Saturday, November 30, 2002

Charlie's Goldfish: Cast List

Who exactly would be in the movie if it got made...? Here are my picks and my brother Derek adds his suggestions as well.

Log Line: Charlie O'Brien is a young Hollywood writer and director who, returns home to his old neighborhood in the Bronx after his father's death. He inherits his father's bar, as well as the bar's financial problems. He must decide whether or not to sell the Tavern, his father's life work, which is frequented with interesting locals, who are not thrilled with Charlie's return. Meanwhile, his sister Annie is extremely ill and needs his help.

The Cast:

Charlie O'Brien, 30, writer and director.
Pauly: Ron Livingston (Office Space, Band of Brothers)
Derek: Scott Wolf (Bailey from Party of Five) or Timothy Hutton

Bob Birch, 50s, manager of the Tavern
Pauly: Dennis Hopper
Derek: Ed Harris (Pollock, The Rock)

Monica Leary, mid 20s, waitress
Pauly: Katie Holmes or Jordanna Brewster (The Fast & the Furious)
Derek: Sarah Polley (Go) or Katie Holmes

Annie O'Brien, late 20s, Charlie's sick sister
Pauly: Heather Graham
Derek: Elisha Cuthbert (24) or Parker Posey (Dazed & Confused)

Jimmy O'Brien, Charlie's Dad, owner of the Tavern (appears in flashbacks)
Pauly: John Mahoney (Fraser)
Derek: Emanual Lewis (Webster)... I think he's kidding....

Fireman Ed, early 30s, fireman, Charlie's brother-in-law
Pauly: John C. Reilly (Boogie Nights, Magnolia)
Derek: Viggo Mortensen (Lord of the Rings)

Tommy Miller, 30, lawyer, Charlie's best friend growing up
Pauly: Owen Wilson (Royal Tenenbaums)
Derek: Jeremy Piven (PCU, Seredipity)

Jackson "Jack" Lawton, 30s, black, cop, part-time bartender
Pauly: Ice Cube
Derek: Ice Cube, Busta Rhymes

Smitty, 70s, old drunk, never leaves the bar
Pauly: Geroge Carlin
Derek: Ozzy Osbourne or George Carlin

Ivan, 40s, Russian cab driver
Pauly: Bob Hoskins (Who Framed Roger Rabbit) or Robin Williams
Derek: Jean Reno (Professional)

Will Kiley, 50s, security guard, drunk & bitter Irish guy
Pauly: Albert Finney or Sean Connery
Derek: Dennis Quaid

Frankie Flotuzio 40s, the Tavern's bookie
Pauly: Dennis Farina
Derek: Big Pussy from the Sopranos

Betty McCracken, 60s, regular at the Tavern
Pauly: Judi Dench (Iris, Shakespeare in Love)
Derek: Christina Pickles (Ross & Monica's Mom from Friends)

Douglas Arnold, early 30s, literary agent, Charlie's roommate from film school
Pauly: Philip Seymour Hoffman (Talented Mr. Ripley, Boogie Nights)
Derek: John C. Reilly or Philip Seymour Hoffman
I am off to see Dark Star Orchestra tonight with Bruce Cohen... I heard they played an awesome show last night!
167 years ago today, Mark Twain was born as Samuel Clemens. So I guess today is Mark Twain Day and in homage to the man who lived his latter years just down the road from my studio at Wave Hill in Riverdale... I will blog a favorite quote of mine:

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." - Mark Twain

Señor Update!

I got an e-mail from our favorite pants dropper... He is currently on holiday in the Phillipines enjoying the all-NBA TV station. Read on...

To: McGrupp
From: Señor
Re: Greetings from the Philipines!

Dude, this country is out of control, police and militia everywhere and
I've have an interesting hiking story for Truckin! They love hoops so
much here that they have a 24 hour NBA station, I just watched the
Knicks-Raptors game live!!!!!!! Happy Turkey day!!!!!!! Adam and I
were up North hiking through some spectacular scenary and now we
are on a beautiful tropical island!!! Its good to spend some tie with my
big bro!!!! How are you man??? I miss you, you really outta come out
for a visit!!!! Hope all is well... SEEYA!!!!!!

Señor :)

P.S. (The Other Ones) looks like a killer show!!!! As always I was with
you in Spirit!!!! Enjoy Dark Star Orchestra... I live in paradise, but I am
jealous of the shows I am missing... hey life is a compromise and I think
I am doing OK!!!!! SEEYA!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Elisha!!!

Elisha Cuthbert from 24 turns 20 today... I think she might be right for a role in Charlie's Goldfish or perhaps a leading role in the film version of Jack Tripper Stole My Dog.

Friday, November 29, 2002

Buy Nothing Day... read the great article from

Here's a bit: "This year, as we potentially embark on what critics justifiably call a war for control of the world's largest oil resources, many Americans will be out shopping on Nov. 29, the Friday after Thanksgiving and the unofficial opening of the Christmas shopping season. It's the busiest shopping day of the year.

Nov. 29 is also Buy Nothing Day (celebrated in Europe this year on Nov. 30). The holiday, initiated in 1993 by the Adbusters Media Foundation, has grown rapidly and is now observed in more than 40 countries. Its success is driven by an impromptu coalition of environmental activists, labor organizations, church groups, global democracy proponents and social justice groups.

While Buy Nothing Day is primarily about getting people to think about the impacts of their conspicuous consumption, it's also a holiday celebrating personal liberation. One British Buy Nothing Day activist explained, "you'll feel detoxed from consumerism."

Odd Nerdrum

Odd Nerdrum... Check out this Odd Nerdrum painting called: Pissing Woman...

Freedom! Lizzie Grubman Released From Jail...

How was everyone's holiday?? Mine was mellow... and although I was nervous most of the day, I must say the day went rather smoothly, considering that Turkey Day represents the start of the Seasonal Depression that I have been suffering with for over a decade. I split the chilly day up and made several appearances at home before going downtown to have dinner with Jessica and her father... Dr. L, whom I finally met for the first time. Yeah, I was more nervous than usual, but in the end everything went fine. I wish I could amuse you with stories of hijinks of the Three's Company or Meet the Parents variety, but nothing of the odd sort happened... to my relief. I am pretty sure he think's I am quite normal (Ahem... where's my Oscar nomination?), and I did not utter any rambling NWO, CIA cover-ups, or any religious, philosophical, political, or methaphyscial discertations. I think the highlight of the day was the Junior's Cheesecake that I had... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!
Gil sent me this link:

Thursday, November 28, 2002

The Tao is about six months old, and I am grateful for this forum that allows me to express myself daily in my favorite form of expression... writing. I am finally back on track as a writer, something I have been chasing for several years now... Thanks to everyone for your support, cash and love. Happy Holidays!

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

The Other Ones

Small wheel turn by the firing rod,
big wheel turn by the grace of God
every time that wheel go round
bound to cover just a little more ground

- Robert Hunter


The last time I saw the Grateful Dead in New York City it was a three show run: 10.17.94 and 10.18.94 and 10.19.94. Bob Dylan played with the Dead on 10.17.94 and the encore of Rainy Day Women sticks out as an MSG classic... on 10.18.94 the boys busted out Help > Slip > Frank to open and on the last show I ever show in NYC, the Dead opened with Feel Like a Stranger and a sweet Terrapin Station still joggles my fuzzy mid 1990s memory.

Of course I was going to the show with the Grateful Dead Guru, Bruce Cohen, who upon meeting Jerry Garcia (the same day I did, in June of 1995 when we were security guards at the Met Museum) quickly confessed, "Bro, I have been seeing the Grateful Dead since 1978 and you guys fucking rock!"

I took Jessica to her first Dead related show and she said how she heard that "the Grateful Dead without Jerry Garcia is like chocolate cake without the icing."

It was a cute, sugary way to sum up the loss of the nine and half fingered fat man, but I was quick to point out that Jerry's death was a much bigger impact that she had indicated... to me, the Other Ones (and Phil & Phreinds) is methadone, and the Grateful Dead is full blown heroin. The rest of the gang gets you buzzed, but it's a maintenance high... no where near the intensity and euphoric body highs that the Grateful Dead were able to bring night after night since 1965.

We met Bruce at the Garden Tavern before the show and on our way we walked right in front of Penn Station and MSG where the convergence of rush hour suburban commuters were met head on with Deadheads and hippies and beatniks from all over the place... the looks on some tourists faces were classic, as they were trying to decipher the slang and lingo of "Fatty nugs for your extra" and "I need a miracle"... Jessica would count all the dogs she saw, as we slowly made our way through the crowd. I think her final count was seven or eight pooches, puppies, and tour dogs. What's a show without a random dog walking around?

Security was light and the pat down was half-assed at best... as we made our way to our seats in Section 102... I got a voicemail from Spider. He was headed home on the LIRR in Penn Station when he saw a bevy of phishkids, crusties, wookies, spinners, and tour rats and figured that I had to be close by. LOL! He was right. I was just sitting down as he called, and when I took off my jacket I got an immediate compliment from the guy sitting behind me.

"Cool shirt, bro. That get up is far out!"

Seriously, he said that. I had on one of my infamous show shirts. And then proceeded to ask everyone what the boys will open with.

"Most likely a five minute warm up jam, then they'll bust into Shakedown Street...", I offered up.

"Nah, I wanna hear Help > Slip > Frank."

I thought about the show I saw nearly 8 years earlier when the Dead opened up with Help > Slip > Frank and I got goosebumps. When Bruce Cohen made his way over to our section he sat down in the row behind us, and has the entire row to himself for a while! The guy behind me asked Cohen what the boys will open with he too said, "Shakedown Street".

The guy was shocked. He couldn't believe it. He told Bruce that I said the same thing. Little did he know that we were friends, and we had been putting out the same vibe!

First Set

Set 1: Jam> Viola Lee Blues, Iko Iko, Music Never Stopped, Alligator> Uncle John's Band Jam> Baba Jingo, Shakedown Street> Good Lovin'

The show started at 7:50 PM... with a surprise opener of Viola Lee... it was OK and solid, but the crowd was still making their way into the show and I thought the sound was slightly uneven the first few songs... the keys and piano were up a lot higher than Phil Lesh's bass and I was not pleased. After everyone smoked up, they played Iko Iko, where of course I got a flashback of the 1994 MSG Iko Iko with Jerry leading the way. It wasn't quite the same, but the crowd was digging it... and slowly getting more and more into the show. At some point a girl sitting next to us turned around and just introduced herself.

"Hi, I'm Christine..." she said with a big smile, big eyes, and a thick Long Island accent.

She should have said, "I'm fucked up and rolling hard! What's your name?" that would have been more appropriate. I figured out the other sure fire way to tell someone on Ecstasy is not just excessive hugging, but randomly introducing yourselves to strangers.

She introduced herself to Jessica and she went back to her dancing. She was outta of control and slightly annoying, kind of like that housefly that lands on your TV set every few minutes, then buzzes around your head for a while before disappearing... but I knew where she was coming from, and yeah, I'm sure I was in her shoes plenty of times, slightly annoying the people that sit next to me at random shows. So it was all good.

Susan Tedeschi was singing with the band and she sounded great on the Music Never Stopped, which had been a favorite Donna Jean song of mine. I know Donna Jean got a lot of crap for her lack of harmony with the Grateful Dead, but in my opinion the Dead achieved perfection in 1977, right smack in the middle of the Donna Jean & Keith Godchaux years... Alas, Susan sounded great with the Other Ones, and at times I wish Bob Weir would shut the fuck up and let Susan sing more. But then again, the Other Ones seemed to be more Bob Weir's band than Phil Lesh's. And because I am not a fan of Bob Weir, and a huge fan of Phil's... it was tough for me to watch and listen to Phil sit back and just be the team player instead of setting the tone like he did in Phil & Phriends and Phil Lesh Quartet. Phil Lesh is the backbone, and soul of the Grateful Dead. Jerry was and always will be the heart of the Dead, but Phil is the soul brother. And Bob Weir is 100% Cheese. And last night was no different.

I was expecting a few surprises and I got ALLIGATOR! That was old school Dead, and right away I started thinking about Pig Pen and how kick ass he was and how Pig Pen used to be the heart AND soul of the Dead before he died in 1974. It was a mellow version and I felt the crowd was getting more attached to the guys as the night went on. I wasn't all that impressed with Baba Jingo and smoked a joint for most of that song. Not that I was bumming out or anything... I was having a good show... but that was it... it was just a good show... and just when I felt I was being let down... they busted out SHAKEDOWN STREET!

OK, of course I wanted to hear Shakedown. After all I named one of my football pool teams after it! So they boys busted out a heavy, funk driven, smashing Shakedown... and the crowd went nuts. They were waiting for it, I was waiting for it.. even Jerry was waiting for Shakedown Street. For the first time all night I finally got the Dead vibe that I have been chasing since 1995. It was sweet and gave me goosebumps and I was digging Phil's bass, which I could finally hear now, and I was very happy that they did not open with Shakedown because the crowd was not quite ready for it at 7:50 PM. We all needed to warm up a bit, get loose and fried, and when everyone was settled in, they let it rip.

Shakedown > Good Lovin' was a nice segue, and although Good Lovin is not my favorite Dead song/cover song (I know Jerry loved playing it) I did get the Jerry vibe, and the crowd was into it. The rolling girl next to me, Christine said something that I thought was worth mentioning.

"You know, I don't think the energy is all together here tonight. I mean it's a little forced. I think they are holding back because this place, the Garden is Jerry's favorite place to play."

I nodded my agreement. They finished up the set just before 9 PM.

Set Break

Robert Hunter
came out to play a 45 minute acoustic set. Just him, in his jeans and black T-shirt, and his guitar. A lot of people were talking and moving around like during any setbreak... and I even bolted mid way to take a piss. Of course I got plenty of compliments on my shirt in the hallways, where I saw a half of dozen people I recognized, but couldn’t quite recall who and where I know them.

The Hunter highlights included: Box of Rain, Candyman, Days Between, and Ripple.

I thought it was cool to hear him in between sets instead of opening for the Other Ones. As a writer I admire Robert Hunter's voice. He penned so many of the Dead's songs and is the lyrical genius behind the madness and circus side show.

Second Set

Set 2: Spacey Vocal Chant> Tomorrow Never Knows> Jam> Dark Star(v1)> Watchtower> Dark Star(v2)> Cryptical Envelopment> The Other One(v1)> Drumz/Space> The Other One(v2)> The Wheel> Lovelight
(with Warren Haynes & Derek Trucks)

Set Two began just before 10 PM. And they opened with a spacey vocal jam before heading into the Beatles cover of Tomorrow Never Knows. This might be one of my least favorite Beatles songs and I figured out that some how every band I go to see knows this and they almost always play it! Phish, String Cheese, Phil & Phriends... they all seem to harass me by playing this song especially when I want to hear something else. Luckily it was one of those sit down and smoke songs... and when they pulled out of the jam, I heard Phil teasing Dark Star. At that point I turned to Jessica and whispered, "I think they are gonna play Dark Star and when they do, the crowd will go nuts."

Less than a minute later they flowed into the first verse of Dark Star... followed by a nice and delicious Watchtower. And I got another flashback of the Dead in 1994 playing Watchtower at MSG... and it was solid and Bob Weir held his own, but I think he stole a solo away from Jimmy Herring and I was pissed! I wonder what Jimmy thought?

Watchtower was squeezed in the middle of the Dark Star sandwich and I heard a few Other One teases and they finally gave in and played a solid Cryptical > Other One before heading into Drums & Space. They were playing tight, but I was let down by the song selection in the beginning of Set 2 and hoped for a much more free flowing final run.

They pulled out of Space with the last verse of the Other One and it was loud and tight and I was ready for something next and then they played THE WHEEL. I saw them play that on Late Night with Conan O'Brien and it was a silly version compared to last night. Susan on vocals was hot and the crowd's energy peaked at the end of the Wheel. If Shakedown Street was the high-water mark in Set 1, the Wheel was the mark in Set 2.

As they started to play the beginning of Lovelight, I saw that Warren Haynes had made his way onto stage. I dig Warren and I miss him playing with Phil Lesh. LOVELIGHT rocked. I got a Pig Pen, a Jerry and Señor vibe all rolled into one! It was fun and the entire MSG crowd was loving the back and forth vocals between Susan and Warren Haynes. They really made Lovelight the kick ass tune it is, and stepped up a version of a song that always failed to match the intensity and heavy drunken blues vocals of Pig Pen. That's why the Dead never (rarely) played Lovelight after Pig Pen died.

The encore was as expected: Sugar Magnolia. It's the anthem of the Grateful Dead, and Jerry's vibe was all over the place as everyone was getting their last bit of Dead flow in them before they went home. Bob Weir cheesed it out, but what's Sugar Mags without Bobby Cheese?


If they busted out Terrapin, that would have made my show. But it was Sugar Mags, and I left feeling not as satisfied as I usually am when I leave shows. My expectations were high and I was let down. But I left hoping that Phil & Phreinds goes back on tour because I think I like a smaller unit headed by Phil Lesh is where my mind wants to be post Grateful Dead.

I have to say that the Other Ones is a little too much for me. It makes me miss the Dead and Jerry even more, and I think there are too many people on stage, playing too many notes. With 2 drummers, and 2 key board players, and 2 guitar players with Bob Weir cheesing it out whenever he can, its just too much, and when Warren came out I realized how much I like Phil with Warren Haynes & Jimmy Herring on guitars and NO BOB WEIR... that's why I love Phil & Phriends... oh well. When they have too many sounds going on it's really distracting for me. That's why I like smaller groups, like Medeski, Martin & Wood and Phish. 3 and 4 guys and that's it. Ah, but Phish is back together so my mind is focused on them once again.

All in all a solid night, with good people and great memories, and a better than average show. I'll give it a 6.5 out of 10.

The Other Ones Setlist
November 26, 2002, Madison Square Garden, NYC

Set 1: Jam> *Viola Lee Blues... *Iko Iko, *Music Never Stopped, *Alligator> Uncle John's Band Jam> *Baba Jingo, *Shakedown> *Good Lovin'

Set 2: *Spacey Vocal Chant> *Tomorrow Never Knows> Jam> *Dark Star(v1)> Watchtower> *Dark Star(v2)> Cryptical Envelopment> The Other One(v1)> Drumz/Space> The Other One(v2)> *The Wheel> *#Lovelight

Encore: Donor Rap by Phil Lesh, *Sugar Magnolia

*with Susan Tedeschi
# w/ Warren Haynes & Derek Trucks

Robert Hunter Setlist:
Box of Rain, Candyman> Easy Wind> Mr Charlie> Easy Wind> Wharf Rat, Days Between> Ripple, Boys in the Barroom

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

I am leaving to head down to the Garden and catch some Dead Flow and the Other Ones... I hope they play a couple of Tao of Pauly favorites... China Cat Sunflower... Brown Eyed Women... Scarlet Begonias... Franklin's Tower... Cosmic Charlie... and of course... Shakedown Street!
John Wilkins sent me this "blogworthy" link: 40 oz. Malt Liquor.
I heard it might snow tonight... and it will dip below freezing tempatures... plus the new season of the Osbournes debuts tonight, and I will not be able to see it because I will be at MSG watching the Other Ones... alas, that's why we have VCRs... I fell asleep early last night, I was super tired and I was unable to finish the next issue of TRUCKIN' like I wanted to... but I will finish it today for sure... I got my ass handed to me in the football pool this weekend... and Senor's team Samui Reiki Master won Team of the Week and I did his picks this past week!!
Jackass Copycat Dies... Fatal Stunt Nothing to Do With 'Jackass,' Says MTV star Here's a bit: MTV star Johnny Knoxville is distancing himself and his "Jackass" series from an alleged copycat incident in Ohio in which a teen was killed. College freshman Adam Ports, 18, died after falling from a moving pickup truck in a stunt possibly inspired by the television show "Jackass," authorities said. Knoxvillian P.J. Clapp, who took the name Johnny Knoxville, co-created and starred in the series that debuted in 2000 for a one-year run. Ports and three fellow students at Tiffin University set a chair on fire and threw it from the back of a moving truck Tuesday night while friends photographed the stunt. Ports then jumped or fell from the truck as it sped away on a country road, officials said. He died Wednesday from head injuries."

Monday, November 25, 2002

"No mystical energy field controls my destiny." - Han Solo
The Tampa Tribune's favorite writer Dave Simanoff wrote an article called: Out In The Workplace. Check it out, and good job, Dawg!

Sunday, November 24, 2002

New Phish Song! Walls of the Cave is from their new CD Round the Room. Listen to it... or visit Netscape Music First. You need Real Audio Player.

Walls of the Cave is almost a ten minute song. It starts out slow with a Page piano solo, then slowly picks up tempo. I can see the boys going off in a crazy jam at the end of the song.
"The whole logic of the universe is contained in daring... in creating from the flimsiest, slenderest support." - Henry Miller
I am told that the Bush Twins do not turn 21 until tomorrow...
B & A Updates

Well, nothing too exciting to report. I ate a full silician pizza with my brother on Friday. Yesterday I was lucky to eat some Garlic Chicken from a local Chinese place near me, and I had Baked Ziti for dinner, part of Jessica's celebration dinner for finishing her novel Gysana. My breakfast today consisted of water and an everything bagel with butter.

The bowel movements have been routine and ordinary... nothing to report. Urine is flowing smoothly, various colors... lots of light yellows.

Saturday, November 23, 2002

Kindergarten Blow Job This is not a joke, it's true. A five year old girl went down on one of her classmates.

Jessica just finished her NaNoWriMo project... Gysana! From what I understand, Gysana is her first completed novel. Way to go!
Charlie's Goldfish Reactions...

This is what Gil said:

"FUCK THIS GUY --- Review # 5! Overall, I thought people really liked it... they all seem to mention too much 9/11 stuff... how do you feel about that?"

This is what my brother, Derek had to say about the five reviews:

"I thought the reviews were very good. You got all high marks. Only one bad review and even it said some pretty good things. The so called bad comments were just constructive criticism. Some of their thoughts and ideas were good suggestions. I agree with the consensus of all reviewers... it was a very good script. And yes... I'd pay to see this movie. Now, on to those mooks who did the reviews...

Reviewer # 1 is either a well educated (dork) or a chick.. Reviewer # 2 is a girl... no doubt.... Two words:Beautiful Girls! And yes, Reviewer # 3 (a guy) would rent that Timothy Hutton flick too... R # 4 gave a perfecto diez! This reviewer has to be an older gent... possibly a teacher of some sorts. He gave a good review. Could it be Jim Lipton? Only kidding... R # 5 could be a guy or a girl. They said you had talent as a writer and they are correct. I think their opposing view idea is true (I'm sure you would've come up with that angle had you had more time to edit the script). But I also think they believe they are really smart and are the foremost expert at writing a screenplay. Some sort of zen guru screenwriter with punk attitude. Ha!!! Maybe this person might be one of those people who lives in LA (nay... or possibly even some sort of wannabe) and thinks that just b/c they know so and so's personal assistant and have written several screen treatments, then that makes them in the "biz" (and of course hotshit). They might even have an agent. May I have a cappucino latte whatever with some fancy LA salad and my testicles please. Thank you.

So, 2 rentals, 2 would pay to see the movie, and 1 no show. That's pretty good any which way you look at it.

Friday, November 22, 2002

Charlie's Goldfish Reviews

I have finally decided to blog 5 reviews from Project Greenlight. I got a very good one and one really bad one. Here is what they had to say...

Review # 1:

SCREENPLAY = 6 (out of 10)

Brief Comments:
I liked this story and most of the characters even though both were very formulaic. The interaction between the characters was decent but not all of the dialouge was natural or realistic or well tailored to character. The opening development is good and does well to explain the basic complication of the story, but the messages and morals throughout the story are heavyhanded. Charlie is the main character and he seems to me to be the weakest. I saw him as whiney and impotent, and i saw what his problems were but didn't really identify with the way he was trying to deal with him. I also don't understand the 9-11 references. They are to topical and out of place. At one point Monica even suggest that most of Charlie's problems come from denial of what happened on that day.

Description Key Words:
Believable, Flat, Ordinary, Predictable, Formulaic, Interesting

Any additional comments?
Charlie's character need to be strengthened and the dialogue refined. Especially his. His problem(s) need to be more defined. We shouldn't have to be told all the time what the characters are thinking or feeling, we should be able to discern it from their actions. Leave things for the audience to determine on there own.

Would you pay to see this movie? I'd consider renting this movie

Review #2

SCREENPLAY = 9 (out of 10)

Brief Comments:
This script was a joy to read! Aside from having a few technical errors, like miss-spells, I found this story to be charming, emotion provoking and sweet! It was decriptive enough to pull me into the story (just like being there). The writer of this script has talent and needs to continue writing.

Key Words:
Funny, Believable, Smart, Unique, Entertaining, Interesting

Would you pay to see this movie? I'd pay to see this movie

Review # 3

SCREENPLAY = 7 (out of 10)

Brief Comments:
It was good to read something, simple, inspirational, I think some dialouge could be shorter, let the characters be as simple as the story. That would let it be more natural,(drop some of the 9-11 talk, there's really only one place where it felt natural, don't force that issue) but over all I liked it, good job!

Similar Films:
The Florentine, Beautiful Girls, Tree's Lounge

Key Words:
Funny, Flat, Ordinary, Cool, Predictable, Formulaic

Would you pay to see this movie? I'd rent this movie

Any additional comments?
like I said, it was simple, but that can be good, I just think it would be better with some dialouge cut, let the characters (actors) be simple, forget being wordy... also the book deal in new york didn't have to happen, maybe there's another way he gets money, it seemed obvious, maybe he just has to deal with that situation, don't give the audience everything....easy read, thanks and best of luck.

Review #4:

SCREENPLAY = 10 (out of 10)

Brief Comments:
First of all this is far and away the best written screenplay I've read in this contest. I thought the dialouge was excellent and really distinguished the characters from each other. While some may not like the overly descriptive action sections, it worked for me. There were a couple of areas that I thought were not as strong as others, but even these minor complaints
don't take anything away from the story.

Key Words:
Funny, Believable, Smart, Unique, Fast Paced, Entertaining, Interesting

Would you pay to see this movie? I'd pay to see this movie

Any additional comments?
As I said earlier, these are minor things that don't distract from the effectiveness of the overall story. - It seeemed odd that Ed was always refered to as "Fireman Ed". Was that a global find and raplce thing? I think Ed would be fine. - A few too many people plead with Charlie not to sell the Tavern. While everyone who does plead certainly has justification, it's kind of stacking the deck against Charlie. If an audience gets the feeling that everyone is against Charlie doing this, it might make charlie appear unsympathetic. - while, i was very hesitant about incorporating 9/11 into this screenplay it was used very tastefully and added to the story. There is one exception. I thought the section where monica explains how annie's family is affected by 9/11 was a bit too much. The audience can assume that through the actions of Annie and Ed and it seems a bit heavy handed to state it for the audience. It also seems, although I don't think this was your intention, that 9/11 is being used simply as a catalyst for Charlie's persoanl change. - The appearance of the literary agent as monica and charlie are discussing writing is extremely easy. I know the characters make a joke out of it, but it still doesnt feel realistic - and since the rest of the story is very realistic - it kind of sticks out (while practically broadcasting the ending) - Along the same lines of not having everyone beg Charlie not to sell the tavern, having every single person thank him (in detail) for not selling the bar seems to be a kind of happily-ever-after overload. Perhaps 2 (maybe 3) people can thank him on behalf of the crowd. You'll get the same emotional effect. So, for real, if I didnt enjoy this screenplay I wouldn't have taken the time to mention these things. While these things were in my mind, none of them greatly distracted from an extremely well-written, entertaining screenplay. Very good job and good luck.

Review # 5:

SCREENPLAY = 2 (out of 10)

Brief Comments:
The writer has a knack for realistic dialogue and has researched or knows enough to make the characters sound like they have had full and distinct lives. In addition, the writer has talent as far as writing goes. Description. A feel of the place. However, the story never seems to go anywhere. Every character Charlie runs into tells him not to sell the bar. In addition, when Charlie meets Monica and we find out that his LA life has gone down the tubes and he meets a NY literary agent, there is no guesswork to the ending. Every character in the script tells Charlie his film was good and it is nice to have him back and that he shouldn't sell the bar. there is no conflict. If there was an opposing view or a difficult decision for Charlie to make, it might be different, but he has no life in LA.

Key Words:
Flat, Ordinary, Slow, Predictable, Not My Taste

Would you pay to see this movie? No thanks.

Any additional comments?
Overall the movie could have used more drama. It was Charlie's guilty conscious and his dream versus everybody else in the script. A guilty conscious that the reader knows from the first couple of pages that Charlie is not returning to LA, but is going to run the bar. When all the chips fall into his lap (Monica, divorce, no life in LA, a lit agent in NY) there is no contest. The ending is set. Keep the reader guessing until the last minute. Make the wife try to make up with him. Make the film company give him a second chance so he does have to choose. Make it harder for him. Make each scene dynamic. It seems as though every scene is the same with the exception of one or two (Monica's rooftop and Bob in jimmy's apartment) Think of all the what-ifs and go to town on it.

A comment about from Spider: "This one is mad funy... Brazilian Wax."
Jessica e-mailed me her thoughts on Lizzie Grubman:

"I'd like to give it to her with a 12-inch black studded dildo, up the ass, while twisting her hair in my fists and calling her 'fucktoy.'"

As always, thanks for sharing, Jessica!
Mexican Cousin

Oh tequila I turn to you like a long lost friend
I want to kiss my Mexican cousin once again
We'll cover every emotion from happiness to sorrow
And the conversations I forget you'll tell me about tomorrow
When the phone calls start, am I in bed or in a hearse?
The things you tell me about myself can't make me feel any worse
Well I'm awful sorry you got pissed
Just have to cross you off the list
Of my true friends...
And tequila's where that starts and where it ends

Lyrics by Trey Anastasio & Tom Marshall

Thursday, November 21, 2002

"Osama bin Laden is like a vampire that casts no shadow, yet his shadow is over us all. People call me on the phone and jabber like fruit-bats in heat. These are not triumphant times for people with bullish hopes for the future -- unless you are part of the Military-Industrial complex, and then your future is bright, very bright." - Hunter S. Thompson, 9.17.01
Lizzie Grubman has her own website: You can also view: Lizzie's Mug Shots. Among other neat things...

and here's Lizzie Grubman's woes — as David Letterman sees 'em... with a Top 10 list!

Top 10 of Lizzie's complaints about life behind bars:

10. No one talks about the Hamptons, just people they've "shivved."
9. Can't borrow the other girls scrunchies without getting head lice.
8. Surly servants act more like a bunch of armed guards.
7. Plenty of wall space, but no plasma TV.
6. Who taught these people how to make a mocha latte?
5. They tried to take away my shoes and belt — like I'd wear a belt with Capri pants.
4. Meal servers give attitude when you order off the menu.
3. Denied a court-supervised visit to Bloomingdale's.
2. Two hundred women sharing three showers. What is this, Vassar?
1. You can't, like, leave.
Norah Jones will be playing tonight on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno...
"If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him.... is he still wrong?" - Dennis Miller
Now, back by popular demand.... the 3 Questions:

Q. Where does Pauly wish he was?
A. At home watching the DVD his brother got him for his 30th birthday: The Wonder Boys. It's one of his favorite films of all time. He likes stories about dope smoking authors... and it stars his favorite actors: Robert Downey, Jr., Tobey MaGuire, Michael Douglas, Frances McD, and of course.... Katie Holmes!

Q. What SIMPSONS or SEINFELD character best describes Pauly's mood?
A. Otto the busdriver... because he's in a slight daze, and he's all over the road today and has the attention span of a Russian sailor in a Thai whorehouse.

Q. What is Pauly enjoying right now?
A. He gets to sneak out of work for a few hours, to take the subway uptown and meet his ladyfriend, Jessica, for lunch near Bryant Park... maybe he'll have a drink or two before returning to work!
Best & Worst Novel Titles...

I was looking at some of the authors and titles from NaNoWriMo 2002 Winners and a few caught my eye. I will now blog, the BEST and WORST titles. I know that you should not judge a book by it's cover and title, but if you are unable to write an inspiring title after 50,000 words, then you deserved to get burned on the TAO! Of course, I still think Jack Tripper Stole My Dog is the best title of the bunch!

The Best Titles:
The Tangerine Rose
Peckerpoles, School Marms and Widow Makers, Growing Up in Big Bottom Valley
Random Peaches
Gravity's Bimbo
Glass Hearts & Paper Stars
Bluejays Are Eating My Monkey
The Incoherence of Miracles
29 Bullets
Chasing Monday
In Blue Sunshine

A Wager of Blood
Bring Down the Sun
Don't Believe What You See
Meet Meat
The Long Way Home
Destiny of Darkness
Murder In the Workplace
Welcome To The Internet Age
Giddley Jenkins Spins the Portal Wheel
The Tenmile Slough Mystery
A Cure for Death
Space Lord
To Sip from Poison Lips
The Adventures of One Man and His Horse. Now To Find a Horse.

Thursday Morning Rambling Session.....

Dreams... I had a crazy dream earlier this morning. An old friend of mine showed up at my studio with 3 other people looking for a place to crash. It was very strange, because I didn't know anyone there....

Writing... I went home early last night to write, but I ended up not writing, instead watching Law & Order and the Sixers-Grizzlies game before passing out at 11ish....

Football Pools!... it was a good week, both of my teams in two difefrent pools won Team of the WEEK! For my fantasy team, Chronically Blunted edged out a win as did Shakedown Street.

Cable?... when I woke up there was no cable service! I spent a good twenty minutes on the phone with someone this morning bitching and moaning about high prices, no cable service, and no YANKEES AND YES! I got a whopping $1.35 rebate... fifteen more cents and I can ride the subways...

B & M Update... it has been a few days since I blogged what I ate and shit... I was sick earlier this week, so I ate alot of soup and drank orange juice. Yesterday was the first day I had a full appetitte: I ate an "everything" bagel for breakfast with orange juice, a tuna salad sandwich with chips for lunch, and a cheese burger & fries for dinner and I ate a shitload of candy... chocolates, and some more jellybeans... and of course ice cream! Today, I will try to fast this morning, just water and green tea... I'm fixin' to meet Jessica for lunch... perhaps our favroite Costa Rican place?? Time will tell...

Phish Mail Order Starts!... it's just a few hours into the lottery and I betcha they have already gotten more requests than they can fill! Oh well... I just did mine... hoping for Las Vegas and Nassau! Of course the last time I was at a Phish show in Nassau... it was October of 1999 and it was the infamous Boogie Glowstick Show... Boogie threw a glowstick and it crashed onto Page's piano during the middle of the jam in Harry Hood. I have bootlegs to prove her guilt!

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Happy Birthday Girtz!!

Today is Girtz's birthday... Happy Birthday to one of the TAO's most loyal readers! Three times daily!
"Every day, Michael Jackson looks a little bit more like Helena Bonham Carter in the remake of 'Planet of the Apes.' - Dave Simanoff
D'oh! Blogger has been down all morning!

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

"Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end." - Henry Miller
Jessica has once again changed the name of her NaNoWriMo novel. Her new title is called Gysana. Her previous titles included: The Pristine Cage and Squeeze Monkey. So far she has 38,000 words! That's 76% done if my Regis education serves me right.
While I was home resting, I watched Hannah and Her Sisters, one of my favorite Woody Allen films. He always makes me laugh. I also watched the rest of the Phish! Live in Las Vegas DVD recorded at the Thomas & Mack Arena on Trey's birthday, 9.30.00. It's a pretty good concert. I was there with Heather and the Japhans, Yuh & Jun.

The highlights included:

• the crowd singing Happy Birthday to Trey
• the band switching instruments for Walfredo
Mike's Song, which was fuckin' sick!
• a rare Esther where Trey flubbs the lyrics
• Trey's dream that he shares with everyone
• Mike singing the encore of Emotional Rescue

It was an amazing show. And the extras on the DVD include three songs (Camel Walk, Piper & Guy Forget) from the show the very next night, on 10.1.00 in Phoenix, Arizona at Desert Sky. I was there with Molly!

Here is the setlist:

Phish 9.30.00 Las Vegas, NV

Set 1: Walfredo, The Curtain With, Maze, Roggae, I Didn't Know, Mike's Song > Simple > I Saw it Again, Esther > Weekapaug Groove

Set 2: Happy Birthday to Trey, Timber Ho!, AC/DC Bag, Colonel Forbin's Ascent > Famous Mockingbird, Twist > Sand > A Day in the Life

Encore: Emotional Rescue

If you would like to listen to this show, visit and you can download MP3s of the show, thanks to Matt & Arlene, operators of, whom I met in Tokyo in June of 2000.
So I am back at work after calling in sick for the first time this year. And I got a lot of rest, at least 12 hours of sleep, which is something I never get! I feel rested, with my cold still lingering, but I feel much better. I am now working on my Truckin' stories for this month's issue. So far, I have not gotten any stories! So I might have to write six or seven! D'oh! Oh well.

I get pissed when the excuses I get are:

I am busy!

So am I, muthafuckers!!! I work six or seven days a week and I sacrifice sleep for writing time. I guess I get irked when people fall short of their promises. If you ain't gonna do it, then stop talkin' shit! Stop being a bunch of pussies! Have some balls. Take a chance. Let's go. Stop farting around!

Monday, November 18, 2002

Sunday, November 17, 2002


I have offically won! Check out the Winner's Page. I think I am one of 22 writers who have already finished their novels.

And check out: My Profile

And this is from NaNoWriMo:


Dear Novelist,

It is our pleasure to inform you that National Novel Writing Month's robotic word counters have performed a series of painstakingly calibrated, scientifically sound assessments of your work, and have deemed it to contain the requisite 50,000 words.

This is big news. Every year, about 80% of our participants either give up or fall short of the 50,000-word finish line. Your commitment, discipline, and loquacious fortitude are an inspiration to all of here at NaNoWriMo. You have done something amazing this month, and we are very, very proud of you for it.

Your name and novel title are now inscribed on our hallowed Winners Page.

We recommend you hang the certificate somewhere very visible. To impress good-looking strangers, mostly. But also to remind yourself of the jaw-droppingly astounding achievements you can pull off when you put your mind to it.

We'll see you next year, winner.

With warm regards (and much whistling and applause),

Chris Baty
Director, National Novel Writing Month
Jessica sent me this comment in an e-mail:

Have you ever written something and then read it over...and realized that you are so fucking brilliant? I just did that...and it made me cry.

And my answer:

No. I never wrote anything that made me cry, but there are times when I re-read things I have written over the last 7 years and sometimes those words give me goose bumps and sometimes I get really high, a Writer's High, from my words, especially somethings I wrote years ago, words that still burn through me thousands of days after I wrote them. There are definitely parts of Jack Tripper Stole My Dog that I feel are some of the best stuff I have written to date... although I feel that the novel lacks a consistency that would enable it to be considered a decent manuscript. But there are definitely parts of it, when I would re-read passages on the subway coming home or going to work... when I felt I was impressed with what I wrote.
The Jets just won, beating the Detorit Lions. At first I was very happy, then I realized that the Jets win today is nothing to celebrate... it's like getting laid in a whorehouse.... you got what you wanted, but you had to pay for it. They beat the fuckin' woeful Lions for fuck's sake. Oh well. At least Chad Pennington played well, throwing 4 touchdowns today, because he is the QB for one of my fantasy football teams, Chronically Blunted.

And I think my team in the football pool Shakedown Street is doing fairly well this week, with 10 wins so far... I hope to make up some ground on Picasso Moon.
"In this bright future, you must not forget the past." - Bob Marley

Saturday, November 16, 2002

"Whatever I do I do first for enjoyment." - Henry Miller
I woke up today and I decided that I am 30 years old and if I want to have ice cream and bong hits for breakfast... then dammit, I'm doing it!

Here's a mini review. I will write a larger review later when I get setlist confirmation, so I'll just blog the notes that I wrote up when I got home last night...

Jessica's first Galactic show... got there early and Jessica made friend's with this Canadian girl with a cowboy hat... the North Mississippi All-Stars opened... a great opening act... couple of good moments... found Modeski at the end of their set... kind of crowded, but tickets were still available when I got to the venue... 1/5 crowd was Phishkids, 1/5 were the NOLA crew of funky funkoholics.... the remainder of the crowd were Todd & Jens... Galactic had alot of guests playing with them... a couple of painters were on stage working on a huge mural like painting... at least 10 feet high and maybe twenty feet long... two or three artists were painting throughout the night... some dude was video taping them paint... Galactic came on later than I expected... opened with a tight jam... knew they were on... they played IMUS yesterday morning after 4 hours of sleep... looked like they got some rest... second song was with G. Love and he was rapping... thrid tune was Root Down and Rob on bass was smoking... he always looks like he just woke up, with perpetual bed head, and that fresh "wake & bake" look on his face... Stanton Moore was kicking it out all night, and proved to me why I think he's the best drummer in America... The Houseman was pimping bigtime! With a black leather suit, he was sleek and ready to make all the ladies yell out loud... He came out for 3 songs... the last one he played was a Led Zepplin cover: Whole Lotta Love, which kicked my ass... I wanted to hear that... at some point I look over and Modeski had 3 beers! He gave me one and double fisted the rest of the set... the next song featured the NYC Break Dancers... three guys in Adidas clothing were break dancing on stage in front of Stanton Moore's drum kit... it was sick!... old school... Galactic played some hip hop song that I know the beat & groove too, but I don't know the name of the song (it was featured in the Kirsten Dunst movie Bring It On when the cheerleaders from the ghetto school were doing their cheer)... anyway, the crowd exploded when Ben busted into that jam, and the break dancers were hamming it up for the crowd and they got Stanton going wild, and his true alien self came out, and was jumping up and down like a controlled madman, when he was druming... the last song of the set featured a brass band from N'arlins called Bonerama and they played another Zepplin song, which I think was The Ocean... but I am not too sure... at any rate, the tuba player, and four other horn players were having a great time... we lost Modeski at setbreak... but what's a show without losing Modeski at setbreak?... second set was sick, sicker than sick, it was fucked up... much tighter and harder jamming... opened with a loud, sizzling, delicious Black Eyed Pea and Jeff Raines on guitar took control... he's always the quietest member of Galactic, but last night he stepped up for set 2... he kicked out some nice licks and the crowd was into BEP for sure... one of my favorite Galactic tunes!... the second song, I know, but the name escapes me... it could be Royal Exchange?... it was heavy, and trippy and had that Middle Eastern horn action from Ben Ellman on sax and Rich Vogel on keys was going off on this song... the third song had a nice Phishy flow to most of it, until they funked out the end of it... then the Houseman came back out for 3 songs... they started with the Shuggie Otis cover of Ice Cold Daydream which is one of my favorite Houseman songs these days.... Aaron Neville sat in on keys for the second song, which I think was a Funky Meters song?... Everybody Let's Get Together? or something like that... Aaron and the Houseman sung on that tune... when the Houseman left, the boys busted out Tippi Toes, which was the one song that Jessica wanted to hear, b/c it's her favorite Funky Meters tune... Jeff was grooving on guitar for Tippi, and the crowd was digging it... I can't recall the last two songs... but oh, well... it was kinda fuzzy at that point! And then for the encore, the NYC Breakers came back out and went nuts in front of Stanton who was beating down the alien beats, jumping up and down at the end of Shibuya! which had the crowd jumping up and down and loving the dancers on stage... all in all, one of the better Galactic shows I had seen in recent days... high energy, tight set, good song selection, not too much Houseman, a few guests, and I appreaciated the mixture and combination of various art forms... music and different musicians, and break dancing, and painters, and the guy filming it all, and of course, me smoking down doobies, which we all know is an art form...

11.15.02, Roseland Ballroom, NYC

Partial setlists...

Set 1:
? Jam >
Jam w/ G. Love >
Root Down
Houseman Song
Houseman Song 2
Whole Lotta Love (w/ the Houseman)
Hip Hop Jam w/ NYC Break Dancers
? Zepplin Cover: The Ocean?? w/ Bonerama Brass Band

Set 2:
Black Eyed Pea >
? Royal Exchange ?
? Phishy > Funky Jam
Ice Cold Daydream (w/ Houseman)
? Everybody Must Get Together (w/ Houseman & Aaron Neville on Keys)
? Houseman Song
Tippi Toes

Shibuya! (w/ NYC Breakers)
Modeski, where did you go when the lights went out?

Friday, November 15, 2002

My Harry Potter Lie

I guess because I am Catholic I have alot of guilt flowing throughout me when I tell a lie, then get away with it! So if I confess it, I feel cleansed! I call this Blogger Confession. And now I can get on with my evil ways. Today? Well I have been working deep cover, at the firm, and part of my cover as a stockbroker is a wife and two kids (Brenda & Brandon) in the burbs. I get alot of FLEX time when I use the kids as an excuse. Soooo, I asked for this afternoon off so I could take the litle ones to see Harry Potter 2: The New Movie. Anyway, without blinking my boss said it was cool, 'cause he has 2 kids also and they wanted to camp out last night to get tix, blah blah blah... Long story short, its the perfect cover, and Harry Potter was the perfect excuse for me to leave early so I could go home and change and pre-party for a GALACTIC show tonight!!!!!!!! Oh yeah! I'll be seeing wizards and aimated things flying around on broomsticks after I puff down hard with Harry Pothead and the rest of the freaky funk-oholics from the Big Easy.
Hunter Thompson's ESPN Article: Don't Let This Happen to You (11.11.02)

Here's a bit:

There were some very weird football games on Sunday -- amazing comebacks, stunning failures and one stupefying tie in Atlanta that turned out to be my only win of the day. It was the ugliest thing I ever saw.... And, ye gods, I have another game coming up within hours, and I fear it. Perhaps the time has come to give up gambling.

What? No. That would be impossible. It would be like donating all my blood to a charity event. Without gambling, I would not exist.

Right. And so much for psycho-medical gibberish, eh? Let's get back to the real reason for my degrading streak of dumbness that has brought me so low.... It was hashish, a vile and dangerous resin that can be ruinous or even fatal if it ever gets mixed up with significant gambling decisions.

Indeed. I know this from profoundly negative experience. Even second-hand hashish smoke can tip your mental balance in painful ways.... This is what happened to me when I placed my Bets on Saturday. I was ripped on second-hand hashish smoke, and I made a fool of myself. I also lost so many greenback dollars that I was reduced to paying off with cardboard I.O.U.s before the game even started.

I am trying to pay my overdue Cablevision bill via the phone, but the woman on the other line is constantly putting me on hold! Uhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Thursday, November 14, 2002

Meal & Bathroom Updates

I had my first meal of the day at lunch time a few hours ago. I had been fasting ever since last night's blog, having only water to drink since then. Jessica bought me lunch today at our favorite Costa Rican place near Bryant Park in Midtown. I had a spicy chicken sandwhich, with chips and an iced tea. After lunch we sat in the park for a several minutes, catching a couple of rays of sunlight, before going back to work. Our relaxing moment in the park was highlighted by a photographer who paid a homeless man and his girlfriend a few dollars each to photograph them sitting next to one another, cuddling. His girlfriend had no teeth or no shoes. I am not sure about which one. I am sure it's no teeth. Jessica insists the homeless lady wasn't wearing shoes.

My bathroom breaks have been uneventful since this morning (when I wrestled with my bowels to expell the Chili Burrito from the night before). Just a few trips to the urinal while I was at work. The colors of my urine today varied from an autumn yellow, to a few darker hues of canary yellow, and the last one was more clear than anything else. Nothing else to report.

I am really digging my new series of blogs, which I have now decided to call: Meal & Bathroom Updates. I figured that if the TAO and all my e-mails are being read by the Governmental Agency of Homeland Defense, then I'd figure I'd give them something to read and work on. I'm sure there are a few cyber geeks in their office right now convinced that the M & B are codes for some sort of illegal activity. Sorry guys, sometimes a shit is just a shit.
Big Brother Is Watching YOU! Here is an excerpt from an article that William Safire wrote appearing in today's NY Times:

If the Homeland Security Act is not amended before passage, here is what will happen to you:

Every purchase you make with a credit card, every magazine subscription you buy and medical prescription you fill, every Web site you visit and e-mail you send or receive, every academic grade you receive, every bank deposit you make, every trip you book and every event you attend — all these transactions and communications will go into what the Defense Department describes as "a virtual, centralized grand database."

Well, great, THEY already know about my superb record as a young student: Straight A's all through grammar school... and all those classes I skipped at Emory to follow the Grateful Dead... magazine subscriptions to Playboy, the Nation, and Tiger Beat... all those porn sites I register for (under those FREE 30-day tirals) and all those trips to XXX websites: Blondes on Blondes, Chicks with Dicks, Chicken Lover... all those articles of lingere I buy from Victoria's Secret for my own personal J. Edgar Hoover modeling sessions with former members of the local law enforcement agencies... all those books I buy via used booksellers like: The New World Order, Everything You Know Is Wrong, Disinformation, Harry Pothead and the Stoners, Feng Shui: Better Bathrooms Equal Better Minds, Top 20 Ways to Overthorw a Facsist Regime, A Man's Guide to Picking Up Single Moms... all those hate e-mails I send to Anne Coulter and Rosie O'Donnell and to Al-Jezzerra, and every rambling and ranting e-mail I send to you guys about the NWO, John Lennon-CIA-cover-up, post 9-11 NYC, aliens cover-ups, etc., all downloaded to my file... all those bets I make with Vito in Brooklyn, losing bets, mind you, and all those bets I made through my various off shore legal betting accounts... all those concerts I bought tickets to... THEY have a very good idea of who I am, my education, my credit card purchases, what bands I listen to, what celebrities I stalk, and which friends I make fun of behind their backs! (Just kidding, I wanted to make sure you were still reading....)

In the future I shall come up with new CODES to throw Big Brother, the CIA, and the NSA off my trail.

Marijuana = Bible
Cocaine = Milk
Hand guns = Oranges
Automatic Machine Guns = Grapefruits
Hookers = Nuns
Drug Deals = Church
Thugs = Elves
The Man = Popeye

Please refer to these new codes when contacting me.

Yo, McG, when are we going to Church? Popeye is not watching us anymore. I will bring the nuns, but you have to bring the milk and bibles. And don't even consider bringing the oranges, because I'll have plenty of elves with grapefruits.
Project Greenlight Update:

PGL selected the TOP 50 scripts recently. OK, here are the writer's summary's for three of the four scripts that I reviewed. None of these made it to the TOP 250. I hated one of them, and I liked the other two.

Completed Screenplay Reviews

Title: Starving Cat Canyon
Logline: An accidental visitor to a family that's ensnared in sex, drugs and revenge tries to save a beautiful young girl from the dark love of her mysteriously vanished guardian.

Title: Getting the Hell Out of Dodge
Logline: In this dark comedy, Elizabeth just wanted to get away for a while. She ended up in a town called Dodge. Little did she know, that getting away, was not nearly as hard as getting back.

Title: Venus in Retrograde
Logline: A man overhears the woman of his dreams make a bet with her friend to follow her horoscope for six days, proving to her that it will change her life. The guy then inserts himself into her daily horoscopes to make it seem that they are destined to be together.

And this is the one screenplay that I reviewed which made it to the Top 250:

Title: Billy Kitsch
Logline: Billy Kitsch is about two down and out record executives in London, England, irrigardless of the quality of records they release, success continues to elude them. Then, they brainstorm an outrageous idea in one last desperate attempt for success, and an outlandish comedic journey begins to unfold beyond their control.

And of course this was mine:

Title: Charlie's Goldfish
Log Line: Charlie O'Brien is a young Hollywood writer and director who, returns home to his old neighborhood in the Bronx after his father's death. He inherits his father's bar, as well as the bar's financial problems. He must decide whether or not to sell the Tavern, his father's life work, which is frequented with interesting locals, who are not thrilled with Charlie's return. Meanwhile, his sister Annie is extremely ill and needs his help.
Icelandic Translation of the Day:

Kisdkisfjm ijfisoixk kdikesoike kaskdsokmx dedeere?

Why do your fingers smell like eggs?
John Wilkins saw Mike Gordon and Leo Kottke play on Tuesday at the Variety Playhouse in Atlanta. Here is what he had to say: "The show was rad. I liked Mike's bass additions, although my friend Todd thought it was too busy. The highlight was an acoustic cover of Ya Mar. It was nostaglic enough to be back in Variety Playhouse, but the last time I heard that song live was at the Roxy in 1994."

Wednesday, November 13, 2002

"Let each one turn his gaze inward and regard himself with awe and wonder, with mystery and reverence; let each one promulgate his own laws, his own theories; let each one work his own influence, his own havoc, his own miracles. Let each one as an individual, assume the roles of artist, healer, prophet, priest, king, warrior, saint." - Henry Miller
I have decided that my daily blogs should include more food and bathroom updates. What do you think? I have been laying on the work stuff too thick with NaNoWriMo & PGL, so maybe it's time to dedicate more blogging to the kicthen and bathroom aspects of my daily life? I mean, who wants to read another one of my Iraq rants anyway?

I took six bathroom breaks at work, all of the urination variety. The colors in my urine varied throughout the day, but suffice to say, with all the water I drank today (and each day) the last trips to the head were clear in color.

My meals were spread out today, heavy in cheese and breads... not healthy, I know. Breakfast was green tea with a piece of Marble poundcake and crackers, followed by an English Muffin, heavily buttered, and a banana. I never had a Canadian Muffin or Mexican Muffin or Nigerian Muffin before. Yet the English seemed to have cornered the world in the Muffin market. Hmmmm..... Just a thought to ponder. For lunch I ate at my desk, ordered in a grilled cheese sandwhich and chips, with a ginger ale. For dinner, I chowed on a chili and cheese buritto, hold the lettuce and guacamole. My desert was a Monterey Jack cheese quesadilla. While at work, I ate no less than three pieces of chocolate and several handfuls of cashews, peanuts, jellybeans, and candy corn, all at some point today.

I ate more in the last 15 hours than several villiages in Africa and southern China ate all last week. Those words are a humbling reminder of the good fortune I have and the amount of food that I over eat. I am an overconsumer. I should be ashamed. Oh well, I think about my shame and utter disgrace while I'll drown my sorrows away with a slice of pizza on my way home, and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Junkie Monkey Garcia, to devour during the Midnight Munchies.
"Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them." - Leo Tolstoy

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

Jack Tripper = Complete!!

I am offically announcing that I completed my first novel. Jack Tripper Stole My Dog is done! I finished writing the first draft on Sunday, which means that my NaNoWriMo novel took me 10 days to write.

The Final Word Count: 50,386

From here on out, Jack Tripper Stole My Dog will be known as the "10 Day Novel." Thanks to everyone for the support and encouragement, and special thanks to Jessica who introduced me to NaNoWriMo. And best of luck to the other writers working on their NaNoWriMo projects.
Charna sent me this hilarious link: Map of New York City

Donut Diet Update!

Days Since I Quit Donuts: 114
Current Weight: 170 lbs
Pounds Lost: 9

Sorry for the slight ITALICS malfunction, the TAO has been fried all day!

Happy Birthday, Jessica!!

Today, Jessica turns 28...
Project Greenlight Update: Charlie's Goldfish Mini-Reviews

I have decided to blog a few excerpts from the five reviews I had gotten. I will blog the entire reviews later this week. Here you go. Here is what some of the other contestants and reviewers from PGL said about my script, Charlie's Goldfish.

Good Stuff:

"This script was a joy to read! I found this story to be charming,
emotion provoking and sweet! The writer of this script has talent
and needs to continue writing."

"First of all this is far and away the best written screenplay I've
read in this contest. I thought the dialouge was excellent and really
distinguished the characters from each other.... an extremely
well-written, entertaining screenplay... Very good job."

"The writer has a knack for realistic dialogue and has researched or
knows enough to make the characters sound like they have had full
and distinct lives. In addition, the writer has talent as far as writing
goes. Description. A feel of the place."

Bad Comments:

"Overall the movie could have used more drama... the story never
seems to go anywhere..."

"I just think it would be better with some dialouge cut, let the characters
(actors) be simple, forget being wordy... don't give the audience everything...
I think some dialouge could be shorter, let the characters be as simple as
the story. That would let it be more natural,(drop some of the 9-11 talk,
there's really only one place where it felt natural, don't force that issue)"

"A few technical errors, like miss-spells..."

"Most of the characters... were very formulaic. The interaction between
the characters was decent but not all of the dialouge was natural or
realistic or well tailored to character... the messages and morals
throughout the story are heavyhanded. Charlie is the main character and he
seems to me to be the weakest. I saw him as whiney and impotent, and I saw
what his problems were but didn't really identify with the way he was trying
to deal with him. I also don't understand the 9-11 references... Charlie's
character need to be strengthened and the dialogue refined. Especially his.
His problem(s) need to be more defined. We shouldn't have to be told all the
time what the characters are thinking or feeling, we should be able to
discern it from their actions. Leave things for the audience to determine on
there own."

The Rolling Stones Invade the Northwest

Here's a mini-review from Stephen A.:

11/6/02... Hasn't rained in several weeks, and it rained last night and will continue to do so for the next several days... last night the World's greatest rock and roll band flew into Tacoma on a whirlwind of memories and fans from 15 to 60. Oddly enough, I went with my ex-wife. You can say anything you like about them, hate them if you wanna, I don't really care. You put any of your favourites out there for 40 years and see how you go. The band is sounding good these days, Ronnie Wood on guitar, playing as well as ever. Looking good since he quit drinking last year... Mick, well, if I had a body like his at 58, I'd be doing what he does too. He is the textbook lead singer. Afterall, women all over the world just wanna fuck a rock star, and he is the epitomy of a womanizing rockstar as there is. "Keef" Richards, well, most of what you hear about him is true. He is the epitomy of rock and roll, lots of imitators but, he is the real thing... Darryl Jones is a very fine replacement for Bill Wyman, (another world class womanizer Bill, not Darryl), but, the MAN that we always cheer the loudest for is the cat on the drums, the one and only CHARLIE WATTS!!!!! Can they still rock? You better belive it boys and girls, and if you dont want to, well, you werent there. These guys have been around for four decades and they still can do it better than anyone, with the possible exception of Tool, but, they havent been doing it 40 yrs. (That Danny Carey is a hell of a drummer). So to sum up: can the Stones still bring it? Yes. Should you go see them? If you want to or like them, defffinitly. If not, don't bother. My ex-wife and I will buy your tickets from you... it's only rock and roll, but I like it like it, yes I do.

Monday, November 11, 2002

J. Lo and Ben are engaged. I wonder if I won Project Greenlight whether or not I would have been invited. Hmmmmm......
Been super busy today, on a unusually hot day for mid-November. I think it was in the mid 70s today. Just got in, hope to write until Midnight before crashing. My meals today included: several tea buscuits, a piece of marble pound cake, a tuna salad sandwhich with chips, an ice tea, and an order of Baked Ziti.

Sunday, November 10, 2002

Jack Tripper Stole My Dog

Word Count: 40,052... almost there! I'm stopping to watch the Jets game!

Here is a sneal peak, and another sample from the novel:

Jack Tripper Stole My Dog
A Novel by Tenzin McGrupp

He knew about Sasha breaking up with Slab after she came home from work early one afternoon and caught Slab having sex with a petite Asian girl whom he picked up at the dogrun in Tompkins Square Park. But that wasn’t the worse of it. The girl’s dog was tearing apart one of Sasha’s sketch books, and Slab’s drummer, Yohan, the one-eyed stick handling wonder from Reykjavik, Iceland was embroiled in a severe and fierce masturbating session on their couch, sniffing a pair of Sasha’s dirty underwear, while wearing another pair of her panties on his head.

Sasha was furious and snatched up the Asian girl’s pug and tossed it out the fourth floor window of their five story walk up on Avenue B. The poor pooch fell hard and fast to the pavement, almost hitting a delivery man from Sushi World, who dodged the falling dog, and watched as it died instantly when it’s neck broke in four different places upon impact.

Saturday, November 09, 2002

Thursday, November 07, 2002

Word Count: 30,421... 60% done! And I am once again fighting a nasty head cold. Ugggh! It's tough to write when I have snot covering my laptop....
Here's what Tampa's favorite business writer, Dave Simanoff had to say about the most recent issue of Truckin':

"The one thing in common with all the Truckin' stories is that they are very personal narrative stories about travel... I think what makes a Truckin' story interesting is when it puts the reader in a situation that's immediately recognizable yet foreign... Good travel writing is like good travel itself -- it's an entirely personal experience that introduces you to things you haven't seen or done."
'My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself, is that one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality." - Oscar Wilde

Wednesday, November 06, 2002

Word Count: 25, 497... half way there! Would you like to read a preview of Jack Tripper Stole My Dog? I updated my profile.
Jessica changed the name of her novel from Squeeze Monkey to now, The Pristine Cage. Here is a bit:

The Pristine Cage
By Mona LaVigne

It had been so long since he'd touched another woman (only one since Mia, but that had been a hooker. That incident had barely occurred to him, as he had shoved it way far back into his psyche, since he had been so ashamed), that when his fingers gazed Angelica's nipple, he loosened his grip on her left arm out of sheer amazement at how soft she was. In his moment of weakness, he found himself spread eagle under her. She had taken advantage of his erotic stupor and had flipped him over onto his back. Angelica straddled Mitchell Reinhardt's hips, pinning both of his wrists perpendicular to his body. His mouth was open in shock at her quick maneuvering. He looked like he was being crucified.

Angelica's breasts were exposed, pale and veiny in the ribbons of light coming through the blinds on the window. She was completely naked under her robe, and even thought SHE now had the upper hand, Mitchell Reinhardt could not help but be a tiny bit excited when he became aware of the fact that the only thing separating his prick from her pussy was the thin and worn fabric of his sweat pants. She felt him get hard beneath her and in her fear and rage, now bubbled completely to the surface, she pressed her open hand against his throat.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Mitchell Reinhardt," Angelica seethed, "I DO NOT KISS MEN!" She was speaking very slowly and very softly, but her anger was nearly blinding him.

Still holding his throat with one hand and his right arm with the other (one of Mitchell Reinhardt's many defects was that if one arm was pinned, the other had no use. He had made the unwitting mistake of telling Angelica this fact during one of their late night talks when she had first come home), Angelica carefully shifted her positioning and brought her knee to his his crotch.

"One wrong move," she sneered, "and my knee and your balls will be inexorably joined."

Mitchell Reinhardt's eyes widened as he finally realized that Angelica was definitely capable of murder, that crazy sexual deviant. She removed her hand from his throat an reached behind her on the bed. In her fist she held a crumpled sheet. She held the sheet before Mitchell Reinhardt's face and shook it furiously.

"So," she said, her breathing returning back to normal, "you want to know what it's like when two women fuck each other?"

Mitchell Reinhardt was silent.

"Of course you do. And I am going to show you."

With that, Angelica shoved the crumpled sheet into Mitchell Reinhardt's mouth. He struggled miserably beneath her.

"TASTE THAT?" she yelled against his muffled cries, "That's what two women having foreplay tastes like. That section that you are sucking on was where Corinne and I were lying when she had her fingers in my pussy." She removed the sheet from his mouth, and just as he caught his breath, she pushed another part of the sheet into his mouth. "Do you taste that? That was when I had my fist in her pussy. Her tight, dripping pussy. Wasn't she pretty? Didn't she look gooood when she was coming out of the bathroom? Yeah, well now you have a small idea of exactly HOW good." She lifted she sheet again, and before Mitchell Reinhardt could beg her to retreat, she slammed her sheet-filled hand into his maw once again. "OH! And this part right here, this is the coup de grace! This is the part where Corinne and I were lying when we were sitting on each other's faces. That's right, Mitchell Reinhardt, the big SIX NINE! And MAN, OH, MAN, did she taste sweeter than fresh honey from the comb! Oh yeah, Corinne's cunt tasted like sweet peach syrup." She lifted her hand once again, and before she could repeat the horrifying process, Mitchell Reinhardt muttered "Please!"
Word Count: 23,731... that's about 55 pages, single spaced. I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed!

Tuesday, November 05, 2002

"I certainly do not hope to alter the world. Perhaps I can put it best by saying that I hope to alter my own vision of the world. I want to be more and more myself, ridiculous as that may sound." - Henry Miller
Word Count: 20,536... 40% done! if you want to view my profile on NaNoWriMo: Click Here!
"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." - Mark Twain

Monday, November 04, 2002

WORD COUNT: 15,004... which is about 34 pages (single spaced) that I have written since Friday, November 1. I have 9 Chapters written and I am happy to say I am 30% done! I also heard that Jessica changed the name of her title.

Señor Update...

Señor's Penis Tour of Asia, Señor Teaches English to Thai Hookers


Great to hear from you my man!!!!! I am sorry that I have been out of touch!!!! Bummer about Green light. FUCK THEM!!!!!!! I know and more importantly YOU should know that you are a kick ass writer, their loss. When you make it big you can spit in their fucking faces!!!!!!

Things by me are up and down, but mostly they kick ass!!!! My new mountain home is great and living with Angkana is awesome and terrible. She is great in the sack, but she is still a chick and I have to deal with all her chick bullshit!!!!! I am pretty sure that she is trying to get pregnant...fucking a, man!!!!!!

Otherwise, I am practising Chi Kung every morning, going to the gym every other day and fasting one day a week every week. Eating healthy and still haven't touched Alcohol for almost 5 months now!!!! On monday I am meeting girlfriend #3 in Bangkok, then Tuesday I am going to Northern Thailand with girfriend #2 for a few days of hiking. I then come back to Bangkok to go to girlfriend #1's brothers wedding!!!!! After that back to Samui for one week then I meet Adam in the Philaphines for a week. Then its off to Vietnam to meet up with this hottie I dig... yes it is Señor's penis tour of Asia. Basically I am in paradise doing a whole lot of nothing and loving it. I do own 25% of a restaurant that looks like it will go out of business and 33% of a language school. Most of our students are thai whores who want to learn englsh to help pick up more foreingers!!! Señor teaches english to thai whores, how perfect is that???????

Sounds like you got some kick as tunes coming up, ENJOY!!!!!! that is what I miss most, being over here. Please send my love to everybody and my best to Modeski and Holly and of course to Jessica!!!!! Pats suck and the Celts are even worse, but at least Bonds didn't win a fucking ring...thats all for now, I miss you man!!!!!

Señor :)


Jack Tripper Stole My Dog
by Tenzin McGrupp

The milkman’s two Mississippi murders were just the beginning of one the worst crime and murder sprees ever recorded in the post World War II American South. He killed twice more in Mississippi, heading east through Alabama, where he murdered and raped three college students in Mobile, before striking again near Montgomery, where he held hostage and terrorized a group of nuns in a small farmhouse. The milkman repeatedly sodomized and tortured them in true Draconian fashion, before he eventually shot all of them, one by one, face down in the ground, their cries muffled by hay shoved into their mouths, their silent prayers to God going unanswered.

Sunday, November 03, 2002

Word Count: 9,201... a slow night for me, with the JETS win keeping me pre-occupied.
Required Reading... Let Them Come to Berlin is an article written by Thomas Friedman in today's NY Times.

Saturday, November 02, 2002

WORD COUNT: 8,006 and counting!
Jessica sent me a sample of her November Novel for NaNoWriMo, titled: Squeeze Monkey. Enjoy!

Squeeze Monkey
By Mona LaVigne

Mia understood that Angelica needed to get out of that house ("Mia, you are a strong young woman. You can be anything you want. Just have faith in you."). Angelica had been facing more than the standard bullshit from their grandmother, ever since she had found Angelica squirming around on the couch in the living room one Saturday night, not with the quarterback on the football team, and not with the editor of the school newspaper, but instead with the manager of the field hockey team. Who’s name happened to be Melissa. Ever since that night, Angelica’s grandmother had been giving the her nearly nightly beatings. Angelica came home from school one day to find a large dildo on her bed and a note next to it that read, "THIS is what you should want. Love, grandma." She and Mia inspected the dildo and laughed at the bumps on it.

Mia (laughing): does it really look like that?
Angelica (laughing): I don’t know! I’ve never seen one!!

They both used it and Angelica put the dildo, unwashed, in their grandmother’s silverware drawer.

Word Count: 5,006... I wrote three chapters in the last 24 hours. That's 1/10 of the way done in less than a full day. I am surprised and amazed at the rapid speed I am cranking out Jack Tripper Stole My Dog. 10 % done! There are some good lines, but for the most part, it's not coherent, nor very funny, just one big ugly stuttering mess, hopelessly clutching a poodle, who eats better chow than I do. I guess it's like an episode of Anna Nicole Smith's reality show.

Friday, November 01, 2002

WORD COUNT: 2,045... I just wrote for a few minutes and re-wrote the first few pages...

What is NaNoWriMo? NaNoWriMo = National Novel Writing Month.

Jessica sent me the link to NaNoWriMo and encouraged me to sign up and particpate. I decided to go ahead and give it a shot, so now I have a new project to work on the next 30 or so days. So far, Jessica and Dave Simanoff have both signed up and are beginning to write their November Novels. I started mine late last night at Midnight.

The working title for my November Novel is: Jack Tripper Stole My Dog.

This is from the NaNoWriMo website:

National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel
writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a
175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over talent and craft, NaNoWriMo is a
novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing
a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in
NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze
approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing.
By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself
permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and
just create. To build without tearing down.

As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all
around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going
through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel.
Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and
-- when the thing is done -- the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to
frighten animals and small children.

Last year, we had 5000 participants. Over 700 of them crossed the 50k finish
line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo
superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work
actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists.

So, to recap:

What: Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month's time.

Who: You! We can't do this unless we have some other people trying it as
well. Let's write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.

Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era's
most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality.
To be able to make obscure references to passages from your novel at
parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far
longer than 30 days to produce their work.

When: Writing begins November 1, 2002. To be added to the official list of
winners, the 50,000-word mark must be reached by November 30 at midnight.
Once your novel has been verified by our web-based team of robotic word
counters, the partying begins.

2 Halloween Pranks Gone Bad...

1. Arizona Teen's Prank lands Him in Jail
Here's a bit: "A teen's Halloween prank landed him in the Pima County Juvenile Court Center today. The youth jumped on a cafeteria table at Marana High School, opened his jacket, displayed a belt with fake bombs, pulled out a broken BB pistol and said he would kill his fellow students."

2. UT Frat Suspended Over Jackson 5 Incident
Here's a bit: "A University of Tennessee fraternity (Kappa Sigma) has been suspended because of an incident last week in which white members painted their faces to look like the black pop group The Jackson Five."

Who Has A Free Press? Reporters Without Borders is an article from Here's a bit: Reporters Without Borders is publishing for the first time a worldwide index of countries according to their respect for press freedom. It also shows that such freedom is under threat everywhere, with the 20 bottom-ranked countries drawn from Asia, Africa, Latin America and Europe. The situation in especially bad in Asia, which contains the four worst offenders -- North Korea, China, Burma, Turkmenistan and Bhutan.
Jessica sent me this link: Be a Sports Writer?

Here is an e-mail from Modeski:

Hiya Friends-

I believe I may have told or emailed you at some point
about a product a friend of mine invented with his brother.
But things have changed a bit since that last email and his
invention is being received *very* well as of recent months.
Sales have zoomed due to a review in Entertainment Weekly,
that he didn't know was being published, this past summer
and the press has been continuing (USA Today, CNN...)

Check it out ... it's a funny, inexpensive item that is a great
gift, or gag gift for that matter, just in time for the holidays.


Please feel free to pass this along to your friends and family
as I would appreciate your help in helping my friend increase
the exposure of JonnyGlow!

90 minutes of writing... 1,281 words... time to print it out, then crash.
I am starting my new novel.... right... now!