Tao of Pauly

Waiting on a Plane

I'm sitting at Gate 5 of LaGuardia Airport. My left SHIFT key on my laptop is sticky. I don't know if it's the humidity, but it sticks about 33% of the time when I use it. The Delta terminal is lame. They don't have wifi here (like JetBlue) and I have to use my aircard. About 15 years ago, Delta was the top dog in the domestic airline industry. Now, their airline is bankrupt. They don't serve food. Their mechanics get paid dog wages. The hired their stewardesses from retirement homes. And their service has gone to shit. I'm only flying Delta because JetBlue doesn't go to Cincinnati. Yet. Plus the flight was like $250.

I'm leaving grey and gloomy and New York City for four days. Thank God. The high pollen count in the city is driving me nuts. I'm going to Kentucky, Indiana, and Ohio again. I return on Sunday. Then one week from today, I fly out to Hollyweird for five days. I actually miss California.

At the gate, they have TVs with CNN jacked up as loud as possible. Too bad they don't have Sportscenter on and I can watch baseball highlights. I almost left my house keys at the security check in. I also walked through with my belt on and it did not set off the metal detector. Delta does have these self-service check-in kiosks which are great if you are not checking in luggage. And on a struggling airline like Delta, I would never check my luggage. It might end up in Topeka.

Last night, the Yankees won their first game of the year against the Red Sox. Too bad that Mike Mussina can't pitch every game. He's been on a roll. I have never seen him pitch with so much confidence since he joined the Yankees. His fastball has some zip on it. Derek said it's because he took a few extra weeks off (per the advice of closer Mariano Rivera) to rest his arm during the off season. Randy Johnson should be watching tapes of Mussina's 2006 games. That's how an ace handles himself. Everyone is jizzing over ARod's 5th inning HR off of Schilling last night. Too bad Giambi's earlier HR was overlooked. Talk about seeing a hitter locked in. We'll see if the Yankees are for real if they can win the rubber-match game tonight.

I have Chuck Klosterman's book Killing Yourself to Live with me. In this book, Spin magazine sends him to all these places where famous rockstars died. He had to visit the Chelsea Hotel in NYC on 23rd Street where in a narcotic-driven stupor the Sex Pistol's untalented bass player Sid Vicious killed Nancy Spungen. Klosterman also showed up at the field in Mississippi where Lynard Skynard's plane crashed and at the intersection in Macon, Georgia where Duane Allman was killed when his motorcycle was hit by a peach truck. It's also the location where Allman Brothers Band bassist Berry Oakley also got killed in a motorcycle crash almost a year later to the day that Duane Allman died. If I could play guitar like one dude... it would be like Duane Allman.

I read half of Klosterman's book on the subway yesterday and I should be able to complete it by the time in land... in Kentucky. I know, it's weird. Cinncinati's airport is in Kentucky.

Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...
1. Freakanomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner
2. The Partner by John Grisham
3. No Place Like Home by Mary Higgins Clark
4. Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling