Monday, March 22, 2004

40 Things Every Drunk Should Do... I've Done 31!

40 Things a Drunkard Should Do Before He Dies... is a hilarious read. I've done 31. Hello! Like the tagline reads: A man is, ultimately, the sum of his accomplishments. Alas here's a couple:
2. Go on a bender. I don’t mean a weekend binge. I’m talking a full-bore, hooch-bent, screw-work hoolihan. Dangerous, yes, but so is getting out of bed in the morning. True benders have gone the way of the snap brim fedora, which makes them all the greater currency in the world of drunks. It won’t be easy. You must start drinking the moment you wake up and carry on until you go under. Then start over again. In your grandfather’s day you had to drink two weeks straight before you could officially declare yourself on a proper jag, but that’s when a mug of beer cost a nickel. These days four straight days and nights will give you all the bragging rights you need.

36. Try absinthe. Do the full ritual with the spoon and sugar. Drink enough to feel the full effect. Stroll the path that Hemingway, Van Gogh, Degas, F. Scott, and myriad other geniuses spent their lives pounding flat. Just don’t cut your ear off.
Oh my. This makes me want to go open the Cedar Tavern this morning!

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