Tao of Pauly

Wednesday's Politico Roundup: Arnold Wins! Will Gov. Bubba Clinton: Part II... Be Next?

Official Recall Results

55% voted Yes to recall Gray Davis.

1. Schwarzenegger (R) 3,655,074 (48% of Recall Votes)
2. Bustamante (D) 2,409,094 (32%)
3. McClintock (R) 1,004,558 (13%)
4. Camejo (G) 210,274 (3%)
5. Huffington (I) 42,361
6. Ueberroth (I) 21,808
7. Flynt (I) 15,245
8. Coleman (I) 12,584

Arnold won. But we knew he was going to win. Gray Davis was doomed from the start. All those groping stories was a sure tell that he was one man in distress. Arnold was going to win no matter what, just like in his last movie and so many times before, when you thought Arnold was done for, he overcomes tremendous obstacles to come out victorious. He always beat up the bad guy at the end of his movies and a great one liner to crack afterwards. And yesterday was no different.

Will California be different? Probably not. There are plenty of problems for the Terminator to tackle. I hear he already wants to eliminate the car tax. But he has to raise taxes somewhere? The bottom line is this: People were ready for a change. Whether they made a decision to get rid of Gray Davis, or whether it was to seriously thrust a novice into the calamitous ring of politics, hoping that a circus sideshow would break out… either way, the people spoke.

Was the recall a right-wing conspiracy, led by the Bush Junta, to insure that California votes for Bush in 2004? Well, let me just say that 54 electoral votes is a handful. Wink, wink. Bush is going to need as much help as he can get in 2004. With Arnold at his side, will Bush be able to capture the huge swing vote: the middle of the road, average Californian without allegiances to either party? These are the folks referred to as Reagan Democrats. Voters who typically call themselves Democrats, but voted for Reagan in 1980 & 84 (uninspired by Jimmy Carter), and back to partisan lines with Clinton and Gore in 1992 & 96. Will they swing from Gore in 2000 to Bush in 2004 or swing back to their candidate du jour: Wesley Clark, Hilary Clinton, Howard Dean?

Will Arnold be recalled? Most likely they'll attempt to get another recall. Gray Davis reeks like a sore loser. When influential people spend a shitload of money on an election and lose miserably, they have some reasonable right to complain about the results. But will the Democrats in California rally to Recall the Recall? I don’t think they are united enough to pull it off.

Will Arnold figure out how to pronounce California? No way. He has the same chances of proper pronunciation that Jessica Simpson does saying anything remotely intelligent in the next twenty-six years. I’m so used to it by now, I even say Cal - leeeeeeee - fawn - ya.

What will Gary Coleman do next? First of all, the official Tao of Pauly candidate came in 8th place! That is a true feat for Mr. Coleman. I hear there is a reunion movie in the works for Diff’rent Strokes. Plus there are plenty of openings in Arnold’s new administration, that perhaps Gary Coleman will get an appointment. I sent him an email and asked him for an interview. So far no answer…

Will this lead to more recalls nationwide? After yesterday, more people in other states might speak up. I think 13 or so states have the ability to recall their governors. Nevada and New Jersey are seriously contemplating sending their leaders home packing. I dunno if any celebrities would show interest in running, but those are two weird ass states. Maybe Tony Soprano will run. Maybe former NY Knick and NJ senator Bill Bradley might get the nod in NJ. Perhaps the Bush Junta will back the “new hipster doofus” of the moment.

Governor Bubba: Part II? How cool would it be if Bill Clinton became Governor of Nevada? Hilary is busy with her job, thousands of miles away, so he can have all the hookers, gambling, and sun he wants, without any guff from Mrs. Ice Queen. I can just picture it now. During a luncheon at one of the swanky Italian restaurants at the Venetian, Bubba leans over to one of his nubile college interns, winks, then whispers, “You know, I used to be your President…”