Monday, March 31, 2003

Elevator Gambling at the Excalibur

It's been so bad for us that we are betting on which elevator comes first in our hotel! There are three on our floor, and we stand there, and bet on which one will arrive first and take us downstairs (or upstairs!) Senor is whoooping me. He is 3-1-1. We're betting $20 an elevator. Ouch!

"We're addcited," said Senor. "I don't think we are coming back. We're staying here. If you wish to contact me, please call the La Hacienda and ask for Senor!!!"

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

Senor and I sat in at the poker room here at Excalibur, and we played for 3 1/2 hours straight!! It was crazy. I was up $40 right away after I nailed a $50 hand drawing a pair of 10s off the flop. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, e-mail me, and I'll explain to you Texas Hold 'em vocabulary). I had a few sweet winning hands... I didn't win too many, but the ones I did win were some of the bigger ones. I was up $50 most of the night, but then dropped $100 in the last hour to go down $50. I was pissed that some redneck tourist from Bumblefuck, West Virginia bluffed me when I could have easily beat his pathetic pair of 7s. I had a pair of Kings. D'oh!

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp
Fuck Syracuse, man!

We went to watch the games at one of my favorite places on Earth... the Mirage. The cocktail waitresses are not as hot as the ones at the Mandalay Bay, but they are nicer. OK, first of all, I placed almost $2000 (in 4 days) in wagers on NBA and March Madness games... and t's been a tough week for sure. Yesterday's Syracuse upset killed any hopes of walking away a big winner. Senor and myself dropped at least $220 each on that game. Fuck! I was wicked pissed. But Texas pulled out a victory, so my loses weren't too bad. I'll do the update later.

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Pauly & Senor's Big Bet of the Day

Oklahoma -3 over Syracuse

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp
Sweet 16 Afterthoughts...

A couple of upsets for sure. I started out well, breaking even at one point after being down $300. But ended up not so good. I went 5-3 but that was not good enough.

With Spreads: 29-26-1 (-$190 to date)
Big Bets: 3-7

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

Saturday, March 29, 2003

I won a few dollars playing blackjack last night. I made friends with a couple of hilarious, Canadian minor league hockey players. They loved me... I'm now a hit in another country! I think I found my next Truckin' story!

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

Friday, March 28, 2003

Derek's Big Bet of the Day

Derek told me he's betting heavily on Maryland. Wow! I'm taking his advice.

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp
Bowling for Dollars

$1 a game! Can you beat that shit?? We bowled 4 games for $4... I’m still in shock. Best deal in Vegas, at the Orleans Casino, where they have a bowling alley (and movie theatre). The cab driver on our way to the Orleans made a comment about our tipping. The fare was $9.90. I handed him $15 and asked for $3 back (a $2.10 tip). He looked at me and said, "Excuse me?" And I thought he was offended by my not so good tipping. So I told him to give me $2 back (a $3.10 tip). And that’s when he said, "You guys are from New York." Senor said, "He thought we were great tippers, not bad ones. I betcha most people only give him a $1. You tipped him 30%!"

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

Senor in Vegas? It’s true!

It’s official, Senor is back… in America!! In fact he’s here right now with me!! Live in Las Vegas. What’s March Madness in Vegas without Senor and Pauly? Two weeks ago I told him I was going to Vegas. He said he’d meet me there. I’d said, "I’ll believe it (and blog it) when I see you." And sure enough, here he is!! He got in today, and of course he’s wicked jet lagged, but he’s ready to rumble and win big betting on college hoops! More hijinks to come for sure…

P.S. I asked Senor if he had a messgae for the tao readers and he said, "Nope. No comment. No wait... tell them, chicks are sooooo dramatic!"

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

It’s true, after a long day of hanging out watching the March Madness games at the sports book in the Mandalay Bay Casino I found myself breaking even for the NCAA tournament, getting out of the $300 hole I found myself in last Sunday night. I won three out of my four bets, and most importantly, my big bet Kansas beat Duke by 4 points (the spread was 3, yikes!) in a nail biter. It was closer than close, and I was shitting bricks for most of the game, but that win hooked me up big time. I needed a huge win to make my comeback, so now, less than a day in Vegas, I started out well netting $300. Three more days of hoops games left for this week, and I hope I don’t find myself down $2000! At any rate, I’m up but there’s plenty of time for me to win big or lose big!!

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

Thursday, March 27, 2003

Pauly's Big Bet of the Day

Kansas -3 over Duke

Time to win big today!!!

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp
Armando sent me this e-mail:

"Glad you're living it up in Vegas. That place is out of control fucked up. Be sure to win shitloads of cash and treat yourself to a naked pillow fight and more with four buxom hookers on the king sized bed in the suite they're bound to comp you!"

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp
Greetings from Las Vegas!

After a long ass plane ride, I made it! I got to sit next to a really nice woman named Joy from Buffalo, who was six months pregnant. She chatted my ear off, but it was pleasant small talk. She reminded me of a cross between Boogie and Reese Witherspoon. Anyhoo, I met up with my brother and we went gambling at our hotel, The Excalibur. The sun is slowly rising and I walked away from a blackjack table up $100! There was a rowdy table across from us, and all these guys were drinking and hootin' & hollerin'... man I miss fuckin' VEGAS!

OK there were plenty of rumors about my special guest, and everyone wondered if it was Senor. And despite an unconfirmed Senor sighting on a NYC subway earlier this week... which to my knowledge was not him... there is absolutely no proof that he is in America. It's all hearsay and conjecture.

OK it's time for me to write, before I crash... SWEET 16 games start in about 11 hours... time to get rest!

A Las Vegas Blog... from McGrupp

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Christmas Eve

The anticipation I get moments before the plane lands in Las Vegas is similar to the felings a young child gets the night beofre Christmas. I'm salivating, I can't sleep, I'm anxious, and beaming with curiosity. So, it's now Vegas time! I'm off for a few days of March Madness and poker in Sin City before I jaunt off to California for a couple of days of sunshine, including a visit to Hollyweird for a "lunch" meeting in a quest to find an agent. I have copies of an updated version of Charlie's Goldfish ready to hand out to anyone with cash and connections. I hope luck finds my way somewhere on this journey. Be sweet! Oh, and not to worry, I did not take the Tao of Pauly March Madness Cash Pool pot with me to gamble. I left it in NYC. But since I'm going to win it anyway, it doesn't matter right?
"Eternity is now." - Ayn Rand

Tuesday, March 25, 2003

First Annual Paulywood Awards

Thanks for your votes in the Oscar Pool. Your votes were also used to select the winners of the First Annual Paulywood Awards from the original list of Oscar Nominees. Consider yourself the first Academy Members! The winners will recieve a minature naked copper coated statue of me, holding my nuts and covering my genitalia in an uncomfortbale and awkward position. Senor will personally deliver them to the proper winner.

You voted AND now the Paulywood Award Winners...

And the Pauly goes to... (please no crying or anti-war speeches or rants...)

CHICAGO wins Best Picture
Martin Scorcese (Gangs of New York) for Best Director

Daniel Day Lewis (Gangs of New York) for Best Actor
Nicole Kidman (The Hours) for Best Actress
Chris Cooper (Adaptation) for Best Supporting Actor
Meryl Streep (The Hours) for Best Supporting Actor

Adaptation written by Charlie Kaufman for Best Adapted Screenplay
Charlie's Goldfish written by Paul McGrupp for Best Original Screenplay
Bowling for Columbine(Michael Moore) for Best Documentary
Gangs of New York (Michael Balhaus) for Best Cinematography
Hero (China) for Foreign Film
Lilo & Stitch for Animated Film

Thanks again, my first award! And for everyone who voted for me, I'm truly touched. Winning bullshit awards is really why I always wanted to be a writer and work in Hollyweird. The money, drugs, and hookers, were a close third besides getting a nice tan. Thanks.

The Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...

1. A Pair of Blue Eyes by Thomas Hardy
2. The Holy Bible
3. The Alienist by Caleb Carr
4. The Book of Cain by Herb Chapman
5. Prey by Michael Crichton

Happy Birthday Spider!

Today Brian enters his third decade of mayhem! Congrats Spider, Cowboy, Richard and Brian.
Phish Announces Summer Tour!

July 7 Cricket Pavilion, Phoenix, AZ
July 8 Coors Amphitheatre, Chula Vista, CA
July 9 Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View, CA
July 10 Shoreline Amphitheatre, Mountain View, CA
July 12 The Gorge, George, WA
July 13 The Gorge, George, WA
July 15 West Valley Amphitheatre, West Valley, UT
July 17 Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Bonner Springs, KS
July 18 Alpine Valley, East Troy, WI
July 19 Alpine Valley, East Troy, WI
July 21 Verizon Wireless Music Center, Noblesville, IN
July 22 Verizon Wireless Music Center, Noblesville, IN
July 23 Verizon Wireless Music Center, Noblesville, IN
July 25 Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Charlotte, NC
July 26 HiFi Buys Amphitheatre, Atlanta, GA
July 27 ALLTEL Pavilion at Walnut Creek, Raleigh, NC
July 29 Post Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
July 30 Tweeter Center at the Waterfront, Camden, NJ
July 31 Tweeter Center at the Waterfront, Camden, NJ
August 2 Loring Air Force Base, Limestone, ME
August 3 Loring Air Force Base, Limestone, ME

Monday, March 24, 2003

March Madness Day 4 Afterthoughts

Too many upsets that I didn't call... that made for a hurtful day of betting. My Big Bets floundered and although I won half my bets yesterday, it still wasn't enough to make up lost ground. Wake Forest and Xavier both lost which messed up my pool and my Big Bets. I pray that my luck changes when I get to Las Vegas.

With Spreads: 24-23-1 
Big Bets: 2-5

How did my other teams end of Day 4?

Snoochie Boochies: 34-14
Nietzsche's Bikini Babes: 33-15
Ralph Wiggum Ate My Monkey (Free Pool): 28-20

The Oscar Party...

Jen Flowers threw her annual Oscar's Party last night, and she decided to have it slightly more low key than in previous years. There was no red carpet this year at her party, and only a handful of paparazzi snapping photos and harassing the somewhat famous crowd. I took a date, Betty, and we had a good time, despite me losing Best Original Screenplay once again, but I drank a lot and ate more food that I should have. I figured out that every third woman at the party was named "Jen". I was shocked that Martin Scorcese got shut out for Best Director (although Roman Polanski is equalling deserving for his lifetime work).

Some of the more anxious moments came when Michael Moore won for Best Documentary Film and challenged President Bush and the Iraq War. When that happened, I could see the tension on the Oscar Party guests' faces. I couldn't help but think just how much the Democratic Party in America are a bunch of whiny losers with no balls, and very little vision. Maybe Michael Moore should run for President in 2004? The retarded leadership at the Democratic Party are the same group of people who scolded and chided Green Party members for voting for Ralph Nader in 2000 (which I proudly did) and to this date blame the Greens for ruining the election for Al Gore. Instead of passing the blame to the Green Party, they should take a good look at themselves, and their own outdated party leadership, especially after Al Gore bailed on them. This was the guy who was almost our President, and who would rather hang out with Phish, than run for President. That tells you something, folks, especially all you whining, hopeless Democratic leaders... I don't think any serious politicians voiced a sincere opposition to George Bush on this war. When you need celebrities to push forth your opinions, and you act like that, you shouldn't point fingers and pass the blame. That's why I'm not a member of the Democratic Party.

OK, I went off on a political rant there and I lost my train of thought... J. Lo!

J. Lo!

I could forget about her! Man, did you see her nipping out when she presented an award for ???. Of course I can't remember what Jennifer Lopez was talking about because I was fixated on her curves... but she looked hot!

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Pauly's Big Bets of the Day

Wake Forest -5 over Auburn
Xavier +2 over Maryland
Syracuse -2 1/2 over Oklahoma State

Time to make a run before I go to Vegas! Let's quote one of my fraternity brothers... Teddy Buchan on gambling: "In order to win big... you gotta lose big!"

Record to date: 1 win, 3 losses
March Madness Day 3 Afterthoughts

It's been a rollercoatser the first three days betting wise. I'm having huge swings, back and forth... up $300, then down $300, then back even, then up $200, and now... I'm down $160. Only one of my Big Bets hit to date... and it took Marquette to make it into overtime in order for them to cover. At one point I won nine bets out of ten. But last night's games hurt me. Damn. Today I need to make up crucial ground before I go to Las Vegas on Wednesday.

With Spreads: 20-19-1  
Big Bets: 1-3

How did my other teams end of Day 3?

Snoochie Boochies: 30-10
Nietzsche's Bikini Babes: 29-11
Ralph Wiggum Ate My Monkey (Free Pool): 27-13
My Oscar Picks

These are my picks in the Pauly's Pub Oscar Pool:

Best Actor: Michael Caine
Best Supporting Actor: Chris Cooper
Best Actress: Diane Lane
Best Supporting Actress: Meryl Streep
Best Director: Martin Scorcese
Best Picture: Gangs of New York
Best Adapted Acreenplay: Adaptation
Best Original Screenplay: Talk to Her
Best Cinematography: Conrad L. Hall (Road to Perdition)
Best Documentray Film: Bowling for Columbine
Best Foreign Film: Zus & Zo
Best Animated Film: Lilo & Stitch

Saturday, March 22, 2003

What are you talking about?

A newbie to the gambling world asked me about some of the lingo I have been using in my most recent blogs. Here's a quick vocabulary lesson...

Big Bet = the game that I wager the most money on that day

Spread = Bookmakers in Las Vegas determine how much the favorite team will win by (e.g. Wisconsin -3 means that Wisconsin must win by four or more point in order for me to win that bet, if I were to take Missouri +3, then Missouri gets an additional three points added to it's final score. They can lose the game and I can still win the bet, as long as it's not by more than 2 points)

"Cover the Spread" = if the team you picked won by the amount the bookmakers said they would... I need Marquette to win by four points!

Push = when the outcome of the game, with the spread, results in a tie

Juice = when you lose a wager, you must pay an additional 10% of your orginal bet (e.g. if you make a $200 bet and you lose, you owe $220)
Pauly's Big Bets of the Day

Marquette -3 1/2 over Missouri
Wisconsin -3 over Tulsa

No more fucking around... time to make up some ground!

Here are the rest of my picks for today's games with the SPREAD:
Notre Dame + 51/2
Cal + 7 1/2
Kansas -7 1/2
Arizona -10
Central Michigan +9 1/2
Stanford +2 1/2

Friday, March 21, 2003

Not doing so good betting wise... so far I lost 3 out of the 4 games with the spreads today! Yikes!! Plus, St. Joe's got upset by Auburn, which messed up my pool. I still have faith in my Big Bet... LSU!
Pauly's Money Bet of the Day

LSU -5 over Purdue. You heard it here first. That is my Big Bet for today.
Oscar Pools are due in about 37 plus hours! Have you done your picks?

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Skippy sent me this site from a blogger in Iraq: Where is Raed?
Pauly's Money Bet of the Day

I like Dayton -2. They play Tulsa and I cannot believe the spread is only -2! I think they'll win by at least six points. This is my Big Bet of the day.
I decided to keep the War coverage to a minimun, just because every major news site and television stations are covering it, so I won't bombard you with heavy war blogging, but if there are items of interest, I will post them, but for the most part, I'll try to keep the TAO moving forward with a nice balance of old hijinks and current events.

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

11 Qs: The March Madness Edition

Here we go again! 11 More Questions: The March Madness Edition... thanks for everyone who submitted questions.

1. Ben or Matt? - Derek, NYC

Matt on weekdays and Ben on weekends.

2. Who is the best author you have read work by? - Stephen A, Seattle, WA

There are so many books! Top 5 influential books (alphabetically):
American Pastoral by Philip Roth
Diary of a Madman by Nikolai Gogol
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson
Tropic of Capricorn by Henry Miller
On the Road by Jack Kerouac

3. If you were gay, how would you break the news to your parents and friends? (I ask this because this is something that straight people never have to think about. It's an important rite of passage for us 'mos though.) - Skippy, Tampa, FL

I have found great resistance to my decision to be a writer from my family. That has caused major problems for me in the last several years, so I assume whatever I said about my sexual orientation would be met with the same amount of hostility because I failed to live up to their standards and expectations. Somedays I wonder if my family would still treat me the same if I were homosexual, but they’d most likely overlook that as long as I held “a real job”.

4. What would you do if u found a packed bowl at a Phish show, and it didn’t belong to anybody? - Kristen, NYC

Probably smoke the fucker! After I wipe off the mouthpiece first…

5. Why are all of your Truckin’ stories about hookers, drug dealers, addicts, or all of the above? - Betty, Berkeley, CA

OK not all of the Truckin’ stories are about hookers and drug dealers. I wrote about subways too! Here’s the deal, I could just say that I write about a subjects that I have a fair amount of knowledge in, but the deeper answer is this: everyone in this world falls into three categories; prostitutes, dealers, and addicts. Which one are you? My stories focus on essentially the human condition and how each character deals with the perceived world that they find themselves in, whether it’s an angelic Thai hooker, or a burly once-famous, now has-been junkie, or a caustic smack pusher.

6. Do you think this fucking war will disturb the NCAA March Madness tourney at all? - Senor

I hope not because I’m going to Las Vegas to gamble on the games!!!

7. How much of the Truckin’ stories are true - or are they "based on true story" - i.e. Senor's Sisters story and the funny Amsterdam story with the French chicks and pools of urine bar? - Jerry, Miami

You have to read the quote at the top right hand side of the Truckin’ homepage. It’s a quote from William Faulkner: "The best fiction is far more true than any kind of journalism."

8. What newspapers do you read? - Edgar, Thunder Bay, Canada

NY Times, NY Daily News, Thunder Bay Bugle, Wall Street Journal and the Guardian Unlimited (UK) are my daily readings. I read the Village Voice and the Seattle Weekly once a week, and I’ll check out individual news article on various sites like the Wa Po, or the Detroit Free Press or Le Monde.

9. What was the best Phish show you ever saw? - Katrina, San Diego, CA

The Japan shows all stand out, perhaps the Fukuoka show or the Osaka Zepp show are the two best from that run. Las Vegas Halloween in 1998 when the boys covered Velvet Underground’s Loaded was pretty epic. The Fox Theatre in Atlanta, GA show in April of 1994 was always a favorite of mine. The December 29, 1998 show at Madison Square Garden was kick ass (Divided Sky encore!). The second set at the Gorge in July 1998 was once of the best sets of Phish I ever heard (23 minute Mike’s Song), and so was the second set at Chula Vista in September 1999 (22 minute Boogie On Reggae Woman to open the set).

10. Who is going to win the major Oscar’s this weekend? - J. Flowers, New Jersey

Chicago for Best Picture
Martin Scorcese for Best Director
Michael Caine for Best Actor
Nicole Kidman for Best Actress
Jack Nicholson for Best Supporting Actor
Merly Streep for Best Supporting Actress

These are who I’d bet on, not necessarily who I’d vote for. I’ll blog my picks later this week.

11. Who did you pick to win the March Madness Pool? - Zona

In homage to Hunter S. Thompson, who picked Kentucky in his last ESPN article, I too shall jump on the bluegrass bandwagon. Kentucky all the way baby!
A quote from Señor: "Chicks can be sooooo dramatic!"
I saw Robert Hunter last night at Town Hall. I can't recall the setlist, but it was a good mellow show!

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

Señor Update...

Despite what you have read in the this issue of Truckin'... but Señor has offically left Cambodia and is now living in Bangkok, Thailand. He called to tell me that he bought a copy of USA Today so he can do his picks for the March Madness Pool. More to updates to come for sure!

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Kentucky Uber Alles is an article written by Hunter S. Thompson... where he picks Kentucky to win the NCAA March Madness Tournament.

Here's a bit: "And now, back to the cruel realities. Indeed, I am stuck with Kentucky again, and this time around I feel pretty good about it. You bet, let us rumble. I have already bet heavily on Kentucky against the field -- at odds I see no need to disclose, at this moment, except to say that if my Bluegrass people do win the national title this year, I will be flying into Las Vegas on my own jet plane for the next heavyweight fight, or maybe just for a spectacular orgy at the Palms. We will see.

Let me assure you, once again, that I am not a bookie, a cop or a shill for anything except my own whims, wisdom and sometimes even visions that I have never denied or repudiated. So it's Caveat Emptor, around here, and always in flux. Salud."

Saturday, March 15, 2003

Boogie saw Tori Amos at Radio City Music Hall last week and this is what she wrote me:

"Tori was enchanting. She seemed blissful and comfortable. Her music deserves Radio City. If every person in this world loved someone as much as she loves her Bosendorfer (sp) piano, the world would be a better place. I enjoyed it to immensely. and she played Tear in Your Hand, My Personal Jesus."

Friday, March 14, 2003

My 3:00 AM thoughts....

The weak knees of the man in the white labcoat shook and vibrated like a startled rattlesnake, ready to fight any trespasser to death in the fierce Texas heat. The self-loathing scumbag, who neatly put those butterflies into glass containers for retarded tourist from Botswana, fell down off his steel stool as he nibbled on his lunch: a soggy tuna salad sandwich on stale wheat bread with the crusts cut off, which he would collect and save all week, each day, scooping up the bits of unwanted bread, and placing them in a brown paper bag. He would then feed to the birds that lived in the large poplar trees that populated his rectangular backyard, each Sunday morning, like clockwork, minutes before he'd drive his twin daughters to church. The oldest one, by a mere three minutes, was singing in the choir, and he dared not miss a single note of his little sugar bear belt out the latest hymns in the oldest Baptist church in that county. The younger one would sit in a disturbing eerie silence, rarely blinking, or moving at all until the service was over. Then she would recite, verbatim, the homily from the Pastor. She had her own weekly blogspot, which she would blog honest, ripping, and cold commentary on the Pastor's out dated and anti-Semitic rants.
Senor called me several times today, and I kept missing his calls, or we kept getting disconnected when we finally did make contact. He's well, back in Thailand, and it was great to hear his voice.

Thursday, March 13, 2003

The Last 5 Books I Saw People Reading on the Subway...

1. Ironweed by William J. Kennedy 2. The Dancing Wu Li Masters: An Overview of the New Physics by Gary Zukav
3. The Holy Bible
4. The Last Smythe by Barbara Sharp
5. Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain
Is it true? I will now have the YES network. I guess all my whining, angry letters to Cablevision paid off. They still suck donkey cock. Man, and they found that missing Utah girl Elizabeth Smart, only because that whacked out Jesus Freak that snatched her up compeletly fucked up by returning to Utah. With a few minutes still left in Bong Day I want end with a rant against those religious fanatics... but I won't because I'm too tired, been writing most of the day, and I used up too many words as is. But I will say this, a pothead would have never snatched that girl from gunpoint from her bedroom and then drag her around the country and make her smoke pot all day. She doesn't have to get kidnapped to wander around in a heady daze, when she could just follow Phish. Maybe Jesus Freaks should be thrown into jail instead of potheads?
I was just asked what Phish song best described my mood... and Gumbo came to mind.

There's a mouse starin' out of the window
His car is trapped in the snow
He's planning a family vacation
But he just can't go
Around the next corner's a red bird
His feathers are trapped in a sling
He's passed by some gunslinging parrot
Who's jealous he ain't got no grin

There ain't no time to stash the gumbo
Or rattle around in a cage
The sacrificed child's made bubbles
And spittle is everywhere enraged
In a hot sand or in a my feet
They're blistered and caked with debris
Chez rolez is guarding the tote board
While Angry piddles with glee

I got your back... El Guapo. Hang in there.
Bad Phish Joke from the Greg Kilborn Show...

Q. If Phish added Erik Estrada and Larry Wilcox to the band, what would they be called?

A. Phish and Chips.

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Re: The Orgasm Crank Call?

From Senor:

I confess I had the two Cambodian sisters (please see Truckin' for details) call you so you could experience what I live everyday!!!!! Hope you enjoyed...

Senor :)

Wow... I'm not buying it, but I appreciate the "cheap plug" for Truckin'! The new issue due out tomorrow!

The Orgasm Crank Call?

Someone cranked called my studio yesterday afternoon. It was a female, and she was moaning into the phone for several seconds before she eventually peaked into a semi-fake orgasm. Will anyone fess up to this call? I'm trying to figure out whodunit? Any suggestions? Any suspects? Any ideas on how I should get to the bottom of this? I wish I could upload it to the internet so I could play it for everyone!

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Tuesday Poem: Somedays

Some sullen days I get so sad,
I could punch large holes into concrete walls.
Other days I get so mad,
I could tears phone books into itty bitty pieces.
Most days I'm so glad,
That I get to dodge the waves of fear and madness,
And body surf their tubes of despair all the way to shore,
Where I smile, and take deep breaths,
And shoot rubber bands at the sky.

But some sullen days I loose my balance,
I get sucked under the mighty tidal waves,
And find myself drowning in the quicksand.
Where thousands of somber souls
Discover their courage to return to the surface.
Only to be wisked away by the lunar tide.

Sunday, March 09, 2003

SAG AWARDS... Prelude to the Oscars

Tonight's winners... Best Actor & Actress Daniel Day Lewis & Renee Zellweger... Best Supporting Actor & Actress: Christopher Walken & Catherine Zeta-Jones.

William H. Macy won an award for Best Performance in a TV Movie or Mini-series, playing Bill Porter a salesman with CP.

Will tonight's results affect your Pauly's Pub Oscar Pool picks?
I ate 4 1/2 knishes in the last 6 days.
Boogie, where did you go when the lights went out?
Oscar Picks?

I have a SAG Awards party to attend tonight... the Screen Actors Guild Awards will be televised on TNT (I think... the Awards show will be on TV, not my attendance at the party)... so if you didn't know who you wanted to pick for the Pauly's Pub Oscar Pool, here's your chance to see what the actors think who did a good job this past year.
Yesterday was a productive day for me... I wrote two stories for the next issue of Truckin' and I am almost done with a new short film called: Smooth, which I showed my brother a mini preview of and he commented that it was my best work to date. So we shall see....
I got e-mailed two different lists of possible Phish summer tour dates... all rumors. But both include The GORGE as a possible venue around or after July 4th. Hmmmm..... I could make my return to the Pacific Northwest!
Skippy, where do you go when the light's go out?

Saturday, March 08, 2003

Stephen A. sent me this e-mail:
Had a real nice time at the Tibetan new year celebration on Sunday. Saw Leon and Alan, they send you "Happy Shiva Ratra and Losar greetings!" I liked the short film, the digital age is really somthing amazing to behold. I hope you and your co-star are warm, well fed, and happy! The artist is the light of the world, and here is hoping our lights will never leave us! Again thank you for the many kind words about my photographs! peahes and creme, Nooonan

Thursday, March 06, 2003

Thursday Poem: Ode to Roy Hobbs

Robert Redford walked into my dream
Last night.
He calmly sat down
Across from me, and
Cursed at the adjacent table,
Pointing and snarling at the
Three people, whom sat baffled.

I never met them before.
But I took pictures of them,
With a disposable camera
That I stole from

He ordered a Scotch and soda,
Then he smoked my last cigarette,
taking it out of my pocket, without
Which was odd
Because I don't smoke.

He spoke soft words
And I laughed when the sluggish waiter
Slipped on a mango skin and fell,
Dropping a dozen empty
Plates and pieces of saliva soaked silverware.

Sleepy Pauly

I slept for almost 11 hours last night. This is blogworthy info because I rarely sleep more than 5 hours at one time. If I get five straight hours of sleep without waking up, I often consider that a successful night of slumber. The insomnia overtakes my sleeping hours. But I cannot figure out why I slept double as much as I do. Plus, when I woke up it was snowing. When I went to bed it was almost 50 degrees. I guess I'm tired. But I don't feel sick, and I'm not as depressed as I had been. Maybe it's just simple: I am afraid to work on my novel, so my body tricked me into sleeping twice as long. Oh well.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

11 Qs: Norway Edition

11 Qs: Batch 2

The people of Norway have spoken, and I have answered! Here's the next batch of 11 Questions sent to me from Sigge and his friends from a local pub in Oslo, Norway.

And now.... my answers:

1. What are your thoughts on Ally McBeal?

I think she should stop whining and complaining, eat a hearty meal (soup, salad, main course and dessert) and explain to me how the hell she is dating Indiana Jones? Seriously, I think she gives a terrible image to young women over America and in the world. Her waif thin message of immediate romantic love is the driving force in every plot and that focus far out weighs her intelligence and competitive drive to succeed as an attorney, in a male dominated industry, which is overlooked completely by her bumbling hijinks.

2. In what way do you reflect upon yourself, if set in a Star Trek environment? Take the Next Generation for example: are you Number 1, Kirk or Data?? What are your tasks? How do you succeed?

Star Date 23.5678.02. Captain's Log, James T. Kirk reporting that I have successfully squashed whatever possible mutiny was going to erupt after my decision to ban all smoking from the Enterprise. Needless to say, their fearless leader, I, fighting off a nasty head cold, and infection from the fatal Menuvian Flu, I courageously stood down the evil, malicious, drooling stares from the ciggie junkies, that spread rapidly through the lower ranks. Their vile smoke will not infest our hallways and corridors any more, and congest my damaged lungs from the pints of Romulan ale I have been consuming every other hour. For this day, of all days, the Enterprise is forever smoke free, as I stumble off to fall asleep in my own urine.

3. Why did you have this dream of yours?

I cannot explain why. All I know is I try to answer my dreams by creating. Either using them as inspiration for poems or short stories, or other wild projects like this one.

4. Have you ever been to Texas?

Yes. I've hung out in (alphabetically) Austin, College Station, Dallas, El Paso, Houston, San Antonio, and South Padre Island. My brother once told me, "Dude, Texas is a whole other country." I have discovered this: that every other Texan has either been drinking or carrying a gun. Some do both. A friend of mine once said, "Pauly, there's a right way. There's the wrong way. And then there's the Texas way." How's that for Texan philosophy?

5. Why haven't you read any Confucianistic philosophy yet?

Who's to say I haven't? I'm past that phase of my readings. I've been focusing on Scandinavian philosophers recently. But my favorite Confucius quote is: "Go to bed with itchy butt… wake up with smelly finger."

6. What do you like to drink with burgers?

Either water or an iced-tea with lemon. I like to eat my burgers cooked well done, with mayo and ketchup. No pickles, lettuce or tomato. None of that crap! If I want that shit, I'll get a salad. I just want beef and cheese and grease, and sometimes bacon. Mmmmmmm. Bacon Cheese Burgers.

7. How do you prefer your coffee??

I don't drink coffee. I prefer tea. But when I do, I usually get milk and two sugars. I like my coffee like my ladies… hot and steamy, yet sugary and milky.

8. If you were a car, which one?

The Furthur bus! The bus that the Merry Pranksters toured America in back in the 1960s (Neal Cassady was the driver), and followed the Grateful Dead in, during Ken Kesey and his acid tests. That's when his Merry Pranksters were turning random people, shackled to the pristine American psyche, onto hard core drugs, music, sex, revolution, life, enlightenment, and mayhem. Sounds like my kind of ride.

9. Do you ever get spam-mail, like: "I'm not perfect, but I suck c0ck"?

All the time. I usually get teen-age girls asking me to ejaculate on their faces, or most of the time, I get hardcore tranny-granny sites. It's horrible. AOL has been doing a better job recently. I used to get tons more.

10. Why do you live in NY?

The food, the women, the excitement, the subways, the literature, the music, the friends, the hustle, the way I can walk down a street and be invisible and stare at a hundred people without them knowing it. I don't like sticking out too much in a crowd, so Middle America freaks me out. I'd like to live in San Francisco, Vancouver, Paris and Iceland someday. We'll see.

11. Have you heard Roger Whittaker's "Why"?

No. Why should I? Is it good?

Sunday, March 02, 2003

Last night's setlist! I promise I'll write reviews soon!

Phish 3.1.03 ~ Greensboro, NC

Set 1: Chalk Dust Torture, Moma Dance, Foam, Lawn Boy, Character Zero, Divided Sky, Mist, Waves, Sample in a Jar

Set 2: Rock and Roll, Wilson, Piper, 2001, Wolfman's Brother, Boogie on Reggae Woman, Velvet Sea, Antelope, Carolina

Encore: First Tube, You Enjoy Myself

Saturday, March 01, 2003

A couple of afterthoughts... about the Nassau Phish show. First of all, I keep wavering back and forth between what was a better show... Philly or Nassau. I'll write a review after I think about this some more.

But the highlights last night were Destiny Unbound, played after an 11 plus year hiatus. Bathtub Gin jam was stellar, and the best jam/song of the night was Back on the Train. The repeat songs: Walls of the Cave & Harry Hood were much better than the other versions we saw this past week. Tweezer opener was fat! Soul Shakedown was unexpected, and BOWIE was pure smoke. I love Mexican Cousin and I know Molly doesn't like it all that much. And Tweezer Reprise got the entire corwd on its feet dancing and grooving.

Random moments fo rme include: getting handed an un-opned bottle of vodka and being called "Dave Ghrol".

More to come....
JUst got back... great show!!!

Phish 2.28.03 Nassau Coliseum ~ Uniondale, NY

Set 1: Birds of a Feather, Destiny Unbound *, Horn, Bathtub Gin, Sleep, Back on the Train, Bouncin', Walls of the Cave

Set 2: Tweezer, Soul Shakedown Party **, David Bowie, Round Room, Harry Hood

E: Contact, Mexican Cousin, Tweezer Reprise

Notes from
Destiny Unbound* - has not been played in the 788 shows since 11/15/91!!;
Soul Shakedown Pary** - not played since 2/20/97, and only the third time ever performed