Tao of Pauly

Time Loves a Hero

Man, it was a long weekend. Shrek 2 didn't make the money I hoped. I made a mistake. I never should have set the bar so high. I forgot my history, er... my movie box office history. So I lost to Boy Genius and now we're tied 1-1. I wonder what this week's bet will be?

Yes, it was still a long weekend. The more I think about it, ever since my Las Vegas trip in April, I have been constantly ON. That word ON has several different meaning, but for the most part, I've been pushing myself nonstop since early April, attempting to sharpen my poker skills and win seats at the World Poker Tour Championships and the 2004 World Series of Poker. I also have really threw myself into my other sites, like the Tao of Poker and Truckin'. I have been juggling personal life stuff; family troubles, relationships in flux, finding a new place to live (the word homeless sounds a lot worse than it is)... but more importantly, finding a comfortable place for me to write a novel at the end of this summer, keeping myself and my writer's voice fresh... all the while trying to keep myself out of trouble when I haven't been writing. Yeah, I've been like a juggler at a sideshow circus more than a writer. That's the way it goes. In sixteen days, Phish tour starts, and in that small period of time, I have to write an article for All In Magazine, work on the two year anniversary issue of Truckin', and find time to play as much poker as I can to get as much money as possible for the first leg of my summer misadventures.

I feel very weak physically, something that I have never encountered. I have the reputation of partying like a rock star and with Al Can't Hang coming this weekend, I expect that my down time will be seriously limited. Did I always want to be popular and the life of the party? I had no choice. Yep, Life is the Party. I crashed Life without an invite, so I might as well enjoy myself. Sometimes the light... it's shining on me.

The other day I walked down crowded Broadway with Haley and I wondered when I would look back at the last year, and the last two years and determine whether or not those were the most important years of my life. I had plenty of forks in the road the last two years. Did I choose the right path? I must have, because I am still here.

As everyday passes, I am left without any answers, but more questions come to mind. I write them down, in hopes that someday I might discover the answer, or at least, until they publish one of those books: Life for Dummies. Maybe I should write my own, and cash in on the desperate and meaningless lives of the millions of people that walk past me everyday.

Billie Holiday, she was a hip chick. It would have been nice to kick it with her, late night, at a bar anywhere. She had some stories to tell. And I'm sure she would have laughed at my obscene outlook on life. I've been listening to her a lot recently when I have been writing. She always inspires me.

I'm on the clock. I'm living on borrowed time. I can't waste any more energy on impossible tasks. I have made a list of those, too. And the next time I get frustrated, I'll whip it out and recall... that I promised myself to move forward, and not get pissed off at what's behind me. Life is about change. And it's sad that some people never change. My journey through life has taken me many places... and I might be coming to your neck of the woods sometime soon. I can't ever stop. I don't think I want to.