Wednesday, July 28, 2004


I love drinking early in the mornings. It sets the tone for the rest of the day. In the transition between tipsy and drunk, I always happen to find my inner strength, the part of me that makes my back smooth... so everything people say can just slide right off. And of course the drunker I get, the outer forcefield is in full effect... where bad thoughts, physical pain, and hypocrites are unable to penetrate my well being.

Clouded by sobriety most of my waking day, it's in those moments when the sugar coating gets licked off, when I see the truth in the world I live in. Most people I know are full of shit, nothing more than scared poseurs and hipsters, with nothing original to offer the world as they shuffle off with hobgoblin of consistency. And the worst part is that they have no clue how stupid they look and act.

Days like today, I laugh at the weak ones. I sip my drink and ponder about the world when the sun shines on my snookered face. An old man that lives in my brother's apartment building killed himself yesterday. He sealed his apartment, turned on the gas, and put himself to sleep. Sad and tragic? Or admirable and heroic? Yeah, when I walked into the building yesterday, the mixture of recent death and leaking gas filled my nostrils. And I realized something about life. We're all a blink away from humility.

In the last decade, I spent a lot of time (and money) trying to forget the sad times, the bad times, the hurtful times, and the boring times. As much as you would like to erase them from your internal hard drive, they cannot disappear. They will not go away. As much as you would like to get rid of certain aspects of your past, you cannot. It lives inside you and will never disappear no matter how much you attempt to snuff it out, or get it drunk, or dub it anonymous... the more you ignore those horrible aspects of your inner self, the more damage you are doing to the word around you.

Life is incredibly short. I used to have long hair down to my ass and now I'm days away from Larry David's hair style. Get your shit together, quick. The people in your lives will never know how to thank you. If every person on the entire planet improves one bad thing about themselves... then this world would be a more relaxing place to live in.

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