"Pauly took one look at Lindsay Lohan's boobs on SNL and said, "I gotta get me some of that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That's why he went. She's not even 18 yet! Tisk tisk."- Briana ButtonsI've been getting a ton of shit for seeing Mean Girls yesterday. I must explain myself. I tried a Jedi Mind Trick with Haley and it backfired. I really didn't want to see Mean Girls... it wasn't even on my Top 5 list of flicks I want to see.
Here's what happened. Haley was paying and I got to pick. Free movie right? It's not as easy as you think. I know how Haley thinks... she was going to reject my first two films no matter what I picked on my list of five. I chose: Mean Girls and People Say I'm Crazy. I knew they'd get shot down. I really wanted to see Kill Bill, Vol. 2, but Haley saw it when I was in Vegas and I randomly threw 13 Going on 30 because I knew Haley saw that too.
My actual choice was the new Denzel flick Man on Fire. There was no way she'd willingly go see that. I had to let Haley think I was remotely interested, but would be disappointed if I got to see it over a few other flicks that I really wanted to see... like Mean Girls. My choices were limited. I figured that Haley didn't want to trek all the way downtown to the Village Cinema near NYU to see People Say I'm Crazy. That was eliminated right away.
"You just want to go see that Mean Girls because of Lindsay's boobs," Haley spoke with a tinge of heavy sarcasm while she stared at the newspaper scanning for movie times.
"Hey, I'm not a dirty old man. She's jailbait. She's only 17 and I don't think she's all that. She's no Jennifer Love Big Tits. She's no Katie Boobs. Sure, her heaving bossoms were all over the screen when she hosted Saturday Night Live during the Harry Potter sketch... but aside from that, she's nothing special. The grandma from Who's the Boss gets me more aroused than Lindsay Lohan. Now that's a spicy redhead!"
I tried the reverse psychology and it backfired. "Let's go see Mean Girls," was meant to be translated as, "How about Man on Fire?"
OK, I blew it. Haley called my bluff and said, "Cool. I wanna see that. I love teen high schoool movies."
And you know what... I was expecting a chick flick... a hardcore teen chickflick and it wasn't that bad. Lindsay played a girl who was home schooled in Africa her wholelife and makes the rough adjustment to a regular high school and her attempt to gain acceptance from the cool clique (one of the chicks from teh TV show Party of Five plays one of the girls). It was more funny than I expected. Tina Fey wrote it (loosely adapted from a random novel) with a slew of SNL cast members in small roles. Since everyone had dubbed it as the new Heathers, I must say that it fuckin' blows Mean Girls away.