This conversation took place at 9:23am on Tuesday. I'm in NYC. BG is in Michigan. And his cousin looks like Summer from The OC.
BG: IM my cousin Rachelle to wish her happy 20th birthday: rachellexxxxxThat concludes this excerpt of my IM conversation with BG. And yes, I met his cousin last summer on my trip to Michigan.
BG: anytime - it's her bday today
Pauly: is she on now?
Pauly: its early for college kids
BG: she's online now yeah
Pauly: can I seduce her?
BG: you're not her type
BG: she doesn't go for "swarthy"
Pauly: how about funny, intelligent, and well endowed?
BG: her current boyfriend would make mincemeat of you
Pauly: lol, how smart can he be he goes to michigan st?
BG: he's a pretty big guy
Pauly: i can handle myself, im scrappy
BG: i'm fairly useless in a fight
BG: i'm the guy who gets down on his hands and knees behind someone's kneecaps so you can push them over the top of me to the ground
BG: plus, when i shriek in terror, people automatically assume a nine year old girl is in trouble and come running to help
BG: so i guess i do add value, in my own way
Pauly: remind me not to let you get my back after a huge win in vegas!
BG: i did kick a kid's ass once... he stole my baseball cards, denied it, was caught, and bent them all up before giving them back
BG: then again, i was 16, he was 13