest to do a little strip club hopping. We had already hit up Sin a few days prior, which I loved -- especially Jessina. Grubby suggested a handful of places. He and his sister, Grubette, had had a crazy night at Club Paradise a few nights earlier and he wanted to try a different place. We headed downtown and decided to check out Olympic Gardens. As we drove up to the club, a Las Vegas Metro squad car sat out front with it's doors wide open. An animated guy spoke very loudly to the two cops as they stood with their arms crossed. "That doesn't look promising," I said. We parked and walked inside. Grubby pointed out that the doors were wide open and how that was also another bad sign. We took a peek inside and it was empty. We didn't even bother sitting down and walked right out. I could only imagine what might have gone down twenty minutes before we showed up. maybe we missed a good fight? Or an extremely drunk and frisky customer getting rowdy with the dancers? We found our way to Treasures and the parking lot looked empty. That's when I remembered that it was Easter Sunday night. "It's not like strippers are religious or anything," Grubby explained on the walk to the entrance of the lavish strip club. We paid the cover charge and made our way inside. It reminded me of a cross between an art museum and Anne Rice's house in a weird fusion of Goth meets Italian Renaissance. A stage with funky lights and a stripper pole sat up front with winding stairs leading up to a balcony which wrapped around the room. If you removed all the smaller tables and booths along the walls, the strip club could have been a great venue for live music. We found a table and a few minutes passed before a waitress came over. I did not spot any available strippers. In the booth across from us, a bald accountant from Ohio happily sat with two strippers. They were laughing and sipping cocktails and the black girl erotically rubbed his chest and while the blonde girl applied more lipstick as we watched and a small wave of envy flashed over us. "This is just like a regular bar. I'm being ignored," Grubby said in a dejected tone. "Easter Sunday," I reassured him that it wasn't us, just the fact that strippers were more religious than we anticipated. Our waitress eventually arrived with our over-priced beers and I scanned the room for available strippers. One danced on the stage as bad Eastern European techno music blasted over the sound system in the near-empty room. A few dancers were scattered around and busy entertaining other guests. At Sin it seemed that strippers constantly walked around and offered their services for a dance. At Treasures, the most action we got was watching the bald Ohio guy get double teamed by the Silicone Twins. That's when Julie stumbled over. Extremely wasted women are a turn off... unless they are completely passed out (Sorry, bad frat boy joke). She was so ripped to the tits drunk that she didn't even bother using her stripper name and blurted out her real name. Julie then sprawled out on my lap and slurred, "Spank me!" I obliged and she screamed again motioning towards Grubby, "Spank me!" He spanked her and I followed up with another "whack." I wondered if I could add that to my resume? Special Skills: Knowledge of Java. I also speak three languages fluently, can make a bong out of any household item, and spank strippers.How could I not get hired with those mad skills? Julie asked us if we wanted a dance. Grubby gave her a quick thumbs down and I reluctantly agreed. She sat up and waited until the next song. She slumped over me and I could smell the liquor on her breath. That's when I uttered, "You know, Nietzsche died of syphilis." That comment went right over her head. Out of the hundreds of strippers working that night, I was matched up with the Tara Reid of strippers. The new song began and she took off her top and began her tipsy lap dance. A couple of times she lost her balance and slipped off my lap. I caught her each time and was worried that if I dropped her, one of the bouncers would rush over and kick me in the junk. It was a horrible experience and I pissed away $20 on half-assed grope from a soused stripper. Normally, a half-naked woman grinding away to Rick James' "Give It To Me Baby" is a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I wasn't aroused by Drunk Julie and couldn't wait for our moment to end. Our four minutes together was like ordering a bowl of soup and having it served cold with a dozen cockroaches floating around in there and glazed with both a urine and semen sample. As we walked out of the strip club, past the bouncers, I shrugged my shoulders and looked up into the desert sky. I smiled because I found myself on the bitter end of karmic payback for attending a strip club on Easter Sunday. ... to be continued Feel free to read Part I and Part II. | Permalink | Monday, May 02, 2005
Monday Monday: Random Thoughts and Radio Free Pauly Grubby called me from LA and gave me the scoop on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. He told me it was a PR stunt, at least that's what he's hearing on the streets on Hollyweird from one of his inside sources. There is still some hope for me. Briana left for Europe today without updating her blog! I miss her already. I'm sure I'll go into serious withdrawal next week. With her being absent from my day-to-day life and not sucking up huge bouts of my emotional energy (just kidding), I'll have more time to write. I cranked out a ton of shit this weekend, some of it personal and some of it freelance work. I wrote a player profile on Dan Harrington, worked on Part 3 of my Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, whipped up a review of Empire Poker, and even wrote 1200 words on the former professions of current pro poker players. I also took a peek at some of the edits on the next issue of Truckin' that Jessica worked on last week. I had a couple of articles published in the past week on three different sites. Here they are: 1. The Next Champion (Poker Player Newspaper)I also picked up two or three more freelance assignments which would bring the total to about 14 pieces I've been contracted to write for May. That's a shitload of work, but I have to take as much as I can get. I completed four pieces and have ten more to go. I'm in one of those modes when I just want to write as much as I can before I go out of town this weekend and get all kinds of fucked up. Daddy over at Snailtrax is a professional party guy. So is Iggy. And I'm hanging out with both next weekend. My mind will be frazzled for sure when I get back to NYC... then I have two more Trey Band shows. Yikes. I finally told my mother that I was moving to Las Vegas to cover the World Series of Poker. She took it very well. She was more pissed that I was skipping off next weekend for Mother's Day. Whatever. Since I'm a big time writer she decided to institute a "pay-what-you-eat" system at her apartment. I guess it's just like that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry got sick of Kramer coming over and eating all his food, so he began keeping a tab. My mom is doing that now, especially on bacon consumption because bacon is pretty expensive and I keep eating up all her bacon. What can I say... I like bacon. She emailed me my bacon bill. Unreal. I played in another poker bloggers tournament last night. Bob won last Sunday's tournament. I got lucky early and won a hand when I had a very small chance of winning. I lasted until 21st place and karma came my way when I lost a big hand that I should have won since I was the favorite. Anyway, Derek played great again and made the final table. He caught cold cards and did not advance. He was getting a lot of support once he made the final table. One blogger from Europe commented that Derek as the only "big name blogger" left at the final table. He overlooked the Poker Prof who also made the final table. Here's something hilarious... I funded both Derek's and Poker Prof's accounts. Without my help, they did not enough money in their accounts to play! If you care to read about the blogger tournament... visit the Tao of Poker. Radio Free Pauly I taped my interview with Sean on Friday night, instead of Saturday for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe and it's making me a huge cult figure in Canada. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get this done (fo free) so stop by and show your support.You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 24: Here. You can download last week's show... Episode 23: Here. You can read the show's notes: Here. My segment starts at the 30:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 13-14 minutes. We talked about last week's blogger tournament and my prep for Vegas. Oh, I threw out a random Degrassi Junior High reference. Check it out! Sean was happy that I brought some original material to this episode. This week's show as always, features an interview with the Poker Prof who talks about the brand new Wynn casino. If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Thanks again to Sean for having me on. That's it for now. I have to get back to writing. | Permalink | Sunday, May 01, 2005
#55: The Grateful Dead Rolling Stone has been doing their Top 100 Bands. My favorite band of all time was picked #55. They ask current musicians to write about the particular band. They asked Warren Haynes to say a few words. Here's a bit: Jerry is still one of the few guitarists where as soon as you hear him, you know instantly who it is. As a guitar player, that is the thing I strive for: the distinct, recognizable personality that comes out in every note. There was a humanity in Jerry's guitar work as well as his singing that drew you in. He was a very personal guitarist; he played with more heart and soul than technique. And to me, that's what the best music is made of.Damn, I miss Jerry and the Dead. | Permalink | Sunday Link Dump: Motherless Heads, Kate Beckinsale Smokes, Shooting Pledges, Boob Cams, Kevin Smith, and E for Vets  Happy Mother's Day! Man Tells Police He Locked Dead Mother In Freezer For Years I wonder is he's related to Norman Bates. I'm sure his neighbors said, "He was a really quiet guy. A bit of a Momma's boy, if you ask me."Here's the Kate Beckinsale picture of the day. I love the fact she's clutching her smokes instead of a cell phone! In today's frat boys news blurb: UC Berkeley Fraternity charged in pellet shooting. Nice. Brothers shooting naked pledges with pellet guns. And to think that I was pissed when I got Alpo thrown at me. I love this item, which I should post to my poker blog: Four Surveillance Camera Operators at N.J. Casino Accused of Ogling Female Patrons. You gotta love Atlantic City security. They'll keep an eye on your chips and your girlfriend's cleavage. Speaking of gambling here are some hilarious Asian gambling superstitions. Bald men and virgins are bad. Ecstasy's The Rx For Bummed-Out Iraq Vets made me think about enlisting. File this one under... fucked up! The Saudis arrest 35 people who attended a gay wedding. Those poor fellows are most likely going to be tourtured. Wasn't W holding hands with some Saudi big wig? Doesn't that get your hand cut off over there? I wonder what Thomas Friedman would have to say about that? Instead, here's a recent op/ed from Mr. Freidman called What me worry? A new huge planet 230 light years away was discovered. I thought that was pretty cool. Let's send SG1 to investigate. Kevin Smith recently reviewed Revenge of the Sith. Take a peek. | Permalink | HOME
Archives 2002: May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec 2003: Jan - Feb - March - Apr - May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec 2004: Jan - Feb - March - Apr - May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec 2005: Jan - Feb - March - Apr - May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec 2006: Jan - Feb - March - Apr - May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec 2007: Jan - Feb - March - Apr - May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec 2008: Jan - Feb - March - Apr - May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec 2009: Jan - Feb - March - Apr - May - June - July - Aug - Sept - Oct - Nov - Dec "Tao is the thing that accompanies all other things. Its name is Tranquility amid all Disturbances." - Chuang Tzu     |
