Tuesday, February 07, 2006

$1,794.79 Inheritance and a $1,500 Hooker

I got a check for $1,794.79. That was my cut of my grandmother's insurance policy. A few bucks shy of $1,800. You live 90+ years and that's what you leave behind as your legacy. $1,794.79. My brother got the same amount. Since I the oldest grandchild I inherited the only family heirloom, my grandmother's wedding ring, which my future ex-wife will end up getting in a bitter divorce settlement. I've already accepted that the ring is gone and that $1,794.79 will soon be gone too. I wish I could say I'm gonna blow the $1,794.79 on a nasty two-week narco-alcohol bender or moved to Thailand for a year to pen the great American novel. Nope. Nothing exotic. It's actually quite sad... I'm going to sign over the check to the United States Government for unpaid 2005 taxes. My grandmother experienced almost nine and a half decades on Earth more than seven decades in America and where does her life insurance money go? Back in Uncle Sam's pockets. Another sad tale about the distribution of wealth in America. At least there would have some integrity if I bet it all on the Seachickens and lost it to the neighborhood bookie, Nine and a Half Fingered Vinny.

* * * * *

She told me her rate was $1,500. I asked if was for the hour and she said yes.

"$2,500 for two hours."

That means I get to come twice and then she leaves. Quickly.

I snapped her photo and emailed it to a few of my friends.

I wrote something like, "$1500 and she's all mine... should I do it?"

Here were some responses:
"Our household votes unanimously for yes. I'll stake you 10% in exchange for nude photos. Of her ONLY."

"I can paypal you some money this instant."

"Only if it's $500 per hole."

"$1500 and a $400 round trip air ticket and she's all mine you selfish bastard. Do you think of no one but yourself? Fuck it, why not?"

"She should be paying YOU $1,500... don't see yourself short!!!!!!!!"

"Shit, you get backers for WSoP events, why stop there?"

"Yes, this girl did give me a hard on... word! If this girl makes you feel special and like the man for 1,500.00 I say you do it."

"Boooobies! Take pictures of BOOBIES!"

"Dammit, I knew I went to bed too early. Don't underestimate your star power, Doc. You could spend a lot less making a cannonball run at a lady not of the night. Then again, if you plan on going over the top deviant, pay the girl. Either way, should make for a good story."

"I think you at least owe us a recorded conversation about what you could get for the $1,500. You carry one of those little recorders, don't you? She could be the equivalent of the lamest stripper in the club. You pay her $1,500 and she spends the entire hour with you declining to do this or that, refusing to act dirty, and looking as if she just wants to get the hour over with. All the while the dude who chose the other ho can't stop talking about all the weird shit the hooker he took upstairs let him do. That being said, I'd do it so your readers have an interesting story to read."

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