Tao of Pauly

On the Road, Piper, and Oh Canada

I woke up in a seedy hotel a block from Niagara Falls this morning. My head hurt a little (and my wallet hurt a lot) after a rowdy trip over the Rainbow Bridge into Canada. We hit up the Niagara Casino where the Joker won a few Canadian dollars playing blackjack. No poker for me. Afterwards, a hot bartender (I'm smitten with cute girls with Canadian accents) at the bar next door suggested a kick ass gentleman's club called Sundown, a short taxi drive away. And that's where things got very fuzzy. It had been a while since I've been in a strip club. And you know what? I had a blast.

Of course, I fell quickly for a Romanian girl with short blonde hair. She told me most of the girls were from Hungary. I tried to engage one stripper in a literary discussion as she slowly slipped her g-string back on during Pump Up the Jam. I asked if she read any Milan Kundera. Big mistake. It's gotta be one of the top 5 stupidest things I ever tried to talk to a stripper about. Note to self: Most strippers don't read the same books I read.

OK, anyway, since strippers never use their own names, I was determined not to use my real name either. I was Mike. The Joker was Trey. When they asked us where we were from, we said Vermont. If you are not a Phishead, Mike and Trey are members of Phish, based out of Vermont. We told them we had the day off of tour and wanted to party with them. One girl actually knew about Phish, even asking if we were the guys who spelled it with a P-H. Anyway, by the end of the night all of the strippers thought we were the guys from Phish. One of them in particular said I had magical hands. I can't wait to write that short story up.

One of the lovely ladies was convinced she "danced" for me before, at another club. I had never seen her before I walked into the strip club. But I played along. After all, I was Mike from Phish.

I blurted out, "Toronto. 4 years ago. Before the implants. Your hair was darker." She almost fell over.

"I knew that was you!" she squealed as she shoved her $4,500 (Canadian dollars) breasts into my face. Lucky guess. She gave me a free lap dance... for a old customer.

Anyway, we were pretty near Al Can't Hang drunk when we stumbled back over the bridge into America. I was shocked the border patrol let us back in. Niagara Falls was lit up in pretty cool colors.

This morning, we shall head to the falls to take some pictures then drive to Deer Creek. I apologize for the not-so-good entries about the Phish shows. Dealing with dial-up and a head full of party favors sucks when trying to capture coherent thoughts.

Anyway, four shows into the tour, I am having one of the best Phish tours I've ever had. Phish is playing some of their best stuff since Japan. The Joker is an awesome tour buddy. He's the party guy and shows up to the parking lot with lots of props for people to entertain themselves with. It's a great way to meet girls. And we've been meeting a bevy of them.

The Brooklyn shows were special since it was the last time I'd see Phish in NYC. I saw my first Phish show in NYC in 1989. Fitting that I also got to see my last NYC show with Senor as well. The show in the rain was magical. The Divided Sky encore was epic. The second show was high energy and Jay Z coming onstage was a shocker. The crowd (including the Brooklyn women working the vending) was into the show. The Saratoga shows were kick ass. We had good seats both nights. The highlight of the tour... the highlight post hiatus was Piper on Saturday night. Sick. Unreal. Amazing. Sensational. All great buzz words to describe that version. It might be one of the top 5 jams I ever saw Phish pull out. Insane. And I got to see the magic up close. That's why I go to so many shows. They are always making me walk away shaking my head in awe.

If I were to select the best tracks from the last 4 shows, they would include:

Free
Suzy Greenberg
Divide Sky (encore)
Carini
Tweezer
Down with Disease
Bug > Tweezer Reprise (encore)
Wolfman's Brother
David Bowie
Piper > Jam (the best of the bunch)
Waves
Drowned
Ghost
Good Times Bad Times

Sunday's show was one of the trippiest and more spacey shows I had seen in a very long time. Ghost was something I woke up dying to see. And I got it. Trey broke his first string on stage since 1995. Pretty odd, eh? Sunday night was crazy because after the show we partied with a room full of heads from Western NY in their room. Joker broke out the props and the guitar and played songs all night. We were all staying at the same Super 8. It was a mini scene.

It feels good to take a break from worrying about writing, or a career, or playing poker. I needed a break from all those things. I will return to the big city refreshed. For now, it's listening to kick ass music and meeting cool people from all over. I'm expecting some more fun to come in Deer Creek. OK, enough for now. I won't have any internet until Friday at the earliest. This is the last update for a while.

Visit Joker's site: Bathtub Gin for some of his updates.