The insomnia has been heavy the last few nights. I have not slept much since Thanksgiving. I try to crash at 3 or 4am and don't fall out until 6am. I'm anxious and my mind can't stop thinking about many different aspects of my life.... personal, work, creative.
Part of that blitz of anxiety is due to the Australia assignment that I got which will send me down under for a month in January covering the Aussie Millions poker tournament. I'm not nervous about the trip or the work, but my mind races about the endless possibilities of that new travel experience to a country I've never been before.
I'm concerned about the future of my writing. Where do I go from here? I'm stuck in poker for at least a few more months, but what can I be doing to better myself as a writer and put myself in a position to have a smooth transition to whatever industry I end up? Will there still be work for me in poker a year from now? And if yes, will I still want to do it? And if no... then what?
The one question that haunts me is... When will I find time to work on a new book or screenplay? That bums me out.
I have no open slots until August 2007. The only thing I can do is write as much as I can in my free time and sacrifice sleep in order to free up more time.
I'm playing some of the best poker of my life, but I've lost close to $2K playing online poker in the last two weeks. I've won a tournament and have a couple second place finishes in that time, but even those victories can't overcome the losses at the tables. It's mind numbing... I'm making great decisions, but still losing. That's poker.
I've been reading books at an unprecedented clip. The diversity of topics I read about has seeped into my brain and triggered something inside of me. Reading stimulates your brain and after cranking out seven books in two weeks, my brain is a mental sponge soaking up all those words. That attributes to the over activity.
Plus as we entered the holiday season, there are extra added stresses of the family type as I also fend off seasonal depression. Traveling a lot helps quell that, but with Christmas and New Years coming up, maintaining focus on other things is hard to do with a big get together in Las Vegas with poker bloggers and then a trip to San Francisco for New Year's Eve.
With a hectic schedule, I'm trying to figure out work assignments and personal trips for 2007. As I laid out my potential schedule for the next eight months, I was blown away by what little free time I have and how many days away from NYC that I'll be. Trying to find time for epic adventures like Bonnaroo, Langerado, and March Madness are going to be tough. When will I find time to see people I love and admire?
And the hardest thing is trying to find time to spend as much time in NYC with my brother as possible and with Nicky in LA... despite the fact I'm going to be all over the world the next few months. That's why what little time I have... is important and I cherish every second focusing on the positive instead of the negative.
I got out of bed this morning at 11:11am exactly. I woke up around 9:30am and tossed and turned for twenty minutes before I passed back out. I've been up for exactly an hour and have to head out for a run after a quick wake and bake session.
Recent Writing Music...
1. Johnny Cash
2. Widespread Panic
5. Django Reinhardt