Sunday, October 27, 2002

"The story never seems to go anywhere..."

First of all thanks to everyone for their support... during the last few weeks, and in the last day or so. Your kind words and praises of encouragement are keeping me from falling head face into the gutter...

It has been almost 34 hours since I got the bad news from Project Greenlight about my script Charlie's Goldfish. At first, I was surprised because (my ego) told me that Charlie's Goldfish was an average script with potential to make it into the Top 250. I knew Charlie's Goldfish was flawed, but I also felt it was better than last year's winner. Alas, I am shocked and disappointed that I failed to meet my goal and achieve the objective I set out for when I began this project.

Most of you who really know me, know this:

I didn't really enter to "size myself up against America's best screenwriters." FUCK THAT! I entered because I wanted to win the whole thing.

I wanted to win so I could selfishly call up all the assholes and retards who rejected me (professionally and personally) over the years and told me I was a stupid fool for following my dreams and being passionate about my calling as a writer... and I wanted to call them up and say, "Watch HBO the next few weeks," and then follow it up with a sincere: "Fuck you guys!"

And yes, the rejection is humbling and ego shattering and I have been feeling dizzy all morning and I think alot of that has to do with some of the negative reviews people said about Charlie's Goldfish.

"Overall the movie could have used more drama... the story never seems to go anywhere..."

I cannot get this sentence out of my head.

"Overall the movie could have used more drama... the story never seems to go anywhere..."

You see? No matter how many good reviews I get, no matter how many people tell me it was a good script, I cannot help but hear those words rattling around inside my head...

"The story never seems to go anywhere..."

It is true. I failed to tell my story effectively.

Yesterday, I kept making all these excuses:
I wrote the screenplay in one week...
If I got two better reviews perhaps I could have made it...
The audience is just not saavy enough to get my words...
If I had more time to work on it and develop the characters...


In the end, they are all just that... excuses.

The flaws in Charlie's Goldfish are a harsh reflection of myself as a person and are the specific reasons why I am still an unpublished writer. My sadness today reflects my realization of my own hostile truth: I failed to demonstrate my best effort.

Once again I had an opportunity of a lifetime, and I pissed it all away on the story that... "never seems to go anywhere..."

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