Tao of Pauly

Soft Pillows and Pure Casino Oxygen

On Sunday morning, as soon as I walked out of the elevator and onto the Borgata's casino floor, I was bombarded by the combination of the shrill sounds of slot machine noises and a woman screaming in ecstasy. The old broad hit a jackpot and she was celebrating with her friends and family as the machine kept ringing non-stop. Some people go to Church on Sundays. Some people win big jackpots in Atlantic City. Such is life in a gambler's paradise. There are no signs of God in a casino. Just pathetic pleas for help from desperate and degenerate gamblers.

After four days of living in the Borgata, I'm getting both used to the routine and starting to get slightly agitated by the little things. The routine has been the same. I get up and look out my 40th floor window. I stare at the Atlantic ocean for a few minutes while collecting my thoughts. I make a metal note of things I must do and things that I will try to do if I can find the time. Then I shower. The showers are kick ass and I like taking long hot ones where I can control the temperatures. I prefer about 84 degrees. There's also a tiled bench in the shower, which makes it fun to masturbate in a hot shower, sitting down, using the silky mint-thyme body wash that provides excellent lubrication and afterwards makes my testicles smell like a Mint Julep.

My room is very nice and I have no complaints. It's not Euro-chic like the Princess Hotel in Barcelona where I stayed in September, but it's definitely one of the nicer casino/hotels I've experienced. I'm impressed with their maid service. They never pop in early in the morning, which many maids do even if there's a "Do Not Disturb" sign on your door. The signs read either "Tied Up" or "Tidy Up." If you leave the "Tidy Up" sign... they come quick and clean your room right away.

After my wanking session, I watch some ESPN or news, then head downstairs and go outside. Living in a self-sufficient casino means that you never have to leave the place. That's how casinos are built... to keep you trapped inside. I make sure that every few hours I go outside and whiff fresh air. It's been unseasonably warm this past week, so it feels nice to stand outside and watch the kids working the valet hustle for tips.

After heading back inside, I shuffle past all the people checking out of the casino. They all look hungover. Some won, some lost, but they all have a ton of luggage with them. Non-experienced travelers always overpack. With the oversized bags you would think people are on a two month holiday instead of a weekend in Atlantic City. I rush past the long check out line and head for the employee's cafeteria called Mangia. The food is better than most Las Vegas buffets and as soon as you walk into the restaurant, there's a big sign that reads, "All Borgata associates are entitled to at least one hot meal a day per shift." Yeah, the Borgata knows how to treat it's employees. They even have a few computer terminals set up in the eating area where you can check your email or surf the web on your meal break. I've been eating the chicken specials... and yesterday it was Chicken Parm. On Saturday it was Fried Chicken. There's all you can drink iced tea (unsweetened) and soft serve ice cream.

After a quick bite, I navigate the back hallways (think of those scenes in Ocean's 11 where they infiltrate the Bellagio) and take a shortcut upstairs to the ballroom. I pop out of a secret passage a few feet from the entrance to where the poker tournaments are being held. I find my seat in press row and set up for the day. Computer. Camera. Voice recorder. Notebook. The wifi is quick and I'm logged in within seconds ready to perform live blogging duties for the Borgata. I get a couple of bits of information from the tournament director and check in with Michael. Then everyone leaves me alone for the rest of the day and I have the freedom to roam anywhere in the casino (except the cashier's cage). I can take breaks when I want, but I'm usually covering two tournaments... one is just beginning while the other is finishing up. I have to stick around to about 3am and collect the end of day chipcounts for the Top 10 players. Although that's a pain in the ass, I do have some time to myself the last few hours. The only thing is that I'm usually too tired to write, so I take the time to bullshit with the staff... security guards, hot cocktail waitresses, or poker dealers. Yeah, the cocktail waitresses are some of the best looking I have ever seen. Everyone seems cool and they all like working at the Borgata, which is the premiere casino in Atlantic City. It's the only post-modern Las Vegas style casino on the East coast.

On Saturday, AlCantHang and EvaCanHang came down to AC with some of his entourage which included Landow and Tony. I also bumped into fellow bloggers Helixx, -EV, and Beck who came to the Borgata to gamble and play poker. Al's a real rockstar and he was spotted right away in the ballroom. Eva won $1500 on a slots jackpot. A few years ago, she hit a slots win for $1200 at the Borgata on a weekend excursion and I was there for that too. She said I'm her good luck charm.

I'll do a post later this week on "Effective tips on eating a buffet."