Tuesday, August 27, 2002

Jessica Lapidus wrote this funny piece on the Smurfs.

My Smurfette Theory is as follows:

As we know, Smurfette was chemically engineered by Gargamel, as a latter-day whore/temptress/whathaveyou, in order to dupe and foil the incredibly gullible Smurfs. But her chemistry was amended by Papa Smurf, who turned her into a good Smurf from a bad, evil, hooker Smurf. Smurfette was quickly accepted into the Smurf community, and rightfully so! She was, after all, just like the other Smurfs, except for the fact that she was blonde and that she wore a white dress. Did she even have breasts?

So, here is this chick, she's the ONLY chick amidst all of these little blue guys. And these Smurfs were so dense, so naive, that they never saw that poor Smurfette was lonely, aching, needing companionship. Instead, they all go about their smurfy little lives, doing their smurfy little chores, smurfing and ignoring pauvre Smurfette.

Someone has intimated that the Smurfs were collectively homosexual. I don't know that that is necessarily true. I do think, however, that they were simple, basic. I think that Smurfette had a vibrator that she used every night (and sometimes in the day) in her lonely little mushroom shack.

And yes, I am almost certain that she had a...


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