Recent Cover Songs I Hear on the Radio...
1. Sweet Jane by The Cowboy Junkies
2. Personal Jesus by Johnny Cash
3. Waltzing Matilda by Tom Waits
4. Big River by The Grateful Dead
5. Sexual Healing by Ben Harper
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Chuck Klosterman's Top 21 CDs Since 2002
One of my favorite pop-culture writers, Chuck Klosterman shit out a Top 21 list of high-quality CDs. Take a peek. I disagree with Courtney Love on there, but I haven't heard it. I can't pass musical judgement on the psycho bitch but I disqualify her on the grounds she whacked Kurt Cobain. Anyway, just when I thought I was getting old, I felt a little cool that I actually knew most of the bands on his list. Do I own any their CDs? Hell no. I'm not the Belle and Sebastian kinda guy. Take a peek for yourself.
One of my favorite pop-culture writers, Chuck Klosterman shit out a Top 21 list of high-quality CDs. Take a peek. I disagree with Courtney Love on there, but I haven't heard it. I can't pass musical judgement on the psycho bitch but I disqualify her on the grounds she whacked Kurt Cobain. Anyway, just when I thought I was getting old, I felt a little cool that I actually knew most of the bands on his list. Do I own any their CDs? Hell no. I'm not the Belle and Sebastian kinda guy. Take a peek for yourself.
Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, Part III
We wandered past the credulous tourists and devoted gamblers onto the casino floor. I was staying in Vegas for another day but Senor had to get back to Rhode Island for work. Grubby agreed to drive Senor to the airport and we had about fifteen minutes to kill. Senor wanted to play Pai Gow Poker at some point during his trip. We never had the chance with all the time we spent at the Mandalay Bay's sports book gambling on college basketball, or playing regular poker, and hanging out at strip clubs. We wasted a few minutes after we got slightly lost and stopped to ogle at all the hot college girls on spring break. We resumed our quest for a Pai Gow table and finally found one. The only problem... it was a $50 minimum table... when we were looking for a $5 or $10 table.
Caesar's did not spread any low limit Pai Gow. There were six tables and half of them were empty. We walked over to one table where a pit boss was talking to the dealer. Grubby asked the suit if he could drop the minimum bet to $25 since we wanted to teach Senor how to play. We told him we were going to leave in five minutes to take him to the airport. The pit boss agreed. Our dealer was Lee, a middle aged Korean woman, and she quickly explained the rules to Senor. We bought in for $100 each and got four green chips. I won the first few hands and pushed the rest. Senor won $75 in three hands and walked away after he tipped Lee $10. He won enough money for dinner and was satisfied with his first Pai Gow experience. Grubby and I played for a few more hands. I went up $100 then decided to walk away. Grubby was a winner too. On our way to the cashier's window Senor mentioned, "You won yourself enough money to cover dinner and a few lap dances."
Grubby drove Senor to the airport quickly. We encountered traffic trying to get out of the labyrinth called Caesar's parking garage. Grubby avoided the crowded Las Vegas Blvd. and drove down side streets en route to McCarran. Grubby was officially a local and had been living in Vegas for three months. It felt cool to have a different perspective of a city that was so heavily populated with dipshit tourists and people working in the service industry. After we said good-bye to Senor, Grubby sped off in our quest to do a little strip club hopping. We had already hit up Sin a few days prior, which I loved -- especially Jessina. Grubby suggested a handful of places. He and his sister, Grubette, had had a crazy night at Club Paradise a few nights earlier and he wanted to try a different place. We headed downtown and decided to check out Olympic Gardens.
As we drove up to the club, a Las Vegas Metro squad car sat out front with it's doors wide open. An animated guy spoke very loudly to the two cops as they stood with their arms crossed.
"That doesn't look promising," I said.
We parked and walked inside. Grubby pointed out that the doors were wide open and how that was also another bad sign. We took a peek inside and it was empty. We didn't even bother sitting down and walked right out. I could only imagine what might have gone down twenty minutes before we showed up. maybe we missed a good fight? Or an extremely drunk and frisky customer getting rowdy with the dancers?
We found our way to Treasures and the parking lot looked empty. That's when I remembered that it was Easter Sunday night.
"It's not like strippers are religious or anything," Grubby explained on the walk to the entrance of the lavish strip club.
We paid the cover charge and made our way inside. It reminded me of a cross between an art museum and Anne Rice's house in a weird fusion of Goth meets Italian Renaissance. A stage with funky lights and a stripper pole sat up front with winding stairs leading up to a balcony which wrapped around the room. If you removed all the smaller tables and booths along the walls, the strip club could have been a great venue for live music. We found a table and a few minutes passed before a waitress came over. I did not spot any available strippers. In the booth across from us, a bald accountant from Ohio happily sat with two strippers. They were laughing and sipping cocktails and the black girl erotically rubbed his chest and while the blonde girl applied more lipstick as we watched and a small wave of envy flashed over us.
"This is just like a regular bar. I'm being ignored," Grubby said in a dejected tone.
"Easter Sunday," I reassured him that it wasn't us, just the fact that strippers were more religious than we anticipated.
Our waitress eventually arrived with our over-priced beers and I scanned the room for available strippers. One danced on the stage as bad Eastern European techno music blasted over the sound system in the near-empty room. A few dancers were scattered around and busy entertaining other guests. At Sin it seemed that strippers constantly walked around and offered their services for a dance. At Treasures, the most action we got was watching the bald Ohio guy get double teamed by the Silicone Twins. That's when Julie stumbled over.
Extremely wasted women are a turn off... unless they are completely passed out (Sorry, bad frat boy joke). She was so ripped to the tits drunk that she didn't even bother using her stripper name and blurted out her real name. Julie then sprawled out on my lap and slurred, "Spank me!"
I obliged and she screamed again motioning towards Grubby, "Spank me!"
He spanked her and I followed up with another "whack." I wondered if I could add that to my resume?
That comment went right over her head.
Out of the hundreds of strippers working that night, I was matched up with the Tara Reid of strippers. The new song began and she took off her top and began her tipsy lap dance. A couple of times she lost her balance and slipped off my lap. I caught her each time and was worried that if I dropped her, one of the bouncers would rush over and kick me in the junk. It was a horrible experience and I pissed away $20 on half-assed grope from a soused stripper. Normally, a half-naked woman grinding away to Rick James' "Give It To Me Baby" is a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I wasn't aroused by Drunk Julie and couldn't wait for our moment to end. Our four minutes together was like ordering a bowl of soup and having it served cold with a dozen cockroaches floating around in there and glazed with both a urine and semen sample.
As we walked out of the strip club, past the bouncers, I shrugged my shoulders and looked up into the desert sky. I smiled because I found myself on the bitter end of karmic payback for attending a strip club on Easter Sunday.
... to be continued
Feel free to read Part I and Part II.
"I would believe only in a god who could dance." - NietzscheDisclaimer: There is not one bad beat story appearing within the next 1300 words.
We wandered past the credulous tourists and devoted gamblers onto the casino floor. I was staying in Vegas for another day but Senor had to get back to Rhode Island for work. Grubby agreed to drive Senor to the airport and we had about fifteen minutes to kill. Senor wanted to play Pai Gow Poker at some point during his trip. We never had the chance with all the time we spent at the Mandalay Bay's sports book gambling on college basketball, or playing regular poker, and hanging out at strip clubs. We wasted a few minutes after we got slightly lost and stopped to ogle at all the hot college girls on spring break. We resumed our quest for a Pai Gow table and finally found one. The only problem... it was a $50 minimum table... when we were looking for a $5 or $10 table.
Caesar's did not spread any low limit Pai Gow. There were six tables and half of them were empty. We walked over to one table where a pit boss was talking to the dealer. Grubby asked the suit if he could drop the minimum bet to $25 since we wanted to teach Senor how to play. We told him we were going to leave in five minutes to take him to the airport. The pit boss agreed. Our dealer was Lee, a middle aged Korean woman, and she quickly explained the rules to Senor. We bought in for $100 each and got four green chips. I won the first few hands and pushed the rest. Senor won $75 in three hands and walked away after he tipped Lee $10. He won enough money for dinner and was satisfied with his first Pai Gow experience. Grubby and I played for a few more hands. I went up $100 then decided to walk away. Grubby was a winner too. On our way to the cashier's window Senor mentioned, "You won yourself enough money to cover dinner and a few lap dances."
Grubby drove Senor to the airport quickly. We encountered traffic trying to get out of the labyrinth called Caesar's parking garage. Grubby avoided the crowded Las Vegas Blvd. and drove down side streets en route to McCarran. Grubby was officially a local and had been living in Vegas for three months. It felt cool to have a different perspective of a city that was so heavily populated with dipshit tourists and people working in the service industry. After we said good-bye to Senor, Grubby sped off in our quest to do a little strip club hopping. We had already hit up Sin a few days prior, which I loved -- especially Jessina. Grubby suggested a handful of places. He and his sister, Grubette, had had a crazy night at Club Paradise a few nights earlier and he wanted to try a different place. We headed downtown and decided to check out Olympic Gardens.
As we drove up to the club, a Las Vegas Metro squad car sat out front with it's doors wide open. An animated guy spoke very loudly to the two cops as they stood with their arms crossed.
"That doesn't look promising," I said.
We parked and walked inside. Grubby pointed out that the doors were wide open and how that was also another bad sign. We took a peek inside and it was empty. We didn't even bother sitting down and walked right out. I could only imagine what might have gone down twenty minutes before we showed up. maybe we missed a good fight? Or an extremely drunk and frisky customer getting rowdy with the dancers?
We found our way to Treasures and the parking lot looked empty. That's when I remembered that it was Easter Sunday night.
"It's not like strippers are religious or anything," Grubby explained on the walk to the entrance of the lavish strip club.
We paid the cover charge and made our way inside. It reminded me of a cross between an art museum and Anne Rice's house in a weird fusion of Goth meets Italian Renaissance. A stage with funky lights and a stripper pole sat up front with winding stairs leading up to a balcony which wrapped around the room. If you removed all the smaller tables and booths along the walls, the strip club could have been a great venue for live music. We found a table and a few minutes passed before a waitress came over. I did not spot any available strippers. In the booth across from us, a bald accountant from Ohio happily sat with two strippers. They were laughing and sipping cocktails and the black girl erotically rubbed his chest and while the blonde girl applied more lipstick as we watched and a small wave of envy flashed over us.
"This is just like a regular bar. I'm being ignored," Grubby said in a dejected tone.
"Easter Sunday," I reassured him that it wasn't us, just the fact that strippers were more religious than we anticipated.
Our waitress eventually arrived with our over-priced beers and I scanned the room for available strippers. One danced on the stage as bad Eastern European techno music blasted over the sound system in the near-empty room. A few dancers were scattered around and busy entertaining other guests. At Sin it seemed that strippers constantly walked around and offered their services for a dance. At Treasures, the most action we got was watching the bald Ohio guy get double teamed by the Silicone Twins. That's when Julie stumbled over.
Extremely wasted women are a turn off... unless they are completely passed out (Sorry, bad frat boy joke). She was so ripped to the tits drunk that she didn't even bother using her stripper name and blurted out her real name. Julie then sprawled out on my lap and slurred, "Spank me!"
I obliged and she screamed again motioning towards Grubby, "Spank me!"
He spanked her and I followed up with another "whack." I wondered if I could add that to my resume?
Special Skills: Knowledge of Java. I also speak three languages fluently, can make a bong out of any household item, and spank strippers.How could I not get hired with those mad skills? Julie asked us if we wanted a dance. Grubby gave her a quick thumbs down and I reluctantly agreed. She sat up and waited until the next song. She slumped over me and I could smell the liquor on her breath. That's when I uttered, "You know, Nietzsche died of syphilis."
That comment went right over her head.
Out of the hundreds of strippers working that night, I was matched up with the Tara Reid of strippers. The new song began and she took off her top and began her tipsy lap dance. A couple of times she lost her balance and slipped off my lap. I caught her each time and was worried that if I dropped her, one of the bouncers would rush over and kick me in the junk. It was a horrible experience and I pissed away $20 on half-assed grope from a soused stripper. Normally, a half-naked woman grinding away to Rick James' "Give It To Me Baby" is a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I wasn't aroused by Drunk Julie and couldn't wait for our moment to end. Our four minutes together was like ordering a bowl of soup and having it served cold with a dozen cockroaches floating around in there and glazed with both a urine and semen sample.
As we walked out of the strip club, past the bouncers, I shrugged my shoulders and looked up into the desert sky. I smiled because I found myself on the bitter end of karmic payback for attending a strip club on Easter Sunday.
... to be continued
Feel free to read Part I and Part II.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Monday Monday: Random Thoughts and Radio Free Pauly
Grubby called me from LA and gave me the scoop on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. He told me it was a PR stunt, at least that's what he's hearing on the streets on Hollyweird from one of his inside sources. There is still some hope for me.
Briana left for Europe today without updating her blog! I miss her already. I'm sure I'll go into serious withdrawal next week. With her being absent from my day-to-day life and not sucking up huge bouts of my emotional energy (just kidding), I'll have more time to write.
I cranked out a ton of shit this weekend, some of it personal and some of it freelance work. I wrote a player profile on Dan Harrington, worked on Part 3 of my Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, whipped up a review of Empire Poker, and even wrote 1200 words on the former professions of current pro poker players. I also took a peek at some of the edits on the next issue of Truckin' that Jessica worked on last week.
I had a couple of articles published in the past week on three different sites. Here they are:
I finally told my mother that I was moving to Las Vegas to cover the World Series of Poker. She took it very well. She was more pissed that I was skipping off next weekend for Mother's Day. Whatever. Since I'm a big time writer she decided to institute a "pay-what-you-eat" system at her apartment. I guess it's just like that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry got sick of Kramer coming over and eating all his food, so he began keeping a tab. My mom is doing that now, especially on bacon consumption because bacon is pretty expensive and I keep eating up all her bacon. What can I say... I like bacon. She emailed me my bacon bill. Unreal.
I played in another poker bloggers tournament last night. Bob won last Sunday's tournament. I got lucky early and won a hand when I had a very small chance of winning. I lasted until 21st place and karma came my way when I lost a big hand that I should have won since I was the favorite. Anyway, Derek played great again and made the final table. He caught cold cards and did not advance. He was getting a lot of support once he made the final table. One blogger from Europe commented that Derek as the only "big name blogger" left at the final table. He overlooked the Poker Prof who also made the final table. Here's something hilarious... I funded both Derek's and Poker Prof's accounts. Without my help, they did not enough money in their accounts to play! If you care to read about the blogger tournament... visit the Tao of Poker.
Radio Free Pauly
I taped my interview with Sean on Friday night, instead of Saturday for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe and it's making me a huge cult figure in Canada. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get this done (fo free) so stop by and show your support.
You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 24: Here.
You can download last week's show... Episode 23: Here.
You can read the show's notes: Here.
My segment starts at the 30:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 13-14 minutes. We talked about last week's blogger tournament and my prep for Vegas. Oh, I threw out a random Degrassi Junior High reference. Check it out! Sean was happy that I brought some original material to this episode. This week's show as always, features an interview with the Poker Prof who talks about the brand new Wynn casino.
If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Thanks again to Sean for having me on.
That's it for now. I have to get back to writing.
Grubby called me from LA and gave me the scoop on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. He told me it was a PR stunt, at least that's what he's hearing on the streets on Hollyweird from one of his inside sources. There is still some hope for me.
Briana left for Europe today without updating her blog! I miss her already. I'm sure I'll go into serious withdrawal next week. With her being absent from my day-to-day life and not sucking up huge bouts of my emotional energy (just kidding), I'll have more time to write.
I cranked out a ton of shit this weekend, some of it personal and some of it freelance work. I wrote a player profile on Dan Harrington, worked on Part 3 of my Existentialist Conversations with Strippers, whipped up a review of Empire Poker, and even wrote 1200 words on the former professions of current pro poker players. I also took a peek at some of the edits on the next issue of Truckin' that Jessica worked on last week.
I had a couple of articles published in the past week on three different sites. Here they are:
1. The Next Champion (Poker Player Newspaper)I also picked up two or three more freelance assignments which would bring the total to about 14 pieces I've been contracted to write for May. That's a shitload of work, but I have to take as much as I can get. I completed four pieces and have ten more to go. I'm in one of those modes when I just want to write as much as I can before I go out of town this weekend and get all kinds of fucked up. Daddy over at Snailtrax is a professional party guy. So is Iggy. And I'm hanging out with both next weekend. My mind will be frazzled for sure when I get back to NYC... then I have two more Trey Band shows. Yikes.
2. Phil Ivey player profile (Professional-Poker.com)
3. Play Poker Like the Pros... and Go Broke (Poker Magazine)
4. Book Review: Small Stakes Hold'em by Ed Miller (Professional-Poker.com)
5. Chris "Jesus" Ferguson player profile (Professional-Poker.com)
I finally told my mother that I was moving to Las Vegas to cover the World Series of Poker. She took it very well. She was more pissed that I was skipping off next weekend for Mother's Day. Whatever. Since I'm a big time writer she decided to institute a "pay-what-you-eat" system at her apartment. I guess it's just like that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry got sick of Kramer coming over and eating all his food, so he began keeping a tab. My mom is doing that now, especially on bacon consumption because bacon is pretty expensive and I keep eating up all her bacon. What can I say... I like bacon. She emailed me my bacon bill. Unreal.
I played in another poker bloggers tournament last night. Bob won last Sunday's tournament. I got lucky early and won a hand when I had a very small chance of winning. I lasted until 21st place and karma came my way when I lost a big hand that I should have won since I was the favorite. Anyway, Derek played great again and made the final table. He caught cold cards and did not advance. He was getting a lot of support once he made the final table. One blogger from Europe commented that Derek as the only "big name blogger" left at the final table. He overlooked the Poker Prof who also made the final table. Here's something hilarious... I funded both Derek's and Poker Prof's accounts. Without my help, they did not enough money in their accounts to play! If you care to read about the blogger tournament... visit the Tao of Poker.
Radio Free Pauly
I taped my interview with Sean on Friday night, instead of Saturday for the Lord Admiral Card Club Radio Show and Podcast. If you don't know it's the best podcast dedicated to poker in the universe and it's making me a huge cult figure in Canada. Sean and Brent are working hard every week to get this done (fo free) so stop by and show your support.You can download the MP3 of this week's show... Episode 24: Here.
You can download last week's show... Episode 23: Here.
You can read the show's notes: Here.
My segment starts at the 30:00 mark of the show and it lasts about 13-14 minutes. We talked about last week's blogger tournament and my prep for Vegas. Oh, I threw out a random Degrassi Junior High reference. Check it out! Sean was happy that I brought some original material to this episode. This week's show as always, features an interview with the Poker Prof who talks about the brand new Wynn casino.
If you want to catch up and listen to previous episodes, please visit their archives over at Brainscat. Thanks again to Sean for having me on.
That's it for now. I have to get back to writing.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
#55: The Grateful Dead
Rolling Stone has been doing their Top 100 Bands. My favorite band of all time was picked #55. They ask current musicians to write about the particular band. They asked Warren Haynes to say a few words. Here's a bit:
Rolling Stone has been doing their Top 100 Bands. My favorite band of all time was picked #55. They ask current musicians to write about the particular band. They asked Warren Haynes to say a few words. Here's a bit:
Jerry is still one of the few guitarists where as soon as you hear him, you know instantly who it is. As a guitar player, that is the thing I strive for: the distinct, recognizable personality that comes out in every note. There was a humanity in Jerry's guitar work as well as his singing that drew you in. He was a very personal guitarist; he played with more heart and soul than technique. And to me, that's what the best music is made of.Damn, I miss Jerry and the Dead.
Sunday Link Dump: Motherless Heads, Kate Beckinsale Smokes, Shooting Pledges, Boob Cams, Kevin Smith, and E for Vets
Happy Mother's Day! Man Tells Police He Locked Dead Mother In Freezer For Years I wonder is he's related to Norman Bates. I'm sure his neighbors said, "He was a really quiet guy. A bit of a Momma's boy, if you ask me."
Here's the Kate Beckinsale picture of the day. I love the fact she's clutching her smokes instead of a cell phone!
In today's frat boys news blurb: UC Berkeley Fraternity charged in pellet shooting. Nice. Brothers shooting naked pledges with pellet guns. And to think that I was pissed when I got Alpo thrown at me.
I love this item, which I should post to my poker blog: Four Surveillance Camera Operators at N.J. Casino Accused of Ogling Female Patrons. You gotta love Atlantic City security. They'll keep an eye on your chips and your girlfriend's cleavage.
Speaking of gambling here are some hilarious Asian gambling superstitions. Bald men and virgins are bad.
Ecstasy's The Rx For Bummed-Out Iraq Vets made me think about enlisting.
File this one under... fucked up! The Saudis arrest 35 people who attended a gay wedding. Those poor fellows are most likely going to be tourtured. Wasn't W holding hands with some Saudi big wig? Doesn't that get your hand cut off over there?
I wonder what Thomas Friedman would have to say about that? Instead, here's a recent op/ed from Mr. Freidman called What me worry?
A new huge planet 230 light years away was discovered. I thought that was pretty cool. Let's send SG1 to investigate.
Kevin Smith recently reviewed Revenge of the Sith. Take a peek.
Happy Mother's Day! Man Tells Police He Locked Dead Mother In Freezer For Years I wonder is he's related to Norman Bates. I'm sure his neighbors said, "He was a really quiet guy. A bit of a Momma's boy, if you ask me."Here's the Kate Beckinsale picture of the day. I love the fact she's clutching her smokes instead of a cell phone!
In today's frat boys news blurb: UC Berkeley Fraternity charged in pellet shooting. Nice. Brothers shooting naked pledges with pellet guns. And to think that I was pissed when I got Alpo thrown at me.
I love this item, which I should post to my poker blog: Four Surveillance Camera Operators at N.J. Casino Accused of Ogling Female Patrons. You gotta love Atlantic City security. They'll keep an eye on your chips and your girlfriend's cleavage.
Speaking of gambling here are some hilarious Asian gambling superstitions. Bald men and virgins are bad.
Ecstasy's The Rx For Bummed-Out Iraq Vets made me think about enlisting.
File this one under... fucked up! The Saudis arrest 35 people who attended a gay wedding. Those poor fellows are most likely going to be tourtured. Wasn't W holding hands with some Saudi big wig? Doesn't that get your hand cut off over there?
I wonder what Thomas Friedman would have to say about that? Instead, here's a recent op/ed from Mr. Freidman called What me worry?
A new huge planet 230 light years away was discovered. I thought that was pretty cool. Let's send SG1 to investigate.
Kevin Smith recently reviewed Revenge of the Sith. Take a peek.
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