Tao of Pauly

Celebrity Crushes

Boy Genius was goofing on my recent post about a fantasy I had involving Keira Knightly locked with me in a hotel room in Vegas with and a suitcase full of drugs. Well, Mr. BG decided his celebrity crush wasn't limited to just one female. He listed over 13 sub-categories. Visit his site to read who he selected. Here's my favorite snippet:

And you can’t just pick one Olsen twin, as you’d have to explain which one you banged to people every time. Lindsey Lohan is the flavour d’jour, but I’m pretty sure she isn’t the right pick here either. I’m thinking it has to be either First Daughter Jenna Bush or Jessica Simpson. I’m going to go with Jenna Bush, because “I banged the President’s daughter” sounds better over a beer than “I banged Nick Lachey’s wife.”

Seriously, BG is friggin hilarious sometimes. And yesterday's post was one of his funniest posts to date.

Here are the 12 categories he mentioned:

1. The Physical Prototype
2. Girl I’d most like to bring home to meet mom
3. The One Night Stand
4. The Dinner Date
5. Bragging Rights
6. Anything and Everything
7. I’d Do Something Dirty, She’d Love It, and The Enquirer Would Pay Big Bucks To Hear About It
8. If a Genie Gave Me One To Marry
9. The One to Make All the Rest Jealous
10. The “How’d That Happen?” Wildcard Pick
11. The Victim of my Evil Machinations
12. Just to Say I Did

And my answers? (These are slightly diifferent fromt he ones I left in BG's comments last night).

The Physical Prototype: Katie Holmes. I generally like to stalk quiet, tall girls with shy eyes, which goes against the rumor out there that I love blondes. I was stumping for Katie Holmes in Sigge's Female of the Year 2003 contest.

Girl I’d most like to bring home to meet mom: Kate Beckinsale... just so I could hear my Mother say in her thick New York accent, "My gawd, she even sounds British."

The One Night Stand: Without a doubt, it's Paris Hilton.

The Dinner Date: Vriginie Ledoyen, an actress from France. Or Julie Delpy, the hot French actress (Before Sunrise) I've had a hardon for, for almost a decade. French chicks are dirty but make for decent dinner conversation. Yeah, I have this weird thing for French girls with French accents.

Bragging Rights: Jessica Alba. Hot cannot describe her hotness.

Anything and Everything: Keira Knightly, locked in a room in Vegas, with a suitcase full of drugs.

I’d Do Something Dirty, She’d Love It, and The Enquirer Would Pay Big Bucks To Hear About It: Duck taping Jessica Simpson's mouth shut after convincing her to play Hide the Salami.

If a Genie Gave Me One To Marry: Elisha Cuthbert. I have this thing for hot Canadian girls who smoke a lot of pot and play cards.

The One to Make All the Rest Jealous: Summer from The OC. I can see dozens of sets of eyes rolling right now.

The “How’d That Happen?” Wildcard Pick: Gwyneth Paltrow... Dr. Pauly with an Oscar winner? How the fuck did that happen?

The Victim of my Evil Machinations: Two words... Bea Arthur. Just kidding. How about Nicky Hilton? Here's the title of my video: Inside the Other Hilton: Another Misadventure with Dr. Pauly and his side kick Slappy the Wonder Midget.

Just to Say I Did: Shana Hiatt, the cokehead Olsen twin, Jenna Bush, Janet Jackson, Julia Stiles, Karenna Gore, any of the chicks from Degrassi Junior High, Tina Fey, Naomi Watts, Britney Spears' Mom, and Florence Henderson.