Happy Birthday, Tao of Pauly
Wow... two years ago today, I penned my first blog. Now the fame has gone completely to my head. I've blown off all my old friends and family, and replaced them with hipsters, posuers, European bohemians, and media vampires... plus a naughty list of B-celebrities and salacious daughters of very wealthy men... who have nothing better to do, than bask in warmth of my fame and celebrity. Fuckin' vultures won't leave me alone.
My publicist wants me to do more meet-and-greet appearances with fans in local pubs, sorority houses, and crack dens. My business manager is urging me to start more blogs - sort of a franchise... for example; Tao of Bowling or Tao of Phish. My astrologist suggests that I only blog in the mornings. My nutritionist is pushing me to eliminate the junk food I eat in Pieces of Pauly. My head of security earned me that traveling this summer might be dangerous. My limo driver wants me to stop the hookers from puking in the backseat and leaving used condoms in the ashtrays. My drug dealer wants me to start wire transfering the money to a "separate" account in the Cayman Islands, otherwise he insisted that he will blackmail me and send detailed notes of my daily drug intake to the local newspapers and Matt Drudge (obviously he doesn't read the Tao.) My personal assistant wants a raise after I bitch-slapped her in Las Vegas for suggesting I was playing on tilt, after I lost half my bankroll at the Mirage playing poker. I need to hire a slew of summer interns, to churn out "Pauly-esque" rants on all things retarded, like Nicky Hilton's change in hair color, or why Scott Biao hangs out at the Playboy Mansion, or why I can't find a comfortable pillow to sleep on.
Yeah, it's been a wild year. So much has happened in the last 365 days... good, bad, and ugly. Some high points, plenty of low points, a few horrible days, a lot of epic moments... and in the end... I wouldn't trade my trip for anything else in the world. The reason everyone checks back in... is the same reason why most of you get out of bed in the morning... because you never know what might happen next.
Thanks for reading, now get back the fuck out of my office and get back to work, you lazy shit-mongers!