Tao of Pauly

Wednesday's Politico Roundup: Vote for a Diff'rent Arnold

The California Recall Election is back on and it looks like Gov. Arnold S. (I can't spell Schwarzenegger) will stomp out the rest of the field like a malcontent seven year old on ritalin pulling up daisies from the neighbor's yard. Which makes me wonder, how crazy is American politics? Insane. Only in America could we elect an actor for it's leader. We did it twice in the 1980s and Ronnie Reagan was a lowly B-actor. Arnold S. is one of the biggest stars we have ever seen. His films have grossed more than a Billion dollars worldwide. If he was an American citizen then he'd already be President. We (the collective nitwits in America who actually vote... all 51% of you) foolishly elect popular people outside of mainstream politics all the time.

Since when did we ever give the "right man for the job" a proper vote? Never. If that was the case, then Al Gore would be our meek President (avoiding two costly wars) and instead my tax dollars would be paying "protection money" to both Al Qaeda and Osama's thugs, Saddam, North Korea, and those meathead football players who beat up Al Gore everyday in high school. They still knock on his door like clockwork every Monday morning demanding his lunch money. And sad Al sheepishly forks over his cash like an upside down geek getting tormented by a gang of bullies, with his head in the shitter and his underwear wedged over his head. American Elections are just like petty High School antics. The most popular person wins.

We foolishly put celebrities in office all the time. We voted for actors, sports figures, professional wrestlers, wealthy white men, astronauts, war heroes... the list goes on and on. We willingly picked chumps on more than one occasion to make crucial life an death decisions for our lazy, pathetic, over consuming, web surfing asses. Now Fraiser, Kelsey Grammer wants to run for Senate in California, or was that a sound bite for a new episode of Fraiser. I cannot tell what's real news or what is reality TV anymore. What's next? Will Puck be our next Congressman from California? Madonna running for Mayor of Miami? Michael Jackson running for a seat on the Board of Education? Mike Tyson running for Attorney General of Indiana? Hillary Clinton running for President? Opps... did I let that one slip out?

It's hard to tell these days what shows on the boob tube are reality shows and what is a sitcom and what is the real world, and most importantly what is really newsworthy. I just saw back to back news stories on Fox News... one was Bush giving a speech to the UN, and the very next clip was of a baby bear caught in a tree. Then Fox went to a commercial. Now I'm not going to call out Fox News for their shady "fair and balanced coverage"... that's like kicking a dead horse with my golf spikes, but you have to be kidding me if that was all they wanted to report... a fucking baby bear and Bush bullshitting to a bunch of retarded "anti-American" world leaders. Didn't anything else in the world happen yesterday? Oh, yeah... I almsot forgot, the recall election is back on and looks like it's going to be Gov. Arnold to the rescue. He'll save California from... evil machines the future stalking our children and/or Democratic gridlock.

And don't get me started on the 2004 Presidential Election... I'll save my rant for next Wednesday. Until then, get out and vote for the only true man who is perfect for the job. Vote for Arnold... not that Arnold, but for Gary Coleman. Yes, the Tao of Pauly officially endorses Mr. Coleman for the next Governor of California.

Be sure to check out this stunning article: 'Diff'rent Strokes' for Diff'rent Folks: Vote Coleman written by Steve Fishbach from the Yale Herald.

Here's a bit: "Coleman would take to the political scene like freshmen to a keg of cheap beer. He knows division, coming from the racially-charged Drummond household. And he would have the same tough, no-nonsense approach to politics that he used in dealing with his big brother Willis. Imagine Bush trying to hedge about how he would save social security. Then imagine Coleman exploding with the powerful ejaculation, "Whatchou talkin' about, George W. Bush?" And George W., shamefaced, would have to concede the point. Or, should some peppy, overachieving journalist question him on some scandal, some affair she made up in her deluded imagination, his disdaining response—"Whatchou talkin' about, Willis?"—would destroy her self-esteem and career. The next question she would ask would be "Do you want fries with that?" even if her name wasn't really Willis."