Here are some pics I took over the last week...
Final Results:Congrats to PKPNF! And stay tuned for his Tao of Pauly Best Actor acceptance speech.
Pro Keno Player Neil Fontenot (29%)
The Rooster (10%)
Uncle Ted (6%)
LA life: actress next door singing a Gwen Steffani song in the shower while I write & stay off tilt from the noisy landscapers in straw hats.She lives upstairs on the second floor in the salmon painted apartment building next door. The straw hat-clad landscapers in black jeans with green stains mercilessly whacked the weeds and chopped four inches off he pathetic thing the slumlord called shrubbery.
Whenever I hear any Jimmy Buffet song, I have a sudden uncontrollable urge to down a shot of tequila and snort a colossal line of cocaine.The songs of Mr. Jimmy Buffet triggered something in my brain and an explosive chemical reaction commenced and altered every single one of my senses. I'm transported back to the days during the Bush I's lordship... on a vast porch in Georgia, sipping a stiff Jim Beam and diet coke cocktail and sitting around in Umbros and t-shirts shouting sexual explicit cat calls at attention-seeking sorority girls as they jogged down Fraternity Row. A Jimmy Buffet song pumped through the speakers from the sound system and all you thought about was leaving the sweltering gnat infested brokeass redneck South and headed to the brilliant sunshine state with water and sun and drugs and the seaside towns on the Atlantic coast were inhabited by gun-toting meth-snorting pick up driving Obama hating rednecks, former Cuban revolutionaries converted into Big Mac chowing masses, retired millionaire golfers soused to the tits on a Viagra & gin cocktails, tons of churches with standing room only and congregations filled with Bible thumpers and zealots from every faith possible -- Scientologists, Mormons, Amish, Rastafarian, Moonies, Sufists, and don't forget those old Jews from Brooklyn).
I'm giving up irony for Lent.The above statement is self explanatory.
I watched all of '27 Dresses' hoping that Katherine Heigel would show her boobs. Sadly, no boobs. FMLI never really thought that Katherine Heigel was as smokin' hot as everyone hyped her up to be. Yeah, her tits are huge pillows of flesh, but their nothing compared to the handfuls of happiness that belonged to Scarlett Boobies. I enjoyed Knocked Up and she can play funny, but you know, she was knocked up and never exposed her tits, and she was pregnant in most of the scenes and it was hard for me to rub one out to a pregnant chick, not that I have never done that before, it's just it's not something that happened on a daily basis and had not happened in a very long time. Thank God.
1. American BeautyThose five flicks also happened to be some of my all time favorites. Sort of strange that I watched all of those within a week of each other.
2. Apocalypse Now
3. Almost Famous
4. Annie Hall
5. A Clockwork Orange
Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.Allen shot the film for $4 million. It was one of his largest commercial successes and pulled in $40M in 1977 dollars.
My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.
(On the cleanliness of LA)... That's because they don't throw their garbage away, they turn it into television shows.
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat... college.
Today, at the urinal a guy came up next to me to do his business. He stared over at me, looked down, laughed and then left.
Today, I was talking to my friend about my life and she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad.
Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder.
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriends recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and it's back two legs were poking out of the dirt.
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand.
Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too.
Today, my 4 year old niece ask me why I didn't have a job or wife.
Today, my mom slept all day. But when she got out of bed for five minutes, she told me I was a worthless piece of shit. Then she proceeded to do nothing, and went back to bed.
Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!"
Today, my sister teased me about being a mistake baby. When I told my mom what my sister said, her response was "I still love you anyway".
Today, I was reading an article about girls who have low self-esteem and end up whoring around to feel better. When I finished, I realized it was actually written by my best friend. The girl in the article was me.
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain.
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets.
Today, I got in a huge fight with my mom. So, I went to my room and locked myself in there and played loud music so I didn't have to hear her. She then decides to yell at me over facebook. Shortly after, I log out of Facebook. She then starts yelling at me on Yahoo.
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again.
Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much turkey at a family reunion. When I looked around the room over 20 relatives were giving me nasty looks.
1. the plight sitting at the booths inside Jack in the BoxThe big assed iced tea came in an oversized plastic cup with photo a taco and a plate of mozarella sticks splashed on the side. The cup had a skinny bottom to fit into car cup holders. Jack in the Box knew their LA-based clientele consumed more fast food in their cars than inside their dingy excuses for restaurants. After all, in a town where image is everything, no one would want to be caught inside a Jack in the Box by paparazzi.
2. the iced tea
3. the walking meditation
4. the opportunity to unfrazzle my frazzled thoughts
Tommy Allsup, the guitarist in the Crickets, had the other seat locked up. Despite a morbid fear of flying, Ritchie Valens pestered Allsup all night to give up the seat. Allsup finally decided to let fate decide who gets the seat. They agreed to flip a coin. And here's where revisionist Hollyweird history fucks stuff up. In the film La Bamba, there's a dramatic scene on the snowy runway of Mason City airport where the coin flip took place. Except that did not happen. The coin flip took place backstage and not on the runway. The runway scene added a more dramatic effect for the film.
Major corporations went into the shitter and banks lost billions and billions of dollars on reckless gambling. Auto companies churned out oversized gas guzzling pieces of shit that no one wanted to purchase, so since those fat cats are lining up for a juicy government hand outs, I figure here was my chance to get in line behind homeowners with bad credit that never should have gotten loans in the first place, the crooks cooking the books at AIG, and those douchebags Freddie and Fannie. Man, if I ever see that bitch Fannie Mae walking down Nassau Street, I'm gonna punch her in the vagina.
It's Groundhog Day ... again. If you see Ned Ryerson, it's okay to punch him in the face. BING!Yeah, sometimes the folks on Twitter make me laugh.
'Pickles and Potter'. Could a name be any more English? Thankfully, they do the best sandwiches in Leeds.
Kym has sneezed her head off. If you find it, please return it to it's rightful owner.
I could shoot the sequel to Fargo in the Clapham common.
Just called to get directions to courthouse. They reminded me to arrive 15 mins early for a "weapons inspection."
They should start shooting free throws like Ollie.
again, the future of seo?? it's called kickass content.
Just destroyed a gruyere crepe with ratatouille.
I know I'm an idiot, but sometimes I surprise even myself. And then I REALLY feel like an idiot. Well done, sir, well done.
There is not a joke sufficient to erase the pain of today's wind chill.
My life is weird. Awesome, but often weird.
wonders if he'll ever get used to his ex-gfs having babies. Weird.
Help me, Twitter. I started smoking cigarettes again. And I love it. Like a lot. It's been so long. Where have you been? Help. Camel Lights.
Who wears red pants, seriously.
Woke up this morning feeling the tiniest bit like Martin Sheen at the beginning of Apocalypse Now.
2. I'm probably not going to follow you. I follow a few close friends, a few people whose work I really admire or whose Tweets really entertain me, and a couple of news sources. I can't possibly follow all 53,000 of you (it went up since I sent those Tweets yesterday. Weird.) — or even one percent of that number — and still get any work done. I'm easily distracted, so I have to draw the circle very small so I can step out of it when I need to.Yeah, I was flattered that I was one of 89 people that Wil followed. Weeee! But as much as I dig that ego boost, his words resonated a different way. It demonstrated that I don't have to feel guilty about not following people who follow me. People are sensative these days. Right now, I just don't have the time to fuck around on Twitter. After I discovered that Twitter was one of the top 3 sites that I frequently visited over the last few months, I freaked out and imposed a self-restraint on twitter. I would only read it a couple of times a day.