Tao of Pauly

Drunk Talk

"I'm drunk! And I'm in Mexico!" she shrieked.

"Cool. I'm naked and in bed," I quickly replied nearly dropping my cellphone.

It was almost 4:30am. I was in the warm company of a young lady and she was sound asleep. Most of my friends know that I'm an insomniac and that usually I'm up at odd hours. It's not infrequent that I get calls from West Coasters or extremely liquored up friends in the Eastern time zone at 3 or 4am. I found out that Otis had something to say on the subject in a blog entry over a week ago:

It was much too late for G-Rob to be calling. In the old days (read: a couple of years ago), it would've meant nothing for him to call at 11:30pm. However, these days, a call at 11:30 meant one of a couple things: Somebody was dead or it was time to put one of our buddies in a mental institution. At the moment, I didn't feel much like dealing with either. I picked my cell off the coffee table and flipped it open.

"Yeah?"

It wasn't the kindest response, but the kid was asleep, the wife was eying me warily (as she does when I get late calls)...

OK, it's not quite the same situation as Otis. But the next morning I found myself in a touchy situation.

"So who called you at 5 in the morning?"

"It was 4:30 and it was XXXXX. I thought you were asleep?"

"I was, but woke up when I heard the ringing. I fell back asleep."

I guess one of the things you should know about someone before you get into a serious relationship with them is: What kind of people call you at 4:30am?

So who calls me that late? Hookers? Drug addicts? Senor? Degenerate gamblers? Suicidal friends? Drunk high school girls?

Several years ago... the same friend called me from Mexico. That instance she was with her best friend and they were both rip roaring drunk. One of them still happened to be in high school at the time (I think she was still 17 then) and they did a little drunk dialing after an evening of binge drinking. When I answered the phone, I was in bed again.. with a young woman who I just started dating. She woke up in a not-so-fun-mood and heard a couple of girls laughing loud over the phone. She had to get up to go to work the next day and wasn't thrilled by the late night soused disturbance.

"Do you always have drunk giggling high school girls call you up at 4 am?" she snapped.

Honestly? Well, yeah, that happened a lot. At the time, I said what any guy in my situation would have said, "Never. I would never encourage drunk high school girls to call me late at night."

After you stop laughing, I can continue this story. This particular ex was a little paranoid that I was going to run off to Mexico with a gaggle of drunk high school girls. I'm well past that phase but she was still skeptical about any future post-Midnight incoming calls.