Thursday, January 09, 2003
Do you ever get that feeling that you want to disappear into thin air? No, not kill yourself, but just activate the powers of invisibility and just walk off, walk out, walk away from whatever nonsense has been getting you down, whatever infected wounds that flared up has gotten you ill, whatever demons that you seemed to have swept underneath the carpet that have since then rallied and gotten stronger while you were not looking, and decided to invade and divide and conquer whatever little magical world you created for yourself. The little daggers of forgotten and repressed painful days that had gone away are now incessantly jabbing away at my tense arms and heavy legs, and in my empty gut I feel several rusty and large meat cleavers that are chopping off sections of my intestines. Although I repelled the verbal attack and assault on my person today, I failed to recognize that the words will get deflected and re-butted, but the hidden messages and meaning sneak past the gate keepers, and the insanity of the biting words and hurtful phrases seep deep into my body and settle just below the skin, right where it could irritate me the most. Sure I am wrought with enough faults that could fill several large garbage trucks, but at least I had the decency to properly tie up my shortcomings and put them in the proper trash bins. Days like today are meant to be forgotten.