Sunday, October 04, 2015

Live Blogging: Jets/Dolphins in London and Other Sunday Hijinks

Los Angeles, CA

Let's kick it old-school today with a live-blog.

There was a time 10 years ago when I got paid mega bucks (in Petro Dollars) to live-blog sporting-type events during the medieval ages in the early 00s before Twitter took root and shook up live-time snarkism. Why am I doing this today in 2015? Just blame the JETS and their 6:30am PT kickoff time thanks to the NFL's hard-on to put a franchise in London, England.

Good job, good effort. The Beatles faced the other way, chaps...

5:24am... Who the hell am I these days? There was a time when I'd say up all night partying and then stumble into a 6:30am kickoff time. Instead I'm up at the crack of ass to squeeze in a work out before the game starts. This is the type of misery Jets fans put themselves through. Hide the sharp objects and lock the medicine cabinets.

5:31am... Love this animation showing Brits how Americans play football. It's even narrated by Rich Eisen.

6:14am... It was pitch black out in the Slums of Beverly Hills. The ground, streets, and sidewalks were wet. Did it rain last night, or was someone shooting a movie on my block? Rare dampness amid the darkness of West LA. I had to be careful navigating a short walk to Starbucks in Beverly Hills. The only people awake at this hour are car thieves, homeless people, and demented Jets/Dolphins fans. I had to make sure I didn't look too weird otherwise Beverly Hills Po-Po would pull me over for walking suspiciously. But, I had to look a tad unhinged in order to keep the street people away from me. I'd hate to get shanked while pre-gaming for the LOL-Jets.

6:17am...Starbucks was busy with a couple of Uber drivers, a total stoner dude who looked like he'd been up all night, and a 40-something father (looked like David Duchovny) with his young son who was in a blue-green Dan Marino jersey.

6:19am... The Mulder-lookalike father told his young son, "By the time you're my age, there will be an actual football team in London." To which I blurted out, "Yet still no football team in LA." Everyone laughed. Even the stoner guy and the barista behind the counter who looked like Juno, but with purple hair. Why do I need an energetic boost when I'm already ripping one-liners and have lesbian punk rockers in stitches?

6:21am... I used to live in Seattle, where I developed my first full-blown addiction to Cafe Americanos. I tried to get into some of the secret menu stuff. My buddy Johnny Walker like something called a Black Eye or Red Eye, which is an iced coffee with an extra shot (or two). I tried that once, but it didn't do it for me. So now, I'm back on the Americano train, which I have not done in a long time because if something is too good, I tend to over do it. Espresso is for speed freaks who can't afford cocaine. Too bad I'm a starving artist these days after I squandered all my poker wealth on investing in a unicorn farm outside Boulder. Otherwise, I would been up all night chasing the white line til sunrise...

6:24am... The only milling about was a gathering place where the local Orthodox jews were chanting. Loudly. Almost sounded like they were rapping. Yep, only at 6:30 in my hood.

6:27am... I bet the over 42 in the Jets/Dolphins. It's fueled by a conspiracy theory. The NFL wants London to have a franchise and they want the British people to have an awesome game instead of a defensive slog, so I expected the zebras to do everything in their power to keep the balls flowing toward the end zones.

6:35am... Kickoff. Finally. The LOL-Jets taking on Miami in London. I'm sweating profusely from the Americano. Holyshitballs. I feel like a jacked-up Lohan moments after she rails a 20mg Adderall. No wonder people drop $30 a day at Starbucks feeding their addiction. I'm. Wide. Fucking. Awake. Now.

6:47am.. Chris Ivory scored a TD. Everyone made fun of the Jets when they made a play to get Ivory. He still had some gas left in the tank.

6:56am... Already on DFS commercial tilt. The Geico "Final Countdown" ad is funny, for now. At some point it will get excruciating annoying.

7:03am... Already on DFMT aka Dan Fouts Mega Tilt. The London broadcast lasted approximately a half hour before I muted it and cranked up some other music. Background tunes: Fear of Music by the Talking Heads...

7:07am... Jets up 10-0 after a FG. The over not looking so good unless the Dolphins can score on their side of the ball.

7:15am... Even the Queen of Fucking England knew that the Jets were not going to go for it on 4th and 1 from their own 34. I mean, it woulda been an epic ballsy move if the Jets actually did run the ball. Alas, Fitz did a poor job trying to draw the Dolphins offsides.

7:21am... End of the 1Q. Jets up 10-0. The Jets D is looking strong, whereas the Miami O is invisible.

7:31am... Nick Folk connected on another FG. Jets up 13-0.

7:40am... Finally! The Dolphins get on the board after a TD from Tannehill to the Stoneburner kid. That's an epic name. Sounds like a character from Linklater's Dazed and Confused sequel. 13-7 and the Jets still lead.

7:46am... Ivory ripped off a 17-yd run, right after another solid run. He's got 75+ yards already and outgained all of Miami's offense (76-66 yards). Sometimes Ivory looks unstoppable.

7:51am... LOL-SUH.

7:53am... Music change. Game still on mute. Time for Beck's Midnight Vultures...

8:01am... Damn, that Americano went quick. I'm still wired though, without my face feeling numb and worrying about snorting too much filler like Lidocaine or Levamisole. I wish I had an intern or an assistant, because I'd send them back to Starbucks to fetch two more Americanos at halftime. Although I' trying to calculate how fast an UberX would take to and from Starbucks in Beverly Hills. Too bad they don't have UberCoffee... yet.

8:06am... TD! Hipster-Fitz to Decker. Wow, the LOL-Jets are actually up 20-7 with around 33 seconds left in the 2Q. The over (42 points) prospects are back to looking good. That's 27 points. I only need 16 more points. Or another TD and 3 more FGs. I'd settle for 2 TDs and 1 FG. Anything that will push us over 42.

8:11am... Fireman Ed made it to London!

8:14am... Halftime. Smoke 'em if you got 'em! The LOL-Jets up 20-7.

8:29am... I whipped up a pair of breakfast biscuit sandwichs at halftime. #TaoBacon.

8:34am... The LOL-Jets took the second half opening drive all the way to the house for a TD. Great drive lasting 4:30 that ended with a Zac Stacy TD. I forgot the Jets had Stacy. Jets up 27-7. Only need 9 more points to hit the over. Come on Miami...time to step it up.

8:42am... LOL-Jets pass rush had Tannehill running for his life on that play. He's only one who can pick up yards on ground against the Jets.

8:44am... How about that, eh? Wish more coaches had the balls to go for it on 4th down. The Fish failed to convert a 4th and 2 on a dropped pass play. Jets got the ball back on downs.

8:48am... The lovely girlfriend finally woke up. I think @change100 heard me singing acapella version of Debra.

8:51am... Ah, fuck you Folk! That missed FG is gonna come back and bite over bettors in the arse. Folk Tilt.

9:01am... New background music. This time it's paying homage the the British guitar god, Eric Clapton and an album he cut in a Miami studio at 461 Ocean Blvd...

9:03am... Love a totally blown PI call like that. The zebras felt sorry for the Fish and they threw 'em a bone. Jets, on the other hand have at least 10 penalties.

9:11am... Jeeeeez. Are the Fish really 0-9 on 3rd downs?? They're 0-2 on 4th downs in the second half. As each second ticks by, I have a horrible feeling about that OVER 42. Need Chris Ivory to break off a big run and score a 70-yd TD.

9:16am... Thank Goddell the Fish got into the end zone. Tannehill tossed another TD. "Was it to the douche with the tats?" wondered @change100? LOL=Jets lead trimmed 27-14.

9:18am... Only need one more score to push it over in the last 10 minutes of this 4Q. I'll settle for a safety for fuck's sake. That missed Folk FG could be haunting me...

9:29am... Uh oh. Jets safety Pyror looked gimpy. He got hurt.

9:33am... Now David Harris is down? Yikes. Another key injury to Jets D as the Fish march into the Red Zone.

9:35am.... Tannehill with a left-handed pass as he was about to get sacked on 3rd and GOAL. That looked ugly. Like LOL-Jets ugly.

9:36am... Fish go for it on 4th and GOAL and they blew it. Yet, the zebras flagged the Jets yet again. Skrine holding in the end zone. 14th penalty? Lucky for the Fish that they got another shot. Penalty gives them first and GOAL from the 2.

9:38am... LOL-Fish got flagged on a would-be TD. Bring it back, gents!

9:42am...Another 4th and GOAL situation botched by the FISH. And Revis promptly picks off Tanehill in the end zone. Jets up 27-14 and I have a bad bad bad bad bad feeling game is going to end on 41.

9:46am... Festivus miracle? Ivory stripped/fumble and the Fish got the ball back? Nope. Zebras overturn the play. Maybe Jets can get a cheap score here to push it over? Who am I kidding. This is like slow-burning insanity.

9:57am... Smoking Jay Cutler playing? Luck is out. And Drew Brees is playing, but he's got a bum shoulder. This is the Year of the Back Up QB. Somewhere in a darken confessional booth, Tim Tebow is flogging himself while listening to Leonard Cohen. THWACK! THWACK!

9:59am... Norm MacDonald as Colonel Sanders is the LULZ. Good to see good ole Norm taking BIG CHICKEN money to pay his gambling debts.

10:01am... Marcus Williams picked off Tanehill in the end zone. Another INT for the Jets. Yup, the over is DUNZO. It's not even 10am and my betting day is ruined by the fucking LOL-Jets. So they won and they're 3-1, but Nick Folk is back on my Shit List. I owe him a kick in the junk for missing that chip-shot FG. I'm so emo-depressed I might actually pay a couple Draft Kings contests.

10:03am... The Giants/Bills game is on FOX for the "morning game." Lucky me. I got to watch both NY teams on the West Coast. That's the consolation for not having a local pro team in one of the largest TV markets in the free world. The "afternoon" games on TV for me are two California teams: the Niners (gonna get thumped by the Packers) and Chargers (taking on the Browns).

10:08am... New background music. Never to early to bring the UNTZ. I'd love to see a a DFS ad with James Murphy... an unkempt, viciously hungover James Murphy setting his lineup in bed with his poodle giving him guff over his kicker...

10:15am... Operation QUAD BOX. I have a second laptop solely to sweat sporting events. Those games: Colts/Jags, Bungles/Chefs, Raiders/Bears, and  Falcons/Texans. On the TV, we got the Giants/Bills game and I'm rocking the Red Zone on the iPad.

10:22am... Curse of the Ginja QB. When I back Andy Dalton, he always shits the bed. When I fade the Ginja QB, he somehow finds a way to make my life miserable.

10:31am... The new XPs get confusing because if you're watching multiple screens, it could look like a FG attempt.

10:41am... Oakland was my sleeper team this year, but the return of Smoking Jay Cutler mighta crushed those hopes. Ah, it's Cutler. He'll find a way to fuck it up in the 4Q. The Raiders just have to hang on until then and let Da Bears give them a chance to steal a backdoor win.

10:43am... The girlfriend informed me that CAT teams are 2-0-1 in the 1Q right now. Bona fide update.

10:46am... Jags punting from their own end zone. I assume that's what every miserable Jags game looks like? The NFL should just give up and ship the hapless Jags to London and let them deal with the rigorous travel. Moving them to LA would be a luxury upgrade.

10:58am... Washington 13, Eagles 0. Chip Kelly looking more and more like a one-hit wonder. Kelly is the Chumbawamba of Pac-12 coaches trying to hit it big in the NFL. Oregon will gladly have Chipper back after he gets dumped at the end of the year. Maybe Southwest Oregon State Tech will give him a sweet deal?

11:02am... Oakland 7, Da Bears 6 and NY Giants 16, Rex Ryan 3. Amari Cooper hooking me up and the Raiders back up on Da Bears. And the Giants got a few nice gifts from the zebras. Randle TD put the G-Men up by 13. Sheesh. Time for Tyrod to get the Bills back in this game.

11:06am... Time for some new music. When in doubt Dead and Europe 72...

11:11am... Atlanta 21, Houston ZERO. Devonta Freeman is getting laid tonight. Another TD on only 9 rushes.

11:29am... Atlanta 28, Houston ZILCH. The Dirt Birds whoooping Houston by 4 TDs at halftime. Yep, Houston clearly playing possum and they got the Falcons just where they want them.

11:33am... The girlfriend informs me that the BIRD teams are 1-1 going into the break, whereas the CAT teams are 3-0 at halftime. Seriously, this is how she picks teams in the pool. I use a spreadsheet, she goes by the animal kingdom. I know nothing.

11:35am... HALFTIME (consensus for the early games). Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

11:49am... Bungles 14, KC 12... Meanwhile KC is only down a deuce. The Chefs are on pace to backdoor a win against the Bungles on an all FG attack. Yes, just let Alex Smith check down the entire game and win the game with their secret weapon: Santos the Kicker. At this point, Jamal Charles has more yards receiving (57) than rushing (56).
11:53am... Carolina 17, TB 10. That poor schnook Brindza missed another FG. Okay, this one was in the nasty fog and rain, but still, it was just an ugly duck. Shank city. Someone is gonna get cut before the 4Q. 

11:56am...  Atlanta 35, Houston NIL. The Devonta Freeman Show. He just scored a third TD. Houston is poised to make the greatest comeback in NFL history. They're just setting up Atlanta before they launch their master plan.

12:08pm... Bungles 21, KC 15. Operation FG in full effect. Another FG for Santos. They gonna need 3 more to win though unless Jamaal Charles breaks one off for a big run. That's only way he's getting into the end zone with Captain Checkdown at QB.

12:12pm... Washington 16, Eagles 13. Wait was that Sam Bradford getting carted off the field? Does that mean.... it's time for SANCHIZE! Mark Sanchez to the rescue.

12:20pm... Giants 16, Bills 3. Scoreless in the 3Q for this snoozer of a game. Long-haired hippie freak Dan Carpenter misses another FG and Rex Ryan is gonna shave his head on the sidelines.

12:23pm... Eagles 20, Washington 16. Philly team doctors gave Bradford a fistful of Vicodin and sent him back in the same. Bradford crocked on pain pills is still a better option than Mark Sanchez.

12:34pm... Da Bears 19, Oakland 7. Back and forth. Chicago back on top... for now. Waiting for a Cutler INT to change the direction of this game. Big INT looms and everyone in Bearslandia knows it...

12:40pm... Time for new background music. It's a local LA band Vulfpeck...

12:44pm... Red Zone is perfect once it hits the 4Q. With a trio of games so close, it's getting down to crunch time in Giants/Bills, Wash/Eagles, and Colts/Jags.

12:48pm... Bungles 29, KC 18. Sanots is getting laid tonight. He nailed a 6th FG. Like buttah. Santos is money. Andy Reid's offensive juggernaut rolls on. KC only 4 FGs away from winning this game.

12:58pm... Oakland 20, Da Bears 19. GHB Janikowski with another clutch FG. That was set up after that Cutler INT, which was inevitable. He was due.

1:06pm... TRI-BOX time.

1:09pm... Wash 23, Philly 20. Yup Philly dunzo after Kirk Cousin threw together a game-winning drive.

1:10pm... Indy 13, Jags 13... Overtime. Pagano tried to ice the Jags rube kicker attempting a 53-yarder. Called a TO just as he was kicking. He woulda missed the first one too. And, the icing trick worked. He missed the second one.

1:11pm... Da Bears 22, Oakland 20. Jay Cutler sliced and diced his way through a 2-minute drill o set up the game-winning FG. Hopes crushed. At least it was one heck of a sweat. Never a dull day when you bet on Oakland.

1:16pm... UberEats will deliver you green juice in West LA. Fucking hipsters.

1:19pm... Cincy Bungles 36, KC 21. Santos kicked his 7th FG. Unreal. He was responsible for all 21 points for the Chefs. He's their MVP. Behold the wonders of Andy Reid's revamped SUPREME OFFENSIVE WEAPON.

1:20pm... Happy 4:20 ET. This dab's for you.

1:24pm... The "afternoon" or "late" games are underway. Four games today. I got the Chargers game on CBS and the Packers/Niners game on FOX with Joe Buck's Hair. I'm sweating all four games, particularly the Arizona game. Oh, plus the OT game is still going on. Blake Bortles is looking like a Golden God.

1:29pm... St. Louis 7, AZ 0... Early fumble on the kickoff led to a quick score for the Rams. It's gonna be a shit sandwich kind of day for AZ.

1:30pm... OVERTIME: Indy 13, Jags 13. Another missed FG for the rube kicker on the Jags. Poor kid is gonna have nightmares the rest of his adult life. Indy got decent field position. Old-man Hassleback has got another shot to pull off a miracle win.

1:35pm... Indy 16, Jags 13. FINAL. Adam V seals the OT win for Indy. That game was just atrocious. Even with Luck it woulda been ugly.

1:44pm... SD 7, Browns 3. Rivers to Keenan Allen TD. Love to see that 3 or 4 more times today. This has the potential to be a blowout. Or one of those shitshows if Rivers starts yapping too much and goes on tilt.

1:49pm... St. Louis 7, AZ 3. The zebras gifted Arizona a first a goal at the one after an obvious PI call. Too bad AZ couldn't punch the ball into the damn endzone and had to settle for 3 points instead of evening the score. Between the fumble and giving away free points, AZ had a rough 1Q.

1:51pm... Browns 10, SD 7. Duke Johnson smoked his guy and caught a TD from Josh McCown. Yup, Duke Johnson.

2:04pm... Denver 3, Vikes 0. Even with tons of pressure, Teddy Bridgewater looking a lot more comfortable out there than Peyton Manning.  Too bad Blair Walsh choked and yanked a chipper. Should be 3-3.

2:08pm... Denver 10, Vikes 0. The biggest play of the year for Denver is a running play... of course. What kind of name is Teddy Bridgewater?" asked @change100. "It's a horrible name for a football player. Bridgewater sounds like an economics professor."

2:09pm... St. Louis 7, Arizona 6. AZ can't get ball in the end zone once again and settled for 3.

2:25pm... Denver 13, Vikes 0. More points for Denver, but the AP Express is invisible against stingy Denver D.

2:28pm... GB 7, SF 3. Figured GB would be up by 2-3 TDs at this point. I feel sorry if you did not mute this broadcast and have to sit through Joe Buck reveal his man crush for Aaron Rodgers.

2:33pm... All four games are putting me to sleep. I need a pick-me-up. SD is playing ugly ball with the Browns and AZ playing their worst game of the year.

2:39pm... St. Louis 10, AZ 9. Halftime. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. AZ utilizing the Andy Reid FG-your-opponents-to-death offensive strategy. I need AZ to come back and win this game to hit the last leg of a three-team parlay.

2:40pm... SD 13, Browns 13. Halftime. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. SD all dinged up. This game that looks like it's going to come down to whichever team's kicker does not choke in the 4Q.

2:45pm... GB 7, SF 3. Halftime. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. GB got into the red zone to close out the 2Q, but couldn't pick up 7 when Rodgers got sacked. Packers settled for the FG attempt, but Crosby whiffed. Wide left. You're thrilled if you bet the UNDER in this one.

2:52pm... Denver 13, Vikes 10. Halftime. Toke 'em if you got 'em. Minny finally got on the board on a Walsh FG. Denver tried to get one last score to end the 2Q, but Peyton threw a duck that got picked off. Minny marched down the field and scored on a TD connection from Bridgewater-Wallace. I got the OVER in this one... so 23 points in the first half is exactly what I needed considering it was 13-0 late in the 1Q.

3:13pm... St. Louis 10, AZ 9. Just when it looked like AZ was putting together a solid drive, they turned the ball over. Again. Larry Fitz fumbled after big catch.

3:15pm... Denver 20, Vikes 10. Peyton capped off drive with a 1-yd TD pass. I'll gladly take the points! Need a couple more TDs though.

3:20pm... St. Louis 17, AZ 9. That fumble led to another score for the Rams. AZ shooting themselves in the foot. They better get their shit together before it's too late.

3:27pm... SD 20, Browns 16. Another lead change and SD is back on top after a quickie score. 3 plays. Danny Woodhead made a huge gain to put them in the red zone.

3:33pm... "So Draft Kings is just the lottery for bros?" remarked @change100.

3:38pm... St. Louis 17, AZ 12. Another FG for AZ. It's part of Arians master plan, right. He'll take the lead after 2 more drives so long as their D holds.

3:50pm... St. Louis 17, AZ 15. Inept red zone offense for AZ. Bailed about with another FG by their kicker Catanzaro. Arians is still on pace to catch the Rams on their next possession!

3:51pm... Denver 20, Vikes 17. AP EXPRESS! No one touch him. You blinked and he was in the end zone. Total now at 37. Need two FGs or a TD to lock it up with 10 minutes to go.

3:53pm... SD 27, Browns 19. The Browns were only down by 1, but SD answered with another solid drive that ended with another easy TD for Rivers at the goal line.

4:01pm... St. Louis 24, AZ 15. Todd Gurley, welcome to the big leagues. Second game and he's already unleashing big runs. He set up the Rams for an easy score. AZ in deep trouble.

4:04pm... Denver 20, Vikes 20. Donkeys coughed up the lead. TIE BALL GAME! Peyton threw a pick and Minny made him pay for it. Walsh kicked another FG to eve the game at 20. So we need only 3 more points to lock up the over 42.5. So long this game does not end in an overtime tie, or settled by a safety... the over 42.5 looks... promising. I know I just jinxed myself there.

4:08pm... SD 27, Browns 27. Browns made it interesting after winning a challenge and marched all the way down to the goal line. They were down by 8 so desperately needed a TD plus a 2-pt conversion. McCown connected for a TD to trim the deficit 27-25. The 2-pt conversion was good and the game was even at 27. Hell of a comeback by the Browns. But there was 2 minutes left and Rivers itching to win the game.

4:12pm... St. Louis 24, AZ 22. AZ converted a clutch 4th and 4 to keep a drive alive. Then the rookie scored a TD to pull within three. That was the first time all day that AZ got into the endzone.

4:14pm... GB 17, SF 3.... FINAL. Wasn't much of a game, eh? Hope you bet the under.

4:18pm... Denver 23, Minny 20. Peyton got Denver in FG-range, which left it up into McManus' hands... er toes. McManus drilled a 40-yd FG to pull ahead by 3. We locked up the OVER by a mere half-point.

4:20pm... Happy 420 West Coast. Dab 'em if you got 'em. And how about some new background music? Some classic Stones...

4:21pm.. SD 30, Browns 27... FINAL. Rivers ran the 2-min offense with laser like precision and connected with K. Allen and Woodhead for big gains to put them withing FG-range. Lambo stepped up and missed by a hair. Of course, the zebras tossed a flag for "jumping." No worries. He nailed the second attempt.

4:22pm... St. Louis 24, AZ 22. After the TD, AZ's D stepped up on the next drive and stuffed the Rams to get the ball back down 2 with under 3 mins. Alas, AZ turned it over on downs when they whiffed on a 4th down attempt at mid-field. Looks like they are dunzo.

4:24pm... Denver 23, Minny 20... FINAL. On a potentially game-winning drive, Teddy Bridgewater had a costly fumble. Game over. Denver is now 4-0... but it's a shaky 4-0. They really coulda been 2-2.

4:27pm... St. Louis 24, AZ 22... FINAL. Todd Gurley hammered the last nail in AZ's coffin. Those turnovers killed AZ. Another undefeated team bites the dust.

4:30pm... Been at this since before 6am. Man, 11 hours flew by. Be back in an hour for the Sunday Night Shitshow. Romo-less Dallas versus a horrendous Saints team that includes a Brees with a bum shoulder. He should just sit out another week, or heck, shut it down the rest of the season. NOLA's line is so spotty, he's only gonna get himself hurt some more.

5:25pm... Bill Idol from the ACL Festival in Austin is coming up soon on RedBull.TV. Friends caught him yesterday and has great things to say about his set. Sounds like a lot better entertainment then tonight's battle of FG kickers on SNF.

5:39pm... Dallas 3, NOLA 0. It's gonna be one of those ugly games. Feels like it from the get go. Dallas out to an early lead thanks to a strong running game. Unable to get the full 7, but they'll settle for the trey and early lead. I took a flier on Dallas at +3.5 only because @BTreotch kinda talked me into it.

5:45pm... Billy Idol's ACL set is underway on Channel 1.

5:50pm... NOLA 7, Dallas 3. Drew Brees looked decent on that drive. Picked apart Dallas' Swiss cheese secondary.

6:00pm... ACL... Billy Idol irked the baking Austin crowd by playing consecutive songs off his "latest album."

6:08pm... NOLA 7, Dallas 3. Weeden delivered...sorta. All he had to do was loft it up and let his WRs drew a PI penalty. Dallas got a gift on the goal line and they blew it when Randle tried to soar over the top of the pile, only to have the ball knocked out of his hands and recovered by the Saints. OUCH. I think the play is under review...

6:11pm... Dallas 10, NOLA 7. Dallas caught a HUGE break. The Zebras always hook them up anyway, but upon closer review, Randle got the ball over the plane so it's a legit TD for Dallas. They're back up.

6:25pm... Angry, bewildered Rob Ryan looks like every other agitated coke/Oxy dealer in Southern California.

6:45pm... Dallas 10, NOLA 7. HALFTIME. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. Halftime culinary delights featured @change100's infamous turkey chili.

7:09pm... Dallas 10, NOLA 10. The 3Q has been a snoozer. Started looking at pics of space cats. Kicker from NOLA drilled a FG to tie the game. Hope y'all bet the under in this one.

7:18pm... Dallas 13, NOLA 10. Battle of Kickers continues. Dallas got ball in red zone after Weeden connected on a long ball, but they couldn't convert the 7. Instead, they took the trey.

7:35pm... Dallas 13, NOLA 13. Brees was getting hot when he took an unfortunate sack which killed any hopes of a TD. They took the trey to tie the game. Another FG. Excepting both teams to swap more FGs in the 4Q. The kicker who chokes first...loses the game for their team.

7:45pm... Some background music to wind down the 4Q...

7:58pm... NOLA 20, Dallas 13. Ingram blasts through for a TD. If Dallas expects to come back, Weeden has to spearhead a quick assault the ends with a TD instead of punking out for only 3.

8:02pm... NOLA 20, Dallas 13. After review, it was not a TD and Ingram was marked down at the 6-inch-ass line. NOLA scored on the next play, a handoff to K. Robinson. Instead of Ingram getting the fantasy points, it went to Robinson instead. That's a bad beat, eh?

8:15pm.... Not looking good for Dallas. That +3.5 not looking good either. Almost ready to tear up the ticket.

8:23pm... Dallas 20, NOLA 20. Tied up. Weeden marched the boys downfield but got stuck in a 4thand 7 stitch. Alas, he came through with a TD to T. Williams. I now know which of my neighbors are Cowboys fans. Heard a few shouts echo down the alley when Williams made the TD catch.

8:32pm... CLANK..... Dallas 20, NOLA 20. Looks like we're headed to OVERTIME. No fucking way. Figured game was over and the Saints were gonna steal a win...but nope! Saints kicker choked the chicken on that one.

8:40pm... NOLA 26, Dallas 20... Quickie OT. Brees connected with CJ Spiller for an 80-yd TD and that's all she wrote. Took that bet in the dumper. Jeez.

8:49pm... After 15 hours at the grind, I'm done for the night. Rough Sunday indeed.