Tao of Pauly

Ramblings from a writer, traveler, and insomniac
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Wednesday, June 30, 2004
 
5 of My Favorite Ben and Jerry's Flavors...

1. Cherry Garcia
2. NY Super Fudge Chunk
3. Mint Chocolate Cookie
4. Chocolate Fudge Brownie
5. Chocolate

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
 
Phishy Thoughts: Do Tigers Sleep in Lily Patches?
"Brain dead and made of money, no future at all..." - Phish

I'm going to miss Deer Creek

Editor's Note: This is one of my longest posts to date. It's best read if you print it out and read it in parts. Just my suggestion. If you are not familiar with Phish, I posted a Glossary of Terms and Slang in the next post for a little help if you get confused with the lingo. Now, here's the post that everyone's been waiting for...

Following Phish is the closest thing to being a rock star that I will ever experience. Sure, I don't get up on stage every night, but I'm living the lifestyle, which is probably more fun without any of the responsibilities of holding iconic rock star status. Unlike Trey, I don't have a thousand barefoot children outside my house, dancing on my lawn.

Following Phish is like being a rock star. I'm on the road, in a different city every night, mostly places I never would choose to visit if you put a gun to my left testicle. I stay up very late, way past seeing the sun rise after partying hard while a steady flow of cheap booze and expensive drugs which they eagerly line themselves up for quick ingestion into my body. I'm always kickin it with some friends, but usually complete strangers, and it really doesn't matter, because they thought I was a golden God among pimps and hustlers, and that's a high I hope some of you get to feel once in your life. Alas, when I do wake up, with wicked cotton mouth and a groggy head, it's always in a different place; lying face down in a middle of a cornfield with a dozen mosquito bites on my hand, or passed out on a friend's couch with his dog licking my face, or curled up in generic bed in some generic hotel with a young girl fast asleep, her angelic face vaguely familiar and her hippie name a thousand miles away from any semblance of me trying to recall it when she eventually wakes up.


Mike in Brooklyn

I have that vibe. You know, that vibe that people get sometimes about cool people. Complete strangers walk up to me and ask me for drugs. Other times, they want to buy drugs from me, and the best times are when they just hand them over. Strangers have given me the following items at Phish shows: bottles of hard liquor, joints, balls of hash, Jamaican red hair seeds, opium, painkillers, beers, grilled cheese sandwiches, and hits of ecstasy. Man, you know you've done something right when a beautiful girl taps you on the shoulder and hands you a packed bowl of kind buds in the middle of the Brooklyn show. Maybe it was my sleek red dinner jacket that I wore the entire tour (rain storm in Brooklyn excluded), but I was putting the vibe out once again. People knew I was a party guy.

I cite evidence from the parking lot after the second Saratoga show. Traffic was hell getting out of the lots. It was standstill until 1:45 am every night. The Joker and I knew this and set up a late night lounge at our parking space, complete with rave music (from XM radio) and candles and the two of us jumping up and down like those Roxbury guys from SNL. One adorable Phishy chick wandered out of the woods and asked, "Do you guys have any Molly?"

We didn't have any, but seconds later a random guy offered to sell us an entire gram! They could have asked hundreds of others in the lot, but we were giving off that probable cause vibe that I hoped the coppers and federalies weren't picking up on. Sure, we looked pretty freaky, but at a Phish show, freaky and weird are just par for the course. You know it's going to be a circus sideshow when I look like the most sober person at the concert.


Niagara Falls

Then of course I wandered off to Canada, where the rock star status continued. I got $200 Canadian dollars and hit the casino, then a fancy gentleman's club afterwards. We lied to the strippers and told them we were in a band, and slowly but surely, all of the better looking girls stopped by our table looking to give us table and lapdances. I shrugged my shoulders twice; once when I attempted to discuss literature with a not-so-bright adult entertainer. Now I know... most strippers don't read the same books I read. (And I have gotten a few off-the-record comments that most regular women, aka women with clothes on and with real jobs, don't know who Milan Kundera is as well) and the second time was when I witnessed the two hottest performers lick each other's vagina... while both were standing up (and bending over). I was impressed, but didn't want to overextend my enthusiasm. OK, enough about me gloating over how cool I am. You get the picture. I am a drugs, sex, and rock and roll kinda guy.


Fish in his Moo Moo

The Phish. How about those guys from Vermont, huh? Phish played some of their best stuff in recent memory. They know how to put on a good show. They rocked out for three hours, more than half of it in the rain on the first night in Brooklyn. The next night, they showed their range as musicians and artists. Phish has always been willing to take risks... they do stupid shit sometimes, but it's always different.


Jay Z with Phish in Brooklyn

In Vegas, Trey tried to sing a Jay Z cover, which was funny, but really a bad train wreck after three minutes. But... in Brooklyn, they brought out the real deal himself, and Jay Z took over with Phish as his backup band. For ten minutes the entire crowd on the floor was going crazy. I heard all the black ladies who worked the concession stands left their posts and got down with all the heads, dancing, groovin, and chanting Jay Z's lyrics with the chemically flooded crowd. Phish playing trip-hop? Why not. The boys were Big Pimpin' all night long.

Here's what one NY Times writer had said about the Jay Z appearance:
"It was yet another brilliant stunt from an incorrigibly stunt-happy band. During "99 Problems," when Jay-Z rhymed about eluding an illegal search ("Well, my glove compartment is locked, so is the trunk in the back/And I know my rights, so you gon' need a warrant for that"), there was a sympathetic roar; who says Phish fans and hip-hop stars have nothing in common?"
He got that one thing right. If the NY Times takes the space to print up those words, it must be newsworthy.


Phisheads with the munchies in Coney Island

Sure, they were still sloppy at times, and a few times they lacked cohesion in the setlists. But for the most part, the boys nailed several tough composed parts in songs like You Enjoy Myself and Reba in Saratoga, and when they jammed out songs... the jams were insane, heavy, and they pushed each one to it's limits. Take Piper from Saratoga for example. That was one of the best jams I ever heard Phish pull out. The energy level was high, the band was having a blast, and the crowd kept wanting more. The next night, Seven Below was a tune that exemplified the nature of Phish. They can go off on a tangent at any moment and rock out licks that you have never heard before, but they suck you in and you're caught up in their madness. I noticed that the played a lot of songs where they could go into uncharted waters... songs with some composed sections, but a definite point of entry into the depths of in the moment insanity. That's why I go to so many Phish shows. I love getting lost in the music and taken on a journey.


My setlist from second night in Saratoga

The second night, second set at Saratoga was an epic set. If you enjoy trippy Phish, then it's a must have for your collection. Seven Below is a song that I really got into last summer. At first, the lyrics hint at a definite winter song. In fact, it's great to listen to during a light snowstorm. The boys like it because they can go off and jam out the latter part. At Saratoga, the mushrooms kicked in and Phish swept me away in their noodling. The version of Ghost still lingers inside my half-burnt head as I write this. One of my favorite versions I've seen live.


On the trampolines during Y.E.M. in Saratoga

I really like sets when Phish plays three or four songs, jamming out each one, yet maintaining a distinct sound particular to that night. In some ways, Seven Below, Ghost and Twist all had a similar sounding background jam that Phish weaved throughout the insane set. You Enjoy Myself was a rager. I didn't think they were going to play YEM until Deer Creek. Again, the second set is a must add for your collection. Personally, I was pretty far gone most of the second set. I couldn't even pack a bowl I was so jittery. Luckily, I pulled out of the darkness at the start of YEM. Man, the boys really kicked my ass at Saratoga. The Good Times, Bad Times encore was the cherry on top of the sundae. It's one of my favorite Led Zeppelin cover songs, and I love Page's singing on their version. I left Saratoga with some great memories of Phish. Man, and I was looking forward to the Deer Creek shows.

I Fuckin' Love Deer Creek

Some of the best shows I had ever seen were at Deer Creek. For an outdoor amphitheatre, the sound is near perfect. The lawn is spacious, and there are no bad pavilion seats. They allow on site camping nextdoor, adjacent to a corn field. That's where the party never stops. For a two day event, the camp grounds take on a festival and carnival like atmosphere. Anything goes in the campgrounds, and the police are very cool. They won't step inside. It's self contained.


At our campsite in Deer Creek

You can get anything inside... sex, drugs, and rock and roll. The barter system is the most preferred form of currency. I had a few dollars, but plenty of nugs to trade. I was able to get a few different kinds of strains... from the Northern Lights to Smurf to White Widow cross bread that these guys from Georgia shared with me. I would offer up a few nugs for pharmies. I scored a few Valium to help me sleep after being up for the shows. I also got offered yay yo a bunch of times from a few crusty chicks, in exchange for a few pharmies and nugs. The tour has been flooded with yay yo since last summer. Times are a changin'.

We set up camp near the back of Shakedown. A cool band called EN2 were scheduled to play the after-show party in the campgrounds and we had the best view. There was a van selling balloons nearby and plenty of hagged out freaks wandered by late night, some asking for drinks, others just so far gone that they would stumble by like idiots. I wandered around Shakedown late night, and everyone was pretty far spun. I scored a grilled cheese and found a tent with a cardboard sign with the words Texas Hold'em Poker scribbled. Was I seeing things? The tent was wedged in between a couple of Phishy chicks selling Fajitas and grilled cheese sandwiches, and a guy selling crystals and other rocks. I poked my head inside and saw four guys sitting around a small camping table. They didn't have chips, but used dollar bills instead. I didn't get a good vibe from two of the guys running the games. They were skecthy and didn't look like an average head. I was too spun out to play cards. After all, I was on hiatus from poker, so I left. I also noticed a makeshift blackjack table a couple of rows over. It was the coolest thing to see at Deer Creek. A casino. I have now seen it all.

Vending and Shakedown Street

We got up fairly late on the second morning in Deer Creek. The band at the after-party played until sun up, but I passed out a few hours earlier. The Joker set up a makeshift bar in the middle of Shakedown Street, next to a vendor. There are two types of vendors in Shakedown, the professionals and the non-pros. The professionals have huge stands and are usually older than me. They have a legitimate setup with signs and great food. Some of them sell clothing, stickers, posters, and the jewelry. The non-professional vendors are much younger. They often just have a cooler filled with beer or water. The Phishy chicks roll up burritos or make ganja goo balls and other baked ganja products and sell them out of baskets. And of course, the straight up drug dealers stand in the middle of Shakedown and whisper their product as you walk by. I would hear faint callings of Molly and Nugs with every step. When I need something in particular, I would walk around blurting out, "Who's got my XYZ?" Where XYZ = whatever you were looking for... pharmies, marijuana, mushrooms, extra tickets.


The Joker performs Cities for the crowd

The Joker had a great pitch, "Cute girls like Bloody Marys!" It at least got a smile out of any girl who wandered by the makeshift bar. Sometimes we could tell a few girls were from Chicago and the Joker would yell out, "Cute girls from Chicago like Bloody Marys!"

Sometimes it worked, especially with those Dave Matthews chicks. Of course, everyone else had their own creative sales pitch. "Sexy grilled cheese. $1!" or "Ice cold beers... $3. Two for $5!" As you can tell, with plenty of people coming to the shows to party before hand, they almost instantly hit Shakedown to score whatever they were lacking; food, drinks, drugs, extra tickets... and the random chance you bump into someone you know.


Selling drinks on Shakedown Street

I got Al Can't Hang drunk before Noon on the second day in Deer Creek. The Joker traded a Bloody Mary for a fat plate of pancakes, biscuits & gravy. I traded a few nugs for two breakfast burritos (two eggs, cheese and ham) from an old Deadhead nearby. I also scored two lemonades from a girl with two puppies who was seeking a Miracle. I promptly poured vodka into the lemonade for my eye opener of the day. After smoking a few hits of Smurf in the hot Indiana sun, I was pretty much luggage for the next hour or so. Sloshed, you betcha. I was teasing girls who didn't want Bloody Marys. I dunno how I managed to find Maggie (the girl from Miami in the Truckin' story: Maggie's Flight), let alone make a few drinks for customers in search of White Russians. I would wander off from time to time into the dense, afternoon crowd of Phisheads, wearing my sleek red dinner jacket, hoping to strike up an interesting conversation with someone looking to trade for any different types of drugs. Really fucked up people loved the jacket. Some of the rolling girls wanted to feel the fabric. Although I never signed any autogrpahs, I took one picture with a nice couple from North Carolina.

With half a bag on, I also managed to pen a few poems and jot down some thoughts while we waited for customers in Shakedown.
Ode to Shakedown

11:05 am sitting in the sun,
Spun out girl stole our celery, while
The Joker played Cities three times
Attracting cute girls from the Midwest.
Funny accents on adorable waifs make me blush.
A guy with a parrot waves at me,
Then slings some nugs my way.
A wookie lost his dog,
and we laugh and shoot rubber bands at them.
Sipping Vokda Lemonades with
Blonde Wisconsin girls who are trying to
Find extra tickets.
Ask me if I care what time or
What day it is,
And I will flip you the finger!
Yeah, I managed to take a few pictures too. It was a nice boost of creative energy for sure.

Last Show at Deer Creek

I saw some kick ass shows in Deer Creek, most of them with Heather, like the infamous Moby Dick show 7.11.00. But the last show was one of the best performances I've witnessed at Deer Creek. Every song was solid and the jams were tight. I swear everyone around me was uber-wasted. I can't recall a show where more people were completely polluted. The first night they played some of my favorite songs in the second set. I was still giddy about the night prior when the boys broke out Halley's Comet > Crosseyed & Painless > Slave. Crosseyed is one of my favorite Talking Heads cover songs, and Fish rocks out on his version.


Trey during intro to Prince Caspian

Anytime Phish opens up a show with a smoking song like Loving Cup, you know it's going to be a special night. Page was rockin on the vocals and piano. The next song was a little bit of a surprise. Cities is another Talking Heads cover song. It was short and sweet. Ironic, since the Joker had been playing Cities a lot in Shakedown while selling Bloody Marys. The second set was were the magic continued. I was as wasted as I had been in a very long time. I made sure I was extra sauced up for the last set of Phish ever at Deer Creek. And the boys did not disappoint me one bit. I got to hear one of my Top 3 favorite songs in Tube. The Walls of the Cave closer is a song that Phish nailed the composed sections, then went off on a slamming jam. The closed out their last show at Deer Creek with a mellow closer, a fan favorite for sure, and a song that has since grown on me post-hiatus. I had goosebumps as Page played the last few notes to Squirming Coil, as the other members of Phish slowly, one by one, left the stage. I thought perhaps that might be the last song Phish might play in Coventry in August.


The morning after...

I wandered around after the show hanging out with Zobo, and then Alea in the parking lots. I was still pretty out there, and took my time getting back to camp. Alea wanted to beat the traffic back thru Chicago and Zobo was heading back to Atlanta. I bumped into some Japhamily, Craig, on my way back. I didn't see too many others from Japan. When I did return back to base camp, the Joker busted out the Christmas lights that he powered up through an adapter in his Honda Element... which he had named Marco. Indeed, Marco was the coolest touring vehicle I have ever encountered. I already miss the guy.


Notes from the Shows

I scribbled the following notes during the concerts...

6.17.04 Brooklyn... Joker points out twirling girl... guy in skirt with three foot chiquita banana... rain falling during Free looked awesome in the purple lights... security guards couldn't catch a fence jumper... shaking lights in the rain on the crowd was cool... raindrops the size of silkworms... Gil had the biggest umbrella, ever... I can see the PJs, the Cyclone (rollercoaster), the beach, and the subway from my seat... let's go out to dinner and see your boobies... thanks guys for Divided Sky encore


Senor and Gil before the Brooklyn show

6.18.04 Brooklyn... floor seats... ten rows back... Mike going off on Camelwalk... The Joker showed his sign: Dubya Loves Phish to the band... Page did a double take and Trey giggled... Mike dropped a few bass bombs... Senor told me had hadn't seen Phish in seven years, he's way off... I'm too faded to do the math myself... hot girl in wifebeater hands me a bowl of the dank in middle of Down with Disease... she looks like Catherine Zeta Jones, but hotter... I got hit in the head with a red glowstick during Harry Hood while on the phone with Molly... looked up to see a single star in the faint sky... Joker said they are playing songs they like... Big Pimping with Jay Z... way cool... Tweprise (Tweezer Reprise) rocked out... will that be the last Phish song ever in Vermont?


Brooklyn ticket

6.19.04 Saratoga... Joker made fun of the probable cause guys in front of us... sat behind the soundboard... could see Kuroda work the lights... Page was on fire in the jam on NICU... Mike was going off on Wolfman's Brother... SICK ASS PIPER > JAM!!!... at least 30 mins?... Trey dropped a few loops during Gotta Jibboo


Cool lights from Chris Kuroda

6.20.04 Saratoga... have balcony seats... great view... shroomies coming on... fast... balcony rocking during Julius... Page's dad came out to tap dance... it's Father's Day... too wasted to speak to the guy next to me, he has 5 on his shirt... cute girl in front of me with a bag of rubber bands... gives me a bunch... went wookie hunting shooting at wookies that wander by during setbreak... too scared to go to the bathroom when I take the rest of the mushroom chocolates... afraid to get lost... wanted a trippy set... Ghost was dark, trippy...


Day 2 in Saratoga

6.23.04 Deer Creek... on the lawn... some highschool kids next to us... Meredith tells me that "Texas is warmth"... both the weather and people... Dough Boy was wasted before the second song... sun sets and the moon rises in the same sky... the molly we snagged in Shakedown was mellow, could use some more... Bathtub Gin rocked... Joker called Wendy during the song... Slit Open and Melt was tripped out... met Lori from Kentucky, she's cool... lines to get out to the bathrooms were insane... smoked opium at setbreak with a crusty spun out kid in line at the bathroom... feet feel very heavy... I can't sneak into Zobo or Alea's section... they both come out to say hello... the boys read my mind... Halley's Comet > Crosseyed > Slave... my favorite songs... intense


Page in Deer Creek

6.24.04 Deer Creek... today is my 145th Phish show... hung out with Lori on lawn before the show... had pavillion seats behind the tapers... Loving Cup opener? Wow... Cities short and sweet... DWD > Rock and Roll = AMAZING!... the molly kicked in during DWD... thirtsy for beer for some reason... found Alea and Daddy (met for the first time) at setbreak... couldn't find Zobo... then the roll kicked in... called Tube opener... I went nuts... dropping the funk... the roll kicked in by the end... Wedge rocked... Page was the shit on Coil... last Deer Creek show... ever!


Last show at Deer Creek

Closing Thoughts

It was special to meet people that only know of me through the internet. My blogs have reached a Phishy audience as well... and getting to meet Lori from Kentucky and Daddy from Indiana was very special, especially the last few shows the boys were playing in the Midwest. The Joker was one of the coolest tour buddies I ever saw Phish with. It seemed fitting that I close out this first leg with a Texas Phishead. I partied hard with a few back in the late 1990s. I saw plenty of shows with Molly and Heather, both Texas girls. I never had to worry about him not holding his mud or flaking out on me. I can't wait to see the Vermont shows with his Texas crew!


The Joker and Dr. Pauly in Saratoga

Post Phishy Travels

After the shows ended, the Joker dropped me off in Chicago. I hung out with Bob for the night. We caught up and chatted about the good old days when we partied hard in Atlanta. I saw a bunch of Phish shows in the early 1990s with Bob and his brother, including the infamous Atlanta Fox Theatre 4.23.94 show, which still sits in the Top 5 shows of all time. Bob took me to a cool bar near Wrigley Field called Goose Island, one of his favorite hangouts. We watched some of the Cubbies game and I sampled the local brews. I also ate some spicy Buffalo chicken strips, which rocked with extra blue cheese. It's always good to see Bob in his hometown.


Waterfront in Grand Haven, MI

After Chicago, I drove over to Grand Haven, Michigan to meet the infamous Boy Genius himself. We seem to have very similar tastes in music, pop culture, and ceratin actresses. He was a mellow guy and his dog, Frye, was very chill. We wandered around the local arts festival downtown (a few blocks away from his house). Grand Haven in beautiful town on the Lake. We strolled by the waterfront and I saw all the cool boats that folks from Chicago and Milwaukee sailed over for the day. One boat was blasting the Grateful Dead. Fitting I thought, since the boat was named Touch of Grey.

BG bought me dinner at a swanky restaraunt (the Kirby Grill?) on the water, in celebration of his 30th birthday. I met his smoking hot neighbor who was a waitress there. Man, she was a looker for sure. We drank some expensive wine and I had the best meal on my entire vacation, thanks to BG. The muscles in garlic sauce were tasty and the T-bone steak was sensational. BG had a Veal Chop that he'd been awaiting for sometime. Afterwards, we played some poker. I met another poker blogger from Western Michigan named Lord Geznikor and I came in 8th place. I didn't play bad, just didn't get any flops. I also met BG's darling cosuin, who looks like Summer from The OC. And I behaved. I know what you are thinking... 19 year old girls and Dr. Pauly after Midnight are a dangerous combination. Anyway, BG gave me a cool book and I tasted some of his homemeade bread.


Somewhere in Michigan

Sometimes, when I get on the road, I never want to stop driving. Do you ever get that feeling? Travel is like a drug. I want to keep seeing new places, and visit old places I loved, and hang out with old friends, and make new ones. The road is one of the few places where I am truly myself, and I have no one else to blame for my troubles. The act of moving forward is never more evident, and I somehow always seem to figure out some of the problems that had been bugging me for months before. One day I'm going to hit the road, and never come home... and keep stay on the road forever. Maybe I can make that happen...

Disclaimer: All black and white photos were taken by me... all of the color photos were stolen from Phish.com.

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Glossary of Terms

I realize that I have to point some of you towards Urban Dictionary and Phish.net FAQ to get a quick tutorial in some of the lingo and slang peppered in my previous post. But I'll also give you some quick definitions.
The Band

Trey: the frontman and lead guitar player
Fish: the drummer, he wears a dress and plays a vacuum cleaner
Page: the piano and keyboard player, my favorite member of Phish
Mike: the bass player, infamous for the tune "Mike's Song"


Mike, Fish, Page, and Trey

People

Kuroda: aka CK5, Chris Kuroda does the amazing lights at Phish shows
Japhan: a Japanese Phishead
Japhamily: Americans (and Japanese) heads that toured the Japan 2000 shows
Crusty: see Wookie
Newbie: someone at their first Phish show
Wookie: long haired, or dreadlocked, unkempt hippies that resemble Chewbacca from Star Wars
Wookette: a female version of a Wookie, usually with armpits hairier than mine
Phishy chick: a young hippie girl adorned in either hemp jewelry or a patchwork dress
Dave Matthews Chick: a very attractive girl on the borderline of hipster and hippie, her favorite band is Dave Matthews Band and she wears Birkenstocks and has on a pair of Victoria's Secret panties
Spinners: Phishy chicks that will twirl around in circles the entire show, and usually afterwards for several hours later
Tour dogs: unleashed dogs that accompany heads on tour, usually following a group of four or five Wookies
Tour rats: group of people who follow Phish... but not for the music, rather for the drug scene in the lots before and after the shows
Veggie Burrito Girl: a Phishy chick selling her food in the parking lot after the show
Vendors: people selling items in Shakedown Street

Drug Speak

Shakedown: named after the Grateful Dead song, Shakedown Street is a part of the parking lot where vendors (legal and illegal) set up shop
Nugs or Nuggets: high grade marijuana (aka the Dank)
Pharmies: pharmacuetical drugs for sale like Valium, Xanax, and Klonapin
Rolls: Ecstasy pills
Molly: pure MDMA (Ecstasy) in powder form
Yay Yo: cocaine
Mushroom Chocolates: magic mushrooms cooked in chocolate
Doses: hits of LSD (acid), sometimes called Dragons
Rolling: (aka Spun out) tripping on Molly or Ecstacy
Slinging: selling or trading transactions in Shakedown Street
Balloons: filled with nitrous oxide, otherwise known as Hippie Crack
Bunk: no good, fake


A glimpse of Shakedown Street in Deer Creek

Misc.

Extras: extra tickets to the show
Miracle: from the Grateful Dead song "I Need a Miracle"... someone who does not have a ticket to a sold out show needs a miracle, or an extra ticket
YEM: You Enjoy Myself... a Phish song
Setbreak: Phish plays two sets every show (sometimes they play 3 for special shows) with a 40 min. break in between, first set is usually 65 to 70 mins. long and the second set is at least 90 mins.

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Yemen's War On Terror

Jon Schanzer posted an excerpt on his blog of his upcoming book. I also think it appears in Orbis. Here's a bit:
Yemen has emerged of late as one of the more fertile locations for Al Qaeda activity. Al Qaeda’s Yemeni affiliate, the Islamic Army of Aden-Abyan (IAA), has executed a number of spectacular attacks against Western interests in recent years. It was responsible for the 1998 kidnapping of sixteen Western tourists in the southern province of Abyan, the bombing of the USS Cole in 2000, and an assault on the French tanker the Limburg in 2002, among other attacks. Despite these international strikes, the IAA is the classic Al Qaeda affiliate: a local phenomenon that assists the larger jihadi network in its war against the West.
Good work, buddy. Can't wait to read it all.

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Week 6: Pauly-BG Challenge

Since I was on the road following Phish last week, it seemed natural that I try to stump Mr. Boy Genius himself with my wandering musical exploits. I asked:
Did I see Phish, The Grateful Dead, or NONE in the following cities...

1. Amsterdam, Holland
2. Reyjavik, Iceland
3. Toronto, Canada
4. Boise, ID
5. San Francisco, CA
6. Portland, OR
7. Buffalo, NY
8. Austin, TX
9. Minneapolis, MN
10. Charlotte, NC
11. Denver, CO
12. Jackson, WY
13. DC
14. Hampton, VA
15. Chapel Hill, NC

Make sure you pick 5 Phish cities, 5 Dead cities, and 5 NONE cities. If you get 4 correct, you will win.

BONUS: there is one city on the list I HAVE NOT VISITED, pick that and you get one bonus point


OK here's BG's answers (in italics) and my answers follow.

1. Amsterdam, Holland: I can't imagine Pauly NOT having been to Amsterdam. I'm going to guess that he saw THE DEAD in the Dam.

Pauly says: NONE. I almost saw Phish open for Santana in 1996, but missed the show by two days. Boy Genius = 0/1

2. Reyjavik, Iceland: I've read "The Blind Kangaroo" and I think that rules out Pauly NOT having been to Reyjavik. But did he see a concert there? I'm going to guess that he SAW PHISH play in Iceland.

Pauly says: NONE. I took a spur of the moment trip to Iceland with Senor in Jan. 2001. I never so saw many beautiful women before outside of NYC or LA. Wow. Good pick up on my novel, though. Boy Genius = 0/2

3. Toronto, Canada: I fully believe Pauly wouldn't open up his numerical selections with one of each (Dead/Phish/Neither), plus, Toronto seems like a likely Pauly destination for a show. Specifically, THE DEAD.

Pauly says: PHISH. Summer tour 1999, headed north of the border with Gil and Senor for a killer show. They played Led Zeppelin's cover of Misty Mountain Hop for the first time, and it was a smokin' show. Boy Genius = 0/3

4. Boise, ID: No one goes to Boise on purpose. I also don't think Pauly would have such an obvious choice on this list for the one place he HASN'T been. I am therefore going to guess Pauly SAW PHISH in this city.

Paulys says: PHISH. Pretty funny. I did a bunch of shows in the Pacific NW for fall tour 1999 with my then girlfriend, Heather. She locked her keys in her car after the show. Boise was the middle stop in between Portland and San Francisco. Boy Genius = 1/4

5. San Francisco, CA: Too easy? The Dead are from San Francisco, but as I'm looking at this geographically, a roadie in the Pacific Northwest seems like it might not have resulted in a San Fran stopover. I'll say Pauly's been there, but NO SHOW was seen in Frisco.

Pauly says: PHISH. I like your logic, but it backfired. The Grateful Dead is from San Fran, there home base, but alas, I have never seen the Dead on the West Coast! Boy Genius = 1/5

6. Portland, OR: Hippies are abundant in Portland. He absolutely SAW PHISH in Portland.

Pauly says: PHISH. I used to live in Seattle for almost two years, so it was natural I took a quick trip down to Portland for some Phishin'. Boy Genius = 2/6

7. Buffalo, NY: Chances are excellent Pauly's been to Buffalo, especially for a show. Let's say he saw THE DEAD up there.

Pauly says: The DEAD. Do you know the lyric, Truckin' up to Buffalo...? Well that was me!! Boy Genius = 3/7

8. Austin, TX: Pauly has neither been to Austin, nor has he seen a show. NO SHOW.

Pauly says: PHISH. Big whiff there. Austin is my favorite city in Texas. My Phishy ex, Heather, is from Texas, so I spent some time down there, especially following Phish. We even took her parents to a show (in Houston). Boy Genius = 3/8 (also missed the BNOUS question)

9. Minneapolis, MN: Ah, the crown jewel of the Twin Cities. This seems as out-of-the-way for Pauly as Boise and Jackson are, but maybe this is just an airport stop-over? NO SHOW in Minny.

Pauly says: NONE. I have not been to 4 states in America; Alaska, Hawaii, North Dakota, and Minnesota. I've been everywhere else. I skipped the lone Phish show in Minnesota on their fall tour in 1999. I almost went to Minny but backed out at the last minute. I shall visit Minnesota someday soon, to meet Chris Halverson! It's the only town I have never been to on the list. Boy Genius = 4/9 (and clinches the win!)

10. Charlotte, NC: Two North Carolina picks? Sheesh, this gets hard. I'm thinking he saw a band in one, and no band in the other. Since Chapel Hill is a college town, Pauly saw NO SHOW in the land of the NBA's Bobcats.

Pauly Says: The DEAD. I went to college in the South, and that's when I saw most of my 46 Dead shows. Boy Genius = 4/10

11. Denver, CO: Denver seems like a great place to catch THE DEAD at old Mile High Stadium, right?

Pauly says: NONE. I wish I caught shows at nearby Red Rocks, but didn't. Boy Genius = 4/11

12. Jackson, WY: This was the toughest one of the bunch. I've been to Jackson Hole, and list it as one of my favorites spots on the planet. Frankly, there ain't much up there. But, since I confidently typed answers to every other entry on the list, I'm left with one remaining choice: Pauly saw THE DEAD here. I grit my teeth and await your answer.

Pauly says: NONE. I almost saw Widespread Panic there in 1999. Cool town. I love Wyoming. Boy Genius = 4/12

13. DC: While I'm sure Pauly has visited the seat of our nation's government, I would bet that if you got technical about it, the concert venues Phish and the Dead would play in that area lie outside the city. In places like Hampton, VA. NO SHOW.

Pauly says: The DEAD. RFK stadium baby! Boy Genius = 4/13

14. Hampton, VA: Pauly SAW PHISH here, possibly at some sort of festival.

Pauly says: The DEAD. I used to live in the South... and VA is just a stone's throw away, sort of. It was a trick question. Phish played a series of shows for a live CD back in 1998 in Hampton called Hampton Comes Alive. Boy Genius = 4/14

15. Chapel Hill, NC: College town, and smart money says Pauly SAW PHISH on Tobacco Road.

Pauly says: The DEAD. At the Dean Dome too! Most of my Phish shows I saw in North Carolina were in Raleigh or Winston-Salem. Boy Genius = 4/15.

Well... congrats to Boy Genius. He just made the cut! Good work. I'm awaiting Week 7. We are all tied up.

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Monday, June 28, 2004
 
Almost Home...

I had a slight detour. But bare with me. I'll be blogging a bunch in the next few days. Stay tuned for an uber-post on my trip and afterthoughts on my one of my last Phishin' trips. And yeah, Deer Creek was a raging party!

In the meantime, you can visit two other blogs that have plenty of Pauly content. Check out what Boy Genius had to say about our meeting on his birthday in Grand Haven. Here's a bit:
Pauly rolled into town in his rented Dodge Stratus with the Mississippi plates (doesn't it just put a spring in your step to say, "Mississippi?") about 2PM on Saturday from his overnight stay with friends in Chicago. For my birthday, I received an authentic Pauly Painting, and I didn't even have to crack aces with the Hilton Sisters to make that happen. Nice!
Yeah, I had Mississippi plates which drew a lot of random and curious looks from folks on the road.

Also, The Joker posted another update on his blog Bathtub Gin. Here's what The Joker wrote:
The party back at the camp was a little more chill than the night before, but EVERYONE was just fukked up. I mean, I had so many weird conversations with people and it was a lot of fun being wasted and talking to wasted people.
More to come.

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Congrats to Girtz and Orange

Yes, the Tao of Pauly welcomes a new reader. Orange gave birth to Ethan Kohl on 6.25.04. Congrats to the lovely couple. Jodd has a new buddy to pal around with.

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Hilton Sisters Challenge Update


My favorite pair of Queens

While I was away on Phish tour, I was giving away a Pauly painting to any poker blogger who took down the best hand in poker: A-A... if they beat AA with a pair of Queens (aka the Hilton Sisters). Congrats to Bad Blood, who cracked AA with QQ very early into the contest. He wins a Pauly painting! You rule, Bad Blood.

Chris Halverson also cracked pocket aces with the Hilton Sisters this weekend and I'll find something cool to send him. Good job guys!!

I will be having another Hilton Sisters contest at the end of July. Stay tuned.

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Phish Letterman Pics


Phish playing a set on the Late Show marquee

Gil posted some cool pics of Phish on Letterman last Monday.

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Sunday, June 27, 2004
 
Michigan and Boy Genius

Woke up in Chicago yesterday and woke up on Boy Genius' couch this morning in quaint Grand Haven, Michigan (on the Lake). Played in a poker tourney and finished 8th out of 12. Boy Genius came in second. He also introduced me to the two hottest chicks in Grand Haven; his neighbor and his lovely cousin (who looks like the chick from The OC). Anyway, heading back to NYC soon. More updates to come.

The Joker and Alea both called me from the show last night. Sounded like a smoking show!

Mahalo,
Dr. Pauly

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Friday, June 25, 2004
 
Holy Rollers, Batman! Deer Creek, Phishy City

Quick greetings from Chicago. Deer Creek was simply amazing. I wish I could see every Phish show there!! I wish I went to Alpine Valley to see the last two Phish shows on this leg of their summer tour. Alas, I'm kicking it with Bob in Chi-town until tomorrow. Both the Joker and Alea called me from Wisonsin. The boys busted out Roses Are Free. D'oh!!

Anyway, I had been on the road since Monday. Spent time in Broad Ripple, Indianapolis before we camped out in Deer Creek, which is one of my favorite venues to see Phish play. We camped out on site. The Joker sold Bloody Mary's in Shakedown. We hung out with a couple of Michigan girls who camped next to us. Met heads from all over. I bumped into Maggie again. I didn't make any money with my sign: Ask me any question for $1

The coolest part of Deer Creek was meeting some new firneds and some old. I finally found Alea and some of her friends from Wisconsin. Yeah, Wisconsin girls know how to party. I have bruises as proof. Zobo showed up as well and we hung out late last night. I also met two readers of my sites. Lori is a cute law student from Kentucky and a fathful reader of the Tao of Pauly. I met up with her at setbreak the first night. Then I met up with Daddy (I forgot his addy to his poker blog) a fellow poker blogger and Phishead. We hung out during setbreak last night.

It's always a pleasure to meet fans of my blogs!

So what did Phish play?
6.23.04 Verizon Wireless Music Center, Deer Creek, IN

Set I: Llama, Bouncing Around the Room, Bathtub Gin, Ya Mar, Pebbles and Marbles, Army of One, Split Open and Melt

Set II: Halley's Comet > Crosseyed and Painless, Slave to the Traffic Light, Nothing > 46 Days > Scents and Subtle Sounds > Brian and Robert, Limb By Limb, Cavern

Encore: Waste
The highlights were Gin and Split Open & Melt. The first three songs of set 2 were amazing. I got my Deer Creek Slave. It's always a special night when your favorite band plays your favorite song. Halley's > Crosseyed & Painless was a hot way to open a set. Too bad they cheesed out with a Waste encore.
6.24.04 Verizon Wireless Music Center, Deer Creek, IN

Set I: Loving Cup, Cities, Back On The Train, Vultures, My Mind's Got a Mind of its Own, Down With Disease > Rock and Roll

Set II: Tube, Antelope, The Wedge, Timber Ho, Prince Caspian > Simple, Walls of the Cave

Encore: The Squirming Coil
Holy apetits, batman! We had good seats rigth behind the taper's section. Last night was the hottest show of the run. I knew it was going to be a magical night when the boys opened up with Loving Cup. Cities was short and sweet. DWD > Rock and Roll was one of the best first set closing segues in recent memory. I was lit up like a dozen Christmas trees all night. I was twenty miles past Shittysville. I was having the time of my life.

Tube openr of Set 2 kicked my ass. I was waiting all tour for Tube... and I got it!! The boys broke out the funk. The Wedge made me happy and fuzzy inside. The crowd went apeshit during Antelope. Rest of the set was 100% pure smoke. Yeah, it was one of the best shows I had ever seen. More serious commentary to come. But I finished a tour with the Joker, one of the best tours to date. I met his friends from Dallas including Dough Boy, Meredith, and Corey. And I met two fans... Lori from Kentucky and Daddy from Indiana.

OK, I'm in Chicago for one more night. Time to hit the bars with Bob and meet nice Midwestern gals. I think I've had my fill of strippers and half naked, tripping college girls. Ah, who am I kidding? I meet Boy Genius tomorrow on my way into Michigan. Time to break my poker fast.

Until then,
Dr. Pauly

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Week 6: Pauly-BG Weekly Wager

I sent this email to Boy Genius.

From the road. My turn. Please blog for us. Give me your answers on Saturday.

I have only seen Phish or the Grateful Dead in 5 of the cities. In the 5 others, I didn't see either.

Did I see Phish, The Grateful Dead, or NONE in the following cities:

1. Amsterdam, Holland
2. Reyjavik, Iceland
3. Toronto, Canada
4. Boise, ID
5. San Francisco, CA
6. Portland, OR
7. Buffalo, NY
8. Austin, TX
9. Minneapolis, MN
10. Charlotte, NC
11. Denver, CO
12. Jackson, WY
13. DC
14. Hampton, VA
15. Chapel Hill, NC

Make sure you pick 5 Phish cities, 5 Dead cities, and 5 NONE cities. If you get 4 correct, you will win.

BONUS: there is one city on the list I HAVE NOT VISITED, pick that and you get one bonus point.

best of luck,
McG


And now... here's what Boy Genius guessed:
My Guesses...

Did Pauly see Phish, The Grateful Dead, or NONE in the following cities:

1. Amsterdam, Holland... I can't imagine Pauly NOT having been to Amsterdam. I'm going to guess that he saw THE DEAD in the Dam
2. Reyjavik, Iceland... I've read "The Blind Kangaroo," and I think that rules out Pauly NOT having been to Reyjavik. But did he see a concert there? I'm going to guess that he SAW PHISH play in Iceland.
3. Toronto, Canada... I fully believe Pauly wouldn't open up his numerical selections with one of each (Dead/Phish/Neither), plus, Toronto seems like a likely Pauly destination for a show. Specifically, THE DEAD.
4. Boise, ID... No one goes to Boise on purpose. I also don't think Pauly would have such an obvious choice on this list for the one place he HASN'T been. I am therefore going to guess Pauly SAW PHISH in this city
5. San Francisco, CA... Too easy? The Dead are from San Francisco, but as I'm looking at this geographically, a roadie in the Pacific Northwest seems like it might not have resulted in a San Fran stopover. I'll say Pauly's been there, but NO SHOW was seen in Frisco.
6. Portland, OR... Hippies are abundant in Portland. He absolutely SAW PHISH in Portland.
7. Buffalo, NY... Chances are excellent Pauly's been to Buffalo, especially for a show. Let's say he saw THE DEAD up there.
8. Austin, TX... Pauly has neither been to Austin, nor has he seen a show. NO SHOW.
9. Minneapolis, MN... Ah, the crown jewel of the Twin Cities. This seems as out-of-the-way for Pauly as Boise and Jackson are, but maybe this is just an airport stop-over? NO SHOW in Minny.
10. Charlotte, NC... Two North Carolina picks? Sheesh, this gets hard. I'm thinking he saw a band in one, and no band in the other. Since Chapel Hill is a college town, Pauly saw NO SHOW in the land of the NBA's Bobcats.
11. Denver, CO... Denver seems like a great place to catch THE DEAD at old Mile High Stadium, right?
12. Jackson, WY... This was the toughest one of the bunch. I've been to Jackson Hole, and list it as one of my favorites spots on the planet. Frankly, there ain't much up there. But, since I confidently typed answers to every other entry on the list, I'm left with one remaining choice: Pauly saw THE DEAD here. I grit my teeth and await your answer.
13. DC... While I'm sure Pauly has visited the seat of our nation's government, I would bet that if you got technical about it, the concert venues Phish and the Dead would play in that area lie outside the city. In places like Hampton, VA. NO SHOW.
14. Hampton, VA... Pauly SAW PHISH here, possibly at some sort of festival.
15. Chapel Hill, NC... College town, and smart money says Pauly SAW PHISH on Tobacco Road.
My answers to follow in an upcoming blog!

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"Pauly, your life is what other people's dreams are made of..." - Cali Jen

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Tuesday, June 22, 2004
 
On the Road, Piper, and Oh Canada

I woke up in a seedy hotel a block from Niagara Falls this morning. My head hurt a little (and my wallet hurt a lot) after a rowdy trip over the Rainbow Bridge into Canada. We hit up the Niagara Casino where the Joker won a few Canadian dollars playing blackjack. No poker for me. Afterwards, a hot bartender (I'm smitten with cute girls with Canadian accents) at the bar next door suggested a kick ass gentleman's club called Sundown, a short taxi drive away. And that's where things got very fuzzy. It had been a while since I've been in a strip club. And you know what? I had a blast.

Of course, I fell quickly for a Romanian girl with short blonde hair. She told me most of the girls were from Hungary. I tried to engage one stripper in a literary discussion as she slowly slipped her g-string back on during Pump Up the Jam. I asked if she read any Milan Kundera. Big mistake. It's gotta be one of the top 5 stupidest things I ever tried to talk to a stripper about. Note to self: Most strippers don't read the same books I read.

OK, anyway, since strippers never use their own names, I was determined not to use my real name either. I was Mike. The Joker was Trey. When they asked us where we were from, we said Vermont. If you are not a Phishead, Mike and Trey are members of Phish, based out of Vermont. We told them we had the day off of tour and wanted to party with them. One girl actually knew about Phish, even asking if we were the guys who spelled it with a P-H. Anyway, by the end of the night all of the strippers thought we were the guys from Phish. One of them in particular said I had magical hands. I can't wait to write that short story up.

One of the lovely ladies was convinced she "danced" for me before, at another club. I had never seen her before I walked into the strip club. But I played along. After all, I was Mike from Phish.

I blurted out, "Toronto. 4 years ago. Before the implants. Your hair was darker." She almost fell over.

"I knew that was you!" she squealed as she shoved her $4,500 (Canadian dollars) breasts into my face. Lucky guess. She gave me a free lap dance... for a old customer.

Anyway, we were pretty near Al Can't Hang drunk when we stumbled back over the bridge into America. I was shocked the border patrol let us back in. Niagara Falls was lit up in pretty cool colors.

This morning, we shall head to the falls to take some pictures then drive to Deer Creek. I apologize for the not-so-good entries about the Phish shows. Dealing with dial-up and a head full of party favors sucks when trying to capture coherent thoughts.

Anyway, four shows into the tour, I am having one of the best Phish tours I've ever had. Phish is playing some of their best stuff since Japan. The Joker is an awesome tour buddy. He's the party guy and shows up to the parking lot with lots of props for people to entertain themselves with. It's a great way to meet girls. And we've been meeting a bevy of them.

The Brooklyn shows were special since it was the last time I'd see Phish in NYC. I saw my first Phish show in NYC in 1989. Fitting that I also got to see my last NYC show with Senor as well. The show in the rain was magical. The Divided Sky encore was epic. The second show was high energy and Jay Z coming onstage was a shocker. The crowd (including the Brooklyn women working the vending) was into the show. The Saratoga shows were kick ass. We had good seats both nights. The highlight of the tour... the highlight post hiatus was Piper on Saturday night. Sick. Unreal. Amazing. Sensational. All great buzz words to describe that version. It might be one of the top 5 jams I ever saw Phish pull out. Insane. And I got to see the magic up close. That's why I go to so many shows. They are always making me walk away shaking my head in awe.

If I were to select the best tracks from the last 4 shows, they would include:
Free
Suzy Greenberg
Divide Sky (encore)
Carini
Tweezer
Down with Disease
Bug > Tweezer Reprise (encore)
Wolfman's Brother
David Bowie
Piper > Jam (the best of the bunch)
Waves
Drowned
Ghost
Good Times Bad Times
Sunday's show was one of the trippiest and more spacey shows I had seen in a very long time. Ghost was something I woke up dying to see. And I got it. Trey broke his first string on stage since 1995. Pretty odd, eh? Sunday night was crazy because after the show we partied with a room full of heads from Western NY in their room. Joker broke out the props and the guitar and played songs all night. We were all staying at the same Super 8. It was a mini scene.

It feels good to take a break from worrying about writing, or a career, or playing poker. I needed a break from all those things. I will return to the big city refreshed. For now, it's listening to kick ass music and meeting cool people from all over. I'm expecting some more fun to come in Deer Creek. OK, enough for now. I won't have any internet until Friday at the earliest. This is the last update for a while.

Visit Joker's site: Bathtub Gin for some of his updates.

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Monday, June 21, 2004
 
Saratoga Night 2

Phish 6.20.04 Saratoga, NY

Set 1: Rift, Julius, Bill Bailey (with Page's dad), Waves, Gumbo, Water in the Sky, Horn, Poor Heartl, Drowned

Set 2: Seven below > Ghost > Twist, You Enjoy Myself

Encore: Good Times, Bad Times

The funniest thing I overheard so far on this tour... from a really young, wasted Phishy chick: Man, I was pretty wasted... until that third hit of Ecstacy kicked it.

I wish I could make this stuff up.

I almost stepped on a puppy. Some wookette thought my red blazer was cool. She called me, "Pimp Daddy".

Saturday night's Piper was the best Phish song I heard post-hiatus. Sunday's show was very trippy. Drowned was sick. Waves was loopy. Second set was insane. Crazy, long, tripped out jams. Great to see some trippy Phish, because my mindset wa spretty much on the same wavelength.

Rockin Zepplin cover to close the show.

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Sunday, June 20, 2004
 
Saratoga Day 1

Phish, 6.19.04, Saratoga, NY

Set 1: Reba, Runaway Jim, NICU, Scents & Subtle Sounds, Wolfman's, Walls of the Cave > Jam > Bowie

Set 2: Ocean, Piper > Jam > Gotta Jibboo,Limb by Limb, Cavern

Encore: Velvet Sea

We arrived in the mid afternoon, checked into our hotel outside of Albany, which was filled with heads. Loaded up on supplies and headed for the venue. We wer ein a overflow parking lot, which didn't have too much pedestrain traffic. Joker's mini-bar out of the back of his vehicle didn't pull in the monster bucks like he did in Brooklyn. but we met some cool people and that's all that mattered. In addition to Bloody Mary's, Joker was also making White Russians (the drink of The Dude) and Screwdrivers. I made a killer White Russian for a cute Columbia girl.

We had great seats in the pavillion. the lawn was small, crowded, and hectic.

First set was a lot of fun. The only downer was Scents and Subtle Sounds. Aside from that I loved the first set. Whenever you open a show with Reba, you know it's gonna be a lot of fun. They nailed it. No mistakes. Page went off on NICU. Mike was the shit on Wolfman's. The boys jammed ot a smokin' Walls of the Cave.

The highlight of second set was Piper, high energy and the peak of the show. The would not stop the jam and kept pushing along. Very cool. Fishman was the man during Limb by Limb. Had an amazing show.

I bought a couple of grilled cheeses after the show. Some crusty chick was totally diggin' my red blazer. "You're pimpin' brother!" she yelled out at me as we walked out of the show.

3 hours of Phish. Not too shabby.

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Saturday, June 19, 2004
 
Joker's Update

The Joker just posted some pics and a mini review of the show on his site. Check it out. Here's my favorite part:
Another fun tidbit last night was that I wore my George W. Bush mask and a T-Shirt give to me at Bonnaroo that read "George W. Heart Getting Spun". To complete the joke I made a sign that said "Dubya Heart Phish" on one side, with "Because Mike Drops Bombs!" on the other. I got nothing but good hearted laughs and about 10 people had me pose for pictures with them. It is hard to tell, but I also am fairly certain that Trey, Page, and Mike all read the sign from stage and chuckled.
More to come. We're off to Saratoga. Two shows the next two days.

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Big Pimpin' in Brooklyn

Phish 6.18.04, KeySpan Park, Brooklyn, NY

Set I: AC/DC Bag, Camel Walk, Crowd Control, Stash, Cars Trucks Buses, Carini, My Sweet One, Character Zero, Tweezer

Set II: Wilson, Down With Disease, 99 Problems**, Big Pimpin'**, Chalkdust Torture, Harry Hood, Taste

Encore: Bug > Tweezer Reprise

** with Jay-Z.

Some cool pics: Brooklyn Phish

Yes, Jay Z came out and played two songs. Hung out with Senor and Gil. I bought Bruce Cohen a bum ticket. It was fake. I traded one of my Saratoga extras with some chick and it turned out to be a bad ticket. The Joker drove his vehicle to the show. We got to Coney Island early afternoon to get a good spot in the parking lot. The Joker made $60 selling bloody Mary's before the show. Some cute blonde with a big black dog hung out next to us for an hour and sold ganja brownies. After the show, she walked by, and we stopped her. She had no clue who we were. I wish I had what she had. Senor and Gil finally arrived, and so did some of the Joker's friends from Texas, Kevin and Jessica. We found a cool spot close to the stage. I had not been that close up to Phish since Japan (on the floor... I was Page side all of Vegas and in Miami I had behind the stage and Page side kick ass seats, but there's something special about the high energy of the crowd right in front of the stage).

First set rocked. It was one of the best post hiatus. AC/DC Bag was perfect since Senor was there. He was having a blast. Camelwalk had high funk value. I called Molly during Cars Trucks Buses and Page went off on that one. I had my eye on Fishman the entire show, the band is named after him, after all right? Been focusing on him the entire run. I was pretty hammered the first set.

Second set was a lot of fun. I got hit in the head with a red glowstick during Harry Hood. I was on the phone with Molly when that happened. Joker made a comment to me that the boys were playing songs they really like.

Jay-Z was a shocker. He played two songs both high energy. Very cool.

I saw a single star in the sky. I was on the floor, about ten rows back, from the stage.

I made a small sign: Ask me any question.... $1.

I made $2.75. First guy asked me: Why are dogs flammable?

I am not shitting you. He asked. I answered and made $1. I made 25cents when some guy asked me, What 2+3 equals?. I nailed than answer.

Some cute chick was giving me a rough time in the lot after the show. Anyway, I got $1.50 off of her. She asked, What's the meaning of life? And then I got 50 bonus cents when I guessed her home state of Ohio. Don't ask.

I met Maggie again. I partied with her in Miami at the first Phish show on the NYE run. She inspired a short story called Maggie's Flight. I'm too wasted to find the link. Anyway, she gave me a huge hug and remembered my name. i should have told her about the story I wrote.

Highlights: Camel Walk, Carini, Tweezer in the first set and the Down with Disease and Hood was pretty solid.

Anyway, my thoughts are scattered. And I must crash before getting up to drive to Saratoga tomorrow. More to come...

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Friday, June 18, 2004
 
Phish 6.17.04 Brooklyn, NY Setlist & Mini Review

6.17.04 KeySpan Park, Brooklyn, NY

Set I: Song I Heard The Ocean Sing, Dinner and a Movie, The Curtain With, Sample in a Jar, The Moma Dance > Free, Nothing, Maze, Frankenstein

Set II: 46 Days > Possum, The Oh Kee Pa Ceremony > Suzy Greenberg > Brooklyn Jam, Axilla, 2001, Birds of a Feather, Kung, Mike's Song > Hydrogen > Weekapaug Groove

Encore: The Divided Sky

What to say? The Joker arrived in early in the afternoon. We headeed to the venue early, toured Shakedown and went inside. Gil luckily was able to switch to a Stadium ticket (he had a floor seat).

It rained. A lot. From the second half of set one thru the middle of the second set... and including the entire setbreak. Thank God for Gil. He brought his huge umbrella. The lights were shaking in the rain during 46 Days. You could see the raindrops.

The raindrops were as big as silk worms.

The rain came down during Free. I saw a twirling girl on home plate. I saw a kid wearing a skirt. He was holding a two-foot tall chiquita banana. I could see the subway, the ocean, the Cyclone, and the projects all from my seat along the first base line.

Breakouts: Dinner and a Movie and Kung and a Divided Sky encore (first one since MSG 12.29.98)

Highlights: MoMA Dance and Maze.... 46 Days and Suzy, 2001 and Weekapaug.

More to come.

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Truckin June 2004 (Vol. 3, Issue 4)

Welcome to the birthday issue of Truckin'. I started this idea two years ago and it's still here. This special issue features nine stories! Three of them are from yours truly. Three writers who helped me start Truckin' by writing for the first issue have returned. I am posting my favorite Senor story. Jessica E. Lapidus is back after a hiatus. And Truckin's favorite Brazilian correspondent, Armando Huerta, has a witty tale. This issue also has a variety of stories from three poker bloggers. The Poker Penguin, the pundit from New Zealand, a.k.a. Richard Bulkeley shares a story about a wild night in Canada. Al Can't Hang returns with a second installment of Stories from the Bar. And BG is back with an adorable story about a young girl and gambling. Before you begin, notice the brand new format. Last month, I introduced a new template. This month, each story is on it's own page. You have to click on each title's name to read the full story. Sit back, relax, and enjoy. Be kind, McG.


1. A Harmonica Subway Story by Tenzin McGrupp

A one-armed, harmonica-playing pan handler slowly walked into the subway car. I did a double take. I had never seen a one-armed harmonica player before... More

2. Tequila and Bad Weed by Richard Bulkeley

"Tequila – it makes you horny"... I grinned at the bartender when Lisa returned and he gave me another conspiratorial wink. We quickly sank our tequila and left... More

3. Anna and the King Queen Suited by BG

She grabbed the cards off the table for the third time, sweeping them up and clutching them to her chest in one quick motion, lest anyone get a glimpse of anything on the other side. She peeled the corners back and saw the cards again... More

4. She Smelled Like Fresh Flowers by Tenzin McGrupp

Ivan walked into the Tavern and saddled up to the bar. Charlie quickly slid over a double shot of Stoli and a glass of ice water. Ivan picked up the vodka with his right hand and downed it in an easy, swift motion... More

5. Stories from the Bar: Road Trippin' with the Band
by Al Can't Hang

It took an incredibly long time to calm this fracas down. Four band members, a large crowd of bar patrons, and Al Can't Hang scuffling in the streets. I was alternating between peace maker, offensive lineman, and paramedic to intoxicated, hyped up, aggressive musicians... More

6. Partying Brazilian Style by Armando Huerta

Everyone on the beach is wearing white, a Brazilian custom meant to symbolize starting the new year with a clean slate. The sight of 1.5 million people wearing white and milling about on the sand is one that everyone should experience at least once in their lifetime... More

7. The Tract by Jessica E. Lapidus

I was drunk and insane when I stumbled into the stinking, damp, pissed-on subway. Four in the morning. Big mistake. Three teenagers across from me seemed to be enjoying their last free weekend before the start of school. They were laughing and grinning, white lollipop sticks protruding from their swollen lips... More.

8. Baki Baki: A Miami Story by Tenzin McGrupp

I was slipping and sliding physically and mentally the entire night. Never mess with a man on a mission, lost in the fuddled reality between sobriety and utter madness... More

9. I'm Taking Off My Pants! by Señor

The cop leaned over and whispered into my ear, "Mr. Senor, I will not ask you to remove your underwear in this public place. However for security reasons I must ask you to let me have a peek"... More

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Thursday, June 17, 2004
 
11 Hours... Until Phish


I'm seeing Phish here tonight and Friday.

Yes, in less than 11 hours, I'll be groovin my ass off at Phish, when they play at Coney Island.... in a minor league baseball stadium at that. I'm awaiting the arrival of The Joker. Tonight, I'm meeting up with Gil and on Friday, Senor will make a rare visit to see Phish here in NYC. Yes, the first leg of the their goodbye tour is underway. And I'll see 11 of the last 13 shows. Come to think about it... I have seen the last 15 Phish shows. Not too bad, eh?

5 Random Songs I Want to Hear Phish Play Tonight...

1. Makisupa Policeman
2. MoMA Dance
3. Tube
4. The Wedge
5. Guleah Papyrus

I forgot to post this picture in my Japan write ups, of a Pollock poster. Here you go.


Pollock Japan poster

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The Hilton Sisters Bounty


Pair of Queens

Poker lingo... a pair of queens is called: The Hilton Sisters. Visit the Tao of Poker for more details on how you can win a Pauly painting and take down the Hilton Sisters Bounty.

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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
 
Lone Star Molly

Yes. It's official. Molly changed the name of her blog to: Lone Star Molly. She took the suggestion of my brother. I like the new name change a lot. Best of luck.

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Schanzer on TV

Jon Schanzer will be appearing on Fox News Channel tomorrow at 9:30am EST. Check local listings. He'll be discussing the latest terrorism news in the Middle East.

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Pinky and the Donkey Punch

The Pink-clad, putrid, Princess paraded past me. I saw, but I didn't stare. She walked back my way and sat across from me. A quick pucker of the pouty, twice injected lips was followed by a light apllication of hot pink lip gloss. Her pink passion fruit patterned dress reflected my disdain. I bectha she owned one of those annoying, yapping tiny dogs, more like large rats than canines, dressed up in fancy China pink sweaters, and fed better food than I can scratch together on a junkie's salary.

I imagined cheddar pink bows and maiden pink ribbons entagled in the locks of her spoiled purse pet. The kinda dog I'd have to hide in a desk draw because he wouldn't shut the fuck up. She's the type of chick that drank rainbow pink colored cocktails at Happy Hours in Soho during the week or before the Princess passed out on sun drenched, faded pink beach chairs, a dental floss thin, flamingo pink bikini protecting her from Sun cancer in South Hampton.

If she pulled out a pastel pink flavored iPod out of her new Kate Spade piglet pink tote, I was going to puke up last's night's spicy chicken onto her pink flip flops. Instead, she pulled out a a pink chick lit book and right there I wanted to grab her, bend her over and subject the Pink-clad, putrid, Princess to a donkey punch, after she screamed out the twelve different shades of pink.

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Paris, Part Deux


I wish I was the ice cream cone!

She's back. My favorite blonde heiress (ok, second favorite blonde heiress, Ms. Buttons) is back with a second season of her reality TV show. How much hijinks could she get into? I wish they ditched Nicole and signed me up. I think a road trip across America with a hotel heiress would warrant me a my own TV show. Anyway, Paris is on tonight. Two episodes. A double dip of Paris. Hijinks to ensue for sure. One at 8pm and the other at 9pm. All times EST.

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Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...

1. Demons and Angels by Dan Brown
2. The Elephant Vanishes: Stories by Haruki Murakami
3. Glamorama by Bret Easton Ellis
4. The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver W. Sacks
5. I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb

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Today in Phistory 6.16.00


Zepp Theatre, Osaka, Japan

Phish 6.16.00, Zepp, Suminoe-ku, Osaka, Japan

Set I: Limb By Limb, Sample in a Jar, First Tube, Golgi Apparatus, Heavy Things, Dirt, My Sweet One, Reba, Character Zero

Set II: Runaway Jim, Theme from the Bottom, Dog Faced Boy, Driver, Slave to the Traffic Light, Julius, Bug

Encore: Bouncin, Harry Hood

I spent the day wandering around Osaka. It's the city of water, with plenty of rivers and canals conencting the city. The shopping area was dense, but not as hectic as Tokyo. Beano found glow sticks. We saw Page crossing the street and I took a quick photo. Senor and I went bowling and you buy your rental shoes at vending machines. Went over to Cosmo Square, where the venue was located. Zepp had a theatre in Tokyo (I think it's a chain?) as well. I saw a couple of posters and flyers around town.


Flyer for the Osaka shows

This one was spacious and there was a carpet! If you spilled a drink, guys in white shirts and towels sprinted into action and cleaned up the mess in seconds. They reminded me of ball boys in tennis at the US Open. They both hunched down, in the middle of the action, ready to pounced when duty called. You'd never get that sort of service in America.

The last Phish show was nearly perfect, borderline flawless. When I burned Phish shows for friends and newbies, I always include the last show in Japan... 6.16.00 Osaka. It's a clean crisp show, one of my favorites to listen to one rainy days when I need a morale boost. I had several hilarious moments at the show. I got separated from Senor and Beano and hung out with Zobo about fifth or sixth row for most of the first set. We had so much fun and enjoying life in the moment. During the lyrics in Golgi Apapratus, the band utters, "I saw you with a ticket stub in your hand!" Zobo dug into his wallet, whipped out his ticket and held it up over his head. With a belly full of mushrooms, and a head cloudy from hashish and Kirin, I busted out laughing, nearly falling to my knees in a hysterical seizure.


I heard all Japanese girls love Zobo!

During First Tube I truned around and say Senor jumping up as high as he could throughout the song. He had a wide smile and everyone around him knew he was having a balls out time. I've known the guy since 1990 and that was one of the happiest moments I had seen him encounter. With each note he tried to jump higher and higher... one of those rare moments when the music and Phish took over your entire body.

At some point during the end of a smoking first set, I was very inebriated and closed my eyes during Reba. I floated or wandered into the middle of a group of locals, about eight or so friends, who left me alone. They kept dancing and encircled me. When I came too, I was competely lost. I had that feeling like I woke up from a dream, but couldn't tell if I was still in a dream. It seemed like a Japan was one long dream. Did all of that happen? I came very close to freaking out. It happens on pyschedelics when you forget where you are. I turned to my left and saw a smiling Japanese girl wearing a tie-dyed shirt. I remembered! I'm in Japan. There was music playing and I looked up at the stage. I was forty feet in front of Trey. I whirled around and say Beano and Senor jamming out to the music. I'm among friends! Then I forgot what song they were playing. Was it still Reba, or did they segue into another song during the short period of time I was trying to get my space together? That's why I write down the setlists. A week straight of very little sleep, too many party favors, and very little food... made me very loopy. I hit a personal high in Japan. I can count on my right hand how many times I've been that far gone since then. I'm a head taller than everyone in Japan. I turned back around and saw the floor of the venue flooded with the dancing and grooving crowd. It was one of those memory burns.

The second set was just as intense. I had not yet heard my favorte song, Slave to the Traffic Light, and knew the second set was my last chance. An hour into the set, I was blessed with an Osaka Slave... shit, a Japan Slave! I stood in awe, near tears, and goosebumps three inches thick bubbled up on my entire body. I was so close to the band I could almost touch them. When I saw Beano soon after, he was pumping his fist. He knew I was waiting all week to hear my favorite song. Nothings more satisfying than flying half way around the world, and hearing one of your favorite bands, play your favorite song. Here comes the cliche... it was as though they did Slave to the Traffic Light just for me.

I can never write enough about Japan. Next year, I hope to go back and live for a short period of time, where I hope I'll pen my novel about my Phishy travels in 2000. There's not a day that goes by where I don't think about Japan. I made some amazing friends. We taught each other an unquantified amount of small things that blended culture, music, and life. I was moved by the Japanese's spiritual approach to music. Despite the communication problems, music and more specifically, Phish, was the middle gorund, where we found a place where we could share the finer moments in life. The friendships and bonds that were created are to this day, some the the strongest and most meaningful on my journey.

I haven't met any of the guys from Phish since their last show in Japan. If I did, I was going to tell them, "Thanks, for going to Japan. It's been an integral source of friendship, inspiration, and sincerity in my often stormy life. Thanks for sharing those intimate moments with me."


I'll be back...

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5 Random Songs I Want to Hear Phish Play in Brooklyn... Tomorrow!!

1. Tube
2. Lizards
3. Sneaking Sally
4. NICU
5. Undermind

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Monday at the Blue Parrot
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive...
and all the impersonators would be dead."
- Johnny Carson
Well, it had been a while since Signor Ferrari hosted a game. I was eager to get back into the action. I fared well, my previous two times and wanted to get a little quick cash and gas money before I hit the road on Saturday morning. Last night, some familiar mugs were missing. Rick Blaine and his wife moved to San Francisco (anyone in the Bay Area looking for players, drop Rick Blaine an email. I will vouch for the guy. He's a gentleman and a scholar. Plus, he's the dude from Rick's Cafe.) Ugarte was away on holiday and Coach was on his honeymoon. A couple of occasional players dropped in and we had a new face to the mix. Apshnxma, a fellow poker blogger from Riding the F Train, has picked up Rick's old seat and was fresh off a satellite win at the Borgata (he won a seat at the $1500 NL later this year.) And writer, Diane Roy, joined the big boys for a second time. During her first appearance at the Blue Parrot, she took the money and ran! And posted a good sized win.
The Cast
Seat 1: Asphnxma
Seat 2: Dan
Seat 3: Signor Ferrari
Seat 4: Sugata
Seat 5: Diane (arrived late)
Seat 6: Charlie
Seat 7: Dr. Pauly
For a complete recap of the Monday Night game visit the Tao of Poker.

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Wednesday's Wacky Bet of the Week

I have a running weekly prop bet with Boy Genius. Here's what were doing this week as BG reported on his blog:
BG vs. Pauly, Round 5

We’re all tied up going into round 5 of our weekly wager. This week, it’s my turn to propose. We’re going to play What Won’t BG Eat?

Here’s how the game works: I’m going to list 20 food items. Ten of which, I’ll eat, ten of which, I wouldn’t. If Pauly can put six items appropriately on the Won’t Eat list, he’ll win.

The List:
1. A Big Mac
2. Escargot
3. Sushi, raw
4. Sushi, cooked
5. Cheddar cheese, cubed
6. Potato Salad
7. Shepherd’s Pie
8. Oysters on the half shell
9. Deviled Eggs
10. Oatmeal
11. Duck
12. Beef Stroganoff
13. White Chili
14. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
15. Spinach
16. Creamed Corn
17. Green Olives
18. Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips
19. Yogurt
20. Bologna

Good luck!
Wow. That's a toughy! Here's my picks:
Pauly's Picks:
1. A Big Mac YES
2. Escargot NO
3. Sushi, raw YES
4. Sushi, cooked YES
5. Cheddar cheese, cubed NO
6. Potato Salad NO
7. Shepherd’s Pie NO
8. Oysters on the half shell YES
9. Deviled Eggs NO
10. Oatmeal NO
11. Duck YES
12. Beef Stroganoff YES
13. White Chili NO
14. Grilled Cheese Sandwiches NO
15. Spinach YES
16. Creamed Corn NO
17. Green Olives YES
18. Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips YES
19. Yogurt NO
20. Bologna YES
There you have it. I'll be awaiting the results.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004
 
5 Toppings I Like on My Pizza...

1. Extra Cheese
2. Pepperoni
3. Mushrooms
4. Sausage
5. Onions

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Undermind Thoughts...

I listened to the new Phish CD twice today. My favorite track is Undermind, the title track. It has a nice tinge of groove-funk, and yes, catchy lyrics that only Phish could pull off.

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Undermind


The new and last Phish album

I spent the late morning and early afternoon writing. I have a shitload of petty errands to run. Days like this I wish I had an intern. Too bad I never got a few NYU summer interns. I could use one badly right now. Tons of shit to do. Runs to the post office. Laundry. Packing for my trip. Working on three different blogs! Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I'm trying to help Molly come up with a new name for her blog. It was called Garlic Bread. Even my brother came up with a pretty good name. I personally like: Mollification. Or how about Garlic Molly?

OK, so I got the new Phish CD in the mail the other day. It's OK. I heard about four or five songs live before (on previous tours). My favorites are a Page song... Army of One and Two Versions of Me. Is it weak the rest of the album? It's too early to tell. Let me listen to it on the road the next week or so, and I'll get back to you. The best part of the CD is a bonus DVD! A mini movie about Phish. Worth the purchase for sure. Anyway, I have been writing to the new CD all day. It's growing on me. But in the end, it's still no: Picture of Nectar. I think that might be the best Phish album of all time. I recall going to the hip record store in Atlanta with my buddies WIlkins and Pizza to get the brand new CD. Phish was in the store signing copies.

OK, I have to get back to writing. Some stuff needs to get done for the upcoming issue of Truckin'. I played poker last night with Signor Ferrari at the Blue Parrot. I wona few bucks and will post a write up to the Tao of Poker as soon as I can.

And I need to hop onto Party Poker later tonight and kick some ass!

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Today in Phishtory... June 15, 2000


Big Cat, 6.15.00, Osaka, Japan

Phish 6.15.00, Big Cat, Chuo-ku, Osaka, Japan

Set I: NICU, Chalkdust Torture, AC/DC Bag, Uncle Pen, Ghost, Frankie Says, Divided Sky, Farmhouse

Set II: Down With Disease, The Lizards, Bike, You Enjoy Myself

Encore: Gotta Jibboo


One of the many bridges in Osaka

Osaka was my favorite city in Japan. If I were to move to Japan, that's where I'd like to live. Tokyo gave off that NYC vibe, while Osaka was more laid back, much like San Francisco. We found a hotel near our venue and Beano went looking for glow sticks. I was on a search for a local head shop that sold mushrooms. I stocked up.

The venue was tiny and called Big Cat. I was up close for the entire show. One guy had a sign: RIZARDS. He wanted to hear Lizards and hoped his sign would catch Trey's attention. It did. NICU opener was smokin'! I had a moment during Ghost, one of those times when Phish went off and I quickly followed. It was pretty cool when even I cannot describe that feeling of being dropped off in the middle of nowhere, and loving every second of that. I was pretty pumped to be half way around the world, listening to one of my favorite bands with two friends I knew for a decade.

The show was pretty insane and Phish finally gelled the night before. Nagoya was the best show of the run (up until that point) and Fukuoka was special because the boys hit some rare moments (to this day, they haven't matched that intensity)... but they seemed most comfortable in Osaka. After being in Japan for a week, everyone was comfortable. My Japanese was surprisingly passable. The locals were impressed. I gather that it had less to do with my pronunciation, than my effort to communicate in their language.

While we were walking down a street, a guy tapped me on the shoulder. He was Japanese and his long hair was a give away that he was a Phishead. He told me that he recognized me from every Phish show in Japan and he wanted to say hello! How cool was that! Wandering around, down a random street, and I'm recognized by a local. Yes by that point, all the Americans had met one another and formed a group called Japhamily. Roughly 100 or so of us had ventured from the States and we all mingled at various times.


Hanging out at setbreak with Beano and Japhans

The show was great. Crowd was into the vibe. We hung out with Aki and Kimi and their Osaka friends. I met Ryuji and his drunk friend Hiroki, who insisted that he was "a professional." He kept shouting that at the top of his lungs. I learned that he was a professional alcoholic.

After the show, we were invited to an after party, thrown by some of Aki and Kimi's friends. I met Page. I hung out and smoked hash in a dark corner with people whose names I forgot. We saw Fish waiting in line to use the bathroom. Zobo walked up and Fish blew him off. He was trying to talk to a chick. I laughed when Zobo returned slightly jaded.

Next up... the last show in Osaka.

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Joker and Bonnaroo

The Joker posted an update of his travels and partying at Bonaroo this past weekend. Check it out. Here's a bit:
David Byrne, it must be said, is a genius and just radiates coolness. His set was a mix of solo & Talking Heads favorites. "Psycho Killer" was fun but probably the song of Bonnaroo for me was "Once in a Lifetime." Smiles all around and the whole crowd singing along, jumping up and down. Same as it ever was, same as it ever was. And you may ask yourself, how did I get here?
He arrives in NYC later tomorrow and I'll be doing the rest of the June Phish tour with the Joker and his vehicle, Marco.

Anyway here's the setlist (partial - Set 2) from Trey Anastasio Band at Bonnaroo:
Mr. Completely, Sing A Song, Alive Again, Night Speaks To A Woman, The Devil Went Down To Georgia, Curlew's Call, Sultans of Swing, Push On Til the Day, Small Axe, Last Tube, Ether Sunday, Black Dog

Encore: First Tube
Again, thanks to the Joker for the calls and the setlist.



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Getting Ink
"Blogs are the new tattoos." - Me
I secretly love seeing my name on other people's blogs. Here's two recent instances. Boy Genius recapped a conversation we had. Check out his entry called: The New Tattoos:
I was talking with Pauly on Saturday, in very general terms about, to borrow a phrase, the viral phenomenon of blogs.

Pauly’s line, one that I feel is apt, is that “blogs are the new tattoos.” Everybody is going to have one, or already does.

Viral, actually, is a terrific adjective to describe blogs, as the Howard Dean campaign proved early on. For better or for worse, Dean’s supporters utilized blogs to at once rally and corral the troops.
Yes. And of course, I'm getting ink in New Zealand. The Poker Penguin recently mused about our conversations regarding Shakespeare. Here's a bit:
Pauly (Tao of Poker) and I both fessed up in emails to having memorised bits of Shakespeare. Now, this is actually a surprisingly fun thing to do. Big Will had a hell of a grasp of the English language, and memorising it as a speech puts it in a whole new light from reading it or watching it as a performance. It's a far more active way of understanding the text.

Pauly admitted to knowing parts of Hamlet. Which fits, I mean, I can just see Pauly in a wacko state, going on a murderous spree of vengeance (or at least writing insulting things about them). But really, I can only speculate on him.

Me, I know Richard III's soliloquy (Now is the winter of our discontent...) and one of *the* speeches from Henry V (What's he that wishes so? My cousin westmoreland) yes, it's the band of brothers speech.

Henry V is how I'd like to see myself, or even be. A brave, noble leader who is a lover and a fighter. I'd settle for being able to convincingly imagine this was the case. Richard III, by contrast is how I fear / believe I actually am. A devious, ugly (in body and soul), selfish bastard.

Niether are entirely true. Which is the way with so many things in life.

So really, this entire monster ramble has no real point, and just shoves the poker content futher into the archives.
See poker bloggers just don't blog about poker!!

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5 of My Favorite Smells...

1. NYC two minutes after it rains
2. Pulling up to a gas station
3. A woman's neck seconds after she gets out of the shower
4. Anyone cooking bacon
5. A new bag of kind buds

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Monday, June 14, 2004
 
Garlic Bread... Molly's Blog!

Molly, the grooviest chick is West Texas, started her very own blog called: Garlic Bread. Check it out.

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My 3,001st post... Schanzer on TV Today

This just in. Jon Schanzer will be on Fox News Channel at 3:17pm EST. Here's what he wrote me:
I'll be doing an interview with Shepard Smith at the Fox News Channel today, talking about recent developments in Iraq, Saudi Arabia and the USA. The hit is scheduled for a very specific time - 3:17.
And yes, this is my 3,001st post. The cartoon was number 3,000! Does this mean I'm a lock for the blogger hall of fame? For you non baseball fans, usually 3,000 hits is a good indication whether or not that player will have a chance of getting enshrined in the Hall of Fame. I think I'll need to get to 30,000 posts before I can consider being a top notch blogger.

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Poker Hermit's Sketch

I was wandering through some on my blogger links and stopped by The Poker Hermit who is currently on a hiatus. But... he managed to post a "it's funny because it's true..." sketch of some of his fellow poker bloggers. Guess which one is me? Good job, Hermit! Alas... I 'm looking forward to reading more.


Created by The Poker Hermit (2004)

Click on the picture above for a better view. And yes, penguins don't have hands. If you don't read poker blogs... there's The Poker Penguin, Hdouble from The Cards Speak (a former semi-pro football player), Iggy from Guinness and Poker, Grubby from the Poker Grub, and yes... me from the Tao of Poker. The guy at the far former is the Poker Hermit. I love the Grateful Dead bong in the background.

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Today in Phishtory... June 14, 2000


Drum Logos, Fukuoka, Japan 6.14.00

Phish 6.14.00 Drum Logos, Chuo-ku, Fukuoka, Japan

Set I: Carini, The Curtain, Cities, Gumbo > Llama, Fee, Heavy Things, Split Open and Melt

Set II: Back On The Train, Twist > Walk Away > 2001

Encore: Sleep, Squirming Coil

The following is from my travel journal four years ago today:

14 June 2000... Fukuoka, Japan

Holly walks through our car on the bullet train with a grin on her face. “I lost my boyfriend,” as she shrugs her shoulders, “He got out at the last stop, went to go buy something on the platform, and the doors closed on him, and the train left without him.” Poor Holly, her boyfriend got off and never made it back on the bullet train to Fukuoka.


Somewhere on the way to Fukuoka

Our train arrives at Hakata Station in Fukuoka exactly one minute early than scheduled. Fukuoka is Japan’s largest and most populated southern city. A majestic port city, it is closer to Seoul, South Korea than it is to Tokyo, which gives Fukuoka a more international flavor, especially with a fair amount of American military around, the locals are more used to GAI-JIN. Señor and I walk through the busy Hakata Station and we find a crowd gathered around a stage with a live musical performance by a band and these tiny kimono wearing dancers. As we pause to check out the scene, I am aroused by the flavorful smells of baked goods. I turn around frantically, trying to seek out the origin of the smells, the aromas, the tantalizing treats that are making my already hungry stomach growl for more attention.

I find the bakery a few steps away called TANDOR. Upon entering the bakery you are walk among rows of baskets of baked goods, all various sizes and shapes, of fresh baked breads and pasties and cookies. The large brick bread making ovens are located right behind the check out counter, where all the workers are tiny Japanese girls who wear the most adorable white and red uniforms and lovely white gloves cover their tiny hands. They greet you with big smiles and sing a nice happy song to you as the customers pay. I have no idea what they are saying but it makes me smile anyway. I buy a loaf of garlic bread, a few rolls, a couple of chocolate doughnuts and three containers of orange juice. The portions are so small in Japan, that I have to buy almost double the amount of food that is presented to me. I lug my overstuffed backpack and my baked goods to the counter and the check out girl smiles and is overly enthusiastic about my sale. I bow my head and say, “Arigato!” And she smiles back and bows.

Señor and I walk out of Hakata Station and find our way to the subway, as I catch my first glimpse of downtown Fukuoka. It’s very sunny and warm, and this is the most sun I have seen since I arrived in Japan a week ago. I bask it up for a few moments before we walk into the subway and take a ride to the area of town where Phish is playing. We were suggested a hotel by the information desk at the train station, and like every city we traveled to on this trip, we never once made a reservation, we would just show up and take our chances finding lodging. Risky, but that's how we were doing this trip. As we exited off subway and started walking in the wrong direction, I stop to ask a local where our hotel was, he tells me I am going the wrong way and gives me the correct directions in perfect English! The Fukuoka locals are definitely more friendly down here in Sourthern Japan, and alot more willing to help with directions, as compared to the serious brush offs we were getting in Tokyo.

The hotel is overbooked, we unhappily find out upon arrival. But the manager recommends a cheaper place just a few blocks away. He even calls to make reservations for us! As I make small talk with the nice fellow, I find out that he’s not only well versed in English, but fluent in French as well. He worked at the Japanese Embassy in Paris for a decade, and I chat with him briefly in French, before thanking him and making our way to the next hotel. I’m pleasantly surprised by the friendly, curious energy and the laid back, Sunny California attitude of the locals. I’m really enjoying the vibe in Fukuoka and start to hope the vibe finds it’s way to the show later that night.

We check into our small rooms, shown to us by a very small and round elderly lady at the front desk who had been expecting us. I drop off my stuff, write a few lines, take a quick shower, make a quick inventory of my narcotics, Yen and tickets and head back to Hakata Station to meet Beano. He had separated from us in Tokyo and went to check out the mountains for a few days and skipped the Nagoya show. We are all excited to reunite, and when we finally find him, we’re all pumped and start to focus on Phish! On our way back to the hotel, Beano tells us stories about staying in a RYOKIN, a Japanese style hotel and a funny story about his bus ride from the hotel to the JR train station. We drop off his gear and head right for DRUM LOGOS, just a few blocks away, the venue where Phish should be starting up in less than 2 hours.


Random street in Fukukoa, Japan

For the first time all trip, I kinda get us lost and Beano and Señor don’t have a clue because they have instinctively been following me the entire trip. I didn't want to tell them we were lost, so I just keep walking. I’m starting to feel the beginning effects of the shroomies I took before I left the hotel, and I hope I don't start booming too early, while I'm lost. I’m very confused because the street signs are all in Japanese and the map I have isn't very good, so I finally stop on one corner and confess to Beano and Señor, “Guys, I can’t find the venue.”

As they look at the map, I notice Mike Gordon (Bass player for Phish) walking down the adjacent street, and I quickly say, “Well we can always follow Mike to the show.”

And I pull them off in that direction. We keep following Mike about 20 yards behind, until I see a few phisheads loitering about, then I know I’m going in the right direction, onward to Drum Logos. In Japan, they let you into the show by ticket number so we had low numbers and scurry right inside and get a good spot for the general admission show. It's larger than the last venue in Nagoya, but smaller than the Zepp in Tokyo. Señor meets two Deadheads living in Southern Japan and it's their only show of the tour. I meet a couple of kids from the Navy (they barely shaved) and they ask me for some LSD. I tell them I’m not holding and they explain to me how they get drug tested, but not for acid. Interesting. Good to know my tax dollars are being spent on random psychedelic experimentation for our soldiers throughout the world. G.I. Joe keeps asking me if they are going to play WILSON and I keep telling him (and showing him the setlist from the Nagoya show) that they played it last night.

I notice this show might have the most Americans in attendance. Most of them I haven't seen on tour. They is a lot of military personnel and Yanks working in Southern Japan which accounted for the new American faces. Zobo is with Aki and Kimi and they find us and sit down. I also see Dan and Marie from San Francisco and all three girls named Heather on tour, as the lights go down and the boys start out dark and I fire up the hashish and toke with Beano.

Carini is one of my favorite Phish songs to hear and I love the frantic and dark Phish to begin the night. Cities was fun because Zobo was making me laugh the entire song and Trey changed some of the lyrics to: “It's only the noodles... It's only the noodles” Gumbo was well placed and unexpected, and Heavy Things is a Japanese favorite and makes the crowd go a little crazy. A edgy Split Open & Melt closed the heavy, contumacious and dark set. When the lights came back on, Beano and I made a beeline for the Beer Line as I scribbled down the setlist:

SET 1: CARINI, The Curtain, CITIES, GUMBO, LLAMA, FEE, HEAVY THINGS, Split Open & Melt

A Japanese kid in line behind me recognizes me and says with a warm smile, “Tokyo show?”

I nod and agree, trying to remember who he was then I recall he had been wearing a Dog Faced Boy T-shirt at the Zepp show, and I then I exclaim, “Zepp Tokyo. Great show! Seiko!”

He gets excited and laughs and I chuckle as I am slowly becoming a celebrity, being recognized left and right by random Japanese tour rats. We make our back to Señor and he’s smoking with Aki and Kimi and they are getting very shitty. I turn to Aki and say, 2001.

His eyes get all wide, “Really?”

“Yeah bro, it will make my whole tour.”

Aki agrees and passes me some homegrown Osaka cannabis. Before the second set starts I put the vibe out. 2001, 2001, 2001. I keep thinking it aloud. 2001, 2001...

The set begins with Back on the Train > Twist > Jam. The Jam was a very odd spacey jam which then segued into Walk Away. Our lost member of Phish, Page was smoking during this tune. I almost forgot about Page this tour. He was just chilling back, grooving and waiting for his moment. Slowly Walk Away jammed into 2001! I turned to Aki and he just nods his head and gives me a huge smile! I nod back and get lost into the spacey grooves and loops of 2001. Phish peaked at this point and closed the set to the satisfied and funked out crowd. The Twist was 18 minutes long! And I finally got my Japan 2001.

Trey walked onsatge for the encore and someone yelled, “SLEEP”. Trey laughs and jokingly says, “We haven’t played that this tour. We were going to play another song, but we’ll play that. Two songs. We’ll play two songs!” as he holds up two fingers.

The crowd erupts as Phish accommodated a rare request from a Japhan in the front row. I’m not a big fan of Coil, but I focus on Page the entire song, and just watch him play for the last 15 minutes of the show. Page is on a different planet tonight and he does me right, as I finish up jotting down the setlist:

Set 2: Back on the Train > TWIST AROUND > JAM > Walk Away > 2001

Encore: Sleep > COIL


Happy, smiling, elated, over joyed, full of the Fukuoka vibe, we wander out of Drum Logos, only to find Asselope Greg selling one of his Antelope T-shirts.

“McGrupp, buy one. $20,” he yells to me.

“I’ll buy two of those overpriced shirts for 2000 Yen,” as he pretends to ignore my offer, “Well fuck off!" What an Asselope!

We look for a veggie friendly restaurant to eat in for Beano and settle for a Yakatori place on the corner. Every time someone enters and leaves the restaurant, the chef bangs a drum that is located above the bar and yells something out loud. It’s too funny. I can’t get enough of it. I’m booming just a little bit, so I still have the giggles, and I don't know what to eat so I just point to stuff on the grill and they serve it to me. Great eats, which are basically just veggies, chicken, beef and stuff grilled on sticks. Nothing special, but it sets us all right. We have a couple of beers and I’m not tripping anymore as my previous altered state enters into drunk mode. We leave the restaurant, as they bang the drum, and we laugh and take pictures before we stumble off towards our hotel.

At night the local restaurants, bars and hotels leave their recyclable goods on the street for a pick up and Señor and I find a few empty kegs and we start tossing them around and about the empty street. I pick up one over my head as Señor takes a picture. Yeah typical stupid, drunk Americans, doing stupid stuff overseas. We are what we are, drunk wandering the streets of Fukuoka at night.

I wrote this short story for my blog-zine Truckin'


McD's Japanese style, Fukuoka, Japan

Osaka next up!

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Sunday, June 13, 2004
 
Live from Bonaroo

The Joker just called me during Trey Anastasio Band's perfromance of Inlaw Josey Wales, which was played with an orchestra. Sounds like a good time.

Quick update... Joker called back during Guyute

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My 5 Favorite NY Yankees (since 1972)...

1. Craig Nettles
2. Willie Randolph
3. Don Mattingly
4. Tino Martinez
5. Bernie Williams

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The Tax Man Cometh

D'oh! I just got a bill from the G'ovt regarding my taxes that are due. Of course they want full payment by June 25th. Ugh. I got a check from Party Poker in the same batch of mail, which I was going to use for my Phishin trip. Half of it has to go to the IRS. Sigh.

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Today in Phishtory... June 13, 2000


Club Quattro, Nagoya, Japan 6.13.00

Phish 6.13.00 Club Quattro, Naka-ku, Nagoya, Japan

Set I: Meat > Maze > Meat, Ya Mar, Fast Enough For You, Old Home Place, Wilson, Mike's Song > Simple > Weekapaug Groove

Set II: Gotta Jibboo, Wolfman's Brother, Antelope > Contact, Sand, Roggae, Prince Caspian, Rocky Top, Cavern

Encore: Brian and Robert, Good Times Bad Times


Chilling out at Nagoya Castle

I spent the day with a wicked hangover. Senor and I wandered over to Nagoya Castle to take some pictures and see the Golden Fish. Ate some great sushi for dinner then headed over to Club Quattro. I saw Kimi and Aki from Osaka out front of the venue (downstairs on the street), which was on the 8th floor of a department store. I met them in Tokyo. Kimi was excited because she just met the paino player, Page. He signed an autograph and took a picture. The venue was tiny, smaller than the Wetlands in NYC. Maybe 300 people max were at that show? They gave you a drink ticket when you entered. The sound was pretty good for a sweat box. The boys were bunched together on stage... and did I really witness one of the best Phish shows ever? Quite possibly. It was one of the best shows on the Japan tour... and one of the greatest shows I have ever exprienced. Mike's Song was sizzling. The second set Wolfman's Brother will go down as the best version I ever heard. Good Times, Bad Times encore? Insane. The place was so crowded and hot that Senor almost passed out.


The Osaka crew at setbreak in Club Quattro

As the amazed crowd exited the venue, it started to rain fairly heavily. Exhausted, drenched in sweat, and dehydrated, we slowly walked back and stopped at a vending machine to buy a beer. The cool rain was soothing for us. I saw one of the greatest concerts of my life and Senor and I wandered back in a befuddled silence, not speaking, just sipping our beers, and soaking in the entrie Japan vibe. The nightime Nagoya rain is something that I will always remember as one of the most calming feelings in my life.


Mmmmm.... beer!

Three Phish shows down... three more to go. Next stop... Fukuoka.

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Saturday, June 12, 2004
 
5 of My Favorite Woody Allen Movies...

1. Stardust Memories
2. Deconstructing Harry
3. Annie Hall
4. Bananas
5. Manhattan


Famous photo from the film poster of Manhattan

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Japan Stories... June 12, 2000


Nagoya Castle, Nagoya, Japan

The following excerpts appeared in my travel journal from my trip to Japan, four years ago today.

12 June 00... Nagoya, Japan

Earlier in the morning Beano had departed for a trek in the Japan Mountains, leaving me and Señor alone to navigate the confusing and congested Central Station in Tokyo. We need to find the office that will validate our Japanese Rail (JR) Travel Passes. Señor had scored us Green Passes or First Class passes that would permit us to have unlimited usage of the highly intricate and efficient Japanese Rail system. We had been able to ride the bullet trains for one week in First Class for $350 US. That's bargain considering a one way trip from Tokyo to Osaka cost $100 and that's in regular coach seating. When we finally get to the office we book our entire train trip for the remainder of the Phish tour: Tokyo to Nagoya, Nagoya to Fukuoka, Fukuoka to Osaka, and Osaka to Tokyo. The bullet trains are cheaper than flying and I love train travel because it gives me a better opportunity to see the Japanese countryside, something you miss when you are 30,000 feet up in the atmosphere.

On the platform the Shinkansen bullet trains pull into the station as I stand and marvel at these modern modes of transport, the space aged, long sleek, sparkling clean white tubes. Inside they are spotless, carpeted and air-conditioned. I have come a long way from home and the filthy subways of NYC to be riding the best rail system in the world. The first class cars, or the Green Cars, are designated with big Green Shamrocks on the outside of the cars. We walk down the platform until we see our car.

As we enter the bullet train, a bevy of twelve or so other Americans making their way to Nagoya are getting settled in. I introduce myself as soon as I get into the aisle.

"Hello everyone, if I could get your attention please, my name is McGrupp and I am an alcoholic."

The car erupts in laughter. I point to Señor, and continue. "This is my side kick and attorney, Señor. We will be entertaining you all for the next two hours."

A light round of applause makes its way through the Green Car. My icebreaker has seemed to work and now I will be known as "the drunk guy on the bullet train" for the rest of the tour. As we walk to our seats I hear one phishy chick turn to her friend and say, "They're funny. But the cute, smiling, little hairy one doesn't look Mexican, does he?"

Sitting behind us are Freddy and Gina from San Francisco, a married couple who own a bar in the Haight called Casey Jones, named after the Grateful Dead song, heck, named after my favorite Dead song. And a few seats behind us are Asselope Greg and his posse of merry fuckheads. I casually flip him the bird as I sit down in my relaxing and spacious seat. I get as much legroom as I need, a blessing because usually I am pushing maximum space capacity when I travel, and the Green Cars give you more room than First Class airplane seats with these comfortable convertible chairs that let you lie back and go to sleep.

A Japanese woman wearing a kimono comes through the car offering us green tea and a hot towel. A few minutes later another woman wearing a kimono pushes a cart filled with traditional boxed Japanese sushi lunches and more beverages. Señor buys one boxed lunch and I open up a box of Pockey Sticks, a local snack of chocolate dipped pretzel sticks to which I have become addicted.

I get up and start to walk around our car to make small talk and go into the next car. Between the cars are these cool sliding star trek doors that open up without you actually touching the door. I walk back and forth a couple of times, amusing myself with the sliding doors, making sure I did my best Scotty from Star Trek accent as I walked through, "I'm giving it all she can Captain, for God's sakes I'm just a mechanic..."

In the next car I see Marcus from Iowa and a handful of other kids we met at Hibiya Park after one of the Tokyo shows. I sit down and play chess with him, glancing occasionally out the window in between moves, catching the Japanese countryside whizzing by at 100 mph.

I have been in Japan for less than a few days and I have already met Phisheads from Vancouver, Seattle, Oregon, all over California, Arizona, Colorado, Kansas, Ohio, Tennessee, Chicago, Indiana, New Jersey, Atlanta, Alabama, New Orleans, Mississippi, Georgia, South and North Carolina, Florida, Virginia, DC, Maryland, Pennsylvania, Maine, Vermont, Boston, upstate NY and even NYC. All of us here for the same reason.

The train arrived in Nagoya on time. Japan is kick ass efficient. Señor finds us a good hotel in the Sakae district near Club Quattro, the venue that Phish will be playing the next evening. Nagoya is a newer city thanks to the bombing by the U.S. Military in WW II, with wide streets built on a grid system for easy navigation. The subways are spotless, the locals are extra friendly and the city is not as overcrowded as Tokyo.

Since it's our only day off (the only night Phish wasn't playing all tour), we are free to relax and take naps before checking out the Nagoya nightlife. We order massages in our hotel room. (Editor's Note: These were "legitimate" massages) We have traditional Japanese shi-ut-su massage with hot towels. They beat the crap out of you, but afterwards you feel absolutely wonderful, like you’ve attained some sort of spiritual enlightenment. Loose and relaxed, it was easy to fall asleep.

After the naps, we eat dinner at a local sushi bar before exploring the city. We wander around the Sakae District past all the karaoke bars, clubs, and restaurants and we find this bar on a side street, because we were looking for somewhere to drink, but also some place local, off the path.

A Heineken Beer sign sits in the window of the bar, with a wood façade that looked like it was a typical corner bar in Brooklyn. I suggest to Señor that, "This might be a nice place."

He agrees and opens the door to the Park Side Bar. A small bar, it is nearly empty, except for a few tables up front with a group of people, and a young lady sitting at the bar. We sit down next to her and order a couple of beers.

The owner, Teppei, speaks English and while serving us our beers, he asks us, "Where are you from and what are you doing in Nagoya?"

I tell him who we are, Señor and McGrupp and all about our global misadventures.

"You see, we're in Japan to follow our favorite band, Phish, to four cities, and Nagoya is city number two. It's a night off for us, and you know what, Teppei, we picked YOUR bar to get wasted in."

He laughs and pours more drinks and we started to make small talk with the young lady, Reiko, who is sitting next to Señor. It is almost midnight when Reiko tells us she had been there since 5 PM earlier that day, after she had lost her job! She has a plate of food that she has been picking at while she drinks a beer.

Reiko takes turns feeding Señor and sipping her beer. She keeps picking up these tiny pepperoni slices and hand-feeding Señor, which is odd because Señor no longer likes pepperoni after the infamous puking incident involving my brother's dog, McBinger. Alas, it has taken a beautiful woman to break Señor out of old habits, so I just sit back, watch and laugh and chat with Teppei. I ask him how his English is near perfect and it turns out that he used to live in Seattle and had taken classes at Seattle Central Community College for two years. I show him my Washington State Driver's License and then he asks me how the Seahawks are playing! Small world, indeed.


Doing Shots of Tequila at the Parkside Bar in Nagoya, Japan

Reiko offers to buy us shots. I suggest Tequila. Reiko and Teppei do a few shots with us, and we get even more shitty and talk about all kinds of bullshit. The Park Side Bar officially closes at midnight, but Teppei let's us all stay way past closing time. He pours us a few more beers and we do more shots and continued talking and sharing stories.

Señor takes my pocket Japanese Phrase Book and tries to talk to Reiko, but they are both two drunk to make anyway headway. Each starts a sentence in the other's language, only to mess up the pronunciation with a drunken slur, and then both bust into laughter. They exchange addresses, promising one another they would write.

The Japanese are a gracious and hospitable people. And the locals in Nagoya display these traits to perfection. Before we leave, Teppei suggests some places to eat and local sites for us to see before we leave his city, like the Nagoya Castle.

"You are here to see Phish, so you must go see the golden fish. Go to Nagoya Castle!" Teppei yells as we stumble out of his bar, "You cannot miss the golden fish!"

On the way back to our hotel, we stop off into another bar called the Silk Room. This one is much larger and has a good-sized crowd. Some random Phisheads are drinking in the back and I find my buddy Ken drinking at the bar. Ken is the back door bouncer and roadie that we met during the first show in Tokyo. He's an American, born in Japan, and has a "Made in Japan" tattoo on his forearm. We hadn’t had tickets to the first Tokyo show, and Ken was the cool guy who let us hang out by the back stage door and listen to Phish for free. I buy him a beer and a shot and he tells me what hotel Phish is staying at, because he's staying there too. He's getting paid by the promoter, Smash Productions, to tour with Phish as backdoor security. Now that's a fatty job.

An hour later, we stumble out of the Silk Room, and eat at the first noodle shop we see. After a night of drinking, my Japanese is no more than drunken gibberish, so I just point to what I want to eat and the noodle guy serves it right up.

With full stomachs, we’re still drunken lunatics. We make our way back to our hotel, past the noodles shops, bars, massage parlors, and clubs, and more karaoke bars and more massage parlors. The Sakae district nightlife is alive and kicking for a Monday night! I wonder what this place would be like on a weekend.

"Mr. Yankee, do you want massage from sexy Japanese girl?"

The tiny adorable girls who work at the massage parlors are very aggressive. They walk right up to us and every Gai-jin. Even if you try to cross the street, they follow and persuade you in the middle of the street, with hand jesters and broken English to have an "authentic Japanese massage". And when you decline, they follow you for a block or so until another group of girls from another massage parlor does the same.

There's a club on the same corner of our hotel and these young Japanese guys are dressed up like they are members of the Yakuza, the infamous Japanese Mafia, wearing hip, sleek black suits and sunglasses. There's also a flock of beautiful women standing on the corner, dressed up like models in the latest fashions from Milan and Paris and they all talk on tiny little cell phones, while smoking American cigarettes. From the chic appearance of the crowd, this place looks like the swankiest club in Nagoya.

One of the women gets off her cell phone and stops us.

"Do you want me to sing you a song?" she coos with a wide grin.

"Where? Here?" asks Señor.

"No inside club. I'll sing you a pretty song."

As she extends her hand and pulls a drunken Señor into the entrance, one of her friends yanks on my pony tail, giggles then pulls me into the club right behind Señor.

After walking down a flight of stairs, I hear music playing behind a pair of elegant sliding glass doors with pelican and swan markings etched with other floral designs. The beautiful ladies lead us inside and all I see is red. Red walls, a red floor, red chairs and couches. There's a red bar and a few red tables and a karaoke machine and stage in the corner where a young lady is finishing up a performance.

It takes me a few moments before I realize that we are the only guys in the club. About thirty or so of the most beautiful Japanese women sit and stand before us, all of them with their eyes fixated on Señor's huge smile. With not one other male in sight, I arrive at a moment of clarity. I tap Señor on the shoulder and whisper in his ear, "Bro, either we are in the coolest bar on the planet, or we just walked into a whorehouse."

Nagoya (By Tenzin McGrupp © 2002) was originally published in the August 2002 issue of Truckin'.

And before I go, here's a pic I forgot to post a couple of days ago. It was from the Phish show in Hibiya Park.


Pauly with the guys from Horse in Hibiya Park, Tokyo

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Ray Charles, I'll Miss Ya


Ray Charles and the Blues Brothers

My favorite scene in the 1980 film, The Blues Brothers involved Ray Charles. He was great in that epic film starring John Belushi and plenty of other musicians. I also love the soundtrack. One of my favorites all time.

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Repeat Lindsay

In case you missed it, tonight is a rerun of Saturday Night Live featuring Lindsay Lohan. That Harry Potter sketch was pretty busty. Check your local listings.

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5 Random Cover Songs I Want to Hear Phish Play This Summer...

1. No Sleep Til Brooklyn
2. Shakedown Street
3. Roses Are Free
4. Cross Eyed & Painless
5. Peace Frog

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Son of Sam's Prison Blog

The dudes over at The Smoking Gun posted excerpts of serial killer Son of Sam's blog. Take a peek.

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Friday, June 11, 2004
 
All In Magazine


First Issue of All In Magazine

I have been getting a lot of inquiries about the article in All In Magazine which mentioned the Tao of Poker. I know a lot of you would like to read the entire article. Unfortunately, there is not text version of the actual magazine. It's unavailable in web format. However, Henry Wasserman (a.k.a. HDouble from the poker blog The Cards Speak) posted his article on his website. Check out: The Viral Phenomenon of Poker Blogs. Here's a bit:
Poker has only gotten bigger in the past year, and the number of poker bloggers continues to increase. It’s been about a year now since I gave birth to my blog, and I’m constantly amazed at the quality and quantity of writing produced by my fellow amateur poker players. Poker blogs have drastically grown in number—while only a handful of poker journals were online in 2000, there are now over 200 poker blogs. Everybody’s writing about poker—from high school students playing $.50-$1 online to the star of Stand By Me, Wil Wheaton.
Of course HDouble lists a bunch of poker blogs. Here's what he said about Tao of Poker:
Pauly brings his Hunter Thompson-like insanity and his background as a writer to the capture the New York City poker scene. Since he made plenty of dough trading stocks on Wall Street, he has the luxury of traveling around the country and playing poker at all hours of the day. His blog is full of chemical-induced diatribes on topics ranging from betting on the Oscars to losing big in Vegas...
Obviously, HDouble is an excellent writer he shared two excerpts of his novel in past issues of Truckin'. Check them out.

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Trey and Mike Talk About the Break Up


Trey & Mike in Nassau, NY (Nov. 2003)

Trey, Mike Talk Phish Split is an article that recently appeared in Rolling Stone. Here's a bit:
"I'd like to revisit that stuff one more time," Anastasio says of the upcoming tour. "But I just can't play that shit anymore. If that makes somebody angry, I'm sorry. I gotta do something new. I cannot spend my entire life going around the country playing 'You Enjoy Myself.'"

According to bassist Mike Gordon, his bandmates came to his Vermont home for a meeting on Friday, May 21st, and sat around the kitchen table to discuss band business. After some joking around, "Trey simply announced, 'I can't do this anymore,' and started to cry," Gordon says. By the end of the three-hour meeting, the bass player was the only one arguing for a reconciliation. "It's pretty weird to have the plug pulled on your career just like that," he says. "But it's a totally classy thing we're doing, leaving on our own terms. The only thing I disagree with is that longevity pays."

As disappointed as Gordon may be with Anastasio's decision, he says there is no bitterness. "Trey is one of my biggest influences," he says. "I have huge admiration for the way he sets goals. They are not too big and not too small. And then he follows through. One of the reasons he's able to do that is he cuts out the extraneous stuff. He doesn't use e-mail. Last year, he threw out his CD collection and burned his television. I have to see this as one of those things."
Interesting for sure. I never knew Trey burned his TV! Good read.

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Today in Phistory... June 11, 2000


Phish ticket 6.11.00, Hibiyia Park, Tokyo, Japan

Phish 6.11.00, Hibiya Outdoor Theatre, Chiyoda-ku, Tokyo, Japan

Set I: First Tube, Punch You in the Eye, Horn, Ginseng Sullivan, Stash, Dirt, Possum, It's Ice, Farmhouse

Set II: Birds of a Feather, Free, Beauty of my Dreams, Bug, David Bowie, When the Circus Comes to Town, Back On The Train, Harry Hood

Encore: Character Zero

A rare afternoon show at the outdoor theatre in Hibiyia Park, Tokyo. (Think Central Park.) Big Frog, Japan's version of The Grateful Dead opened up for Phish and Senor fell in love with Sato, the female lead singer. They played a Beatles cover song, Baby You Can Drive My Car. It was raining all afternoon, until Phish started playing and the rain stopped. We had decent seats. I was pretty wasted. Senor was flirting with a local girl who was sitting next to us. Matsumi asked us if we had wives. All Japanese girls ask me that question. I always laugh. During the encore, a rainbow magically appeared, which led the crowd to go compeletly insane. Highlights were PYITE and Hood. The encore rocked. After the show, we hung out in the park for several hours, mingling with locals and Americans. I ate octopus eyeballs with Yuh and the guys from Horse. I met the lead guitar player from Big Frog. I wrote Heather a postcard by moonlight. The concert was videotaped and show on Japan TV later that summer.


Phish Poster in the Tokyo Subways

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Recent Referrals

Lindsay Lohan's Boobs referrals in the last 48 hours: 23


Thanks to Al Can't Hang for the pic.

Yes, Ms. Lohan hosted the MTV Movie Awards, so I got plenty of hits last night during the broadcast. Fucking horny websurfers!! Here's the pic you've been looking for.

Here are two of my favorite recent referrals:
1. Homer licking Marge's pussy
2. Watching skinny sister-in-law nude
Seriously, I can't make this shit up!! These hits came from people typing the above words in a Yahoo or MSN search.

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5 Random Songs I Want to Hear Phish Play in Brooklyn...

1. Cities
2. Weigh
3. Tube
4. Mound
5. Boogie On Reggae Woman

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Al Can't Hang in NYC...

Yes, Al Can't Hang posted some of his trip reports to NYC. Here they are:
Day 1
Day 2
Random Sober Post (some NYC pics)
Yes, Al Can't Hang has some interesting things to say about his weekend. Here's some of my favorite bits:
After enlisting the help of a sherpa, we made our way to the tippy tippy top of the stadium behind (kinda) home plate. Actually, we were 5 rows from the top but this fat man wasn't real happy. Add SoCo to the near vertical walk plus some beer and I was dreading the "trip" back down.
What a blast!

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Pieces of Pauly

Back by popular demand... What did I eat in the last 24 hours? I had a buttered waffle for breakfast with a slice of Entemen's crumb cake. For lunch I ate a salami and cheese sandwich on toasted Italian bread and potato chips. Dinner was Chinese food... spicy chicken and rice. Over the day, I also ate a slice of pound cake, two mini black and white cookies and an cherry ice pop.

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5 Random Bands I Saw in Concert (here in NYC) in the 1980s...

1. The Grateful Dead
2. INXS
3. The Beastie Boys
4. Red Hot Chili Peppers
5. Aerosmith

My first Phish show was in October of 1989 at the infamous... Wetlands.

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Police to Allow English Soccer Fans to Smoke Dope

Damn hooligans! Get 'em stoned and they won't brawl!! It's funny because it's true. Police to let fans toke up is an interesting read. Here's a bit:
Fans will be allowed to smoke dope before Sunday’s crunch clash with France — to keep them calm.

Cops in Lisbon plan to crack down on drunk supporters while turning a blind eye to those spotted puffing on a spliff.

Pot-smoking fans have been assured they will not be arrested, cautioned — or even have their drugs confiscated.
Amen, British stoners.

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Thursday, June 10, 2004
 
All Tied Up


What a long strange trip it's been... Posted by Hello

Boy Genius and I are all tied up.... 2-2 with our prop bets. Yes, he gave me the win for Week 3 and I finally have the results for Week 4's bet.

The over/under for how many Grateful Dead concerts Maudie & Iggy have seen combined is: 3.5

Iggy told me he saw 3 Dead shows (I estimated he saw 6) and Maudie admited on her website that she doesn't know...
Oh....and The Grateful Dead? I was on my way from Santa Fe to Taos on a solo road trip through New Mexico when I heard on the radio that Jerry Garcia had died. I thought an era had come to an end. Apparently not. When did I see them? I don't know. I don't honestly know if I've seen them or not....if I did it was in college during the 'fog' - which would be totally appropriate that I wouldn't remember a Dead concert. So...I'd have to say that the number of times I've seen The Grateful Dead is from zero to I don't know....sorry, Pauly.
I decided to give her a half a show. For a grand total of 3.5 shows combined. Well under the set number by me. Good job, Boy Genius!!

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Never Trust a Junkie
"Greed... is good." - Gordon Gekko, Wall Street
One of the reasons I wanted to be a stock broker was spurred on by the infamous scene in Oliver Stone's epic film Wall Street, when the Michael Douglas character Gordon Gekko addressed the crowd at a shareholder's meeting, where he uttered one of the most famous speeches in recent cinematic times. I was hooked.


Gordon Gekko, Wall Street Posted by Hello

Why did I end up on Wall Street at two different times of my life? Was it the money? Was it the power? Was it the respect? Was it the rush? Was it the challenge? For me... it was all those things. But there was also another added element. I felt as though I had no choice. My parents made several sacrifices to send my brother and myself to Catholic school (instead of trusting that we'd survive the NYC public school system). I got a scholarship to a prestigious Park Avenue prep school in Manhattan and four years later, I also got a scholarship to a well known Southern university, the one that the locals dubbed "the Harvard of the South". My educational background almost paved the path for me to return back to NYC and slug it out on Wall Street.

I was an easy target, one of the guys that the Gordon Gekko's of the world wanted to work for him... I was smart, hungry, broke... and had no feelings. I was young and impressionable. At 22, confused and lost and with bundles full of energy, I could have easily been recruited by the CIA to be a hitman or get sucked into an obscure religious cult in Texas... instead I was drafted by the suits on Wall Street. I found my niche very quickly and was the top rookie in my training class. When I started out on my own, I owned all of those feelings that I mentioned before. Powerful. Wealthy. Respected. Feared. Jacked up on the ups and downs that the market threw at me. I was an information junkie. The more I knew, the higher I got. The more stocks and bonds I sold, the higher I got. Everyday was like riding a rollercoaster without a safety bar, or jumping out of a perfectly good airplane without a parachute. The rush was tremendous. It wasn't about the money anymore. But the hours were hell. Eighty hour work weeks were killing me and I burnt out quickly.

Poker reminds me of my time in the trenches. I feel all those same emotions, the ones that get me out of bed everyday. But there are many different aspects of my life today, that allow myself the opportunity to stay fresh and focused. Before, my job took up almost 90% of my waking life. Today, poker is just one of the (yet vital) interests that I have in my life. It's not my full time job, so I can switch back and forth into my hobbies at will. I would still rather win a Pulitzer than win the WSoP. (If I won a major tourney, it's because I got lucky. If I won the Pulitzer or an Oscar... that meant I did something right.) I am lucky that when I'm not playing well, I jump into writing. The blog is a good start. I'm venting about poker. I don't let all the bad beats stir inside me and drive me insane. I bitch about them and let it go. Bloggers are an amazing support group. We share in each other's misery, gloom and doom. Afterwards, I thrust myself into whatever projects I have been working on, whether it's short stories or my blogzine or a new novel idea or a screenplay or letters to Penthouse Forum.... I have a place where I can escape to. And the Party Fish can't bust my pocket aces in my creative head space. And yes, in my dreams, I take down the first place prize in the WPT event du jour and I also get to go home with Shana Hiatt, where we'd sip exquisite wine, gingerly stroke one another while discussing Sartre or Keirkagaard, before she'd whisper in my ear that I have the biggest pocket rockets she's ever seen.

The poker boom. Blah blah blah. Will the poker boom last? Yes it will, because at heart, people, especially post-Baby Boom Americans, are greedy motherfuckers. It's been beaten into us, either by the cool kids and bullies at school, or from our media, or Hollyweird, or from our politicians. We've been brainwashed. Can you blame guys my age that want to ditch their jobs, wives, kids, and mortgage payments, and fork over $10,000 so they can fly out to Vegas to play cards for a week straight and bust Moneymaker, Brunson, and TJ Cloutier? The poker boom is the most forward thinking and the biggest acceleration of the American Dream that I had seen in my lifetime. For the first time in a very long time there is blind hope. People have something to strive for and get excited about. Any average person can walk into a casino in Las Vegas and become a tournament champion. Anyone. That little guy inside your head that insists that you can hit your open ended straight draw on the river... and you listen to him. Why? Poker is the one thing that we use to fill the gaps in the parts of our lives that we are seriously lacking. For some of you it's money. For others it's power. And for some it's respect, or a personal challenge, or to serve as a crutch for one's mental health problems. At any rate, poker fills the void that so many of us have had. Is it the answer to life's problems? Most likely, no. But it's a great distraction.

Will poker still be popular three years from now? Sure. Poker on TV is a hybrid of the game show craze and reality TV genre. It's real life drama with money on the line. The cast is almost always different and the cards are never the same. This lends itself to a new excitement every episode. After a while, a sitcom gets derivative in it's plot lines. Game shows getting boring. After 12 episodes, you get bored of your favorite reality TV stars. But poker... is what it is. Money sucks people in. That will never change.

Mark my words: Poker players are the new rock stars. And poker blogs are the new tattoos. As soon as all the kids on the corner have one and as soon as I find out my Mom has one... then I'm pulling the plug on the Tao of Poker and I'll start a new blog on a new hobby. The Tao of Shooting Marbles. I love reading about poker. But I can't keep up with the eighty new poker blogs that are popping up every day. My intern is swamped!! Back to the rock star bit... these days, there's no real rock and roll band that comes to town and creates mayhem like they used to back in the day (The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, The Sex Pistols, The Who...). The closest thing I have seen in a long time is the rambling insanity that the Courtney Love freak show and circus unravels wherever she goes. But these days, most rock stars are vomit inducing boy bands or these whiney-hipsters with perfectly messy hair (my brother's coined phrase), in nice clothes that their record label made them wear or they are these boring British, politically educated, mineral water drinking vegans, who sound more like one of Michael Moore's minions than a rock idol. Where's the modern day Keith Moon chucking flaming couches out of his hotel window? How about driving their cars into swimming pools after drinking four bottles of whiskey? Or assaulting groupies with frozen fish? Billy Joel drove into someone's house the other day, but he was just having a bad day. Given the chance, poker players can do as much damage as some of these rock stars. They have plenty of free time on their hands, and I'm sure if Al Can't Hang ever won the World Series of Poker, rest assured someone within earshot of his bender would be going to the hospital. I can trash a hotel room like the best of them. And most of you know, I can go on Hunter S. Thompson-esque benders that involves morbid, deviant, and ball busting moments. That's what I called 1998.... the longest bender in my life that lasted until early 2000.

I enjoy the competition. I welcome the challenge. The game feeds my creative interests. I dig the money. The respect is something I can say I enjoy more than I am willing to admit. The power thing never really got me off. But since I've a known sex addict, drug fiend and I once was a serious alcoholic (but then again what 19 year old frat boys aren't?)... poker definitely fills a "desire to get high and get off" in much more healthier terms than say a bottle of Jim Beam or a bag full of pills or a slew of inebriated, emotionally bankrupt women whose last names I'll never know.

I'm not bragging, but being honest. I've done my fair share of drugs over the last decade. I'm a drug, sex, and rock and roll kinda guy. That's why I'm a writer. Poker and writing suits my personality. And poker is the closest thing I have encountered that I can say matched the adrenaline rush that I got after digesting certain drugs. Man oh man. I've done the least amount of damage to my body in the past twelve months. Why? I've been playing poker... my new drug.

What a rush poker can be when you hit your flush draw on the river or your AA holds up to crush your opponent's under cards. You hit those highs and they last much longer. That orgasmic, finger tingling feeling is amazing. After a sensational session, I feel like I'm walking in air. I'm bulletproof. I have that spring in my step that I normally have after I've just gotten laid. Oh yeah. Confidence builds. I walk tall. Women smile at me, and I smile back. I have that freshly fucked glow... and everyone can tell... and it's all from taking down a monster pot or from coming from behind with a short stack to win a $20 SNG. I have the giddyness of a school girl when I double my buy in. There have been only three times when I almost got hit by taxi cabs in NYC because I wasn't "there"... once was in the mid-1990s, when I was so far polluted on chemicals that I thought I was hanging out with Margaret Thatcher (it was just one of my British friends wearing a blue hat) and wandered into a busy intersection. The second time was when I was so madly in love with a spit-fire of a gal from Texas, that I lost all sense of direction and a cab driven by a Eastern European dude with a last name containing fourteen letters and no vowels nearly clipped me in the East Village. The last instance, I almost got hit last month, was when replaying the winning hand in a multi-way pot when my pocket 99s cracked AA and KK, and I flopped a set.

Poker, sex, drugs... the only things in life that make me dizzy. Add Katie Holmes to that mix and I think you got a decent four of a kind. Maybe Katie will start reading my poker blog too.

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5 Random Songs I Want to Hear Phish Play in Brooklyn...

1. Makisupa Policeman
2. Carini
3. NICU
4. My Friend My Friend
5. Halley's Comet

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Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...

1. John Adams by David McCullough
2. The Holy Bible
3. The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell
4. Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella
5. Helter Skelter by Vincent Bugliosi

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Man Hangs Semen Painting at Met

Not it! Uninvited Artist Posts Work at 4 Museums is an interesting read. here's a bit:
The 9-by-15-inch work, done on a frameless canvas, was affixed to the wall with double-sided tape. A label taped next to the painting said it was made with "acrylic, legal tender and the artist's semen."
It was also hung in Philly and DC. Go figure.

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Today in Phishtory... June 10, 2000


Zepp Theatre, Tokyo, Japan 6.10.00 Posted by Hello

6.10.00 Zepp Theatre, Koto-ku, Tokyo, Japan

Set I: Down With Disease, Sample in a Jar, Piper, Lawn Boy, Guyute

Set II: Heavy Things, Sand, Sparkle, My Soul, Bathtub Gin, Twist, Albuquerque, Wading in the Velvet Sea, Loving Cup

Encore: The Inlaw Josie Wales, Limb By Limb

I was pretty excited. It was my first Japan Phish show. We got to the venue early, near the water, part of a huge entertainment complex. The largest ferris wheel in Japan was outside. I found myself eating Pizza Hut and meeting a couple of Canadians who were living over Asia teaching English. They met up in Tokyo to see the shows. The pizza was interesting. I never had corn and/or potato wedges on my pizza before. There was a meat topping, which I would classify as some sort of Spam-like substance.

At the shows, you gained entrance by the number on your ticket. I had a low number, one of the first 30 and wandered inside. I saved space for Senor and Beano. We were very close, about five people back from the front of the stage. We were hanging out with the guys from Horse. The theatre was very small, maybe 3,000 max capacity. First set was dark and trippy. I was shroomin and smoking hash the entire show. We wandered to the back of the floor space where there was more room to breathe and dance. During Limb by Limb a big disco ball was lowered. I was pumped for a Tokyo Loving Cup!!!!

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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
 
Last 5 Flicks I Saw...

1. Grateful Dawg
2. Moscow on the Hudson
3. Bruce Almighty
4. The Cooler
5. Return of the King


Jerry Garcia & David Grisman Posted by Hello

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Four Aces?

After dinner last night, I logged on Party Poker to see who was playing. Earlier in the day, I had my worst session ever on Party Poker. It was awful. I saw that Maudie was on another rush and I couldn't resist sitting down at her NL table. I'm glad I did. Stinky showed up a few minutes later and they witnessed yet more history. My first ever quad aces. Four of a kind is a rare hand (although not the best hand) and four aces is a wet dream!!
***** Hand History for Game 660344926 *****
Boygza has left the table.
0/0 TexasHTGameTable (NL) - Tue Jun 08 20:51:55 EDT 2004
Table Pick Pockets (Real Money) -- Seat 3 is the button
Total number of players : 9
Dr. Pauly posts small blind (0.25)
chata911 posts big blind (0.50)
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Ad, Ac ]
kelly_g44 calls (0.50)
Murlz calls (0.50)
Maudie_B folds.
sniperd calls (0.50)
goldencondor folds.
stinky_pants folds.
Crackinizer folds.
Dr. Pauly calls (0.25)
chata911 checks.
** Dealing Flop ** : [ Ah, 5s, 9s ]
Dr. Pauly checks.
chata911 checks.
kelly_g44 checks.
Murlz checks.
sniperd bets (2)
Dr. Pauly calls (2)
chata911 folds.
kelly_g44 folds.
Murlz folds.
** Dealing Turn ** : [ As ]
Dr. Pauly checks.
sniperd checks.
** Dealing River ** : [ 3s ]
Dr. Pauly checks.
sniperd checks.
** Summary **
Main Pot: $6.20 | Rake: $0.30
Board: [ Ah 5s 9s As 3s ]
Dr. Pauly balance $34.90, bet $2.50, collected $6.20, net +$3.70 [ Ad Ac ] [ four of a kind, aces -- Ad,Ac,Ah,As,9s ]
sniperd balance $21.75, lost $2.50 [ Ts Td ] [ a flush, ace high -- As,Ts,9s,5s,3s ]
Yeah! It made me feel better. I wish he bet out on the flush!! And I was going for the check raise on the river, inc ase you were wondering. Too bad he didn't bet. I need to play with Stinky and Maudie more often... since Sunday, they have seen my Quads Aces and my Royal Straight Flush!!

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5 Random Songs That Remind Me of Special Women in My Life...

1. China Cat Flower by The Grateful Dead
2. Sweet and Dandy by Toots and the Maytals
3. November by Tom Waits
4. Gotta Jibboo by Phish
5. April in Paris by Billie Holiday

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Today in Phistory.... Four Years Ago Today


On Air East, Tokyo, Japan 6.9.00 Posted by Hello

Phish 6.09.00, On Air East, Shibuya-ku, Tokyo, Japan

Set I: Axilla, Taste, Billy Breathes, Poor Heart, Golgi Apparatus, Funky Bitch, The Moma Dance, First Tube, Chalkdust Torture

Set II: Tweezer, Bouncing Around the Room, The Mango Song, Squirming Coil, Gotta Jibboo, Meatstick, Tweezer Reprise

Encore: You Enjoy Myself

This was the only Phish show on the Japan tour that I did not go see. I couldn't find a ticket. Only Beano had a ticket. Senor and I were shutout. I ended up listening to the show at the back door to the club. I met a roadie there. He was cool. Before the show, I met Zobo for the first time, in addition to several Japhans, including the guys from Horse... Yuh, Jun, and Kohei! I found out that shrooms were legal in Japan (at that time) and met a few folks from Osaka who were selling them on the street. I also met a girl, who was my Japan tour crush. We hung out at every show. Ah... it was just my second day in Tokyo. We ate at a noodle bar for lunch. I scored hashish from Iranian dealers. It was a fun day.

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Freaky Referral of the Day

Here's a hit I got from someone who typed the following into Google: stories humiliate mother son spread legs fat pics galleries

It sounds like a bad episode of Jerry Springer. Let me try to piece this one together. Some middle-aged guy is having a mid-life crisis and can't understand why his relatoinships with the women he meets on the internet are too hyper-pyscho-sexual... at best. He must unravel his sordid past and find a support group for young, bashful, overweight boys who were humilated in their childhood by their sexual promiscuious mothers... each of them forced to spread their legs and have pictures of them taken pleasuring themselves. Instead of finding help... the web surfer finds... the Tao of Pauly.

I wish I could make this stuff up. So the majority of random visitors to the Tao of Pauly are sexual deviants and borderline pedophiles. They fit in perfectly with my normal cast of daily readers. I guess that's why they keep coming back.

Here's a bit of gossip that will be sure to get me some random hits... J. Lo's pregnancy rumor! Yeah, that's word on the street from my sources in Hollyweird.

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Tuesday, June 08, 2004
 
Why the 5 Random...?

I decided that June would be the month where I totally overplayed the 5 Random series. I always did the Last 5 Subway Books... and ever since Phish decided to break up, I went a little heavy on the 5 Random Phish stuff... Anyway, the kids seem to like the series, so I've been keeping them up. Here's the whole catch... I never know what I am going to do until I actually get to the blank blogger page (with the exception of Subway books... obviously). That's the cool part. It's spontaneous. I even inspired Boy Genius to do his own lists! So here we go...

5 Random Sitcom Characters I Want to Play Poker With...

1. Kramer from Seinfeld
2. Rev. Jim Ignatowski from Taxi
3. Jack Tripper from Three's Company
4. JJ from Good Times
5. Coach from Cheers

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Awful Plastic Surgery

Awful Plastic Surgery.com is really one of my favorite sites. They made some interesting points about Mrs. J. Lo's surgery. Nice job guys. They also had a link to Liquid Generation who cracked the Lindsay Lohan breast implant rumors. They found scars! These guys are good. They admit:
We at LiquidGeneration have a very, keen eye for barely legal chicks with fake hooters. We also have a keen eye for scars, particularly on the breast.
See for yourself. That's something to take a look at if you are one of my ten daily visitor's looking for Lindsay Lohan's boobs.


Obvious Scar Tissue... Pic from Liquidgeneration.com Posted by Hello

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Five Random Concepts Boy Genius Has Given Up On...

1. Makeover/Home Improvement Reality Game Shows
2. Major League Baseball
3. Owning TiVo in the near future
4. Ever appearing on "The Price Is Right"
5. Serviceable ethnic food in West Michigan (not including Italian/Mexican)

I couldn't resist, BG!

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5 Random Places I Got Speeding Tickets...

1. Aiken, South Carolina
2. Wakeeny, Kansas
3. Biloxi, Mississippi
4. Amarillo, Texas
5. Anaheim, California

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Party Poker and Ireland!

I am going to try to win a seat at the World Poker Championships in Dublin, Ireland... via a satellite on Party Poker. Shit, a free trip to the Fatherland? Never been there, but would love to go and win an all expenses paid trip.

In case you were wondering, Party Poker is the largest poker room in the world with almost 40,000 players at one time. Download their software today and set up a real money account. Use my bonus code: TAO4. They are having new member free roll toruneys, in addition to a shitload of giveaways. With all the fish out there strating to get into poker, it's an excellent opportunity to make some quick cash. As Iggy once said, "Party Poker is a virtual ATM machine."

Amen.

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Oh, Lindsay...

Recent Referrals (surfers looking for Lindsay Lohan's boobs) in the last 36 hours: 8

In the last 12 hours, I got a hits from Saudia Arabia, Iceland, France (bon jour Briana!), Spain, New Zealand (hello Penguin), Japan (hello Japhans), Norway (hello Sigge!), and Italy.

In the last 48 hours, I had two people looking for Nicky Hilton's designer purses... who stumbled upon Tao of Poker. Go figure.

I am also getting spill over traffic for both my sites for people looking for either nude pics of Shana Hiatt, or looking for Shana Hiatt's Playboy pictorial.

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5 Random Cities I Have Seen Phish...

1. Fukuoka, Japan
2. Toronto, Canada
3. Hartford, Connecticut
4. Orlando, Florida
5. Athens, Georgia

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Week 4: BG-Pauly Gamble-thon... Deadheads!

This week's prop bet, as chosen by me: How many Grateful Dead concerts have Iggy and Maudie seen combined? The over/under is 10.5.

Boy Genius picked the Under. I'm thinking around 15 or 16. Iggy's a Deadhead. And based on some her stories from the Nixon era, I'm guessing that Maudie's seen Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds way before she started flopping diamond nut flushes. Hehehehheehehe.

Anyway, I think I have the Week 3 wager locked up... guessing the combined weight and height of random poker bloggers. Just waiting for confrimation.

I lost Week 2: Shrek 2's Memorial Day weekend grosses when I over estimated a whopping $151 million. I won Week 1: Who will die first... an actor or musician? when Tony Randall died.

Alas, Iggy and Maudie, settle this bet for us and let us know how many shows you've seen!!

Editor's Note: I know that Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds is a Beatles song, which The Grateful Dead covered from time to time. Ironically, at my last Grateful Dead show in June 1995... the last song I ever heard played was.... Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. In case you were wondering, I saw The Grateful Dead 46 times... all before my 23rd birthday. My first show? My 15th birthday in 1987 at Madison Square Garden, here in NYC. I have been a Deadhead ever since.

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Monday, June 07, 2004
 
Speak Low
"From wonder into wonder existence opens." - Lao Tzu
Well it was another odd weekend... sports wise, pop-culturally and socially. I woke up drunk on Sunday after a hellacious 12 hours of drinking with Al Can't Hang and Mrs. Hang, and yes, it some twisted, demented way, I was hungover this morning. Oh well. Al Can't Hang is a rock star. No one parties like him anymore. Our oldest living President, the Gipper died on Saturday. I wonder if he knew who he was when he passed? In the shocker of the week, J. Lo got hitched... for the third time. She's the Liz Taylor for us Gen Xers. By the time I'm 40, she'll be married 3 more times. D-Day had it's 60th anniversary... and those guys who stormed the beaches were real heroes. Those damn Frenchies should be thanking our grandfathers every day of their lives. Calgary lost game 6 of the NHL finals and have one more shot to bring the Stanley Cup back to Canada. The Pistons beat up on the LALA Lakers to take game 1 of the NBA finals. Smarty Jones lost because the fix was in. No Triple Crown winner this year. But I love horse racing... I used to know more, but that knowledge has slightly faded, in favor of memorizing poker statistics. Mr. Tenet, the CIA head, got the boot. At least he wasn't whacked.... yet. The Sopranos sucked this season. The best scene was when Paulie Walnuts beat the shit out of the lawn mower man... then took the lawn mower. And of course, Lindsay Lohan is getting me more readers every day. Thanks to my new favorite redhead... and her boobs, real, fake, or not... I don't care. Keep those hits and tits coming. Yep, just another random weekend in the life of the Tao of Pauly.

I woke up at the crack of dawn to start my biggest writing binge in a very long time. Writing a novel or screenplay is like running a marathon. You have to work out everyday if you want to be able to runt he big race when that day arrives. And this week will be one heavy work out. I've been waiting for the right time to unleash all the bottled up feelings and thoughts that have been festering for the last few months. Slowly, they will ease themselves out of my twisted mind and formulate words and sentences. I hope they are coherent enough. I finally took a break after a serious session. My neck hurts.

Phish tour is starting so very soon... so I'm trying to get as much writing done this week, because I know I won't have any time to write the rest of the month, once I hit the road. In due time... I will hit the road once again.

Mahalo Folks,
Dr. Pauly

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Royal Pauly!

The best hand in poker is a Royal Straight Flush.... A-K-Q-J-10... all of the same suit. I have never, ever, gotten the best hand in poker. Guess what? Last night, while playing cards on Party Poker, I popped my straight flush (and Royal SF) cherry! It's like having your first no-hitter be a pefrect game. Or losing your viriginity to Paris Hilton. And the coolest part? It was witnessed by 2 bloggers... Maudie was on a wicked rush, and netted $120 in less than 30 minutes! And Stinky just joined the mix to see me take it down.
***** Hand History for Game 654901174 *****
Table Home of the brave (Real Money)
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of players : 10
Seat 1: dmd071976 ( $12.62 )
Seat 3: Dr. Pauly ( $21.3 )
Seat 7: Maudie_B ( $129.1 )
Seat 8: axian ( $30.98 )
Seat 9: stinky_pants ( $22 )
Seat 6: levis03 ( $25.9 )
Seat 5: JSwegerWCU ( $39.95 )
Seat 10: kurokitty ( $21.3 )
Seat 2: dwhitney1978 ( $24.5 )
Seat 4: ig305 ( $17.55 )
dwhitney1978 posts small blind [$0.25].
Dr. Pauly posts big blind [$0.5].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Dr. Pauly [ Js As ]
ig305 folds.
JSwegerWCU folds.
levis03 folds.
Maudie_B: Figured you for the A but it was cheap to call
Maudie_B folds.
axian calls [$0.5].
stinky_pants folds.
kurokitty folds.
dmd071976 calls [$0.5].
Dr. Pauly raises [$0.5].
axian folds.
dmd071976 calls [$0.5].
dwhitney1978 calls [$0.5].
** Dealing Flop ** [ Qs, Ks, 3d ]
dwhitney1978 checks.
Dr. Pauly bets [$0.5].
dmd071976 calls [$0.5].
dwhitney1978 calls [$0.5].
** Dealing Turn ** [ Ts ]
dwhitney1978 checks.
Dr. Pauly checks.
dmd071976 checks.
** Dealing River ** [ 9d ]
dwhitney1978 bets [$5].
Dr. Pauly raises [$15].
dmd071976 folds.
dwhitney1978 calls [$10].
Dr. Pauly shows [ Js, As ] Royal Flush. [ As, Ks, Qs, Js, Ts ]
dwhitney1978 doesn't show [ Qc, Jd ] a straight, nine to king.
Dr. Pauly wins $33.25 from the main pot with Royal Flush.
Well, that's that! My first Royal and straight flush ever.

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Happy B-day, Molly!!

Today, Molly, the most beautiful gal in the entire state of Texas turns 22!! Send Molly birthday wishes... here!

Wow, it's a special time and you are extremely mature for someone of that age. When I was 22, I was a Grade A fuck up. NYC actually had some real people and was not over run by hipsters. I was a museum security guard, snorting heroin, drinking tallboy Bud cans and smoking weed on my lunch breaks, hanging out in bars until last call with a sleazy collection of junkie jazz musicians and jaded artsits. The woman I was dating at the time was a typical tortured artist, who complained more about not being able to create, then actually working on her art. She was highly unstable and made me pay for every sin a man cast upon this Earth. Let me set the scene for you... she made Sylvia Plath seem as perky as Kelly Ripa. A dark cloud of misery hung over our relationship, which really fucked me up for a few years. It was a time in my life when I never looked past the next fix. Could you blame me? Man, I wish I was 22 again!

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5 Random States I Have Seen Phish Play In...

1. Tennesse
2. Maine
3. Wisconsin
4. Idaho
5. Alabama

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Sunday, June 06, 2004
 
Congrats to Coach... and Mrs. Coach!

Poker buddy, Coach, got married yesterday. You can read the NY Times write up of their nuptials. Congrats!!

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Thank You Lindsay Lohan for the Increased Web Traffic

Dear Lindsay,

In the past two weeks, my readership has doubled, all because of your boobs. Whether they are fake, or not... I really don't care. But there are penty of curious folks, horny teenagers (and even hornier middle-aged suits), and big Parent Trap fans that insist on seeing what all the fuss is about. They hit various search engines, type in Lindsay Lohan's boobs and stumble upon my site.

Thanks to you... I have reached Page 3 of a Google.com search for your heaving bossoms. Last week I was ranked on Page 20 or 21... and in just six days, I jumped to Page 3. That means so much to me. Thank you so very much.

I also am shocked that I am getting international traffic as well... from the UK and Europe. It seems that your perky, over-sized mammory glands have also peaked the curiosity of plenty of European web surfers. Kudos to you... by the mere attrcation of your boobs, I am getting at least 2 extra hits... per hour!

Please feel free to contact me. I have a running series called: 11 Questions and I'm sure my faithful followers would love to have a chance to ask you questions. Wanted to include you in this rare opportunity. By the way, if you could send me an autographed picture for my friend (an un-named poker blogger, whom I won't embarass, but his initials are A.C.H.), I would certainly appreciate that!

Thanks for your new look, I am more popular than ever.

Sincerely,
Dr. Pauly McGrupp from the Tao of Pauly

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Al Can't Hang: The Home and Home Series

Wow. I cannot believe I lasted 12 hours of drinking with the legendary Al Can't Hang... and I didn't puke! (Yet... that's a big YET!)

Seriously, I watched the Master SoCo-ologist down no less than 30 shots... starting at 2pm and ending up close to 2am. 30 shots. I don't drink 30 shots in one year, let alone a half of a day!!

Here's what Al Can't Hang wrote on his site before he started his weekend trip to NYC:
I am a mere two hours from the NYC side of the Al and Pauly home-and-home series. I got my maps, my directions, and my MAC10 ready to go. My goals are set low. I no longer wish to drink all the SoCo in Manhattan, I'll settle for drinking one bar out of the nectar...

In honor of my trip north to Pauly land, here's the top 5 things I want to do in NYC.
1. See a Met's game. Easy
2. See a Yankee's game. Easy
3. Get drunk.Could be tough. Tolerance high along with the prices.
4. Get myself AND Pauly drunk. Could be very tough. Pauly showed impressive resistance to my calls for shots.
5. Get the wifey drunk. Easiest. She's probably got a booze already.

That's it for the weekend. Writeups starting on Monday if I'm alive.
Yep, Mrs. Hang and Mr. Hang came prepared for a long weekend of baseball and drinking! More to come... but for now I just wanted to let everyone know that I am alive. I have both my kidneys in tact. My liver... is a whole other story. But suffice to say, I hoisted a shot of Southern Comfort (the nectar of the Gods... as Al Can't Hang calls it) and barhopped with the Hangs in two boroughs! We also witnessed a Yankees loss, a Smarty Jones defeat, and an ugly 2OT defeat of my beloved Calgary Flames!! That hurt.

And yes, Al Can't Hang ate a Gray's Papaya hotdog. Be back later with more details.

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Saturday, June 05, 2004
 
Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...

1. Friday Buisness by Dave Barry
2. Kindred by Octavia E. Butler
3. Back When We Were Grown Ups by Anne Tyler
4. Le Divorce by Diane Johnson
5. Bush at War by Bob Woodward

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Dr. Feelgood

It's Saturday morning. I got up early to write a new short story, eat bagels, and watch the French Open. I'm not a big tennis fan. I had money on the Russian broad. My brother is playing in a the $5 + $1 Multi on Party Poker. I went over to my Mom's apartment so I could sweat him and play an hour or two at the $25 NL Ring games. And yes, HDouble, the NL games have been very fishy the past week or so. I never saw so many nimrods go all-in preflop... with absolute garbage. Too many Gus Hansen minions out there, trying to bluff-steal pots preflop with Q-10o or even 5-6s, coming over the top of people who bet 8x the BB (holding AA, KK, or AKs.) Keep 'em coming! All I have to do is wait for the nuts, then pounce.

Last night, I played a little $1-2 with my favorite Minnesota blogger, Mr. Halverson. It was a treat especially because there was a guy who kept making fishy calls... (e.g. losing to me twice in a row with inferior kickers.) I saw him drop 22 BB in 15 minutes. He reloaded after I busted him. I admit, I chased two flushes all the way down to the river and caught them both, taking down two huge pots... which is one of the tempting and dangerous aspects of low limit poker. For only $2, I'll see another card. In NL, if you're up against a solid player, they'll put you all-in to chase that flush. I won about 8BB in a short hit and run session. Would have won more if I didn't get Nicky & Paris cracked by KK.

I've been a bubble boy the last few $20 SNGs. Keep getting to 4th place without the benefit of any cards. Haven't seen too many monster hands recently. They'll come around eventually.

I'm off to Yankee Stadium today to see the Bronx Bombers take on the Texas Rangers. I'm meeting Al Can't Hang and Mrs. Hang before the game for afternoon cocktails. Updates to come.

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Tao of Pauly to Cover the 2004 Democratic National Convention?

Bloggers and blogs are being recognized as legit forms of journalism! Last month, Binion's Horseshoe gave out press credentials to bloggers for coverage of the 2004 World Series of Poker in Las Vegas. Now, the Democrats are bringing blogs to the convention floor!

I am a registered Independent... and could give an objective view to reporting. Alas, I applied for press credentials! Let's hope they dig my blog and hook me up with a press pass, where I can experience all the hoopla and see the Waffle Man himself, John Kerry. Stay tuned. This could get out of hand, just like when hunter S. Thompson covered the 1972 election.

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5 Random Places I Have Seen Phish...

1. Auburn Hills, Michigan
2. Chula Vista, California
3. Las Cruces, New Mexico
4. Columbus, Ohio
5. Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

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Smarty Jones: History Maker?

Smarty Jones will have to win in the slop today if he wants to be a Triple Corwn winner. Wow. All the experts expect Smarty Jones to win. If you think horse racing is fixed.... then Smarty Jones will not win tonight (at post time 6:38pm EST)... there's too much money to be made on longshots.

Seven things that can go wrong is an interestign article. So.... who do I like? Rock Hard Ten... put a few bucks on him, because he has a good shot today!

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Friday, June 04, 2004
 
5 Random Songs I Want to Hear Phish Play in Brooklyn...

1. Carini
2. Sneaking Sally
3. Llama
4. Wolfman's Brother
5. NICU

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Calgary, eh?

How about the Stanley Cup Finals!??! I picked Clagary before the playoffs started... and hopefully the will hold onto their 3-2 lead and take the cup back to Canada this year (sorry, Skippy). Last night, the Flames won in OT. Another exciting game.

By the way, I fucking hate the LALA Lakers. I'm pulling for the Detroit Pistions in the NBA Finals.

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5 Random Simpsons Secondary Characters I Would NOT Want to Talk to While Tripping on LSD...

1. Reverend Lovejoy
2. Ned Flanders
3. Bumble Bee Man
4. Chief Wiggum
5. Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon


Bumblee Bee Man Posted by Hello

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More Referrals: Naked Smurfette, Absinthe, Sex with Pregnant Girls, Tunisian Snatch... and the Tao of Pauly

I cannot make this stuff up. In the last 24 hours, the following web searches drew me random visitors... one from the UK!
Smurfette Nude
Tunisian Pussy
Absinthe
Sex with Pregnant Girls
1970s Decade

And of course...

Lindsay Lohan's boobs
Seriously. Type: Lindsay Lohan's boobs into AskJeeves... you'll get this site.

Yesterday someone searching for: Paris Hilton's High-end Purse Collection wandered onto my poker blog, the Tao of Poker. Here's what I wrote in resposne:
And for Paris Hilton's high end purse collection seekers... you're shit out of luck... If I got drunk enough on a flight from Vegas to NYC, while sitting in first class with Phil Laak, I'm sure the degenerate gambler in me could be cajoled by the Unabomber or even Boy Genius into taking a dump in one of Paris Hilton's high end purses, instead of the standard deviant defecating on a beverage cart boisterous behavior. I'd love to see the look on Paris' face when she opens up her purse to powder her nose and finds a nice hunk of the Tao of Poker in her designer, baby seal skin, $1200 handbag... big enough to hold a compact, a cell phone, a vibrator, and one full bowel movement.
Yep, I've been getting some weird side traffic from random web searches.

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Thursday, June 03, 2004
 
More Celebrity Poker

Haley's favorite show is on tonight. Check out the latest episode of Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo at 9pm EST. For you non-poker players, here's an opportunity to learn about some of the basics of Texas Hold'em poker, while watching your favorite B-list celebrities battle it out for cash. I would not recommend watching Celebrity Poker to learn how to play winning poker... but I would suggest anyone who is remotely interested in learning the rules and betting structures. It's a very non-intimidating approach to poker, so maybe you'll pick up a few things.

For real poker, watch the World Poker Tour every Wednesday nights at 9pm EST on the Travel Channel (replays on Saturdays at 6pm EST).

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Congrats to Ugarte!!

Who knew? Ugarte is the second funniest Jew and the funniest lawyer in NYC! He took second place on Tuesday and first place last night! He's kicking ass. Read all about his exploits over at Rick's Cafe. Yep, I'm proud of the guy! Good work.

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5 Random Cities I've Had Sex In...

1. Ogden, Utah
2. Jackson, Mississippi
3. College Station, Texas
4. Spokane, WA
5. Columbus, Ohio

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Shitting on Airline Beverage Carts, Lindsay's Boobs... and the Tao of Pauly?

Just another random lonely Wednesday night for some web surfers. Here's two hilarious recent referals from last night from searches that turned up the Tao of Pauly... shit + airline + beverage cart and Linsday Lohan's Boobs.

So if you search for those two items... one obscure, and the other pretty frequent... you'll stumble upon my site.

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5 Phish Songs I Don't Care to Hear This Summer...

1. Pebbles and Marbles
2. Secret Smile
3. Scents and Subtle Sounds
4. Squirming Coil
5. Chalkdust Torture

I rather hear kick ass tunes like: Ghost or Slave to the Traffic Light, hell even a Foam over any of the above.

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Wednesday, June 02, 2004
 
5 Random Simpsons Secondary Characters I Want to Get Stoned With...

1. Groundskeeper Willie
2. Carl, but not Lenny
3. Bumble Bee Man
4. Mayor Quimby
5. Otto the bus driver

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Baby Steps for Ugarte

Congrats to Ugarte who kicked ass in his comedy debut last night. He made the next round of NYC Funniest Jew, which will be held on June 29th. I'll just be getting back from Phish tour... so I won't miss that gig!

Check him out tonight:
On Wednesday, June 2, I will be at Stand-Up NY to compete in the "Funniest Lawyer in NY" contest. The show starts at 9, but you need to arrive by 8:30 to be seated. Again, reservations are highly recommended. Call 212-595-0850. Did I mention that you have to say my name? It appears above.
Break a leg!


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5 Random Famous People I Shook Hands With...

1. Jerry Garcia
2. Al Gore
3. Willem de Kooning
4. Rudy Guiliani
5. Ben Jones (a.k.a. Cooter from The Dukes of Hazzard)

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Week 3 BG-Pauly Gamblathon

Week 1... Tony Randall died and I won $5.

Week 2... Shrek 2 failed to gross 151 Million over the four day holiday and I lost $5.

Week 3... it's a carnival sideshow! Here's what Boy Genius suggested for this week's prop bet:
We're all tied up... Pauly and I are knotted at one win apiece going into week three of our $5 weekly gambling challenge. He and Tony-fucking-Randall took week one, and I rode significantly under the still over-performing abilities of a friendly ogre to take week two.

Week three's question:

What do the numbers 69 and 180 have in common?

Give up?

They are, respectively, the average height (in inches) and weight (in pounds you un-American kilobastards) of the adult male in this country.

The bet is:

Take these poker bloggers and guess whether they fall over or under the combined figure of 249 (inches+pounds) when adding height and weight:

Intrepid Card Player
BadBlood on Poker
Love and Casino War
Cheap Thrills
Grubby
Chris Halverson
Monte Christo
Genius of the Poker
Chicago Phil
Poker Penguin

I haven't met any of these guys, and short of that picture of Chris Halverson online a couple of weeks ago (and he might be exactly 5'9" and 180 lbs), I haven't seen pictures or went trolling to figure out if they ever wrote about height and weight.

My guesses:
ICP - Under
BadBlood - Under
Love and Casino War - Over
Cheap Thrills - Under
Grubby - Over
Chris Halverson - Under
Monte Christo - Over
Genius - Under
Chicago Phil - Over
Penguin - Over

He who gets the most right wins (of course, we need to get results from these guys - if you're one of these bloggers, wait until Pauly posts his O/U guesses, and let us know!). Good luck!
Wow, that's one monster prop bet! I decided to go with the gut on this one. And here are my picks:
ICP - Under
BadBlood - Under
Love and Casino War - Under
Cheap Thrills - Under
Grubby - Over
Chris Halverson - Over
Monte Christo - Under
Genius - Under
Chicago Phil - Over
Penguin - Over
We have simialr picks. It comes down to Halverson, Monte Christo, and Jeremy from Love & Casino War! I will post the results as soon as they come available!!!For the record, I am 6 ft tall and between 172-178 pounds. So I think I'm under!! I tipped the scales at 205 in college one year.

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Tuesday, June 01, 2004
 
Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...

1. The Human Stain by Philip Roth
2. Party of One: A Loner's Manifesto by Anneli Rufus
3. Hometown Legend by Jerry B. Jenkins
4. Hemlock Bay by Catherine Coulter
5. The Holy Bible

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Time Loves a Hero

Man, it was a long weekend. Shrek 2 didn't make the money I hoped. I made a mistake. I never should have set the bar so high. I forgot my history, er... my movie box office history. So I lost to Boy Genius and now we're tied 1-1. I wonder what this week's bet will be?

Yes, it was still a long weekend. The more I think about it, ever since my Las Vegas trip in April, I have been constantly ON. That word ON has several different meaning, but for the most part, I've been pushing myself nonstop since early April, attempting to sharpen my poker skills and win seats at the World Poker Tour Championships and the 2004 World Series of Poker. I also have really threw myself into my other sites, like the Tao of Poker and Truckin'. I have been juggling personal life stuff; family troubles, relationships in flux, finding a new place to live (the word homeless sounds a lot worse than it is)... but more importantly, finding a comfortable place for me to write a novel at the end of this summer, keeping myself and my writer's voice fresh... all the while trying to keep myself out of trouble when I haven't been writing. Yeah, I've been like a juggler at a sideshow circus more than a writer. That's the way it goes. In sixteen days, Phish tour starts, and in that small period of time, I have to write an article for All In Magazine, work on the two year anniversary issue of Truckin', and find time to play as much poker as I can to get as much money as possible for the first leg of my summer misadventures.

I feel very weak physically, something that I have never encountered. I have the reputation of partying like a rock star and with Al Can't Hang coming this weekend, I expect that my down time will be seriously limited. Did I always want to be popular and the life of the party? I had no choice. Yep, Life is the Party. I crashed Life without an invite, so I might as well enjoy myself. Sometimes the light... it's shining on me.

The other day I walked down crowded Broadway with Haley and I wondered when I would look back at the last year, and the last two years and determine whether or not those were the most important years of my life. I had plenty of forks in the road the last two years. Did I choose the right path? I must have, because I am still here.

As everyday passes, I am left without any answers, but more questions come to mind. I write them down, in hopes that someday I might discover the answer, or at least, until they publish one of those books: Life for Dummies. Maybe I should write my own, and cash in on the desperate and meaningless lives of the millions of people that walk past me everyday.

Billie Holiday, she was a hip chick. It would have been nice to kick it with her, late night, at a bar anywhere. She had some stories to tell. And I'm sure she would have laughed at my obscene outlook on life. I've been listening to her a lot recently when I have been writing. She always inspires me.

I'm on the clock. I'm living on borrowed time. I can't waste any more energy on impossible tasks. I have made a list of those, too. And the next time I get frustrated, I'll whip it out and recall... that I promised myself to move forward, and not get pissed off at what's behind me. Life is about change. And it's sad that some people never change. My journey through life has taken me many places... and I might be coming to your neck of the woods sometime soon. I can't ever stop. I don't think I want to.

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5 Cover Songs I Want to Hear Phish Play This Summer...

1. Roses Are Free
2. Back at the Chicken Shack
3. Sweet Jane
4. Cross Eyed and Painless
5. Corinna

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Winning Ways on Party Poker
"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment." - Lao Tzu
Thanks to Party Poker, I wiped out all of my Las Vegas loses, in addition to stopping a huge losing streak that took up most of the entire month of April. I am pumped for my recent success, but also mindful of the long term haul... this May's winning ways means nothing unless I can follow it up with a better June and July.

I am back on track. Mentally, my game is solid. When you win, you feel more confident in your game, that's for sure. I've been approaching my losses and bad beats with a lot less hostility. I try to forget the horrific, ball crunching defeats as soon as they are over, which is no simple task. Bad beats and river two outers are, unfortunately, a part of the game... and I cannot control those aspects of poker. I must be able to asborb all the bad beats, while staying patient and cool, awaiting my moments to play aggressive. I have focused on the positives of my game, and tried my best efforts to avoid slipping into the deadly, dark abyss of tiltdom. I've spent many a session on Party Poker under that foggy haze of Tilt. And lucky for me, only once or twice this month did I find myself in that bad place, and logged off as soon as I was aware I was hurting my bankroll with poor decision making.

I played a lot less per session, and took hit and run wins when I could, walking away when that voice in my head told me to... and it's paid off! I settled on the $25 NL ring games as a nesting place to begin my surge. And most recently, I jumped back into the SNG games... this time with a better gameplan, and a new level... the $20 SNGs. In my first 11, I won 5 of them and finished in the money in 7.

I fared well at both Ferrari home games, which added to my bankroll rejuvination. However, I realized that overall, I could play much better too. That's what is pushing me to having a better month. I also know my time is limited, with travel plans, but I hope to keep up the rush until I hit the road in mid June.

I played in 3 Freerolls in the past week, placing 219, 799, and 145. All three had about 1400-1500 players. My brother came in 92nd place. He played great! Those multis are a grind, but with $1000 for first place, it was worth my time and effort.

OK, I wish I could write more... but I'm under the weather and have to go. I have a shitload to write this upcoming week and I need my strength for Al Can't Hang's upcoming visit to NYC. More reflections later.

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Curbed

Girtz sent me this link: Curbed for real estate minded New Yorkers.

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Ugarte the Comedian

Support a new and upcoming comic this week! Yep, Ugarte was a lawyer and quit his job to follow his dreams. I applaud him for that. Here's what Ugarte had on his site:
I wrote earlier that I quit my job in order to try my hand at stand-up comedy. Consider this an invitation to join me as I take my first shaky newborn-foal steps into that career. I will be appearing twice next week and can use as much support as you can muster. For those who don't know how these things work, open mic nights are "bringer" shows, which means I need to bring a certain number of people to get the stage time. So when reserving, say that you are there to see Charles Star. If you don't say my name, I don't get credit for your presence.

On Tuesday, June 1, I will be at Gotham Comedy Club (34 W. 22d St.) to compete in the "Amateur Jewish Comic of the Year" contest. The show starts at ~6:20PM (so they can hustle us out of there in time for the seasoned pros at 9, I suspect), so you should get there early to be seated. Make reservations (highly recommended, if not a must) at 212-367-9000. The name, once again, is Charles Star.

On Wednesday, June 2, I will be at Stand-Up NY to compete in the "Funniest Lawyer in NY" contest. The show starts at 9, but you need to arrive by 8:30 to be seated. Again, reservations are highly recommended. Call 212-595-0850. Did I mention that you have to say my name? It appears above.

Both shows are $12 + 2 drinks. I hope you can make it and thanks for all of your support.
Yes, I'll try my best to make it one night, but make sure you go and see Ugarte!

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