I have a "Tilt Theory of History." The Tilt Theory states that countries and cultures do not change by sudden transformations. They change when, by wise diplomacy and leadership, you take a country, a culture or a region that has been tilted in the wrong direction and tilt it in the right direction, so that the process of gradual internal transformation can take place over a generation.

I believe that history will judge George Bush 41, Mikhail Gorbachev, Brent Scowcroft, James Baker, Helmut Kohl, Margaret Thatcher and François Mitterrand very kindly for the way they collectively took the Soviet Empire, which was tilted in the wrong direction for so long, and tilted it in the right direction, with barely a shot fired. That was one of the great achievements of the 20th century.

Dear friends,

As we wind down the Phish career, it is done with both great joy and great sadness. The joy comes from remembering the incredibly good times we've experienced, the successes we've enjoyed, and knowing that even in our closing we are honoring the band. The sadness is obviously driven by the fact that something I love will not be a part of my life anymore. To me, we have been the greatest band in the world and have had the greatest fans ever.

I still love the music we make but the situation feels different to me now. I guess in my heart I've known for a while that something had to change, but it wasn't until this last weekend that my feelings really began to coalesce. I'm old enough now that I am able to look to the future without feeling that I need to balance it with my past. I find it ironic that half of my life has to go by before I am able to focus solely on the future. As a member of a successful rock band, it seems that every aspect of my profession encourages me to extend my youth as long as possible. Don't get me wrong, I like feeling young, but more importantly I need to be honest with myself.

The pressures and schedule of this work can take its toll personally as well as creatively. As someone who has recently been through a divorce, I know how traumatic change can be. But, I also know that if you are able to let go of things and embrace change there is the potential for
incredible personal (and creative) growth.

If I sound unusually candid in this statement, I am able to do so because in my mind I've already moved on to the next phase of my life. This is a feeling I believe I share with Trey. I have a four-year-old daughter and there is nothing more important to me than being with her. Come August, I'm not going to have to tell her how many days 'til daddy comes back from tour. Combine that with my perception that the band's vitality is not what it once was, and it's easy to see how my mind quickly begins to move in one direction instead of a hundred directions all at the same time.

I will miss it incredibly, but I have no regrets. The pride that I feel for the band, our fans, the organization, and all of our collective accomplishments is overwhelming. I love you all and know that we wouldn't be here without you.

Thanks again.

Sincerely,

Page McConnell

Poor Pauly...he was the first guy I thought of when I read this a couple days ago.

That's an all-caps FAN. There's not a band in the world that I would go see eleven times in a row. Never, not now, not at any point in my life. The dear sweet Lord Jesus, Savoiur of us all, could be sitting in with Waylon Jennings, Buddy Holly, and Stevie Ray Vaughn, and I doubt I could raise the energy level enough to go much past show #3 or 4.

1. Fukuoka, Phishy City
All the workers are tiny Japanese girls who wear the most adorable white and red uniforms and lovely white gloves cover their tiny hands. They greet you with big smiles and sing a nice happy song to you as the customers pay. I have no idea what they are saying but it makes me smile anyway...

2. Nagoya
About thirty or so of the most beautiful Japanese women sit and stand before us, all of them with their eyes fixated on Señor's huge smile...

3. A Phishy Proposal
"I cannot believe they got engaged during a Phish show in Las Vegas!" Angela exclaimed, with her wide resplendent eyes reflecting the non-stop twinkle of neon lights in the endless Las Vegas night, as we euphorically walked back to our hotel room...

4. Phish Reunion Concert: A NYE Review
It was the hottest ticket in town, and the most sought after Phish ticket in the history of Phish-dom. Bids were in the thousands of dollars on e-bay and ticket brokers wouldn’t even talk to you unless you were willing to pay big bucks. Even Dead Guru Bruce Cohen declared, “Every Phish freak from here to fuckin’ Idaho will be looking for a ticket.”...

5. New Jersey Blues
On my way to the men’s room, I slowly waited in line with the rest of the fucked up people. Some of the funniest things I ever overheard happened while I was waiting to take a piss at a Phish show... "Hey man, I hear Avril LaVigne is coming out to play the entire second set."...

6. Mollydelphia
I was running late and the last thing I needed was to get into a fender bender in the parking lot of the liquor store. For a few minutes, I really felt the sharp pains of having to come to grips with the worst-case scenario: I am not going to see Phish in Philadelphia...

7. Strong Island Unbound
We met up with Spider and Gil at Penn Station and took the LIRR to the Island. Molly was shocked to see people drinking single cans of beer in brown paper bags on the commuter train. “It’s routine, in many ways ritualistic for the male suburban commuter,” I explained, “in the morning it’s coffee, in the evening it’s a Bud tallboy.” ...

8. Miami Stories: Before We Begin...
With everyone’s attention span as short as Britney Spear’s first marriage, I’ll have to bring the stories hard and fast and perhaps you’ll catch a whiff of the ocean, or feel the warm sun smiling on you, or hear some of the melodious sounds of funky Phish, and maybe you’ll start to understand why Miami was one of the greatest trips that I have ever taken...

He skewers Hollywood and the cult of celebrity on an anonymous web log that has spawned a cult following. He claims to be an A-list actor, writing under a pseudonym, but admits he may not be believed.

Who, exactly, is "Rance"?

Could he really be, as some believe, Owen Wilson, Ben Affleck, Jim Carrey or even George Clooney?

The answer may perhaps be found somewhere in the entries on his blog which applies a trenchant wit and jaundiced insider's eye in chronicling the life of a Hollywood celebrity. Then again, it could all be a hoax.

The analysis determined that the Chihuahua is actually a type of large rodent, selectively bred for centuries to resemble a canine.

Last Friday night, I got together with Mike, Page and Fish to talk openly about the strong feelings I've been having that Phish has run its course and that we should end it now while it's still on a high note. Once we started talking, it quickly became apparent that the other guys' feelings, while not all the same as mine, were similar in many ways -- most importantly, that we all love and respect Phish and the Phish audience far too much to stand by and allow it to drag on beyond the point of vibrancy and health. We don't want to become caricatures of ourselves, or worse yet, a nostalgia act. By the end of the meeting, we realized that after almost twenty-one years together we were faced with the opportunity to graciously step away in unison, as a group, united in our friendship and our feelings of gratitude.

So Coventry will be the final Phish show. We are proud and thrilled that it will be in our home state of Vermont. We're also excited for the June and August shows, our last tour together. For the sake of clarity, I should say that this is not like the hiatus, which was our last attempt to revitalize ourselves. We're done. It's been an amazing and incredible journey. We thank you all for the love and support that you've shown us.

- Trey Anastasio

I played real tight. My first goal was to watch everyone play hands. I did not want to get knocked out first. I noticed quickly which players were the loose new comers and which players were the seasoned tourney players. The tourney newcomers were limping in in EP. You need to raise or fold in EP during no limit tourneys. These guys were seat 2, 6, and of course 9 (the Meatloaf looking guy in shorts). These fools had all their limps either raised out by LP bettors or they called and lost with crappy hands like J-2 offsuit. They all got bounced very quickly. I think I got the right table! The seasoned tourney players were not as good as they would lead you to believe. All they know is position raising. Position is critical but I picked up quick on their tells. I knew when they had something and I knew when they were just bluffing and position raising because there were only a few callers before them. Most fell for it everytime.

I never get excited when I see famous people. Riding the subways in NYC gives me the opportunity to see some famous athletes and actors, as well as others. I never get excited or ask for an autograph because who cares. They are regular people. I don't need to inflate their egos more than it already is, right? Fuck them. So iIusually ignore them and say, "Hi!" at best. But that's it. Nothing else. Paul and I walked over to the poker room and saw every poker pro you could think of. I've seen them on TV but in person was unbelieveable. I was in awe for once. Doyle Brunson was there, so was Scotty Nguyen, Jen Harmon, Jesus, Phil Ivey, Phil Hellmuth, Devilfish, Mel Judah, TJ Cloutier, Phil Laak (aka the Unabomber), Hoyt Corkins, Sam Grizzle, Ron Rose, Lederer, Gus Hanson, Meng the Master, Clonie Gowan, Dan Harrington, and everyone else you've seen or heard of (I know I'm leaving out a ton of people). Hollywood notables were Gabe Kaplan, Ben Affleck, and James Woods. There were others but they are not worth mentioning. I was truly excited. I was waiting for Vince Van Patten to fall down drunk somewhere, anywhere, as long as shana was nearby but no luck. Not even a Mike Sexton sighting. I guess they're just getting loaded somewhere waiting for the final table.

The highlight of the WPT event was getting to meet Scotty Nguyen. He was playing in the actual poker room because the tourney was over flowing so they had to use real game tables. I was leaning over the wall looking into the room and sitting a foot away from me was Scotty Nguyen. Someone asked him for a picture while he was playing a hand. He politely said one minute and folded his hand. He got up and looked at me and I said, "What's up Scotty?"

He gave me a hi five and said, "What's up guy?!"

He had a huge smile and then shook my hand and said, "How's it going big man!?"

I said, "Great! How bout you?"

"Awesome, baby!" he said and then he went over to the tourists and took a photo with them. How crappy is this? I lug my digital camcorder all the way out to Vgas and I leave it in my room. I could have close up footage of the pros and a Scotty Nguyen conversation. I blew it.

Editor's Note: I decided to break up my report into two parts. The introduction and first part appears on the Tao of Pauly. Part II, the poker write up appears on the Tao of Poker. Please visit the other site for both exciting parts!

In the last 24 hours, I met Pauly, watched a Phillies game, ate more sushi than one man should ever eat, and introduced him to the loosest, weirdest poker session. And drinking the entire time...

We met up with Pauly Sunday morning at Citizen's Bank Park for some drinking and baseball. First thing Pauly sees when we gets there, a buck-ass naked old black lady standing in the middle of the street. I guess she didn't like the 90 degree heat on an early May morning.

Somewhere along the line, we decided to hit the sushi bar before playing poker. I'm still re-thinking that decision. Over-heated, half in the bag, working on being fully in the bag. Why not throw a couple pounds of raw fish on top.

Now Pauly can give witness to the reason I'm not that good. Playing in this game is more like playing video poker. Any two cards have a shot. And it's a good chance Lewey will bet them. I'll give Pauly the opportunity to explain the pain. His KK got cracked by 23o in a brutal manner. The wifey and myself finished up for the evening. Pauly finished down and I'm not sure how everyone else faired.

Some sad office in Heaven found it amusing to turn of the hot water when I was going to have a shower this morning. I found it quite injustifiable and decided to have a complaint filed in the Holiest of Heaven office archives, so I got on the phone.

First off, thanks to Pauly at the Tao of Poker for linking this humble blog up to his site. If you think my random poker rants are typical of poker blogging, you're sorely mistaken. Pauly's a real writer who plays poker, whereas I'm just a dude who plays poker and writes about it. And, as you can see from my grammar, me not the greatest at this writing thing. Computer engineering major, okay. I only had to take one communications course in university, and it was pass or fail. Not really an environment that pumps out great writing talents. Anyways, I've gotta get off my lazy ass and update my links page to include these great poker blogs that have given me shoutouts.

350 lap dances @ $20 a pop = $7,000
5 magnums of Clos Du Mesnil @ $3,200 = $16,000
Food, Alchohol & Tips = $5,000
Total = $28,000

It was one of those Monday nights at Signor Ferrari's. I was hoping to continue my hot streak (after posting a $200+ win the week before) and end my weekend losing streak. Alas, I walked in hoping to kick some ass, and when it was over, I was shocked how much money I won. Why? Because I did not have a good hand all night. OK, that's not true. I had some decent hands and some not so good hands. But like Cool hand Luke once said, "Sometimes nothing's a cool hand."

The Players:
Seat 1: Asphnixma from Riding the F Train
Seat 2: Sugata
Seat 3: Christian
Seat 4: Ferrari
Seat 5: Rick Blaine
Seat 6: Joel
Seat 7: Coach
Seat 8: Ugarte
Seat 9: Dawn
Seat 10: Pauly

AlCantHang: just found out i'm even more infamous. a fringe group of co-workers has a scale to determine how late they stay at the bar. their wives say if they leave before, fine. If I leave before them, they were out too late.

Last night was the big game. We played at Signor Ferrari's apartment (Ugarte and Pauley) were also in attendance. I knew I was in trouble when one player referred to another, as "one of the poker bloggers."

Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't be playing my third game of poker in a room full of men who blog about poker.

Once everyone was seated around the table, we were each dealt one card face up.

"What're these for?" Dawn casually asks.

"It's dealer's choice. High card picks."

"What does dealer's choice mean?" Dawn nervously asks.

"Dealer picks the game."

"Umm...we're not playing poker?"

Considering in my life I had only ever played 5 card stud where jokers and twos were wild and Texas hold 'em (which I learned by watching celebrities play on tv), I imagine in that moment I collapsed into a pile of chips right before their very eyes. Easy sucker money.

I decided that it was time to leave, but I couldn't figure out a feasible exit strategy --the phone rang and it was someone wanting to know if there was any more room at the table. His name was, I believe "dead money."

Seeing my opportunity I said I would be leaving soon, dead money was then told to come over (oh and "to hit the ATM heh heh heh")

These guys are evil.

Two cheap cologne wearing Guidos smugly say, "Stop with the raising and re-raising guys, we all know you both have an A so let's just end it and chop it up already!" I had been playing with Vince and several of the same locals and hard core tourists since I arrived. Vince was a nice guy who I talked a little poker with over the last few days and he knew his shit. I always saw him buy in for $60 and walk out with 4 racks of $1 chips. He was good. I knew he had 4 of a kind. He was in the blind. What a bunch of stupid Guidos. It's 2004! No wonder they had no money left after their 2nd rebuys. I mention that maybe someone has four 3's. They said, "No way."

I said, "You wanna bet?"

They declined and I was right. Vince looks over at my side of the table and winks. He flips over pocket 3's.

Phish will end their 2004 summer tour with a two-day festival named Coventry. The event will take place August 14 and 15 on the grounds of the Newport State Airport and adjacent fields in the rural town of Coventry, Vermont. Coventry is the band's first-ever home state festival, and first public outdoor Vermont appearance since 1995.

Last night I was offered a pound of blood sausage to predict that the Lakers will certainly win the NBA championship, but I refused. "That is too much like Washington politics," I said to the woman who offered the bribe. "Don't be coming around here with your vulgar crap about the Lakers. They are lame and weak and pitiful. Minnesota will beat them in five games."

It was a risky thing to say, but so what? I used to be a Lakers fan, but no more -- not since they went out and shot their wad on Karl Malone and Gary Payton. Indeed. There is something vaguely obscene about the sight of the Lakers in action, win or lose, and it ain't Kobe Bryant.

My first proposition: Pop Culture Passings. Pauly McGrupp... will the next celebrity to pass on to the pearly gates be a musician, or an actor?

1. He's a dick... and 2. His wife is hot.

A Challenge To Pauly McGrupp

You're an admitted incorrigible gambler. I'm well on my way.

I'd like to issue a challenge to you to for a weekly wager.

We'll pick something absurd. Whether it's the weekend box office gross of the fourth week of release of Spider-Man 2, or betting an over/under for what percentile Iggy can finish in his next multi-tourney, the hype and level of interest for a friendly $5 wager could be off the charts.

My first proposition: Pop Culture Passings. Pauly McGrupp, starting with this Wednesday's newspapers, will the next celebrity to pass on to the pearly gates be a musician, or an actor? (of course, we'll wait for the next actor or musician to die to pay off this bet)

$5 and pride is riding on your decision. I'll be happy to take whichever side you choose not to.

Are you man enough to play my little games?

1. Bush or Kerry?
2. Who are your favorite directors, and why?
3. The famous Phi question.... If you were a tree... what kind of a tree would you be?
4. Do you have a lucky or favorite article of clothing when going to the casino?
5. If you were born in the 1920's, who would you go on tour with, how would you get from city to city, what would you be eating, and how do you think your outlook on life would be compared to today?
6. Who is going to win the Stanley Cup?
7. Which poker blogger drinks the most?
8. If you had a dog, what would you name it and why?
9. Where do goldfish go when they die?
10. If you could have sex with Katie Holmes, but had to give up poker... OR.... you could have sex with Elisha Cuthbert, but you had to give up writing... which would you do and why? (You have to pick one.)
11. What do you think... about how other people interpret the way you dress?

1. Complete the issue, then write 3 Truckin' short stories (Vegas, Subway, & Miami)
2. The new edition of 11 Questions... I'm working on the answers for the May edition
3. An essay for the Tao of Poker called My Trouble Hands: AQo
4. Parts II through V of Home Grown
5. A Memorial Day Speech for the American Legion that my Uncle has to give.
6. An article for All IN Magazine on poker home games.
7. Write Up of the Poker Bloggers tourney from last night.

1. Lady in Satin by Billie Holiday
2. Anthology Disc 1 by John Coltrane
3. Egypt 1979 the Grateful Dead at the Pyramids!

Sure, it's not great comedy, and it's not hot drunk 18 year olds. But it got me another few bucks closer to being debt free. It was also wonderful to be mister suckout for a change. I have experimented with the fish lifestyle, and it was good.

A Salem man’s marijuana crop almost went up in smoke Thursday, but firefighters’ fast work saved the plenitude of potted plants. Jonathan Martinez, 30, planned to take care of the small blaze himself, police said. But a nearby Circle K didn’t sell fire extinguishers. Martinez thought that he had found the perfect alternative — baking soda — and quickly returned to his home at 1205 Barnes Road SE, police said. Much to his chagrin, Salem firefighters and police had already come to his aid...

The others (locals) are losers. They seem to never win and constantly bitch when they get out played and lose. These degenerate gamblers are definitely living in the wrong city.

I'm really torn on the three other Derby horses, Lion Heart, Borrego, and Imperialism. Lion Heart gave so much in his effort in the Derby, I'd be surprised if he has a lot left. Imperialism ran a beautiful race, but had to come around the last turn six wide just to find room to factor. That isn't easy, nor is it anything less than tiring. Borrego is a better horse than what his Derby line shows. Any other race than the Derby, if I saw his PPs, I'd be throwing that last race out the window as an aberration...

I'm scheduled for two hits on Fox News in the coming days.

1. This Saturday night, May 15, at approximately 9:10pm EST. Topic: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the man who beheaded Nick Berg.

2. This coming Monday, May 17, sometime after 1pm EST. Topic: Middle East events.

Paris Hilton's Bio: The Straight Dope by Tenzin McGrupp

The 22-year-old Paris Hilton is the luckiest woman in America. Her great-granddaddy Conrad Hilton made a shitload of cash building hotels for rich idiot Americans who were afraid to stay at local hotels abroad. She was given luxurious homes in the hippest places in America and spends less than two weeks of each year at these gaudy abodes, because she is busy flying all over the world shopping, fucking, drinking, and snorting things you never imagined could be shoved up that cosmetically shuffled nose of hers. And no... Paris has never flown Coach once in her life.

An unknown model just a few years ago, Paris was thrust into the mainstream by a foolish act of debacuhery, when shit faced hammered, she never realized that some pencil dicked retard video taped themselves having medicore sex. The camera work was shotty, the plot was stale, and the sound fuzzy. In short, her acting debut was less than spectacular, it was like she "phoned in her orgasm". Due to the insanity of the internet, everyone in the free world has seen the infamous video which launched a less than avergae acting career, but with some snazzy advertising, marketing, and brainwashing, everyone watched her TV show. And now she gets to hang out with people a lot cooler than you, and waste more money in a single weekend shopping spree than you will earn in your lifetime.

Often a tabloid centerpiece, Hilton has gone down on numerous young actors on Hollywood's Hot List and even some very fortunate, random valets parkers. Her interests include shopping, talking on the phone, and making fun of poor people. She was photographed in a local newspaper once, giving money to a homeless woman. But it was a mix up, she just gave a hagged out Courtney Love a quarter so she could make a phone call.

Hilton is openly bi-sexual and divides her time between the crotches of both men and women.

The outrageous fish-out-of-bottled-water series focuses on Hilton and Richie, who are again stripped of their cell phones, cash and credit cards. Departing from Miami Beach, FL and ending up in Beverly Hills, CA, the girls must navigate their way through this wild ride full of new jobs, host families and small towns across the country. From making reservations at The Ivy to making sausages for the locals, from trapping hot guys to trapping crawfish, these hilarious heiresses discover that life on the open road can sometimes drive you crazy. As the girls go from life in the fast lane to life in the carpool lane, the question still remains: can they survive THE SIMPLE LIFE 2? And can America survive them?

Encouraging schoolchildren to experiment with oral sex could prove the most effective way of curbing teenage pregnancy rates, a government study has found. Pupils under 16 who were taught to consider other forms of 'intimacy' such as oral sex were significantly less likely to engage in full intercourse...

I've been afraid to write about my recent hot streak because I don't want to jinx myself, but to hell with all that. It's just a matter of time before this rush is over. When I got back from Vegas, I played horrible on Party Poker and needed a break. When I got back from a brief hiatus... I started kicking ass. You see, you cannot be afraid to play poker. You cannot be afraid to fail. It's a simple mantra in life, but it works when you apply it to poker. If you are afraid to lose, it's going to hurt your game.

When you play too timid, then you begin to second guess yourself when you see pots getting shoved to another player when you really should be stacking up those chips. No fear. Shit happens. Sometimes good cards get beat. You have to be able to stomach that if you want to play cards and piss in the tall weeds with the big dogs.

Luxor tourney sucked ass. I was so pumped to play in Vegas again but my enthusiasm was slightly deflated when I got knocked out of the tourney within the first half hour. $28 down the drain and it was my first poker action of the trip. Some dirty Brit caught runner runner on the turn and river to catch a flush and crack my pocket KKs. Dirty fucker was calling my preflop raise with 3-6d. I flopped a set and the English bastard kept calling all the way to the river and knocked me and some girl with a set of 3's out at the same time. I hate that the Luxor tourney isn't no limit until the final table. That's what sucks about limit games. Too many callers who catch shit. Unfortunately I don't have the bankroll to play with better players. But who doesn't have a story about someone calling crappy hands to the river and catching lucky miracle wins? I guess there's way too much WPT and espn tv watching. The one thing I learned at the Luxor is that pot limit can kill you just as easily as low limit especially when there's tons of loose players and dirty runner runner catching Brits!

I've been on a rush. I have not had one single losing session this month and that streak continued after I posted a $235 win and chopping two monster pots including a rare $340 pot!!! Last night's action at the Blue Parrot feature yet another intra-blogger game. This time Dave from the poker blog, Riding the F Train joined the mix, which meant that I got to meet yet another poker blogger.

The Players:
Seat 1: Swish
Seat 2: Rick Blaine
Seat 3: Dave from Riding the F Train
Seat 4: Signor Ferrari
Seat 5: James
Seat 6: Joel
Seat 7: Coach
Seat 8: Pauly

Friday was a lovely day. Sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I was getting out early to hit the deck for some cocktails. Everything was right with the world. Then at 3pm, the heaven's opened up with a storm of biblical proportions. So instead of drinking, I went to the park for a walk and got reacquainted with nature. Eff that. It never rains in the bar.

Then I step into the twi-light zone. Pauly has mentioned being recognized on PartyPoker for his blogging prowess and it's happened to me a couple of times also.

While minding my own business, a table full of guys and girls called me over. By name. I don't think I know them but I meet so many people at the bar, it's always a possibility that we've hoisted a few shots together. They proceed to ask if I'm Al from AlCantHang.com. It stunned me a little but I answered to the affirmative. They started laughing and ordered a huge round of double SoCo's.

The three guys (sorry, don't remember your names, I was a tinsy bit intoxicated) had been to my website and were readers of this crappy blog of mine. They were asking questions about stuff I had written previously and just wanted to say hi, and lift a shot.

I gotta tell ya, it kind of freaked me out. The perceived anonymity of writing these entries combined with some of the bile purging that often occurs made it really weird to be recognized publicly. But I have a reputation to uphold. Bring on the shots.

And if I'm going to be recognized in public, why couldn't it be the Swedish Swim Team or at least a roving band of wayward women?

Iran may be spending up to $70 million per month in Iraq. This pales in comparison to the billions spent by the U.S. Still, it is enough to undermine U.S. efforts. As such, Washington needs not only to better patrol the Iranian border, but also to confront clandestine Iranian activity within Iraq itself. Failure to do so will only encourage Iran to redouble its efforts to destabilize Iraq.

When I passed my friend's "OC" sentiments along to the Sports Gal, she practically clotheslined me for the tape. And as we watched it ... I mean, sometimes you just know. People will always watch a show if it includes the following things:

1. Rich people doing rich things
2. An outsider watching rich people do rich things
3. A premise just ludicrous enough that you have a good time making fun of it ... and yet just believable enough that it doesn't undermine the whole show
4. At least two good-looking chicks.
5. Luck with the actors
6. A random, ridiculous fistfight for no reason
7. Just the right dose of Unintentional Comedy

The Arab world, alas, has been cursed with oil. For decades, too many Arab countries have opted to drill a sand dune for economic growth rather than drilling their own people — men and women — in order to tap their energy, creativity, intellect and entrepreneurship. Arab countries barely trade with one another, and unlike Korea and Japan, rarely invent or patent anything. But rather than looking inward, assessing their development deficits, absorbing the best in modern knowledge that their money can buy and then trying to beat the West at its own game, the Arab world in too many cases has cut itself off, blamed the enduring Palestine conflict or colonialism for delaying reform, or found dignity in Pyrrhic victories like Falluja.

You youngsters won't believe this, but there was a time when Americans actually made physical things called "products" right here in America. Workers would go to large grimy buildings called "factories," where they would take a raw material such as iron ore and perform industrial acts on it, such as "forging" and "smelting." By the end of the day, as you can imagine, they smelt terrible (rim shot) but they had turned the ore into something useful, such as a locomotive or a toaster or (this was not a big seller) a toaster-locomotive.

Today, of course, we don't make anything. If you give iron ore to modern American workers, it will get into their Starbucks mocha latte, and they will sue you, and they will win. The making of things was outsourced decades ago to foreign nations such as Asia. Today, we Americans are dimly aware that our TVs, computers, cell phones, underwear, dentures, cartoons, etc., must come from somewhere, but we have no real clue who is making them, or how. We have enough trouble figuring out how to remove the packaging.

Mr. Pauly was recognized - again for his blogging fame. He's becoming quite the celeb! The guy had even used his bonus code! Good one, Pauly!

Chris H & Al are on the rail. Pauly is acknowledged for his blog by a coupple of players at the table - he's famous. I'm not.

It's cold in my corner - rags, rags, nuthin' but rags- but, wait! Woo hoo - AKsooted - drat - the flopped missed me and my steal attempt failed--- got played back at by Mr. E - Pauly just made a big bet - sez he had QQ (Hilton sisters)...hmmmm...

[Maudie_B wins $25]
Pauly: nh
Maudie_B: tks - sig & roy
Pauly: im not cool
Maudie_B: ?
Pauly: whats sig roy? Q-?
Pauly: QK
Maudie_B: sigfried & roy
Maudie_B: costumers
Maudie_B: interior designers
Pauly: QQ?
Maudie_B: bingo
Pauly: lol i prefer nicky & paris
chrisdhal: me too
Maudie_B: I'm sure you do!

***** Hand History for Game 573115745 *****
Table Sauted Onions (Real Money)
Seat 5 is the button
Total number of players : 9
Seat 1: ABory ( $22.65 )
Seat 2: TurboRacing ( $31.3 )
Seat 3: bullscelt ( $10 )
Seat 5: Sinanju ( $25.05 )
Seat 6: Pauly ( $28.25 )
Seat 7: Maudie_B ( $32.95 )
Seat 8: kortoxe ( $17.7 )
Seat 10: Eldrik ( $94.45 )
Seat 9: redsox54 ( $24.5 )
Pauly posts small blind [$0.25].
Maudie_B posts big blind [$0.5].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to Pauly [ 5s 4s ]
Pauly: nice hand, hammer Maudie?
kortoxe folds.
redsox54 folds.
TurboRacing calls [$0.5].
Eldrik: Hrm. Pauly of weblogging fame Pauly?
Maudie_B: No hammer
bullscelt folds.
Sinanju folds.
PaulyMcGrupp: perhaps....
Pauly folds.
Maudie_B checks.
** Dealing Flop ** [ 4h, 3h, As ]
Eldrik: Hehe.
Pauly: does my reputation preceed me?
Maudie_B checks.
TurboRacing checks.
** Dealing Turn ** [ 7s ]
Maudie_B checks.
Eldrik: Well, once you mentioned the hammer it was obvious.
TurboRacing checks.
** Dealing River ** [ Qh ]
Eldrik: I read your site.
Maudie_B checks.
AlCantHang: who doesn't?
TurboRacing bets [$2].
Pauly: thanks....
chrisdhal: lol
Pauly: I guess I'm famous.
Eldrik: Geez, regular bloggers convention.
Maudie_B folds.

Iraq: Although terrorism in Iraq emerged as a key area of focus during 2003, the new Patterns does not include a thorough analysis of attacks against civilians and diplomats there. Indeed, the "Middle East Overview" portion of the report does not contain a section about terrorism in Iraq...

State Sponsorship: the unchanging list of state sponsors in Patterns lacks conviction. Although there are still areas of concern regarding both Libya and Sudan (as well as Cuba and North Korea), highlighting them as state sponsors obscures the real dangers posed by Syria and Iran, two countries that continue to sponsor terror at alarming levels....

Al-Qaeda Affiliates: Patterns does little to illuminate the morphing of al-Qaeda through its affiliates and its clandestine cells -- the most significant development in international terrorism over the past year....

Politics and Terror: One innovation in this year's Patterns was the inclusion of glowing praise for Saudi Arabia and its efforts to combat terrorism. The report notes that the Saudi regime "initiated an ideological campaign against Islamist terrorist organizations" and that Saudi leaders now "espouse a consistent message of moderation and tolerance." The same week Patterns was published, however, Crown Prince Abdullah stated "that Zionism is behind terrorist actions in the Kingdom. I can say that I am 95 percent sure of that." Such statements should prompt the writers of next year's report to reconsider their analysis.

An entire sleeve of Oreo cookies, an Everything Bagel with extra butter, 2 slices of pizza, a Wendy's Frosty, two hot dogs from Gray's Papaya, cheese ravioli with spicy marinara sauce, several slices of marble loaf pound cake, a bacon cheeseburger deluxe with fries at the Riverdale diner, a chicken parmigania sandwich, two tuna salad sandwiches on potato rolls with extra onions, a bowl of chili with extra cheese, a monterey jack cheese quesadilla with jalopenos, a salami and american cheese sandwich on Italian bread, French Toast with bacon and a slice of cheesecake at the Manhattan Diner, a chicken breast sandwich, and several glasses of iced tea and lemonade...